![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Wildflower on October 23, 2003, at 11:12:43
Please don't laugh too hard at this post. I'm usually a very calm, rational person so this is very out of character for me...
OK, so I finally have a date after going through situations very similar to Susan's. Although now, I have a whole new set of bizarre things happening. I keep worrying about (very vain) things such as:
- what to wear
- how to wear my hair
- what if the conversation lulls at dinner
- what if he admits to weird fetishes like some of the guys I've met on the Internet
- what if he's allergic to cats (I have one)
- what if he goes in for a kiss?
- what if he's a bad kisser?
- what if he neglected to tell me he has a girlfriend/wifeYep, I haven't slept a wink in over a week. It's probably due to my Lex but this situation isn't helping. Oh my gosh, what if I can't sleep tonight and I'm exhausted for the date? Is it really possible to fall asleep during dinner? LOL
HELP! I'm like a teenager all over again! Forget concentrating on work matters... I can't even sit in my cube for long. I need to burn off this nervous energy. I really hope that guys go through this too.
I'm about ready to look up origami online and distract myself with paper art. (Well, I'm at work so I'm limited on my art supplies.)
Is it apparent that I haven't been out in a year? Is it too late to read all the back issues of Cosmo for advice? ;-)
Posted by oeps7 on October 23, 2003, at 12:19:50
In reply to Big date in 24 hrs - I'm freaking out!, posted by Wildflower on October 23, 2003, at 11:12:43
Have a great time Wildflower. Wear what you are comfortable in. Are you meeting him in a public place? I sound like a mother bbt be careful. Also have a wonderful time.
What are your plans for the evening?
Wear your hair down :O). I think most guys like that?
He won't be a bad kisser and if he is you can always teach him ;).
Mary
Posted by Wildflower on October 23, 2003, at 12:24:57
In reply to Re: Big date in 24 hrs - I'm freaking out!, posted by oeps7 on October 23, 2003, at 12:19:50
Thanks Mary!
I have no idea why I'm acting so crazy...
He is picking me up at my place but I do trust him - oddly enough. When it comes time for him to drop me off, I've already decided that he's not coming back in.
I think hair down will do perfectly for the evening. I don't want to worry about it falling down if I try to put it up.
We're headed out to a nice dinner...
Posted by oeps7 on October 23, 2003, at 12:28:11
In reply to Re: Big date in 24 hrs - I'm freaking out! » oeps7, posted by Wildflower on October 23, 2003, at 12:24:57
That sounds like a nice date. What type of food? Don't order the spaghetti lol.
Do you know him well enough to let him know where you live?
Try not to get too nervous, I know that's easy for me to say. But I bet it's an excited nervous right?
Posted by Wildflower on October 23, 2003, at 12:45:19
In reply to Re: Big date in 24 hrs - I'm freaking out!, posted by oeps7 on October 23, 2003, at 12:28:11
I think you could describe the food as ecletic. It's the type of place that prides itself on presentation of the food. It should be yummy! I'm staying away from anything that could get stuck in my teeth. LOL
Having him pick me up at my place was a big decision for me. I debated for quite some time and then finally concluded that it would be OK. We have many friends in common so I trust that he's a good guy.
Me excited???? Heck yes!!!!!
Posted by oeps7 on October 23, 2003, at 13:41:13
In reply to Re: Big date in 24 hrs - I'm freaking out! » oeps7, posted by Wildflower on October 23, 2003, at 12:45:19
Have a good time. I want to hear all about your date tomorrow!
Posted by oeps7 on October 24, 2003, at 8:29:34
In reply to Re: Big date in 24 hrs - I'm freaking out!, posted by oeps7 on October 23, 2003, at 13:41:13
How did your date go?
Posted by Susan J on October 24, 2003, at 8:47:29
In reply to Big date in 24 hrs - I'm freaking out!, posted by Wildflower on October 23, 2003, at 11:12:43
> OK, so I finally have a date after going through situations very similar to Susan's.
<<<Way to go!!!!! I'm really happy for ya.> - what to wear
<<Whatever makes you feel most attractive.> - how to wear my hair
<<In whatever way you think is flattering and you know you won't have to keep checking on...> - what if the conversation lulls at dinner
>>Ask him silly questions....> - what if he admits to weird fetishes like some of the guys I've met on the Internet
<<OK, if some guy is admitting weird fetishes on the first date.... ??? Just tell him you're not into that and he needs to know that up front. Then smile.
> - what if he's allergic to cats (I have one)
<<He can take that allergy med they show on TV. :-)> - what if he goes in for a kiss?
>>Don't stand really close to him unless you are OK with him doing that.> - what if he's a bad kisser?
>>Change your phone number. :-) Just kidding...just stop kissing him and say good night.> - what if he neglected to tell me he has a girlfriend/wife
<<Walk out. Immediately.I think it's *great* you're going out! Just remember that you are an awesome person and he's lucky to get to spend some time with you....it's an adventure. It'll be great!
Have *fun* that's all that matters...
Susan
Posted by Wildflower on October 24, 2003, at 8:54:50
In reply to Re: Big date in 24 hrs - I'm freaking out!, posted by oeps7 on October 24, 2003, at 8:29:34
I haven't heard from him today so I'm a bit nervous that it won't happen...
I'll give ya an update tomorrow.
Posted by oeps7 on October 24, 2003, at 10:06:33
In reply to It's tonight... » oeps7, posted by Wildflower on October 24, 2003, at 8:54:50
Hi Wildflower don't be nervous that you haven't heard from him. It's too early in the day for him to call.
Posted by Wildflower on October 25, 2003, at 1:25:39
In reply to Re: It's tonight..., posted by oeps7 on October 24, 2003, at 10:06:33
Basically, the date was AWESOME. Dinner was incredible and I haven't been this attracted to someone in a very long time.
Unfortunately, I have a bad feeling that he's only after one thing. After dinner all he wanted to do is to come back to my place (across town) even though his was a few miles from the restaurant. He didn't seem interested at all in getting to know me as a person except for in a physical sense. He seemed very shocked that I turned him down.
I just don't understand. I didn't dress like a bimbo. I didn't act like a bimbo. I'm the furthest thing from a bimbo. Why then am I treated like a piece of meat??? I'm so frustrated right now I can't sleep. I suppose there was a reason I haven't been on a date in a year.
I'm sure that there's someone out there who will appreciate me for who I. I just need to be patient...
Posted by octopusprime on October 25, 2003, at 2:23:26
In reply to Here's the scoop on how it went..., posted by Wildflower on October 25, 2003, at 1:25:39
Wildflower, good for you for sticking to your boundaries.
Maybe you are getting ahead of yourself? Maybe he was just disappointed that the date was ending? Do you know good places in town for coffee, ice cream, dessert, jazz + martinis, etc? Did you suggest one to continue the date?
Men are prone to wishful thinking when it comes to getting physical. But if he respects your boundaries, and still seems interested in knowing who you are as a person (read: he calls/emails you in the next couple of days and initiates some friendly chit-chat) maybe you can give him a chance?
I know the idea of getting up close and personal really fast is kind of frightening. But if you are as attracted to him as you say you are, can you deal with the nervousness and anxiety (while maintaining the distance you need) and see where the garden path leads you?
good luck
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 25, 2003, at 7:48:04
In reply to Here's the scoop on how it went..., posted by Wildflower on October 25, 2003, at 1:25:39
> Basically, the date was AWESOME. Dinner was incredible and I haven't been this attracted to someone in a very long time.
>
> Unfortunately, I have a bad feeling that he's only after one thing. After dinner all he wanted to do is to come back to my place (across town) even though his was a few miles from the restaurant. He didn't seem interested at all in getting to know me as a person except for in a physical sense. He seemed very shocked that I turned him down.
>
> I just don't understand. I didn't dress like a bimbo. I didn't act like a bimbo. I'm the furthest thing from a bimbo. Why then am I treated like a piece of meat???Some guys think that if they've put out sufficient "hospitality", it's reasonable to expect some in return. I'm not justifying that thinking (it is selfish beyond description), but it is a common pattern.
> I'm so frustrated right now I can't sleep.
His behaviour *wasn't* about you. The test will be if he calls you again, and wants to see you again. You've established a boundary with him. It may have taken him by surprise, but he did respect it. He now knows it's part of the package. If he comes back to you, you will know that he gets where you're coming from. If he doesn't, good riddance.
> I suppose there was a reason I haven't been on a date in a year.
I know your feelings are hurt, but remember, you had a good time, and you had your "attraction mode" all excited and everything.
> I'm sure that there's someone out there who will appreciate me for who I. I just need to be patient...
When the disappointment over the close of the evening dissipates, I'm sure that's what will come to the fore.
Please don't ever think about compromising your values to be with somebody. It's a bad deal for both of you.
Hugs to ya,
Lar
Posted by Wildflower on October 25, 2003, at 10:38:51
In reply to Re: Here's the scoop on how it went..., posted by octopusprime on October 25, 2003, at 2:23:26
Yes, I tried to offer other ideas but he was more interested in coming back here.
I'd love to see where that path leads but I have been down similar paths before and they all led to hurt. I know it's not fair to compare people but something about him really made me feel that I was not the only one that he was trying this with.
If something progresses, I'll let you know.
Posted by Wildflower on October 25, 2003, at 10:45:51
In reply to Re: Here's the scoop on how it went... » Wildflower, posted by Larry Hoover on October 25, 2003, at 7:48:04
Some guys think that if they've put out sufficient "hospitality", it's reasonable to expect some in return. I'm not justifying that thinking (it is selfish beyond description), but it is a common pattern
>Whatever happened to old fashioned romance? Perhaps I need to find a time machine and send myself back to Medieval period. LOL
The test will be if he calls you again, and wants to see you again.
>My concern is that he'll try the same thing next time we head out. Oh well, I won't worry about t for now. If he calls - wonderful - if not, it wasn't meant to be.
Posted by oeps7 on October 27, 2003, at 12:40:35
In reply to It's good to hear a man's opinion., posted by Wildflower on October 25, 2003, at 10:45:51
Hi Wildflower,
Larry's advice is good. I think it is great that you stuck to your boundaries. If he is after only one thing it's good you didn't give it up. Did he ask you questions about yourself? - Tell him you're an old fashoined kind of girl - he's got to respect you for that. Don't let him pressure you into anything. There are lot's of fish in the sea - not the omega 3 kind ;O)
Mary
Posted by Susan J on October 27, 2003, at 12:45:41
In reply to Here's the scoop on how it went..., posted by Wildflower on October 25, 2003, at 1:25:39
Hiya!
I'm so glad the date went well! You deserve it. And it's so much fun when they go so smoothly...
of course, up until the end when he seems pushy for more...
I have been told by a few guy friends, and they certainly don't speak for the entire male population, but they think they are *supposed* to push for more as a sign of (1) their masculinity, and (2) further evidence they find you attractive.
Sometimes, they get really disappointed if you cave in and give them what they want.
Nobody said this was a healthy thought process. Just throwing it out there for thought. As long as the guy respects you saying no, respects your boundaries, I think it's probably OK that he got a little forward.
Enjoy the good. Keep a smart head about possible bad....but that's life, right?
:-)
Susan
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.