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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 98 to 122 of 166. Go back in thread:
Posted by bluedog on February 2, 2003, at 12:06:13
In reply to Re: Please don't misunderstand., posted by Dinah on February 2, 2003, at 11:04:45
>
> I'm trying to maintain my esteem for others, my caring for others, by asking you all straight out if you find sensitive people or sensitivity unacceptable or something to be mocked or belittled.
>Hello again Dinah
I am myself an EXTREMELY sensitive individual. There is absolutely no way that I would ever find sensitivity unacceptable and I doubt that others on this board would take that view either. I would be willing to bet quite a bit of money that the majority of the posters at PSB are actually very sensitive individuals no matter what bravado some posters may put up to the contrary.
I do however believe that both Oddipus and Iso had a misunderstanding and that they should have been left completely alone to work out there differences between themselves rather than everyone immediately jumping in to either take sides or play the role of peacemaker.
I believe that both Oddipus and Iso are both sensitive caring individuals and that through a misunderstanding they hurt eachother.....though there is no way I would class the wounds inflicted as mortal. They hurt eachother through absolutely no malicious feelings or intent to hurt on the others part.
However they are also both adult human beings and believe that had everyone just "butted out" they would have sorted out their differences all on their own and come to a greater and deeper understanding of eachother and probably even ended up coming away from the experience as great friends. I don't think it benefits disagreements on this board when everyone feels the immediate need to jump in with their own two cents worth.
I honestly believe that in these situations that Bob should develop or fine tune the civility rules to BAN everyone from taking part in a difference of opinion between individual posters until the individuals concerned have had the opportunity to discuss their differences with eachother individually without the waters being muddied by everyone else immediately jumping in to either take sides or to try and play peacemaker. Of course malicious personal attacks should not be tolerated but I strongly believe that Bob or someone acting in an official role as one of Bob's deputies should be the ONLY persons allowed to add to these discussions to ensure that the discussions remain within certain civility guidelines.....but some leeway and flexibilty should be allowed for the posters to vent their feelings.
Only if it becomes clearly apparent that the individuals will not be able to resolve their differences should Bob then step in and ban further posts on the particular topic for a set period of time (a cool off period if you like) say for a period of two weeks. He should not block the individuals unless one or the other persists in discussing the topic after Bob has imposed a "cool Off" period. I guarantee you that by the end of the cool off period that the posters would have been able to take a step back to put things into perspective and in most liklihood decide that their differences were really not that significant or earth shattering after all and may even decide to simply agree to disagree on a very amicable basis.
Just my opinion really but I again emphasise that I in no way find sensitivity unacceptable and actually find sensitivity a positive character trait rather than a character flaw in any individual.
warm regards
bluedog
Posted by Dinah on February 2, 2003, at 12:23:18
In reply to Re: Please don't misunderstand., posted by Dinah on February 2, 2003, at 11:04:45
That's the sort of dialogue that helps me understand everyone's position without feeling badly towards anyone. And I really really do believe that in the vast majority of cases that sort of dialogue can sort out misunderstandings that lead to anger and hurt feelings. That's why I asked outright rather than simmered.
Ritch, you're so right about our tendency being to ascribe behavior to character and not circumstances. That's why I prefer to ask for clarification when I'm tempted to do the former.
Sorry if I overreacted, guys. I tend to try too hard to be calm and reasonable, then blow it past a certain point.
And Nikki, I'm sorry. I misunderstood the point you were trying to make. It has to be frustrating for you to be in that position.
I'm feeling better now.
Posted by dreamerz on February 2, 2003, at 12:46:36
In reply to Re: Ethnic Jokes » dreamerz, posted by NikkiT2 on February 2, 2003, at 5:59:01
Hi Nikki
The majority of shops here are ..Turkish/Asian/Jamacian er I'm not sure of some: )
I guess I'm too sedated to care outside. I see muslim wemoen around the streets but they seem kind of sad ..that's how I see them maybe they're not.
I moved recently from an area predominantly asian --indian -pakistan--I loved that area ..
Anyway...best to keep out of way if there is a pocket of tension although you may feel you have every right to go about wherever..it's not fair I know... some will always use the racist card as an easy defense..it's crazy out there.
Take care..
Posted by NikkiT2 on February 2, 2003, at 13:03:09
In reply to Re: Thank you Ritch and Bluedog, posted by Dinah on February 2, 2003, at 12:23:18
Thanks Dinah...
I did feel a little misunderstood.. but decided saying it anymore wasn't going to help.
I, for certain, am very sensitive on certain issues... I think everyone has certain "triggers" what ever they say.
*gives you a sunday evening hug*
Nikki x
Posted by Ritch on February 2, 2003, at 15:20:19
In reply to Re: Thank you Ritch and Bluedog, posted by Dinah on February 2, 2003, at 12:23:18
Posted by Phil on February 2, 2003, at 15:55:22
In reply to Re: Don't fret IsoM » Phil, posted by Ritch on February 2, 2003, at 11:22:08
Yeah, I remember when someone had a loose tooth we'd say tie it to a door knob.
I had a molar pulled by a dentist; root canal gone bad, and I was on the verge of passing out from pain when he pulled the second half of the tooth out. They hit the oxygen and I came to.
Next time I have a painful procedure, if the dentist doesn't knock me out, I'll find a way. Pain sucks.
Posted by judy1 on February 2, 2003, at 16:18:25
In reply to Ethnic Jokes, posted by OddipusRex on February 1, 2003, at 12:13:13
thanks so much for the site, it really helped me with ways to handle ethnic jokes. I am guilty of not confronting even when something said makes me uncomfortable, I plan on practicing the response 4 method until I feel comfortable using it. take care, judy
Posted by Phil on February 2, 2003, at 16:21:18
In reply to You're welcome! See yuns, headin' to Walmart! (nm) » Dinah, posted by Ritch on February 2, 2003, at 15:20:19
When I was a young long haired holey blue jean wearing aspiring drug addict in South Texas, we defined rednecks as usually older people who would sneer at us, didn't understand us, sometimes despised us. That was our definition.
I knew lots of people with cars in their yard, etc. but many were very cool people and good friends. But I also knew business men who were rednecks.
None of it had to do with poverty especially or many of the other definitions.
Jeff Foxworthy started a comedy routine that changed the definition and I honestly think he's a very funny guy.
Growing up in Texas, I can promise you, if Jeff Foxworthy walked into a "redneck bar" they would be begging for more jokes and laughing their butts off.
People used to make fun of all the heartache and drinking songs of country music before it became a watered down rock with a country twang. Nashville sqeezes any artist they can into a slick polished soul less musician.
Some of the best people I worked with on my stepfathers 6000 acres of grain and cotton fields would 'look like rednecks'. My stepfather wore boots, blue jeans a farmer Stetson and western shirts. In the city, people may have seen him as a dumb redneck. Well, he just made it thru the 10th grade and then hadto go to work on his daddys farm.
He took out a loan for a hay bailer and never looked back, a banker told me. Old Herschel, walked with a limp that he never ever complained about and retired a millionaire. Not too bad for a redneck.
Posted by Tabitha on February 2, 2003, at 17:00:30
In reply to Re: Please don't misunderstand., posted by Dinah on February 2, 2003, at 11:04:45
I see the same thing, Dinah. It does seem like the person who is brave enough to voice their hurt or offense is often criticized for it (on this board and elsewhere). Bugs me too. To put it in perspective-- I think what usually happens is that nobody wants to be seen as hurtful, so their defense is to invalidate the feelings of the hurtee. Sad for all involved.
Posted by judy1 on February 2, 2003, at 17:05:15
In reply to Re: Being sensitive is not a sin, posted by Dinah on February 2, 2003, at 8:52:27
Well you know I couldn't agree more with that statement. Just wanted to make sure you and Oddipus were feeling less upset today? I hope so. take care, judy
Posted by Dinah on February 2, 2003, at 19:05:32
In reply to Re: Being sensitive is not a sin » Dinah, posted by judy1 on February 2, 2003, at 17:05:15
Posted by IsoM on February 2, 2003, at 20:20:32
In reply to Re: Don't fret IsoM, posted by Phil on February 2, 2003, at 7:27:50
Thanks, Phil. I'm honestly not the least bit upset by all this. I find it interesting that such a reaction has happened because of my original post - sure is an eye-opener on diff people's reactions. But I'm feeling quite untouched by it all. My interjections were only to explain that *I* thought they were jokes about etiquette. I didn't know real rednecks existed, being the naive Canadian that I am. So why should I feel guilty when my intentions were innocent?
(And if anyone else reads this & tries to post a response to my feeling of lack of guilt, I'm not planning on reading anything further in this ridiculous thread.)
Posted by shar on February 2, 2003, at 22:17:30
In reply to Re: The meaning has changed, posted by Phil on February 2, 2003, at 16:21:18
> I knew lots of people with cars in their yard, etc. but many were very cool people and good friends. But I also knew business men who were rednecks.
> None of it had to do with poverty especially or many of the other definitions.
> Jeff Foxworthy started a comedy routine that changed the definition and I honestly think he's a very funny guy.
> Growing up in Texas, I can promise you, if Jeff Foxworthy walked into a "redneck bar" they would be begging for more jokes and laughing their butts off.Man, I love that one thing that Foxworthy talks about--watching a working TV that's sitting on a nonworking console TV. hahahahaha. That is so true, and so funny! I grew up with that!
Shar
Posted by Phil on February 3, 2003, at 6:10:11
In reply to Re: The meaning has changed » Phil, posted by shar on February 2, 2003, at 22:17:30
Shar
There isn't much he says that doesn't crack me up. Guess you just gotta be one!
Phil
Posted by syringachalet on February 3, 2003, at 9:00:45
In reply to Re: The meaning has changed » shar, posted by Phil on February 3, 2003, at 6:10:11
Phil,
I think Jeff Foxworthy is a hoot!!
Hes kind of like a Forest Gump...everybody knows one and even though they may not always be the smartest people on the planet or 'politically correct'--more times not-- they are mostly good decent nice people who just dont take themselves too seriously.
P.S. I especially like his Olympics video.
syringachalet
Posted by OddipusRex on February 3, 2003, at 9:55:04
In reply to Re: The meaning has changed, posted by syringachalet on February 3, 2003, at 9:00:45
My objection to ethnic jokes is that they dehumanize groups of people. It is a subtle form of racism which often leads to outright discrimination. My objection has nothing to do with whether I like or dislike Rednecks. I suspect that they are as varied as any other group of people.
Jeff Foxworthy doesn't define rednecks. Or does he? He has made a lot of money promoting his caricature and seems to have had a lot of success. Is it a good thing to let a comedian change the definition of a term? Is it okay to stereotype a whole group of people if you show them as lovable buffoons?
If Amos and Andy had been allowed to define an entire ethnic group,would that be alright? They were funny. If it's funny is it okay?
Are rap songs about niggers and whores just a change of definition and a good thing?
Just asking. I don't think this thread is ridiculous at all. Though it certainly wasn't what I expected!
Posted by OddipusRex on February 3, 2003, at 10:03:21
In reply to Re: Ethnic Jokes » OddipusRex, posted by judy1 on February 2, 2003, at 16:18:25
Thanks Judy. I wish I had found it before I posted anything. Maybe I could have handled it better. Maybe I should have just gone to Admin and asked about ethnic jokes in general.
> thanks so much for the site, it really helped me with ways to handle ethnic jokes. I am guilty of not confronting even when something said makes me uncomfortable, I plan on practicing the response 4 method until I feel comfortable using it. take care, judy
Posted by syringachalet on February 3, 2003, at 10:07:10
In reply to Changing the meaning, posted by OddipusRex on February 3, 2003, at 9:55:04
OddipusRex,..I get a kick out of that name.. Othello would rollover in his grave...LMAO
If you are that easily offended by someone telling a harmless joke, I am truly sorry for you.
P.S. I AM offended when people use the "N"
word in my presence.That term used in the general population really does show racial bigotry and a lack of your ability to communicate without biasis.
I thought you were more intelligent than that.
I am very disappointed.syringachalet
Posted by OddipusRex on February 3, 2003, at 10:23:16
In reply to Re: I do feel better. Thanks for asking. (nm) » judy1, posted by Dinah on February 2, 2003, at 19:05:32
I hope your feeling okay. I appreciate your opinions. I think being sensitive is a mixed blessing. Being overwhelmed by my feelings can really get in the way sometimes. I am trying to cultivate a little detachment but it's not easy. And being sensitive is just part of who I am, it's not optional. If people were suggesting that I just try to be a little less stupid it would be easier to do than trying to just be a little less sensitive.Of course being so sensitive I'd probably get upset about being told to be less stupid ;-)
I think I'll try to keep my feelings out of things from now on. The problem with all those "I feel" statements is that if I say "I feel hurt when you say...." the person who was saying that may just know they've hit the target and come back with more!
And my case against ethnic humor isn't based on my personal feelings. It's based on respect for human dignity and the value of the individual.
You said once these things don't bother you as much any more and I think that's encouraging! It doesn't bother me as much as it did that first night either.
Thanks for the support.
Posted by OddipusRex on February 3, 2003, at 10:30:41
In reply to Changing the meaning, posted by OddipusRex on February 3, 2003, at 9:55:04
Post corrected to include quotation marks to emphacize that I was referring to the WORDS used in rap songs. Sorry I thought my meaning was apparent. My mistake. I object to those words to. That was my point actually :-) Sorry you were offended Syringachalet.
> My objection to ethnic jokes is that they dehumanize groups of people. It is a subtle form of racism which often leads to outright discrimination. My objection has nothing to do with whether I like or dislike Rednecks. I suspect that they are as varied as any other group of people.
>
> Jeff Foxworthy doesn't define rednecks. Or does he? He has made a lot of money promoting his caricature and seems to have had a lot of success. Is it a good thing to let a comedian change the definition of a term? Is it okay to stereotype a whole group of people if you show them as lovable buffoons?
>
> If Amos and Andy had been allowed to define an entire ethnic group,would that be alright? They were funny. If it's funny is it okay?
>
> Are rap songs about "niggers" and "whores" just a change of definition and a good thing?
>
> Just asking. I don't think this thread is ridiculous at all. Though it certainly wasn't what I expected!
>
>
Posted by coral on February 3, 2003, at 10:31:25
In reply to Being sensitive » Dinah, posted by OddipusRex on February 3, 2003, at 10:23:16
You said, "The problem with all those "I feel" statements is that if I say "I feel hurt when you say...." the person who was saying that may just know they've hit the target and come back with more!" What a very sad statement. I have one person in my world who would "come back with more" and I only have contact with this person due to family entanglements. Obviously, I never expose myself or admit feelings of hurt for exactly the reasons you gave. The other people in my world hear my statements and know that it's a sensitive area and proceed with gentle caution if something further needs to be said. (It took a lot of time for me to learn how to express myself so intimately, though... and trust of others.)
Posted by Dinah on February 3, 2003, at 10:35:04
In reply to Re: Changing the meaning, posted by syringachalet on February 3, 2003, at 10:07:10
> OddipusRex,..I get a kick out of that name.. Othello would rollover in his grave...LMAO
>
> If you are that easily offended by someone telling a harmless joke, I am truly sorry for you.
>
I assume that also applies to me. No need to feel sorry for me. And this is what I meant by what I said before. Unless I am misunderstanding you.>
> P.S. I AM offended when people use the "N"
> word in my presence.
>
> That term used in the general population really does show racial bigotry and a lack of your ability to communicate without biasis.
>
> I thought you were more intelligent than that.
> I am very disappointed.
>
> syringachaletI strongly suspect you misunderstood Rex's meaning.
Posted by Lou Pilder on February 3, 2003, at 10:39:38
In reply to Changing the meaning, posted by OddipusRex on February 3, 2003, at 9:55:04
Oddipus Rex,
You wrote,[...defining a whole group of people...]. Thank you for introducing this concept here. If I was to be allowed to make a rule page for these type of posts in question here, I would state that it is not OK to post anything that [...defines a whole group of people...] unless the post meets the following conditions, and then I would list the conditions, if any, that could qualify for an exemption.
Then there is the concept that [...if it is funny, to some,...does that excuse it?...]
Thanks for bringing into focus what I believe is the central issues here, since we are posting on a mental-health board and the potential for some to be dehumanized by these type of posts could be a factor in limiting. or prohibiting, their postings.
Thanks again,
Lou
Posted by OddipusRex on February 3, 2003, at 10:42:51
In reply to Re: Being sensitive, posted by coral on February 3, 2003, at 10:31:25
Yes it is sad. I was referring my "I feel" statements in this thread to this thread particularly. But I think in general people who would defend ethnic slurs probably don't care much about other people's feelings. So I was thinking it would be better to try to reason with people than ask them to care about my feelings.
And more effective.But it doesn't carry over into ALL my real life so it's not totally sad. I was mostly talking about dealing with the board where I really don't know who's out there. I'm glad you learned to trust. I know it's really hard for some people including me. Thanks for the sympathy.
> You said, "The problem with all those "I feel" statements is that if I say "I feel hurt when you say...." the person who was saying that may just know they've hit the target and come back with more!" What a very sad statement. I have one person in my world who would "come back with more" and I only have contact with this person due to family entanglements. Obviously, I never expose myself or admit feelings of hurt for exactly the reasons you gave. The other people in my world hear my statements and know that it's a sensitive area and proceed with gentle caution if something further needs to be said. (It took a lot of time for me to learn how to express myself so intimately, though... and trust of others.)
>
Posted by Dinah on February 3, 2003, at 10:46:07
In reply to Being sensitive » Dinah, posted by OddipusRex on February 3, 2003, at 10:23:16
> And my case against ethnic humor isn't based on my personal feelings. It's based on respect for human dignity and the value of the individual.
>
I understood that perfectly. It's how I feel myself. I do think that perfectly nice people have differences of opinions on redneck jokes, because they disagree on intent and definitions.> You said once these things don't bother you as much any more and I think that's encouraging! It doesn't bother me as much as it did that first night either.
>
> Thanks for the support.Apparently I have to retract that. It does bother me some. It reminds me just too much of junior high, where not only did people make fun of you, but then you were disparaged for being too sensitive at not enjoying being made fun of. Injury to injury. I think if one more person says in effect to lighten up and can't you take a joke, without at least a token effort at understanding my position, I'm going to scream loud and long.
And since that may be amusing to watch, perhaps I shouldn't have admitted that.
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