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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by galkeepinon on October 26, 2003, at 3:58:34
I replied to BarbaraCat over at Substance about her reply to me, but this is really where I need to post.
*Has anyone passed up opportunities because of their excess weight? I weigh 227 now and my highest is 247.
I turned down a Halloween party Saturday night and a date with a very nice and sexy friend Todd, who wanted to watch the Yankees game with me. I want to become closer with him too.
*Why am I doing this? I know part of the reason, may be due to a rape when I was 7, and a break up with my fiance a few years ago. I'm trying to 'Get Over It' but no luck, regarding my weight issue. David is long time married 8 years anyway. I was honest with Todd, but I haven't heard from him since (it's only been a week) I wouldn't blame him, if he is going to ask me out, and I say it has nothing to do with you, decline his offer, I don't blame it if he never asks me out again. I offered to cook him dinner, because he said he is the only one who cooks dinner for himself. We were in IM and rather focused on my weight issues and his job that I am so happy for him about. I told him how I was feeling and he said that society places so much on what we look like, what we weigh yada yada yada. I believe that, but I want to lose weight for my health now, when I was 21, I wanted to for looks, it's not for looks anymore and hasn't been for years. I don't even lay out in the sun much anymore for fear of skin cancer when I was always a sun-worshipper with Baby Oil and Crisco.
I noticed a sore on my left breast that hasn't gone away, so I keep putting Neosporin on it every night in hopes that it WILL go away. I'm noticing new moles and ones that have changed I'm scared.
I'm too young to get a mammogram, my insurance won't cover it.
I just don't know anymore.
Please, if anyone is willing to make comments, I'm open to all of them.
I'm scared and I'm sad, and I'm frustrated.
Thank you.
Posted by Elle2021 on October 26, 2003, at 4:03:36
In reply to Would Anyone be willing to help me please., posted by galkeepinon on October 26, 2003, at 3:58:34
Calm down and try not to panic. If you are seriously worried about the sore on your breast, see your regular doctor. If he thinks something is wrong he can refer you to get a mammogram...usually when a doctor refers you, the insurance covers it.
Don't let your weight slow you down socially. Physical appearance isn't everything. You seem like a wonderful and interesting person. Bless you and keep me posted. Elle
Posted by Dinah on October 26, 2003, at 7:50:32
In reply to Would Anyone be willing to help me please., posted by galkeepinon on October 26, 2003, at 3:58:34
Kristen, you said you were studying. If you are attending college, you can go to their services, if not to your gp. They can check out your moles, and your sore, and determine if followup is necessary. Although I must confess that if I hadn't been persistent on my (precancerous) mole, my dermatologist might not have done anything.
Also with a nonhealing sore, you have to think diabetes. Have you had that checked?
As to weight, I think the substance abuse board is as good as anywhere. I abuse food for sure. I lost fifteen pounts lately but mainly because my glucophage made me sick. I've also posted there about my compulsive spending.
When you feel crummy, you use whatever it takes to get through the day. Plus psych meds cause weight gain. Deeper psychological issues may be at play, but those two alone can account for significant weight gain.
I don't know how tall you are, but for what it's worth, I've seen many heavy women who were deeply beloved by their husbands and families. My grandma was as wide as she was tall, and my grandpa found her beautiful. But that was because she *was* beautiful. She had the most loving and giving and kind soul you could imagine.
Weight and intimacy are both complex concerns. Do you have a therapist you can discuss them with?
Posted by justyourlaugh on October 26, 2003, at 15:52:18
In reply to Re: Would Anyone be willing to help me please. » galkeepinon, posted by Dinah on October 26, 2003, at 7:50:32
k..
i really feel bad that you do not have the health care system that you seem to need..
i had a mamogram...what horrible pain..was bruised for weeks...and those nipple stickers made me feel so silly...i sat right there and cried...
i am 33..
i gained 35 pounds in the last year and i feel like hidding away more than ever...
but,,,
i am getter more adjusted to my weight...always had been an issue my hole life though i was never over weight...parent thought different,,
anywho..be proud
i had someone sit next to me in "charm school"who was terribly sick with "not eating"...
she would fall often when she tried to get up off her chair...
i think we should enjoy what we have,,,not what we want..
j
Posted by madwand on October 26, 2003, at 20:24:34
In reply to Would Anyone be willing to help me please., posted by galkeepinon on October 26, 2003, at 3:58:34
If you have a visible sore (as opposed to a lump) that shouldn't need a mammogram. Just ask the doctor to look at it. And while it is no substitute for a doctor visit, checking out the pictures at:
http://www.skincancer.org/self_exam/look_for.php
can be really good for alleviating fear (I had some Unusual Things a while back that I was sort of panicking about -- it helped).
Your weight and how you feel about your weight are two separate issues. You say that you now want to lose weight for your health (as opposed to looks) but cite your weight as one reason for turning down the party and the date. I suspect you are on target on the other reasons as well.
I get the sense, from this and from other things I have observed about you (excuse me if I am going over the line, but you asked for feedback), but it seems to be hard for you to accept that people care about you (intellectually yes -- but not in the gut).
Since that is not going to go away overnight, anyone who wants to get close to you in the way you want Todd to get close to you will have to be able to deal with that (and not take it personally). This may be a bit of a test of that. If he "hangs in there" then he may have what it takes to be closer to you. If not, then such a relationship would only lead you [both] to more pain.
As for the weight itself, I can only go back to the inner dialog approach that we talked about once before (particular if there is a concern that you may be somehow using the weight as a "defense" -- you could talk to that part of you and explain that you appreciate its efforts but you need it to focus in other directions).
I hope that helps some. Have a great week!Michael
Posted by memma on October 26, 2003, at 21:00:27
In reply to Would Anyone be willing to help me please., posted by galkeepinon on October 26, 2003, at 3:58:34
Hey Gal,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Like madwand, I don't think you'll have to have a mammogram since it is a sore, not a lump. I had a lump removed last year (I'm 23 by the way), but they didn't do a mammogram on me because of my age. In the worst case, your insurance WILL cover whatever procedure you need.
However, you really should go to a dermatologist to get those moles checked out. I had two removed from my legs a few weeks ago. It's a really quick procedure.
And your dermatologist could check out the sore as well!Anyway, good luck!! I was completely freaked out last year about the lump in my breast (it was benign, btw). Mentally, it's a very difficult thing to go through, because you automatically assume the worst possible scenario.
Hope this helps...
-memma
Posted by galkeepinon on October 27, 2003, at 0:00:16
In reply to Re: Would Anyone be willing to help me please. » galkeepinon, posted by memma on October 26, 2003, at 21:00:27
Elle, Dinah, jyl, Michael, memma, thank you all so much for your support. I really need it right now. As I write this I am crying, I wish you could see, but you don't need to, I guess I feel like I have to prove myself. Stupid I know.
I guess it's just one of those nights. I just got finished watching that show Cold Case, and for some reason, it got to me because it was a show about a little girl's past and confronting it. I know I need to do that and someday soon I hope to, unless these tears are part of it I don't know.
~Elle, thanks, I'm trying not to panic and will make an appointment with my doctor first thing Monday, I have to, because I found 2 lumps tonight while taking a bath (which I haven't done in a long time), she can hopefully check the moles also. I tend to have *large* boobs, which isn't always a good thing, and they have been really sore lately and I just finished my period about 2 weeks ago. Anyway, from what I know my insurance won't cover mammograms for people under 40. I will talk to my doctor about it though. Thanks for your kind words Re: weight and how I seem like a wonderful person and all, but I have made my mistakes obviously, and I still hurt about the consequences, especially here, but I'll be ok. Bless you too Elle and thank you.
~Dinah, like I said I'm going to call my pcp Monday and tell her what's going on with the sore, the moles and now the 2 lumps. I think I need to ask her to refer me to a dermatologist. I was tested for diabetes about a year ago (Fasting Glucose Test) and all was normal. I will start posting on the substance abuse board re: feelings about food and weight, etc.. That's great you lost 15 pounds recently, but I'm sorry to hear that the glucophage made you sick:( I wish I could go off the meds, I know they have contributed to my weight gain, but I need them.
My mother and I are going into see my therapist Tuesday and I have no idea what is going to happen. Either I'll get up and run, or come home and I and my mother's relationshhip will never be the same. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I think that's neat about your grandma and grandpa~true meaning of love. Some guys just go for the size 7 woman, especially in California, and I guess some don't, Todd is one of them. I know there's so much more to what a person looks like, I understand what you're saying. I am happy you had a grandmother that had the most loving and giving and kind soul you could imagine, I really didn't and now I'm dealing with my feelings because my greandmother is failing fast (she's 90). I can't help but feel your love towards someone that is. You were blessed.
Dinah, thank you very much for your post, it means a lot.
~Michael, you're never crossing the line with me, it's ok. Tears again-cleansing ones so no worries. Thanks for that site, I matched 2 of the pictures, and yes, you are 100% right, it is VERY hard for me to accept that people care about me, I push them away sometimes and just have fear of getting close and getting hurt. I hear what you're saying Re:Todd, I think only time will tell for now.
~memma, haven't met you yet, but no matter, thank you for your post. I'm sorry I'm going through it too. I hope that you are well now after having a lump removed last year, and I'm glad it wasn't cancerous you're young:) Take care of you ok:)Like I said I think I need to see a dermatologist, it's time. I always think 'oh no it won't happen to me' but it can and it does, and it is.
Yes, your post helped a lot~thank you.
~And last but not least jyl, thank you. I think I'm really lucky right now to have the healthcare I do. I would be dead if I didn't have it. I'm not sure what my doc is going to suggest, all I can do is call her, and go in and see her.
Sorry about your bruising experience with the mammogram, ouch I believe you! You're my age too. This weight thing just has to be put to rest with me and I just need to talk about it and get the help I need regarding feelings, parental past pressure, etc. I hear you. I know these eating disorders can be sad both ways. It takes a lot out of us. Thanks jyl for helping me to see the brighter side of things. Isn't there a song..."not getting what you want , but wanting what you've got"? I LOVE that song, I guess it's time for me to start living it, instead of just singing it.Sorry if I rambled, I meant every word I said and I just wanted you to know that I appreciate your replies very, very much. Thanks again to all of you, you will NEVER know how much it meant to have you all reply and give me your feedback and concern.
I need to go to bed now, it's been a tough one.
Bless you guys and I hope you have a great week:)
Goodnight...Kristen
Posted by madwand on October 27, 2003, at 9:11:47
In reply to Thank You Very Much, posted by galkeepinon on October 27, 2003, at 0:00:16
Kristen,
If you end up deciding to have the dermatologist remove the benign growths, please consider having them done in "stages" rather than all of them at once. It is tempting to "get it over with" and some dermatologists will push for that, but an ex-girlfriend of mine went that route and regretted it (as opposed to previous times when she had proceeded more cautiously).
In any case, take care of yourself and good luck with the "joint" therapy session.Michael
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