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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 9 to 33 of 33. Go back in thread:
Posted by kara lynne on October 23, 2003, at 20:49:15
In reply to Re: hey everyone » kara lynne, posted by yesac on October 23, 2003, at 16:07:34
Hi yesac,
I'm feeling much the same way--I don't know what's going on anymore. I've got one more test on Saturday and then I've got to try to find work--or pretend I'm motivated enough to be interested in anything. I'm still recovering from breaking up with the ex and sorely in need of some self confidence. All I'm really doing is sitting around watching myself age and watching Bewitched re-runs.Glad you're back.
Posted by yesac on October 24, 2003, at 12:42:16
In reply to Re: hey everyone, posted by kara lynne on October 23, 2003, at 20:49:15
Oh yes... the mysterious tests.... Well, good luck tomorrow with that.
I thought that you were working/employed... did you lose your job or quit or something, or am I mistaken? Sorry if I am totally off about these things.
Oh and there's nothing wrong with Bewitched! Perfectly good way to spend your time...
My days are rather bland as well.
I'm debating right now, as I have been for the past week and a half, whether to call my psychiatrist and tell him that I don't want to take the Abilify samples that he gave me, and see about trying something else. I just feel completely dumbfounded as to what to do about medication. I have on my mind right now the idea of taking mirapex or requip which are parkinson's meds... but they sort of seem weird because they can induce hallucinations and "sleep attacks." Anyways... I also hesitate to call him because I feel like I always call him, like once every two or three weeks, and I feel kind of pathetic about that. Stupid, I know...
Posted by kara lynne on October 24, 2003, at 15:43:44
In reply to Re: hey everyone » kara lynne, posted by yesac on October 24, 2003, at 12:42:16
Once every two or three weeks? He should be kissing you. (Well maybe not *kissing* you...)
I'm afraid of my Abilify samples too! I've had them for months and won't touch them after reading the babble board. When my doc gave them to me he said the wonderful thing about Abilify was its low side effect profile; he must have said it 10 times. Then I go home and read babble and practically feel the agitation reading the posts about it. He laughed when I went back and told him, and maintained that his patients report a very low incidence of side effects with the med--if that helps any. Maybe you and I can try it together and report in...some day when we're feeling brave.
I love Bewitched. Especially the real early episodes.
Posted by Dinah on October 24, 2003, at 16:27:06
In reply to Re: hey everyone, posted by kara lynne on October 24, 2003, at 15:43:44
I really like Bewitched, except for Darren. He gets my latent feminist impulses aroused. His wife has all these talents and he doesn't want her to use them because he wants her to be a nice normal housewife. Grrrrrr....
On the other hand, Samantha and Tabitha are adorable.
Posted by kara lynne on October 24, 2003, at 18:13:04
In reply to Re: hey everyone » kara lynne, posted by Dinah on October 24, 2003, at 16:27:06
I was noticing how much more witchcraft was allowed with the first Darren, in the earlier episodes. He was more forgiving and didn't have that permanent scowl on his face.
In last night's episode Darren had to feel his wife's morning sickness (a la Endora) because Mr.Tate convinced him not to indulge Samantha's pregant impulses. That should make you feel at least a little better.
Posted by Dinah on October 24, 2003, at 19:18:20
In reply to Re: hey everyone/ Dinah, posted by kara lynne on October 24, 2003, at 18:13:04
A budding feminist there, without doubt.
Posted by fallsfall on October 24, 2003, at 21:42:47
In reply to Re: hey everyone, posted by kara lynne on October 23, 2003, at 20:49:15
Kara,
What are you doing reading Babble??? You are supposed to be studying for your test!!! Actually, you should be going to bed early so you will be well rested!
Just take a deep breath, and you will do fine. Take your time (and take extra #2 pencils), always recheck your work. Go to the bathroom BEFORE the test starts. Don't copy from your neighbor's paper (you're smarter than they are anyway). Bring a water bottle with you. Don't forget your good luck charm (no, Kara, Ice Cream melts...). Wear comfortable clothes. Wear shoes that you can slip on and off if you need to release nervous energy. Put your hair up so it doesn't fall in your face.
Post when you get home! I want to know how it went!
Posted by kara lynne on October 24, 2003, at 22:26:37
In reply to Good Luck!! » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on October 24, 2003, at 21:42:47
Such good advice. You're right, I have no business being here. I'm going to bed right now--this is such a bad time to be stuffed up, fevered and comatose.
Remember, this is the test they wouldn't give me extra time for when I applied, claiming they needed more information about 'Chronic Refractory Aggression'. Ah well, they might have created a very apt diagnosis for my reaction to that, anyway. They needed documentation to explain how depression affects concentration which I could have easily provided them, had I not been too depressed to do it after their response. Which I think they were counting on.
I promise to let you know.
Thanks again.
Posted by lil' jimi on October 24, 2003, at 23:35:22
In reply to Good Luck!! » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on October 24, 2003, at 21:42:47
this is why i love FallsFall ...
... you are a beautiful treasure we are blessed with!
... you are the HighPriestess!thanks for your inspiration, Beautiful One
~ jp.s. go kara!
Posted by yesac on October 25, 2003, at 15:20:30
In reply to Re: hey everyone, posted by kara lynne on October 24, 2003, at 15:43:44
How did the test go today?
Sorry about your parking space incident last night. I probably wouldn't have said anything. I think that you are to be commended for even saying anything. Maybe I should respond down on that thread, but I'm not going to. Really, I don't know how people deal with those situations. My main problem now is roomates. It's just so ridiculous because, say, if I wanted to watch something on tv, but my roomate was sitting there reading, I wouldn't say anything and I'd just not watch tv, rather than saying something. That is how un-assertive I am. I've been thinking a lot about moving next summer, once my lease is up, if I can find a cheap enough single apartment, because I hate dealing with these little dilemmas so much! Not that anyone really loves living with roomates, but it would probably be much better for me if I could be more assertive and less afraid. Oh well...
But about the Abilify samples. The thing is, I'm not even sure why he thinks they might help me. Not that it matters really. I mean, no one really knows what will help or not or why. But it was kind of a sudden thing at the end of my session - a decision needed to be made and he seemed to pick that because it was the first thing that sprung to mind and because I couldn't make a decision. I should ask him if he has actually had any success with it. But then on the other hand, does it really matter if he's had success? I know VERY WELL that what happens for other people with meds is no predictor of what will or will not happen for me.
My issue is that I feel like it won't help and I feel like it will just make me sluggish or something. It might be really swell for psychotic people because it doesn't have nearly as much weight gain as zyprexa, etc... but I'm not psychotic, so... do I really want to take it?
Ah, I'm just so lost!!!
I've only seen Bewitched a few times, but I liked it. Same with the other TV-Land shows, I Love Lucy, Leave it to Beaver, etc.
Posted by kara lynne on October 25, 2003, at 16:21:45
In reply to samples » kara lynne, posted by yesac on October 25, 2003, at 15:20:30
"I'm not even sure why he thinks they might help me. Not that it matters really. I mean, no one really knows what will help or not or why. But it was kind of a sudden thing at the end of "...- a decision needed to be made and he seemed to pick that because it was the first thing that sprung to mind and because I couldn't make a decision. I should ask him if he has actually had any success with it. But then on the other hand, does it really matter if he's had success? I know VERY WELL that what happens for other people with meds is no predictor of what will or will not happen for me."
Are you my double or something? You could have been desribing my session exactly. As you know these meds are being used for refractory depression as well as psychosis so if they work, who cares. Like my doctor said to me it's not like the molecules are sitting there differentiating personalities, it's just a chemical structure. But I had the same reaction. I actually took an anti psychotic before (Geodon) so I don't have quite the same fear, but I'm a little wary of Abilify specifically. Well and plus you hear about tardive dyskenisa and all those great things.
I'm a little spacy right now, due to post test brain damage-- I find out in 20 days if I passed. I think I did alright, but there were some tricky moments.
Time for a nap!
Oh also---I'd feel uncomfortable too about the TV thing, I don't think that makes you so unassertive.
Posted by yesac on October 26, 2003, at 11:56:38
In reply to Re: samples, posted by kara lynne on October 25, 2003, at 16:21:45
Hey KL -
I'm glad that your test is over. I was SO RELIEVED when I got my GRE over with back in June. I had been so worked up over it for months. Then every day I crossed my fingers that my results would come in the mail. It was supposed to take no more than 14 days, but it did take longer, of course.
I also have taken an antipsychotic - Risperdal. I didn't feel like it did much, even though my doctor said they give it to suicidal people in the hospital because it works so fast and they feel calm and all this stuff. I took it for a while, but eventually gave up, like with everything else. Then thing is, I don't care that much about feeling CALM right now. I'm not usually un-calm as it is... well, I'm sort of fidgety and agitated at times, but I can deal with it. What I really want is to not feel DEPRESSED!! That is my biggest problem. I really don't have a lot of these other symptoms you hear about - weight loss/gain, lack of concentration, etc. I guess I have a lot of mildish symptoms, but the biggest problem is just the actual feeling of depression, feeling that there is not much that I enjoy, and the only thing I really want to do is sleep, because sleep is such a wonderful relief from life. I actually wake up in the middle of the night and feel so thankful that it is the middle of the night. Unfortunately, the morning always comes. Anyways...
Well, I'm off into the rain for the rest of my hellish day!! (It really is raining, that isn't just some kind of metaphor, although it could be.)
Posted by kara lynne on October 26, 2003, at 13:23:16
In reply to Re: samples » kara lynne, posted by yesac on October 26, 2003, at 11:56:38
Hi yesac,
I just can't get over how much you sound like me. Or I sound like you. Or my story is so much like yours. I can have overwhelming anxiety to be sure, but it is in large part secondary to the depression. I'm nervous about doing things because I struggle with the will to live behind everything I do. It's hard for me to find a reason to brush my teeth some days, let alone go out there and get a life.I wish it was raining here. Only intense heat and horrible fires.
Wishing you one more good moment today than you had yesteday. (Even if that makes a total of one!)
(((yesac)))
Posted by yesac on October 27, 2003, at 10:48:52
In reply to Re: samples, posted by kara lynne on October 26, 2003, at 13:23:16
>I can have overwhelming anxiety to be sure, but it is in large part secondary to the depression. I'm nervous about doing things because I struggle with the will to live behind everything I do.
Yeah. Everything is secondary to the depression for me. Often, I think of doing things, anything - going to a movie, calling someone, reading, watching tv - but I frequently find myself thinking "what's the point?" or "is it really worth it?" The main reason that I do just about anything is that I can't stand to do nothing. Time fillers.... my whole life is filled with time-fillers basically. What kind of a life is that?
>It's hard for me to find a reason to brush my teeth some days, let alone go out there and get a life.
I've always kept up my personal hygiene very well. In fact, one thing that I might say I LIKE to do is take showers. But as for teeth-brushing, I pretty much hate it, but always do it because I hate having my teeth feel gross. But for a long time, I've been bad about brushing my teeth at night. Lately I've been making myself do it anyway, though, and it's amazing what a difference it makes in the cleanliness of my teeth! They really feel so much cleaner!! Apparently, I have "teeth like an 80-year-old". One time a few years ago, a hygienist told me that. Because I grind/clench my teeth at night. I was so astounded when she said that. I mean, how insulting!! That would be like a doctor telling his/her patient that they were really ugly or something.
> Only intense heat and horrible fires.
That sounds pretty bad. Don't catch fire!!
> Wishing you one more good moment today than you had yesteday. (Even if that makes a total of one!)
Thanks. Yesterday actually turned out to be pretty decent for the most part. Some days are like that. Today is feeling okay so far, not good by far, but bearable.
I have a question for you: Are you currently taking any meds? Are you in therapy? Just curious. I am not taking any medication except trazodone to sleep, and I am in therapy.
I hope you have a decent day (I hesitate to say "good" since I don't want to be unrealistic!)
Posted by yesac on October 27, 2003, at 10:49:53
In reply to Re: samples, posted by yesac on October 27, 2003, at 10:48:52
Posted by kara lynne on October 28, 2003, at 1:18:56
In reply to Re: samples, posted by yesac on October 27, 2003, at 10:48:52
I'm a grinder too, by the way.
I have been in med hell for the last 10 years. At this moment in the ongoing saga I'm taking a very low dose of Paxil CR, which doesn't do anything for my depression but I'm tolerating it alright. So I'll stick with that and see if eventually I can get to a 'therapeutic dose'--an oxymoron as far as I'm concerned. I'm also taking some other things for fibromyalgia.
I'm in counseling with someone who isn't a classically trained psychotherapist. I tried therapy recently but it didn't work out; I think there are some threads on psychological babble if your'e interested in the whole boring story. How is therapy going for you? I'd love to find a good therapist.
And have you tried many other meds like me?
Posted by yesac on October 28, 2003, at 15:41:03
In reply to meds, therapy, posted by kara lynne on October 28, 2003, at 1:18:56
> I'm a grinder too, by the way.
There are a lot of us. But, interestingly, my dentist told me that although the general assumption is that people do it because of stress, there really has been no research into that, so no one really knows. Everyone just thinks it must be because of stress. I think that I do not actually grind my teeth, but I must clench them. Or something. Because I never wake up with a headache, no one has ever told me that they hear me grinding... it's odd. But the dentists always want me to get one of those $400 mouth guards. I am starting to think that I should, because if I have the 80-year-old teeth NOW, what will happen in the years to come!!??
> I'm taking a very low dose of Paxil CR, which doesn't do anything for my depressionSo what you are saying, then, is that you don't Wake Up Feeling.... Ready to Go! You don't Drive to Work... Feeling Excited!! (I'm talking about the Paxil CR commercial, in case you don't know!)
>
> I'm in counseling with someone who isn't a classically trained psychotherapist.Oh yeah... that does ring a bell now that I think about it. Therapy for me is going okay. I don't know. I like my therapist, but I don't feel really like we're getting anywhere. I still miss my old therapist tremendously - actually 2 former therapists. So I don't really know what to do about that either. I think about switching therapists, but then I always think that I should keep trying with this one. It's so annoying to start over. But I feel like I keep waiting for something to click.
> And have you tried many other meds like me?
I have tried a LOT! Shall I list them? Okay: Wellbutrin (twice), Celexa, Effexor, Paxil, Lamictal, Parnate, Neurontin, desipramine (which I stopped taking because I couldn't pee), Ativan, Risperdal, Ritalin. I think that's it. Ridiculous, huh? Most of them did nothing for me, even at very high doses. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, as in, why nothing has any real effect on me.
Last night, I saw on the tv-guide channel that Bewitched was on. I didn't watch it, but it made me think of you!
How has your day been?
Mine has been pretty good actually. I have actually done some stuff at work, rather than just sitting around bored all day feeling like a useless slacker.
Posted by kara lynne on October 28, 2003, at 19:40:02
In reply to Re: meds, therapy » kara lynne, posted by yesac on October 28, 2003, at 15:41:03
...so you will know the high point of my days.
It's pretty scary around here today. All the fire has made the air dark and unnatural looking. It just shouldn't be this way, that one disturbed human can visit so much destruction on the planet.
Aside from that, I did some grocery shopping which was a major feat for me. Ever since the break up I've found it hard to do those basic things; I just don't have any motivation whatsoever. I never used to drink from expired cartons of orange juice. So I did my laundry, bought some food--we also have this ongoing supermarket strike saga to contend with--went to work for half a day.
Did the Ritalin help you at all? I have found it helpful sometimes, but it's inconsistent.
Posted by yesac on October 29, 2003, at 11:26:22
In reply to You must start watching Bewitched, posted by kara lynne on October 28, 2003, at 19:40:02
Well, the highlight of my days is drinking tea. I'm serious. I've become obsessed with tea over the past couple of months. Usually, in the morning, I have a cup of green tea. In the afternoon, I have English Afternoon Tea - but now in the afternoon I'll be drinking English Breakfast Tea, because that's what I bought last night.
> went to work for half a day.I thought you weren't working?
> Did the Ritalin help you at all? I have found it helpful sometimes, but it's inconsistent.
Well, it was weird. I feel like mainly it made me feel kind of mellow. Not really good mellow. Sort of depressed mellow - like, contemplative and calm. It is similar to the way I feel if/when I drink. It did not give me energy or make me feel *good* or anything of that sort. So I don't know. I am thinking that I might ask my doctor about trying a different stimulant when I see him next week. I like the idea of stimulants because they work fast. But I don't know if there's really a point in me trying a different one.
The issue that I was thinking about today was: How do people ENJOY their lives? I mean, it doesn't seem to me that many people have a particularly exciting life. I just don't get what people do in order to actually find joy in life. How to escape the mundane horridness of every day. You know? I just feel like everything is so drab and bleak. I don't even know what I could do to be happier. I don't know what I expect to get from therapy, yet I'm frustrated with it anyways. I can't imagine ever being much happier.
I just feel like I am going to continue on with this never-ending struggle, sometimes feeling slightly better, sometimes feeling much much worse... and then I'll die, and that will be that.
Posted by kara lynne on October 29, 2003, at 14:28:04
In reply to Re: You must start watching Bewitched » kara lynne, posted by yesac on October 29, 2003, at 11:26:22
I love the tea thing! That sounds so...elegant. Be careful yesac, that smacks of enjoying life a little...; )
I call it my 'non-work' work. It's clerical work having nothing to do with what I went to school for, and it's largely a trade situation. But it gets me out of the house. Also my employer is encouraging me to start doing my own work there--if I should ever come out of this paralysis.
Are you working? Do you think you would find some happiness doing something where you are using your gifts? You are so intelligent and thoughtful, you couldn't help but benefit the people you come in contact with.
I'm off to get cat sitting instructions and face the ashes falling from the sky.
Posted by fallsfall on October 29, 2003, at 17:17:47
In reply to Re: You must start watching Bewitched » kara lynne, posted by yesac on October 29, 2003, at 11:26:22
>>The issue that I was thinking about today was: How do people ENJOY their lives? I mean, it doesn't seem to me that many people have a particularly exciting life. I just don't get what people do in order to actually find joy in life. How to escape the mundane horridness of every day. You know? I just feel like everything is so drab and bleak. I don't even know what I could do to be happier. I don't know what I expect to get from therapy, yet I'm frustrated with it anyways. I can't imagine ever being much happier.
The drab and bleak and no joy is a symptom of depression. I think that when you aren't depressed you are in the same situations, but they "feel" different - more hopeful, more joy etc. It really is no fun.
If you find out how to reverse this part, please let me know.
Posted by yesac on November 2, 2003, at 14:08:19
In reply to Re: You must start watching Bewitched, posted by kara lynne on October 29, 2003, at 14:28:04
> I love the tea thing! That sounds so...elegant. Be careful yesac, that smacks of enjoying life a little...; )
Well, thanks - but it really isn't as elegant as it might sound, considering that I use the same cup every day without washing it (I would, but there is no sink that is very convenient, so I just don't!)... well, okay, I do take it home and wash it on weekends.
> Are you working? Do you think you would find some happiness doing something where you are using your gifts? You are so intelligent and thoughtful, you couldn't help but benefit the people you come in contact with.
Thanks :) Yes, I do work. My job is actually related to what I went to school for (neuroscience), but not what I want to do with the rest of my life. I am HOPING that eventually I will have a job that I can love, because, as idealistic as this sounds, I really believe that everyone should love their job, and that work should just be an extension of life, of who you are.
> I'm off to get cat sitting instructions
I wish I could cat sit. I don't ever hear of anyone needing a cat sitter. I can't have a pet at my current place, and I am dying for that animal companionship that a sweet little kitty can offer!!
Posted by yesac on November 2, 2003, at 14:09:03
In reply to Re: You must start watching Bewitched, posted by yesac on November 2, 2003, at 14:08:19
Posted by kara lynne on November 4, 2003, at 0:38:39
In reply to Re: You must start watching Bewitched, posted by yesac on November 2, 2003, at 14:08:19
I know it's hard to find places that will accept pets, but I think a kitty could be just what the doctor ordered for you--and for the kitty. I know she's out there, waiting for you to come claim her (or him)...
Posted by yesac on November 4, 2003, at 14:31:23
In reply to Re: You must get a kitty., posted by kara lynne on November 4, 2003, at 0:38:39
I do really want one. I am thinking about moving next summer when my lease is up, for two reasons:
so that I won't have to live with roomates anymore, and
so that I can get a cat
Don't know if I'll really do it (move, that is), but it is just one of my ideas lately.
This is the end of the thread.
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