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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Greg on May 29, 2003, at 15:44:19
Alii,
Been thinking a lot about you lately, knowing that you've had more than your share to deal with. Was very glad to hear that your Mom is doing better. FWIW, know that I'm keeping you in my mind and close in my heart. I sincerly hope that it gets better soon.
xxoo,
Greg
Posted by paxvox on May 31, 2003, at 10:17:41
In reply to Alii, posted by Greg on May 29, 2003, at 15:44:19
Gregg. Alii has asked me to relay to you that she is fine. For some personal reasons,she is not able to post on PB any longer. She wishes me to convey to you that she has always appreciated the kind words of support that you have given her, and is sorry that she cannot thank you personally just now. I am in constant contact with her, and I assure you she is OK, she just needs some time and space for a bit. Thanks also from me for supporting Alii, she has been a dear to me as well, and I am glad that she has been there for me as well as others on these boards.
PAX
Posted by Greg on June 2, 2003, at 7:28:31
In reply to Re: Alii, posted by paxvox on May 31, 2003, at 10:17:41
PAX,
Thank you for getting her message to me. I'm glad to her that she is doing what is necessary to take care of herself. She deserves the best, as do we all.
I know that you too are dealing with a lot right now. I went thru something similar to it a little over 25 years ago and I know some of how it feels. The only thing I can say is take care of yourself and your daughter, never let a day go by that you don't tell her that you love her, and hope that everything turns out as it's supposed to. And remember that you have a lot of people here that love you.
All my best,
Greg
Posted by paxvox on June 2, 2003, at 18:56:41
In reply to Re: Alii » paxvox, posted by Greg on June 2, 2003, at 7:28:31
Thanks, Greg, that was very a heart-felt expression. Yes, my daughter will never have to question did her daddy love her. I hope she doesn't have to ask "did my mommy, who left me"?
From marriage counseling session today, I am begining to wonder if a resolution will ever come. Even though the counselor pointed out (as she has the past 3 weeks) that my wife should contact her Pdoc, as her depression seemed to be very deep, she is waiting until her scheduled Friday appointment with him. This makes me ask my "time old" question: does she WANT to be well?
She said today that she didn't feel at all close to me; what does that mean? Of course, the counselor told me not to "take it personally", that it was the depression talking. Well shit, how else AM I to take it? Well, I guess we have the summer to see what develops, but with every passing day, I see her not only pulling away from ME but from life in general. How much more can I absorb before I become toxic?PAX
Posted by zenhussy on June 3, 2003, at 0:50:15
In reply to Re: Alii, posted by paxvox on June 2, 2003, at 18:56:41
> Thanks, Greg, that was very a heart-felt expression. Yes, my daughter will never have to question did her daddy love her. I hope she doesn't have to ask "did my mommy, who left me"?
> From marriage counseling session today, I am begining to wonder if a resolution will ever come. Even though the counselor pointed out (as she has the past 3 weeks) that my wife should contact her Pdoc, as her depression seemed to be very deep, she is waiting until her scheduled Friday appointment with him. This makes me ask my "time old" question: does she WANT to be well?
> She said today that she didn't feel at all close to me; what does that mean? Of course, the counselor told me not to "take it personally", that it was the depression talking. Well shit, how else AM I to take it? Well, I guess we have the summer to see what develops, but with every passing day, I see her not only pulling away from ME but from life in general. How much more can I absorb before I become toxic?
>
> PAX
Dear Pax,I read your post with such a heavy heart. I hope you don't feel you are becoming toxic with all that is going on. Your daughter will grow up knowing both her parents love her no matter what happens.
I have full faith that she will have that instilled by you even if her mother isn't capable of being as involved--at this time.
I'm willing to bet your wife does want to be better but remembering where I was when depression first descended upon me (and also when the memories of trauma first surfaced) I was completely unable to formulate a treatment plan. I was too damn depressed to deal. My psychiatric treatment for the first couple of years was some hit and miss stuff until I became active in my own treatment.
This might take her some time. And I know by now you're sick of hearing about time healing things. I wish I had something of more substance to say here but I do not.
I wish I could help. I pray for your family and your strength.
You are all in my heart.
zenhussy
Posted by Greg on June 3, 2003, at 17:28:51
In reply to Re: Alii, posted by paxvox on June 2, 2003, at 18:56:41
Hey Pax,
I hope she never has to ask that question either, it seems like too many kids have to. Mine was a little too young to have to go thru that, and by the time she was old enough to understand, my ex and I had agreed to get along so that she would have a stable environment with both parents around. I hope your daughter is spared all that, I truly do.Toxic is such a good desciption of what you’re going thru. It makes you hurt, turns that hurt into to anger, and then eventually ever the most rational person will lash out. Toxic. Yeah. But you have to remember one thing, and this is just my opinion FWIW. Your mind is on the right track here. As much as you love your wife, as passionately and deeply as you care (and I know you do), you can’t fix her. You can support her, go to counseling sessions, do all the right things Pax, but she has to want to things to work, to be better, or it’s all wasted space.
As far as her not feeling close to you, you should take that personally, so would I. Just don’t take responsibility for it. That’s her stuff, not yours.
I don’t know Pax, it may not feel like it right now, but it sounds like YOU need some space and some peace of mind. Easier said than done, huh? Just a thought...
Keeping you in my thoughts,
Greg
Posted by paxvox on June 4, 2003, at 17:49:33
In reply to Re: PAX, posted by Greg on June 3, 2003, at 17:28:51
Greg,
You're not actually my counselor posting under an assumed name are you? Those were almost his words, verbatim, today! He says (as you confirm objectively) that I DO need to put some space between she and I, and that I cannot have MY hapieness so closely tied to HER happieness. No, I have gotten beyond the "is it my fault?" phase of this issue. However, I guess I do have many of the co-dependent processes going on inside me. As for me feeling at peace, I do know that is possible w/o her, as you may have read my posts in March about being 17,000 feet up a mountain in Bolivia (Mt. Tunari). THERE I felt (what I then didn't recognize)total peace. I didn't have a care beyond that singular moment in time ( I could even send you a picture!). A lot more I could say right now, but I have to run. Thanks for taking the time to post.PAX
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