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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 12, 2003, at 20:40:06
[Posted by McPac on January 12, 2003, at 1:59:30]
> Knowing how terrible these problems are, why have kids and risk passing these terrible genetic disorders onto them?
Posted by mikhail99 on January 12, 2003, at 20:50:19
In reply to Why have kids and pass on a genetic prob? « McPac, posted by Dr. Bob on January 12, 2003, at 20:40:06
> [Posted by McPac on January 12, 2003, at 1:59:30]
>
> > Knowing how terrible these problems are, why have kids and risk passing these terrible genetic disorders onto them?
>
>
That's why I think my infertility was a mixed blessing, why pass depression and neurosis on an innocent kid??
Posted by Kam on January 12, 2003, at 20:58:11
In reply to Why have kids and pass on a genetic prob? « McPac, posted by Dr. Bob on January 12, 2003, at 20:40:06
> [Posted by McPac on January 12, 2003, at 1:59:30]
>
> > Knowing how terrible these problems are, why have kids and risk passing these terrible genetic disorders onto them?
>I must say I have panic disorder and have a son majoring in physics, and is a healthy happy young man. Panic is as hereditary as depression. Do I not worry about it? Yes but my son could "who knows" make a difference. His aim is to work at NASA someday. You cannot stop living a "normal" life due to your condition. After all, watch the news you'll see there is a lot more people out there worse off and very dangerous. I am not trying to lessen the fact that panic or depression are anything but fun or healthy but it doesn't necessarily mean your offspring will be riddin with it. Just a thought.!!
>
Kathie
Posted by Dinah on January 12, 2003, at 21:22:03
In reply to Re: Why have kids and pass on a genetic prob? « McPac, posted by Kam on January 12, 2003, at 20:58:11
I agree with Kathie.
Our traits are not completely negative. If they were, they'd have been weeded out long ago through evolution.
My son is supersensitive. That could lead him to have problems with depression and anxiety in later life. But it also makes him perceptive, appropriately cautious, empathetic, etc.
Might he have some pain in life? Yes, it's hard to say how much. I'm aware of the pitfalls and am doing my best to parent accordingly.
Might he make contributions to the world. Also yes.
Posted by wendy b. on January 12, 2003, at 21:47:28
In reply to Why have kids and pass on a genetic prob? « McPac, posted by Dr. Bob on January 12, 2003, at 20:40:06
McPac,
If your aim is to someday have children (or it was, and now you're not sure), take heart! However your children turn out -- depressed, congenital heart disease, juvenile diabetes -- they're yours, and you love them and you care for them. You do your best. End of story.
Wanting and having children isn't a "lifestyle choice," it's a matter of heart more than head (feeling vs. rationality). Do you want to have them - at a gut level? Do you love children? Did you always think you would be a parent, ever since childhood? Are you relatively financially able to manage raising a child? (Whoever said three can't eat as cheaply as two was a liar!)
You cannot prevent them from developing an illness they're genetically predisposed to getting, you can't eliminate pain or suffering, although you spend your life trying to... But broken bones, scraped knees, pain of first love lost, panic, anxiety, depression, are all -- somehow -- worth the ride.
My daughter's father has obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, and I have bipolar illness. So my girl has a pretty good chance of at least becoming depressed or OCD... But there will be better medicines, and I can try to keep the environment she lives in less of a breeding-ground for mental illness than my own childhood home's or my husband's.
Fear of "what-ifs" is no way to live.
Hope some of this makes sense...
best wishes,Wendy
> [Posted by McPac on January 12, 2003, at 1:59:30]
>
> > Knowing how terrible these problems are, why have kids and risk passing these terrible genetic disorders onto them?
>
>
Posted by oracle on January 13, 2003, at 1:00:39
> Because this "terrible genetic disorder" made me who I am, and I am wonderful. Kids do not learn and grow by taking away every obsticle in their lives.
o
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 13, 2003, at 7:02:13
In reply to Why have kids and pass on a genetic prob? « McPac, posted by Dr. Bob on January 12, 2003, at 20:40:06
This is something I'm weighing up at the moment.. my husband really wants kids int he next couple of years, and I do want them.. two years ago I was so broody I would have just had them.. but now, I worry about what kindof life I can give my kids, as well as what I mightpass on to them genetically.
But, children are such an amazing blessing I think I will be having them.. maybe thats what my life needs.
Nikki x
Posted by Bill L on January 13, 2003, at 10:18:28
In reply to Re: Why have kids and pass on a genetic prob? « McPac, posted by NikkiT2 on January 13, 2003, at 7:02:13
This is a very interesting thread. My mother had severe depression and OCD and killed herself. That was 35 years a go. The antidepressants back then were not very good. I feel very confident that today's drugs could have made a big positive difference in her life. My father did not have depression. They had 4 kids and I think that I'm the only one of the 4 who has depression. Both of my teen aged children have anxiety and depression to a small degree. They are both on a low dose of antidepressants and both are very happy and healthy with no real apparent side effects.
I have thought lately that maybe I should not have had kids. But it's not a clear cut thing. Also, one's spouse might very badly want to have kids. So if you either don't want kids or you want to adopt instead of having your own, it's important to discuss it with your boy friend or girl friend before getting engaged.
But since my kids are reasonably happy and doing pretty well, I don't regret having them.
Posted by justyourlaugh on January 14, 2003, at 8:21:08
In reply to Re: Why have kids and pass on a genetic prob? « McPac, posted by Bill L on January 13, 2003, at 10:18:28
hi,
wanted to put in my 2cents worth.
thought mental illness was progressive?
one may not know about disorders until the kids are already born.(or dxed with something genetic)
i am in my 30's and have 5 kids.
are we not all born with a genetic flaw?
nearsighted?
really large pumkin head?-lol
my quailty of life is just as valid and important as everyone elses.
my kids are what life is all about.
they have to learn and conquer life as do we all.
jyl
Posted by Kar on January 14, 2003, at 10:24:46
In reply to Re: Why have kids and pass on a genetic prob? « McPac, posted by justyourlaugh on January 14, 2003, at 8:21:08
JYL,
That was beautiful put and sums it up perfectly. I'm also glad to read it because we're thinking about having our first (I'm bipolar). Mind if I ask you some other questions...maybe on a new thread?Thanks for the encouragement! (and that pumpkinhead thing was pretty darn cute- it's not attributed to Lamictal exposure, is it? :D )
Karen
Posted by wendy b. on January 14, 2003, at 16:50:11
In reply to Why have kids and pass on a genetic prob? « McPac, posted by Dr. Bob on January 12, 2003, at 20:40:06
Everything old is new again...
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010825/msgs/10449.html
W.
Posted by Noa on January 14, 2003, at 19:30:08
In reply to Why have kids and pass on a genetic prob? « McPac, posted by Dr. Bob on January 12, 2003, at 20:40:06
This is something I think about too.
I recently read last year's Newsweek or Time article about bipolar kids. There was something interesting about a theory that in some forms of bipolar disorder, the genetic factor intensifies in subsequent generations. It is a theory apparently borrowed from another disease (sorry I wish I could remember the specifics).
But it is just research in its infancy (no pun intended) and if it is borne out(again, no pun intended), I imagine it is possible that this can apply to certain types of heritable bipolar and not others.
I think it is also important to factor in that if parents know of the possibility of their kids having a mental health problem, then they can monitor that and intervene early if signs show up. A co-worker was telling me that this is the case for her child, since there is a strong bipolar family link, herself included. She has her child observed from time to time by a professional just to keep an eye on things.
To use my case as an example--I am sure I have an inherited predisposition to depression. There is depression and/or obsessive/compulsive disorder on both sides of my family. But what made the course of my illness much worse, I am sure, is that no one ever picked up on my depression in childhood, and although they may have sensed it in my adolescence, nothing was done to help me. In fact, some attempts to help me were very unhelpful, because what they thought was helpful was basically adding to the stress and desire to withdraw. They say that there is a "kindling" effect-that untreated depression breeds more and worsening depression. How serious would my depressive disorder have become if I had gotten good mental health care (any mental health care) when I was very young, or if my parents had gotten guidance about helping me appropriately? Of course, it is impossible to say, but I like to believe that early intervention can help change the course of the illness.
Maybe someone here knows the article I mentioned, btw. I'll also try to find the reference info.
Posted by Kar on January 14, 2003, at 19:37:56
In reply to Re: old thread on the same topic -- McPac, posted by wendy b. on January 14, 2003, at 16:50:11
Wendy- thanks for the link and for you post from way back then...gives me hope...
Karen
Posted by wendy b. on January 14, 2003, at 21:19:51
In reply to Old and new... » wendy b., posted by Kar on January 14, 2003, at 19:37:56
> Wendy- thanks for the link and for you post from way back then...gives me hope...
> Karen
Dear Karen,I didn't know you were going through the same thing, too. It's quite a decision to have a child or not, under "normal" circumstances, but add in the worries about our illnesses, and a big decision becomes even bigger...
I am a gut-level kind of person -- if you want a child, you should just go ahead, assuming most of the other necessities are in place. Of course the list of "necessities" is different for every woman, and some keep making the list longer, the closer they come to attaining those necessities!
In the end, bringing up my daughter has been the most rewarding thing I could have ever done with my life. "The phone call that never hangs up," as a friend used to say. It's very fulfilling to put someone else's needs before your own, knowing the more you put in, the more they give back. The bonds of love are precious, indeed...
Best of luck in your decision-making,
Wendy
Posted by Kar on January 15, 2003, at 0:31:27
In reply to Re: Old and new... » Kar, posted by wendy b. on January 14, 2003, at 21:19:51
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 15, 2003, at 2:58:21
In reply to Why have kids and pass on a genetic prob? « McPac, posted by Dr. Bob on January 12, 2003, at 20:40:06
[Posted by Dysfunk on January 14, 2003, at 9:49:27]
> Depression is one of the reasons I am not having children. I would hate to pass this on to anyone.
Posted by bookgurl99 on January 15, 2003, at 10:28:28
In reply to Why have kids and pass on a genetic prob? « McPac, posted by Dr. Bob on January 12, 2003, at 20:40:06
People who have acknowledged mental illnesses are better prepared for parenthood.
The truth is, most people are marked with some aspect of mental illness.
Those of us who have gotten help for them, by taking medications or spending time in therapy, are better able to take care of a child. Because we are more aware of our needs and how to meet them healthily, we don't need to make our illnesses an unecessary burden on our children.
In addition, if our kids do develop signs of problems at an early age, we are more likely to see what's going on and get them the help that they need.
Looking back, I can see that the older generation in my family had the same problems as my generation. But in the older generation, these problems were swept under the rug. People who could have had near-normal lives were trapped under the veil of depression and anxiety. Not surprisingly, they weren't great parents.
Facing your 'junk' makes life better for you and the whole family.
Posted by syringachalet on January 15, 2003, at 11:37:17
In reply to Why have kids and pass on a genetic prob? « McPac, posted by Dr. Bob on January 12, 2003, at 20:40:06
WARNING: THIS MAY TRIGGER*****
I and my husband decided a long time ago,even before we were married, that we would not have children of our own.At the time, I was diagnosised with paranoid Schizophrenia with severe depressive features and was on thorazine and Elavil.(1975)
Both of our families had medical issues that would not be kind to pass on and our in laws were incredibly supportive.My Mother was sadistic and manic-depressive. I almost died because of her twice; once from rhematic fever and once being beaten and sodomized from one of our"customers"...
My Dad was paranoid schizophrenic with delusions of persecution. He was my first sexual contact at age 5. He promptly killed himself with a gun in his mouth in front of me. My Mother never forgave me for his death.
Call it genetics..call it environment. Anyone who survives through one or both will somehow be impacted by it all..and if you dont think it will effect the children you plan to have...look at you and think about what kind of grandparents your parents will make for your kids???
Just my thoughts...
This is the end of the thread.
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