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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 9:05:17
But is the time to decide to switch jobs when you realize that you would greatly prefer death to one more deadline?
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 8, 2003, at 9:32:31
In reply to Not that I'm going to do it, so I guess it's moot, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 9:05:17
yah,
greatly
Posted by mair on March 8, 2003, at 10:11:36
In reply to Not that I'm going to do it, so I guess it's moot, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 9:05:17
Totally, absolutely, completely, unequivocally, without question.
Mair
Posted by jay on March 8, 2003, at 10:47:01
In reply to Not that I'm going to do it, so I guess it's moot, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 9:05:17
Dinah:Could you maybe fill me in a bit about what you have and haven't tried with meds and therapy? (I know...BIGGG question..sorry.) I am not saying I have any answers, just want to be supportive. Thanx,
Jay
Posted by Miller on March 8, 2003, at 11:12:49
In reply to Not that I'm going to do it, so I guess it's moot, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 9:05:17
Yup.
Posted by noa on March 8, 2003, at 11:34:48
In reply to Not that I'm going to do it, so I guess it's moot, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 9:05:17
I would say so, Dinah, unless the feeling is just a passing one. But if it persists, absolutely. Why is it moot? Why wouldn't you switch jobs if needed?
Posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 13:02:32
In reply to Re: Not that I'm going to do it, so I guess it's moot » Dinah, posted by noa on March 8, 2003, at 11:34:48
It's moot for two reasons.
First, the pay is good and so are the medical benefits. I need the pay because I'm profligate. I need the medical benefits mainly because of my job. :P
I'm not at all sure that I can find a job with as good pay. I'm not even sure I can find a job at all. I've never interviewed in my life, and I don't make a particularly good impression, I think.
Second, I'm way more afraid of change than I am of death. I think I'm also more afraid of doing this. Going from deadline to deadline with crashes in between. I just don't know how much longer I can make the deadlines or take the crashes.
That's why it's moot. I guess I'll keep on trying to make the deadlines till I fail or snap. And failing isn't too far away, judging from the overall direction I'm heading. And I probably will snap when I fail. I won't kill myself over this because it would be terribly unkind to do that to my family, no matter what sort of a wife or mother I think I am.
I was just musing, I guess, on what a sane person would do.
Posted by jane d on March 8, 2003, at 13:34:13
In reply to Re: Not that I'm going to do it, so I guess it's moot, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 13:02:32
The next time work upsets you - get your anger out by writing out a new resume.
The time after that send it to the first half dozen jobs you see advertised.
Repeat as provoked.
Then interviews. Someday a really good interview will coincide with a really bad day at work. That's when you use the letter of resignation which you can start drafting now for a little extra lift.
You might even find that just the process of "sneaking around" on your current employer cheers you up quite a bit.
Jane, who should follow her own advice
Posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 13:46:23
In reply to How about..... » Dinah, posted by jane d on March 8, 2003, at 13:34:13
ROFL
I'll have that letter of resignation turned in by the end of the week at that time schedule.
OK, I'll try to do it if you do. :D
Dinah
Posted by beardedlady on March 8, 2003, at 14:50:24
In reply to Not that I'm going to do it, so I guess it's moot, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 9:05:17
I have a couple great word origin books here. One says that war prisoners, in lieu of being held in a four-walled jail, were often kept inside an area with drawn borders. Whomever stepped over the outer boundary line was shot, hence the term deadline.
Maybe we can think of a more pleasant word to use at our jobs. No wonder we want to kill ourselves.
beardy : )>
Posted by Tabitha on March 8, 2003, at 16:02:01
In reply to Re: How about..... » jane d, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 13:46:23
Take Jane's advice. Start taking steps toward escape, even if you think it won't work.
My new escape plan is to take a sabbatical for a year or more. I made a list of things I have to do first, and I've started doing them. When the list is finished, I can quit anytime. I'd prefer to get laid off but I'm afraid it's not gonna happen.
Posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 17:06:19
In reply to deadlines » Dinah, posted by beardedlady on March 8, 2003, at 14:50:24
LOL, Beardy.
But the word is so *accurate*. :)
At least I can laugh again. Weekends without phone calls are a needed blessing.
Posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 17:10:07
In reply to Re: How about....., posted by Tabitha on March 8, 2003, at 16:02:01
Hey, I'm glad for you Tabitha! I know your job is toxic, too. What's on your list, if you don't mind my asking? Have you given more thought to going back to school?
I think you and Jane are both right. Even if I never do anything with it, at least it will give me the illusion of a possible escape hatch, and maybe that will be enough.
That and an terribly tragic freak accident for all the phones in the house, and the office too.
Posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 17:10:43
In reply to Re: How about....., posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 17:10:07
Posted by beardedlady on March 8, 2003, at 17:24:57
In reply to Re: deadlines » beardedlady, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 17:06:19
I'm sending you some nice aromatherapeutic candles and bubbles for your bath. Soak. I'm also sending "The Frog King" and "Songbook," my two faves of the day. These are virtual sends, alas, as I have no money and no address for you.
Have a relaxing weekend. (We took three five-year-olds on an hour drive to the DC subway, then on the subway to the Smithsonian for lunch and the 3-D T-Rex movie at the Imax. Fun, but talk about not relaxing!)
beardy : )>
(Yes, I linked. I happen to like Amazon. I can read blurbs and hear samples of music, and then I can go buy books at my regular bookstore--instant gratification on all fronts!)
Posted by likelife on March 8, 2003, at 18:03:12
In reply to Re: How about....., posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 17:10:07
> That and an terribly tragic freak accident for all the phones in the house, and the office too.
LOL! Why should I be so accessible to other people? There are many days when I long for a regression to Stone Age communication technology (while, of course, keeping my trusty modem intact).
Posted by noa on March 8, 2003, at 21:11:15
In reply to Re: deadlines » beardedlady, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 17:06:19
and don't you love the term "drop-dead deadline"? Does it mean that regular deadlines aren't really so deadly? I guess the drop dead deadline is like the, ok, you've really overstayed your welcome on this one, if it ain't done now for good, the whole project is a goner. And drop dead must really refer to what happens to people after they've been working to meet a drop dead deadline. So if everyone just drops dead out of sheer exhaustion anyway, I guess the project is as done as it's ever gonna be, no? I mean, no one's left to work on it anymore.
Posted by Tabitha on March 8, 2003, at 21:13:12
In reply to Re: How about....., posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 17:10:07
toxic is the word... but I'm less stressed since I've devised my escape plan. The 'to do' list is short enough, just refinance house (I already got the paperwork), call up insurance company to confirm I can buy it under state law (you can buy your same insurance for 18 months after employment ends), and look at approximate budget.
the biggest hurdle was convincing myself I'll be able to get another job after time off. I talked to a couple people in my field who had encouraging experiences. then there's guilt over spending money now instead of saving for retirement, but I think I deserve a midlife sabbatical, right?
I want to pick a set amount of time where I don't even think about career issues, like 3-6 months. I believe the time off will help me get more clarity about what to do next.
Posted by Dinah on March 9, 2003, at 10:04:55
In reply to Re: deadlines » Dinah, posted by beardedlady on March 8, 2003, at 17:24:57
They were wonderfully relaxing.
Your trip sounds fabulous. How I envy you. (And my son really envies you the subway. He loves all things trains.)
Posted by Dinah on March 9, 2003, at 10:10:11
In reply to Re: How about..... » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on March 8, 2003, at 21:13:12
Oh! I am so happy for you!
Such a logical, well centered plan. Did your therapist help you craft it? If so, no matter what happens to that relationship, she did you a mighty service.
Don't feel at *all* guilty, Tabitha. It sounds as if you've lived a fiscally responsible life, and there is no use refusing to benefit from it till retirement if it means ruining your health in the meantime. And it has seemed from what you have said that you have the intelligence and skills to easily get another job when you're ready, in this field or another one. And in a job that doesn't wear down your soul.
Hugs and more hugs,
Dinah
(Who is darn glad to see someone make it out of the maze.)
Posted by Dinah on March 9, 2003, at 10:12:47
In reply to Re: How about....., posted by Dinah on March 9, 2003, at 10:10:11
Darn little boxy thing.
Darn little brain.
Posted by noa on March 9, 2003, at 10:38:24
In reply to Re: How about..... » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on March 8, 2003, at 21:13:12
Under COBRA, a federal law, you can continue to get insurance through your employer's group insurance plan for 18 mos. You just have to pay in the TOTAL premium.
Posted by noa on March 9, 2003, at 10:41:11
In reply to Re: How about..... » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on March 8, 2003, at 21:13:12
Tab, sounds like a good plan, but do plan some kind of regular activity to get you out of the house during those months (volunteering maybe?).
I WISH I had enough of a financial cushion to be off between jobs.
I'm hoping to keep my job next year, but with the layoffs looming, who knows? I am planning to propose some options to stay with the organization in some capacity. I am also clipping job ads in the meantime, but nothing spectacular is coming up, and I don't deal so well with change!
Posted by Tabitha on March 9, 2003, at 17:58:04
In reply to Re: How about....., posted by Dinah on March 9, 2003, at 10:10:11
well,I hate to accept congratulations before I've actually done it, but thanks. My therapist... I'm not sure she's 100% behind me on this one.
Noa, I knew about COBRA but not the details. I think the deal is I get the same discount group rate that my company pays. I have to assume if I just went out and tried to buy insurance, they'd say no due to pre-existing condition. I need to look into all that.
Posted by paxvox on March 9, 2003, at 18:42:05
In reply to Not that I'm going to do it, so I guess it's moot, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2003, at 9:05:17
Do you know where the term "deadline" originated from? I'll give 100 quizmo points to the winner!
One hint: distance
PAX
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