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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on December 10, 2003, at 10:47:44
I've decided that I'm angry. I'm the one who doesn't "do" angry. It's not just that I stuff it when I get angry - I am so proficient that I honestly don't have a clue that I'm angry at all.
Today, I know I'm angry.
I'm angry at my old therapist for letting me down. I'm angry at the woman I depended on before that for not being strong enough to handle my dependency. I'm angry at my old boss for asking me to do something, refusing to help, and then telling me I did it wrong (he's the only one who I have been conscious of anger towards). I'm angry at my daughter for learning so effectively to be passive aggressive (her dad is a pro), I'm angry at myself for being passive aggressive.
But I have no experience with anger. It wasn't allowed when I was growing up. Nothing could be wrong in my house. If something was wrong, we just pretended that it was fine. I'm not ready to hit pillows.
I'm trying to stop punishing myself by living in an environment that I hate - dirty, trash around, no food to eat. I'm making a recipe that I will eat every day, and it will last a week. I'm trying to get myself to clean the back porch of snow, so the dogs aren't tempted to stay on the porch instead of going out into the back yard. Then I need to shovel my walk (the snow stopped Sunday). That's all I'm promising for today - I have to take a shower and work for 4 hours.
If I have more energy, then I'll sweep the trash up and try to sort through the grime, rescue things that we need and throw the rest out.
I have so many things to talk about in therapy tomorrow. I need more time.
I need a hug.
Posted by Dinah on December 10, 2003, at 10:55:24
In reply to Mad Day, posted by fallsfall on December 10, 2003, at 10:47:44
It sounds healthy to me! You're not just mad, which is a step forward for you anyway, but you're productively mad! That's even better.
I do mad but it's not a productive mad at all, so I'm especially impressed.
Posted by Penny on December 10, 2003, at 10:58:40
In reply to Mad Day, posted by fallsfall on December 10, 2003, at 10:47:44
(((((Fallsfall)))))
Consider yourself hugged.
Looks like anger is contagious. Susan is angry, you are angry, I'm pretty angry...is Dinah angry? I'm sure other folks are. This could be cathartic.
My T asked me last night if I was angry that I feel down again. Yes, I told her, I am a little angry about that. In my household, growing up, there was a lot of anger, but it was all expressed in an unhealthy way. I didn't realize until a couple of years into therapy that I equated anger with rage. I try to not do that anymore.
But I, too, am angry, and I tend to turn it inward, so I don't always realize it for what it is.
Eat some ice cream. Maybe that will help a little.
But express your anger (as healthily as possible). Holding it in too much is not good for you.
P
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 10, 2003, at 12:47:40
In reply to Mad Day, posted by fallsfall on December 10, 2003, at 10:47:44
I don't "do" angry either and have suffered both physically and mentally because of it. My therapist suggests all sorts of ways for me to express it (the pillow being one of them) and I am so not there
I think it's VERY healthy to express your anger here. It helps me to see others express their anger since I have grown up thinking people who showed ANY amount of anger were somehow weak or someone to be feared. Now I realize it is one of the healthiest things you can do.
Posted by Susan J on December 10, 2003, at 13:46:02
In reply to Mad Day, posted by fallsfall on December 10, 2003, at 10:47:44
Falls --
> I'm angry at my old therapist for letting me down. I'm angry at the woman I depended on before that for not being strong enough to handle my dependency. I'm angry at my old boss for asking me to do something, refusing to help, and then telling me I did it wrong (he's the only one who I have been conscious of anger towards). I'm angry at my daughter for learning so effectively to be passive aggressive (her dad is a pro), I'm angry at myself for being passive aggressive.
<<Just like Medusa said to me, anger's good sometimes and energizing. Channel it well and you'll be really strong!> But I have no experience with anger. It wasn't allowed when I was growing up. Nothing could be wrong in my house.
<<LOL! Did you grow up in *my* house! Mine was exactly the same. I told my therapist that my family was *polite.* You could never express any type of negative emotion, no sadness, no anger, no annoyance.....But I ended up exactly the opposite of you. I was angry for years and years....and then it subsided. It's come back with force with this last depressive episode, though...or the Wellbutrin, can't figure out which.
It's OK to be angry. Keep telling yourself that...It really is.
>> I'm making a recipe that I will eat every day, and it will last a week.
<<I just recommended a salad to Dinah. Don't know if you'd be interested, but it takes a minute to put together.Baby spinach
Blue cheese crumbles
Walnuts
Mandarin oranges
Vinagrette-type dressing.I just keep that all in my fridge, and I'm so boring, I eat it every day for dinner. But it's easy and healthy, well, except for the blue cheese. :-) And I love *easy.*
> I need a hug.
<<<Hugs! You're in my thoughts,S.
Posted by kara lynne on December 10, 2003, at 14:13:44
In reply to Re: Mad Day » fallsfall, posted by Susan J on December 10, 2003, at 13:46:02
That scene from Network comes to mind: I'm mad and I'm not going to take it anymore!
You are much appreciated fallsfall, angry or not.
Posted by fallsfall on December 10, 2003, at 14:45:47
In reply to (((((falls))))), posted by kara lynne on December 10, 2003, at 14:13:44
I rented that movie two weeks ago...
Posted by octopusprime on December 10, 2003, at 21:09:02
In reply to Mad Day, posted by fallsfall on December 10, 2003, at 10:47:44
((fallsfall))
am i the only one around here that does angry? i do angry! i'm angry right now! woo!
ok maybe not woo! but ...
anyway here are the only constructive things i've learned about dealing with anger:
* if somebody does something, and you feel angry as a result of that action, it's best to express your anger to that person as soon as possible (read: as soon as you can do it in a controlled fashion without creating a public scene). especially when dealing with passive-aggressive teenagers and husbands! if you call them on their behaviour before you stew too much, you have a much greater chance of dealing with situations productively.
* if you are too angry to control your outbursts, it's time for a walk. any kind of exercise will do, but ideally it should be vigourous! then address the situation that makes you angry.* aah, my friend the old grudge. there is no good healer for this, only time. writing angry letters that you later burn or otherwise destroy helps. if these are people that you're never going to see again, burning photographs (douse in nail polish remover and light, throw burning picture into coffee can sitting on concrete surface), saying incantations about what specifically ticked you off about that person is very therapeutic. and then you have to let it go. that's the hard part. but you've got a therapist, therapists should be good at that.
* avoid drinking while angry. this makes things worse. way worse. avoid.
* avoid driving under the influence of extreme anger. petty annoyances are ok to drive with (otherwise we wouldn't drive anywhere)
* i have found creative endeavours (journaling, painting, music, etc) can help purge feelings that can't quite be articulated.
i think anger is something that you practice dealing with. my problem is impulse control: i get very angry, raise my voice, and do destructive things. it is challenging to reign in these impulses, but it's not your problem.
it takes practice to articulate your feelings when you feel them, so you can attempt to solve problems early. this is key. if you get there soon enough, maybe in a perfect world we won't have to be angry at all!
ps - while i'm dreaming i'd like that pony
Posted by fallsfall on December 10, 2003, at 22:18:50
In reply to the angry experience, posted by octopusprime on December 10, 2003, at 21:09:02
Wow. Thanks so much.
I have always ignored the chapters on anger and the group sessions in the hospital because being angry wasn't my problem. But I really don't know anything about it. I think I have a lot to learn.
This is the end of the thread.
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