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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by John2222 on January 19, 2004, at 20:23:35
I've had sort of a mild to moderate depression off and on for last couple years. It really intensified after 9/11--I just couldn't seem understand the injustice of it, and couldn't get out of the doldrums.
Although I'm feeling better, my question is:
Why do I keep going back to sad things and sad thoughts? I recently saw "In Love and War" on tv again, and can't get it out of my mind. I seem drawn to it. The themes of love, longing, parting, angst in this setting of war romance. I wonder how much Ernest Hemingway felt himself when writing the book and his life.
I want to escape these thoughts but sometimes I feel like I am just "drawn" to the depressive thoughts..almost like I want them, like I want to feel sad.
Anyone else have triggers? Some have said I shouldn't be so sensitive. sigh...
...thanks for listening...
john
Posted by deirdrehbrt on January 19, 2004, at 22:09:35
In reply to In Love and War ... why ?, posted by John2222 on January 19, 2004, at 20:23:35
Triggers? I can sell them to you by the truckload. I think though, that maybe when you keep going back to the books and movies, over and over, maybe it helps to remember that those aren't YOUR experiences, they belong to someone else. That's not to say that the events in your life that are brought to mind are any less important, but just that those from hollywood aren't the ones that matter.
I don't think there is an easy or universal way to handle the triggers we encounter. We are triggered because there is something that we still need to resolve. Some of them take a long time to resolve. Some of the triggers don't even look like the event that we need to deal with.
I've been dealing with a huge one of late. I think I've finally figured it out enough to talk to my T about it tomorrow. Before this week, I couldn't explain it because I didn't even know what was going on. Who knows? maybe I'll finally have dealt with just this one.
I think that's how it goes. You take them one at a time, and each one bit by bit.
As one of my sayings goes, "If time heals all wounds, I'm gonna be healing for an awfull long time". I hate it, but it's going to take a really long time for me to get well.
Good luck on your journey.
Dee.
Posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2004, at 0:17:26
In reply to In Love and War ... why ?, posted by John2222 on January 19, 2004, at 20:23:35
John,
I'm sorry that someone told you you shouldn't be so sensitive. It's really a gift. Your being drawn to deeply emotional material means that you pick up on emotions and understand them, perhaps more than most. Of course, being sensitive means you are also prone to hurt more than others, so you need to take care of yourself.May I recommend a book that has helped me tremendously with my own sensitivity? It's called "The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You" and it's by Elaine Aron. It's very readable, although I find that I need to read it in chunks and then think and process a bit instead of reading straight through. But what I like about it is that it takes the trait of sensitivity, which carries such a negative connatation, and turns it into a strength. It's truly been a godsend for me.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 20, 2004, at 1:31:18
In reply to Re: In Love and War ... why ?, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2004, at 0:17:26
> May I recommend a book that has helped me tremendously with my own sensitivity? It's called "The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You" and it's by Elaine Aron.
I'd just like to plug the double double quotes feature at this site:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
The first time anyone refers to a book without using this option, I post this to try to make sure he or she at least knows about it. It's just an option, though, and doesn't *have* to be used. If people *choose* not to use it, I'd be interested why not, but I'd like that redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020918/msgs/7717.html
Thanks!
Bob
Posted by John2222 on January 20, 2004, at 5:56:25
In reply to Re: In Love and War ... why ?, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2004, at 0:17:26
Thanks for all your insights.
So if time heals all wounds, then why do we have memories? It's sometimes like the chicken and the egg: a picture or a sound or music or even an after shave smell I used to wear will remind me of something from years ago. But also, if I'm not feeling great, I sometimes go looking for those sounds, especially music.
I think it is a comfort thing especially with music. The music is comforting because it envelopes you with the thoughts and senses of hearing, thinking, and feeling it.
I will look up the book too--thanks again.
This is great support. :)
John
Posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2004, at 9:02:19
In reply to Re: In Love and War ... why ?, posted by John2222 on January 20, 2004, at 5:56:25
John,
Hopefully, this should be a link to the book:"The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms you"
Music especially moves me as well. And the sense of smell is are oldest sense system, and (I believe) has a direct link to our emotional area. Makes sense that it would trigger memories.
I don't know if I agree that time heals all wounds. I think our memories are a part of who we are. Over time, however, the effect of the memories may change...what they mean to us, etc.
Take care,
gg
Posted by deirdrehbrt on January 20, 2004, at 17:07:52
In reply to Re: In Love and War ... why ?, posted by gardenergirl on January 20, 2004, at 9:02:19
John,
Reading what I wrote last night, I find that I wasn't very clear. What I meant about hollywood is that the EXPERIENCES that the movie gives us aren't our experiences. The memories that they bring to mind most definitely are ours. What we can do though is to remember as we're watching the movie, and it is triggering us, is to try to remember that the movie isn't our life.
My problem with movies and triggers is that I'll get triggered, and then sucked into the movie deeper and deeper, until I feel like it's happening to me. I need to break the cycle. I need to separate my feelings from the ones on the screen, and to remind myself, for example in Terms of Endearment, that I'm not the mother saying good-bye for the last time. If I don't disconnect, I'll be in bad shape for hours after the movie is over.
I hope that this clears up what I wanted to say.
Dee.
Posted by John2222 on January 21, 2004, at 0:58:39
In reply to Re: In Love and War ... why ?, posted by deirdrehbrt on January 20, 2004, at 17:07:52
I never thought of sensitive as a gift. So, thanks for that encouragement.
Like many people, music is a great relaxer but can also associate with memories which can be good, sad, joyful, and more. I find I seek out certain music when I am feeling depressed. That was my thought--that we seek something that in a way reinforces what we don't want it to, just because it is comfortable.
Night,
John
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