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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mmcasey on April 28, 2003, at 13:28:31
I'm feeling pretty badly today. Among other problems, my therapist is
leaving soon and I have to find a new one. Today I saw someone new and
it only showed me just how difficult it is to start all over from scratch
with someone. I feel like I NEED my therapist who is leaving, and
it will just be so hard without her.But aside from that... I really just wonder if I can take this life
anymore. YOu know? I wonder if there will ever be a time when I will
not feel like each and every day is a struggle full
of ups and downs, sometimes more ups, but often more downs....
if there will come a time when I can feel like I am glad to
be alive, and not constantly question whether my life is worth
living... a time when I actually feel like I AM living and enjoying,
not just surviving and enduring.I don't know. What do you all think?
Meghan
Posted by coral on April 28, 2003, at 14:28:51
In reply to I need some encouragement!, posted by mmcasey on April 28, 2003, at 13:28:31
Dear Meghan,
First off, I'm on the other side of the black hell of depression. Also, I can appreciate changing therapists --- I went through two before I found the right one. I also went through 11 doctors until I found the right one.
Each person's experience is unique and during the darkest times (days, months, years....), I asked the same questions you're asking. I knew I couldn't go on existing in the black space. My only goal was to climb out somehow. It was a bitter existence and the climb out was often one step forward and fourteen backward.
But, I made it. You can, too.
One step at a time.
Best to you,
Coral
Posted by maryhelen on April 28, 2003, at 17:10:06
In reply to I need some encouragement!, posted by mmcasey on April 28, 2003, at 13:28:31
mmcasey:
I know what it is like to have to change therapists. If he or she is good, you develop a bond and a trust. I have had to do it a few times and to start all over again. I begin to sound like a broken record. I am sick of myself, I am sick of my story. However, please don't be so discouraged. It may just turn out to be a bonus.
I also can certainly relate to how you feel about not wanting to take this way of life anymore. I don't think anyone can stand it. It is a daily struggle and I have certainly thought - is it worth it. Not to sound obnoxious, but we have to hang in. Other options leaves those left behind dealing with it for the rest of their lives. You never know, just around the corner may be the right med or combination of them. You could have a life altering experience. I don't mean to sound glib, I've heard it all before, and I just think to myself, they don't understand but what if their right.
We are in this together and let's rely on each other to get through the worst of times, minute by minute, hour by hour.
Keep posting your thoughts. You are certainly not alone.
maryhelen
Posted by noa on April 28, 2003, at 17:31:38
In reply to Re: I need some encouragement!, posted by maryhelen on April 28, 2003, at 17:10:06
I also came through to the other side, as coral says. But there were lots of times when I wouldn't have believed it possible. It IS possible. Hang in there!
Interview a few therapists before you decide. That will help you get a feel for which you feel most comfortable with. None will feel "the same" as the therapist you were already used to, but at least you will have the ability to compare them to each other based on how you feel talking to them.
Posted by mmcasey on April 28, 2003, at 18:10:38
In reply to Re: I need some encouragement!, posted by coral on April 28, 2003, at 14:28:51
Well I am sighing right now... I feel ever so slightly better than before. Why does every day have to be so filled with torment!!?? I did in fact put in a call to my soon-to-be-gone therapist, which made me feel both better and worse.
But I know what everyone says is true... that we really just have to take one step at a time and put one foot in front of the other and all of that. It is not impossible, just very very hard! But if I give up/in, and I do kill myself, then I will never know what could have been. Is risking misery for years and years worth the hope of a brighter future, or a few bright spots within the dark and torturous days? I don't know, but it is the question that I struggle with every second of my existence.
I realize that I am sounding quite dramatic right now, but it is honestly the truth of how I feel and think. I am very glad to have discovered this forum, because it does help me see that I am not alone, and get some support and assistance. Without the fear I have in my "real life" of shame and embarrassment and stigma if I tell the truth about my horrid feelings of despair. Here, I do not have to worry about that, so I can be up front and honest.
Thanks to everyone on this board.
...and so I continue to go on....
Meghan
Posted by coral on April 28, 2003, at 18:21:58
In reply to Thanks to all, posted by mmcasey on April 28, 2003, at 18:10:38
Dear Meghan,
...and so I continue to go on....
Good for you,Meghan!!!
Coral
Posted by lostsailor on April 28, 2003, at 18:56:09
In reply to Thanks to all, posted by mmcasey on April 28, 2003, at 18:10:38
We all have been there in similar, but never the total identical, situations.
We are a strannge "family" here.
We do not come out of Rockwell paintings.
We have know and know Pain and Sorrow;
we have ups and downs.We are here for one another...
In peace and a big HUG,
~tony & Aurora
Posted by maryhelen on April 28, 2003, at 19:20:11
In reply to Thanks to all, posted by mmcasey on April 28, 2003, at 18:10:38
Meghan:
Even though we have a safe forum here to tell the truth about our feelings I still admire your courage. It is true that in "real life" these feelings cannot be accepted by others who are unable to relate to what we are going through.
Having said that, I have experienced three suicides. One in particular, leaves me with tremendous guilt. Although he had a girlfriend, we were good friends and he was calling me late at night, assumingly after she went to bed. I believe now he was saying goodbye. He made the assumption that I was doing okay and I didn't deny it. Had I been honest about how difficult things still were for me perhaps we could have had better dialogue. He ended up jumping off a bridge. I know intellectually that I probably couldn't have prevented it but my lack of honesty haunts me to this day. He was charismatic, funny, kind, intelligent, supportive, attractive and so very caring. I tell you about this because it is true the people left behind are devastated. I don't think that I will truly ever get over it. I do, of course, understand his depth of depression, to be able to do what he did.
I hope this is not an inappropriate message, but I have never been able to express my feelings to anyone. I want you to hang in there with the rest of us. I admire your bravery.
maryhelen
Posted by WorryGirl on April 29, 2003, at 2:18:34
In reply to I need some encouragement!, posted by mmcasey on April 28, 2003, at 13:28:31
Meghan,
It stinks to feel that way. I wonder why I can't just relax and enjoy the good moments and not seem to always be focusing more on the bad.
Maybe you need a different med, if you're on one, or maybe you need to be on one. I know I need one, so I'm not the best person to give you advice there.
For me, when I'm having good days I don't need anything at all. I want to be able to pick and choose the days I want to take something and have it take effect immediately each time. I want the miracle drug, an instant, non-addictive happy pill!
I know it sounds cliche, but maybe a vacation is in order. An hour or two, or a week of doing what you like. Even if it's simply reading or sleeping.
Also, now that spring is here, try taking a walk and focusing on what's going on around you instead of your internal worries.
I wish I could help more. Hope you feel better soon.
Posted by shar on April 29, 2003, at 10:50:36
In reply to Thanks to all, posted by mmcasey on April 28, 2003, at 18:10:38
Is risking misery for years and years worth the hope of a brighter future, or a few bright spots within the dark and torturous days?
MM-
Yes, at least until you are 50.
Shar
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