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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by beardedLADY on January 7, 2003, at 19:15:24
Well, folks, I'm done. It's over. I've been forked, as they say in the culinary world.
I liked being able to post once in awhile, say something controversial or not, support someone who was having a rough time, get support when I was in hell.
I liked people's quirkiness, their language, their sweetness, their honesty.
But I had slowed down on posts because every time I said something that could be interpreted several ways (and many things can be interpreted several ways--I mean, was I being sincere when I said verbs are better than nouns?), someone would post that I was being cruel or send me a private e-mail admonishing me for it.
So just when I thought it was safe to go in the water, I went and did it again--said something that was taken completely wrong.
And I just wonder why others would think I'm one of those posters who is intentionally cruel.
Other people have been through it and know what I'm talking about. Being misunderstood is pretty common when you're posting. I wonder if there's a person on this board who hasn't had it happen or who has had it happen and has actually meant to be cruel.
This whole thing is just very distressing to me. This is SO not who I am. No one I know in real life would call me insensitive or mean or nasty or cruel. In fact, most people think I'm funny and caring and helpful.
So I can't be here anymore. There is too great a discrepency with my persona here (to some people) and my real-life personality. And I'm not much of a risk taker, so I can't risk the damage to my self-esteem. I already feel like crap because two people on this board were hurt by something I didn't even think would hurt. I just don't think that way.
So thanks for all you've done. I'm erasing all my stuff and not looking back here again. I hope everyone has a healthful and happy year, that all your meds work, that all the people in your lives are lovely, that no one hits rock bottom, and that those who are there find relief soon.
And I mean that from the bottom of my very small heart. (Small is healthy, and my heart is very healthy.)
beardy
Posted by dreamerz on January 7, 2003, at 19:37:50
In reply to Checkin' Out, posted by beardedLADY on January 7, 2003, at 19:15:24
Beardy (forgive my grammer : )I'm finding it difficult to read all the posts..we don't really post to eachother..but I find you kind , helpful , informative.
Maybe take a break but you will leave a big gap here if you leave.
Posted by Dinah on January 7, 2003, at 20:03:46
In reply to Checkin' Out, posted by beardedLADY on January 7, 2003, at 19:15:24
Bearded Lady
You *know* I have been in the same situation. The only reason I came back was because I respect Dr. Bob so much. But I'm glad I came back because I have met many new friends here.
Block the oh so helpful private emails. The people who I maintain email contact with are invariably supportive, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
On board, misunderstandings are bound to occur from time to time. And I know (and you know I know) how painful it is to be accused of something I didn't intend. I've fallen to pieces before over it, and am like to fall to pieces again.
I didn't see anything malicious in your post, and I thought of getting involved and would have if I had been feeling a bit better.
Sigh. If you think this is bad, you should see some of the hobby clubs I belong to. :) Whenever people get together there are misunderstandings.
What do you do to relax and center yourself? Is there anything I can do to help? Feel free to email me if there is. My email is in the FAQ's.
I hope you don't choose to leave, the board isn't the same without you.
Dinah
Posted by Phil on January 7, 2003, at 21:01:49
In reply to Re: Checkin' Out - Please don't » beardedLADY, posted by Dinah on January 7, 2003, at 20:03:46
Posted by Dinah on January 7, 2003, at 21:08:47
In reply to Re: Is Mercury in retrograde? (nm), posted by Phil on January 7, 2003, at 21:01:49
????
Posted by Alii on January 7, 2003, at 21:25:26
In reply to Re: Is Mercury in retrograde? » Phil, posted by Dinah on January 7, 2003, at 21:08:47
> ????
I think Phil is referring to astrological conditions when the planet Mercury is considered retrograde. Definition below since I'm not even sure how to use it correctly.
Retrograde--
adj.1 a (1) of a celestial body : having a direction contrary to that of the general motion of similar bodies (2) : having or being a direction of rotation or revolution that is clockwise as viewed from the north pole of the sky or a planet
b : moving, occurring, or performed in a backward direction or opposite to the usual direction <a retrograde step> <retrograde peristalsis>
c : contrary to the normal order : INVERSE
2 : tending toward or resulting in a worse or previous state
3 archaic : CONTRADICTORY, OPPOSED
But what I think Phil is referring to is when Mercury is in retrograde communication becomes difficult usually and lots of things 'blow up' so to speak. It is a saying and part of the culture around where I live. So when I hear someone ask "is Mercury in retrograde or what?!!" I just think that there must be a lot of unresolved things out there and lots of difficult communications happening or *not* happening.
Hope that made some sort of sense.
~Alii
Posted by Dinah on January 7, 2003, at 21:31:03
In reply to Re: Is Mercury in retrograde? » Dinah, posted by Alii on January 7, 2003, at 21:25:26
I'm lousy at colloquialisms at the best of times, and I don't even think that's a colloquialism of my area. :)
Posted by Alii on January 7, 2003, at 22:00:05
In reply to Re: Thanks » Alii, posted by Dinah on January 7, 2003, at 21:31:03
> I'm lousy at colloquialisms at the best of times, and I don't even think that's a colloquialism of my area. :)
Dinah,
If you really want to know what Phil or any astrologer means when they speak of a planet in retrograde I guess the ol' Google is the way to go.
Or even go to your library? (shock! gasp!) It sounds funny for some people using the Internet to think of going to the library to look something up but hey.......that's what our libraries are there for.
So I hope I haven't given you an incorrect or off base usage of this colloquialism. = )
~A.
Posted by gabbix2 on January 7, 2003, at 22:32:23
In reply to Checkin' Out, posted by beardedLADY on January 7, 2003, at 19:15:24
Well beardedlady I would miss you. And I'm not being gooey.
At first I did think you were unnecessarily sharp(yes I did, I mean at the very very beginning.
Then I started to like the way you were always YOU, and sometimes it seemed like you threw your personality down like the 'glove' people could take or leave. I admire that.
Maybe I'm way off but let me admire it okay?I'd miss you if you left.
And also... haven't you threatened to stop posting as often as I have?Do you just need attention?
We're you an only child?(I'm kidding of course)
Posted by Tabitha on January 8, 2003, at 0:56:45
In reply to Checkin' Out, posted by beardedLADY on January 7, 2003, at 19:15:24
Aw, heck, Ms. Bearded Lady. I do hope you'll reconsider, or just take a break then return. I was glad to see you posting more lately and I'd sure miss your presence around here. We need the balance of the delicate and the forthright personalities around here, and you're one of the forthright-iest. You're sort of a high self esteem model for me.
I know it's distressing when anyone takes offense at your words, but you know you can't please everyone with every post, right?
Posted by Rach on January 8, 2003, at 3:25:37
In reply to Re: Checkin' Out » beardedLADY, posted by Tabitha on January 8, 2003, at 0:56:45
It's been said before, but I'm going to say it anyway.
One of the most important things to keep in mind when posting on this board is that people will be human. Not only will they be human, but they will be human and suffering from depression, and therefore more likely to have a negative, cynical view of the world.
A message on a board is completely open to interpretation. Even with the most bland, or sincere, or clinical words, a message is liable to be interpreted in any number of ways. Often, it is our own frame of mind when reading a post that 'transfers' tonal meaning into the message. If I am down, I am more likely to read a message in a negative light. If I am happy, I am more likely to see jokes and light heartedness.
We gain about 80% of a person's meaning by their body language (including tone of voice). Therefore, on a forum such as this, all we have to go on is the 20% in relation to the words the person has chosen. It is almost impossible to decipher a person's tone of voice in a written message without the use of extras, like smilies :), or unless we know that person very very well. Even then, we can get things wrong.
I'm positive that beardy never intended to be hurtful. Her choice of words was unfortunate, perhaps flippant. People reacted according to their interpretation of beardy's message. Which is natural and okay. This has been nobody's fault, just an unfortunate side effect of not being face to face with people.
Don't go because of a misunderstanding, beardy. I hope the people you offended will understand that you never intended to hurt anyone, will hear your apology, and perhaps this whole incident can be accepted as a misunderstanding and filed away in the 'over and done' box. I don't think anyone thinks you are intentionally cruel, in fact, I have seen you in moments of pure kindness, and I'll miss your face 'round here.
Posted by Alii on January 8, 2003, at 4:21:11
In reply to Re: Checkin' Out, posted by Rach on January 8, 2003, at 3:25:37
>>It's been said before, but I'm going to say it anyway.
>>One of the most important things to keep in mind when posting on this board is that people will be human. Not only will they be human, but they will be human and suffering from depression, and therefore more likely to have a negative, cynical view of the world.
>>A message on a board is completely open to interpretation. Even with the most bland, or sincere, or clinical words, a message is liable to be interpreted in any number of ways. Often, it is our own frame of mind when reading a post that 'transfers' tonal meaning into the message. If I am down, I am more likely to read a message in a negative light. If I am happy, I am more likely to see jokes and light heartedness.>>We gain about 80% of a person's meaning by their body language (including tone of voice). Therefore, on a forum such as this, all we have to go on is the 20% in relation to the words the person has chosen. It is almost impossible to decipher a person's tone of voice in a written message without the use of extras, like smilies :), or unless we know that person very very well. Even then, we can get things wrong.
>> I'm positive that beardy never intended to be hurtful. Her choice of words was unfortunate, perhaps flippant. People reacted according to their interpretation of beardy's message. Which is natural and okay. This has been nobody's fault, just an unfortunate side effect of not being face to face with people.
>> Don't go because of a misunderstanding, beardy. I hope the people you offended will understand that you never intended to hurt anyone, will hear your apology, and perhaps this whole incident can be accepted as a misunderstanding and filed away in the 'over and done' box. I don't think anyone thinks you are intentionally cruel, in fact, I have seen you in moments of pure kindness, and I'll miss your face 'round here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Rach,
You write a nice post and present some valid points about distortions of depression and how this type of communication not being a face to face one (80% of meaning is body language including vocal intonation and 20% on word choice)is difficult. But after all that you've written you say that you are positive that beardy never intended to be hurtful.
What do you base this absolute positive on? I'm not trying to be argumentative but after saying everything is open to interpretation I just wonder how it is that you know beardy's intentions.
I will miss beardy if she chooses to leave this board as there will be a wide gap missing because of the lack of her very opinionated voice (which has often been enlightening and often otherwise------just like most posts on these boards including my own.)
As with anyone making bold "I'm outta here statements" I would suggest printing them out and taking them to the pdoc or therapist. I know I've done that in the past as have many other posters when they've been at a 'screw it all and leave' place. So just a possibility for therapeutic work as to how or why this format isn't working or reasons for leaving.
Just late night ramblings back at your post Rach. Nothing personal, no jabs at anyone. Just honest late night pondering about this form of communication and how often it leads to miscommunication.
~Alii
Posted by Phil on January 8, 2003, at 7:18:53
In reply to Re: Checkin' Out, posted by Rach on January 8, 2003, at 3:25:37
I can't go through that again. I know you feel that you need to leave Beardy Lady but, you know, think about us. : )
Who is going to tell me my colon is misplaced?
Who's going to tell me what the heck~is?
Because someone misinterprets your posts? You are a writer and if I misinterpret your posts, I'll look at me before you. Ahhem
Dr. Bob misinterprets my posts and sends me to the sandbox.
Besides, I'm not here to help people!!! What, are you being silly?
All you need to not be misunderstood are short sentences..."I want to die." I say. You answer, "No, you don't, you just misspelled try. I want to try."
"I hate meds." You say, "Well, who doesn't? Did I go to the Bufferin parties in high school? NO!!"
"I can't work today." You support me. "From what Shar says, you have a reputation for not being able to get anything done."
It's easy BL, don't leave. If you had 30 babblers in a classroom, you can only imagine the disciple problems. I mean, EVERY 5 MINUTES you would hear the sound of popping the lids off of our pill bottles. Pot in class? Hey, you bet. Teacher fires it up and it's passed around.
Try to look at it this way. If I, for instance, have ever been supportive of a poster, it was a mistake.
Finally BL, with noa, harry, and others reappearing, it's the good old days. I remember talking tethers with harry b. and Lithium with noa. When noa said Adderall was good, I went to my doc and asked her to switch me over to it. When she hesitated, I said noa told me to. She thought I was having a psychotic break about the ark..she gave me the script.
Going to work..I try to be funny when I'm in pain so let me try this, We like you here. It's that simple.
Sincereeely((*
Fil
Posted by Tabitha on January 8, 2003, at 13:17:25
In reply to Re: Checkin' Out » Rach, posted by Alii on January 8, 2003, at 4:21:11
Alii, you say you don't mean to make any jabs, yet when I read your post I see some jabs. It sounds like you're subtly suggesting that beardy did intend to be hurtful. Since she has already apologized and told us she did not intend to be hurtful, that comes off like a little jab to me. THere's also the statement about how some of her posts are enlightening, and some are -----. Although you include everyone else and yourself in this description, it still comes off like a jab to me.
Sorry to pick apart your words like this, but I get a little frustrated with you at times. Most of the time I really enjoy your posts, but then at other times they seem to have some subtle insults that just make me leery of you.
Posted by Greg on January 8, 2003, at 17:34:05
In reply to Re: Checkin' Out » Alii, posted by Tabitha on January 8, 2003, at 13:17:25
Beardy,
There are other reasons why I don't post much, but the biggest one is because some time ago I posted something that was intended to be light-hearted and in jest. A few people didn't take it that way and blasted me big time. I've been gun shy and felt like I haven't fit in ever since.
You are an important part of this community. I won't speak for anyone else, but one of the things I find so appealing about your posts is their honesty and straight forwardness. You wouldn't be you any other way. You can't please all the people all the time, and you shouldn't have to try. If you did not intentionally try to hurt someone, then you shouldn't punish yourself for their perception of your words.
It's too late for me to go back. Don't make the same mistake I did. Think it over.
Greg
Posted by Dinah on January 8, 2003, at 18:07:44
In reply to Re: Checkin' Out, posted by Greg on January 8, 2003, at 17:34:05
If I can come back after the enormously embarassing scenes that accompanied several of my departures, anyone can.
Dinah yet again. :)
Posted by Noa on January 8, 2003, at 18:14:43
In reply to Re: Who said it's too late? » Greg, posted by Dinah on January 8, 2003, at 18:07:44
Greg, I agree with Dinah. It is never too late to come back.
Beardy, I don't see you as someone who is cruel or anything like that! And from my point of view you have nothing to be embarrassed about, although I understand being hurt by the misunderstandings that developed in that thread.
All I see happening is that people misunderstood each others' intentions, and Dinah just tried to do her "job" to keep the language in the range of what is considered "civil" here, but I don't see anyone in that thread as having any reason to be ashamed.
I hope you stay here at PB, or come back real soon.
Posted by OddipusRex on January 8, 2003, at 19:21:21
In reply to Re: Checkin' Out, posted by Greg on January 8, 2003, at 17:34:05
Posted by Rach on January 9, 2003, at 0:20:56
In reply to Re: Checkin' Out » Rach, posted by Alii on January 8, 2003, at 4:21:11
...after all that you've written you say that you are positive that beardy never intended to be hurtful.
>
> What do you base this absolute positive on? I'm not trying to be argumentative but after saying everything is open to interpretation I just wonder how it is that you know beardy's intentions.
>You've made me laugh, Alii, because you're right. You are completely right. I am laughing my arse off at myself right now. :) I guess all I can say is that I understood beardy's intentions in hindsight, after she admitted it wasn't meant to be hurtful. And perhaps because of my rose glasses that make me believe other people won't, without good reason (in their mind), be deliberately spiteful.
> Just late night ramblings back at your post Rach. Nothing personal, no jabs at anyone. Just honest late night pondering about this form of communication and how often it leads to miscommunication.
No offence taken, or jabs felt. Thanks for making me laugh at myself. Have been taking myself way too seriously of recent.
Take care of yourself
Rachael
Posted by Alii on January 10, 2003, at 0:15:07
In reply to Re: Checkin' Out » Alii, posted by Rach on January 9, 2003, at 0:20:56
> ...after all that you've written you say that you are positive that beardy never intended to be hurtful.
> >
> > What do you base this absolute positive on? I'm not trying to be argumentative but after saying everything is open to interpretation I just wonder how it is that you know beardy's intentions.
> >
>
> You've made me laugh, Alii, because you're right. You are completely right. I am laughing my arse off at myself right now. :) I guess all I can say is that I understood beardy's intentions in hindsight, after she admitted it wasn't meant to be hurtful. And perhaps because of my rose glasses that make me believe other people won't, without good reason (in their mind), be deliberately spiteful.
>
> > Just late night ramblings back at your post Rach. Nothing personal, no jabs at anyone. Just honest late night pondering about this form of communication and how often it leads to miscommunication.
>
> No offence taken, or jabs felt. Thanks for making me laugh at myself. Have been taking myself way too seriously of recent.
>
> Take care of yourself
> RachaelRachael,
What a kind and surprising reply after all that has been written lately. I found it very nice to come home tonight to see that you were laughing at what was posted.
Your post made me smile too. As far as taking yourself too seriously lately the laughter is a good start at sillying yourself up a little.
I would like to think of people in this world through rose coloured glasses but perhaps I am a bit wary after the lessons life has extended my way. I do try ever so hard to believe that there is good in everyone even though I know that some fairly toxic people exist out there (I'm referring to personal folks I've had the misfortune or lesson opportunity to come across in my life over the many years).
In the years I've lurked these boards I've seen very few incidents of outright spitefulness or cruelty. It does happen and will continue to happen but keeping open the lines of communication, even one as strange as this cyber one, are our only hope to find some middle groud when these spears come flying.
Thank you for your though provoking reply.
~Alii
Posted by Phil on January 10, 2003, at 8:01:14
In reply to Re: Is Mercury in retrograde? » Dinah, posted by Alii on January 7, 2003, at 21:25:26
This is the end of the thread.
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