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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bobby on May 30, 2003, at 8:16:35
In my dream, I went to Texas and found the college that she went to.I went to this house and asked this girl if she remembered Stacy Anne.She started to cry and ran away.I followed her and put my arms around her---it was a strange comfort zone. Then she kissed me(don't tell my wife)and gave me some photos and a year book with sar in them (she looked exactly like i pictured her). All her friends wished me well as I got in my car to go home. But i felt alone and a profound sense of loss. Then the alarm woke me up. I seem to have becomed obsessed with this sar thing. I spend an embarrassing(sp?) amount of time going over her old posts. I'm sort of glad that i never met her in person for i would have surely let her ruin my life. Anyway, I can't seem to stop thinking about her( and charles bukowski,and dream enterpretation(sp?),and drugs, and alchohol, and books, and hospitals, and free pdocs,and strip clubs, and pretty rope, and blah blah blah....Do I have some new disorder for me? something seems wrong and i can't fix it. I guess,in time, things will return to normal---hopefully. I pray that she's in a better place.
Posted by Alara on May 30, 2003, at 8:48:06
In reply to i had a dream about sar last night, posted by bobby on May 30, 2003, at 8:16:35
Hi Bobby,
It sounds as though Sar reached you in some way. Did she remind you of a part of yourself that has been hiding? We all have shadows and secret selves but don't always have the outlets for expressing these parts of ourselves. Maybe Sar did the expressing for you.
Worth a thought.
Best regards,
Alara
Posted by bobby on May 30, 2003, at 11:54:29
In reply to Re: i had a dream about sar last night » bobby, posted by Alara on May 30, 2003, at 8:48:06
That's a clever and interesting analysis. Yes, sar did reach me as i'm sure that she reached many. I think also that i identified with her for a couple of reasons.1)we were both raised in the south and i can definitely relate to that connection(speech pattern,qualities,ect...) 2)I have lived her life (not in the figurative sense). i suppose that i also have a savior complex in that maybe I could have made a difference in her decision or something crazy like that. She represents a lot of ourselves--revisiting our youth if you will. She was so brutally honest, and pure(undistorted), and fresh, and witty, and promising. I can only speculate as to why this has taken over my thoughts --though perhaps it is a kindred spirit who has been taken away kind of thing. anyone?
Posted by mair on May 30, 2003, at 23:06:22
In reply to Re: i had a dream about sar last night » Alara, posted by bobby on May 30, 2003, at 11:54:29
I applaud your efforts to try to figure out why you had such a vivid dream and are now "drawn" to Sar. I think it's really hard to understand why we are so taken in by a particular person. I've spent a lot of time over the last year trying to figure out why I felt such a strong attachment to her, and mostly I can't come up with a very satisfactory explanation. I, too, felt very protective of her, but although I'm old enough to have been her mother, I really don't think there was anything maternal about it. She was all of the things you said, but also a pretty serious alcoholic, and definitely self-destructive even before she killed herself. I was always struck by her total lack of resources and support, and I was always struck by the massive gulf between her very obvious talents and her lack of self-respect. But while I wanted things to be better for her, in my more cogent moments, I didn't delude myself into thinking that i could right all (or really any) of the things that were wrong in her life. But I think alot of it for me was just that she was witty and funny and wrote well in a matter of fact way, and was totally devoid of self-pity and most of all maybe, paid no attention to generational differences.
Going back and rereading her posts hasn't really helped me figure this out, and I shy away from all of those reminders anyway. I have old emails from her that I can neither read nor delete, and music I still don't listen to because it reminds me too much of her.
Why do you think you're particularly drawn to her now, as opposed to some other time?
Mair
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