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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tabitha on December 20, 2002, at 4:55:45
but my need to vent is apparently endless today.
i'm just full of rage and resentment over stuff that's happened at work lately. i'm having constant fantasies of telling off my boss, and her boss, and a few other people. and walking out in the middle of the day, never to return to that job. it's been like the chinese water torture, drip drip drip, . my workload has increased, and the amount of control & authority i have has decreased. recipe for burnout. the latest thing is, i was hoping my team would grow, one because i'm overworked, and two i was looking forward to building a team, but instead of hiring they want to use temps in a job-shop in a 3rd world country, and i'm supposed to manage them over the phone. the 3rd world temps cost 1/3 the typical salary of a U.S. worker (and that's total cost to us, so i'm sure they actually work for a fraction of that.) yet they tell me it's not cost that's driving it, it's only so they won't have to hire and fire (they've already laid off 2/3 of the company and moved into an ultra-crappy building to cut costs). well, hello!, there are a b'jillion laid off workers locally in my field right now who i'm sure would be willing to work on a contract basis, so that's obviously a pure lie. do they have to f-ing lie to me, and themselves? can't anyone say, yes, we know this is horrible, but we're desperate. i can't imagine anything i'd less like to do than manage these hi-tech sweatshop employees over the phone all day long.
there are so many more gripes. they've been coming so fast lately, it's comical. i must be distorting. surely i'm distorting? is it a mood thing, or holiday stress, or is it really this bad? i have 2 weeks off after tomorrow, thank god. i didn't even make plans for christmas, as all i can imagine is getting some much-needed down time. did i already post this? i can't remember.
but after the break, it will still be there.
here they go, the what-ifs. what-if it's not just this company, it's my whole profession, so there aren't any options? what if i do get pissed and quit and spiral into a long period of depression and unemployment where i can't afford meds and therapy. what if i watch my money run low, then end up in a worse job than this one? what if my profession is just obsolete, and in 10 years it will all be done by hi-tech sweatshops, just like the migration of manufacturing jobs that devastated those a notch lower on the educational ladder? what if i fill up dr bob's server with my ranting and it still isn't better? what if i have an attack of remorse on christmas for not making plans? what if that pain in my tooth is serious? what if i get cancer and die alone because i don't have a social life because i'm such a stress case no-life burnout? what if it never gets better? what if it gets worse? i already can't take it and it still keeps getting worse. it could get worse. what if my arms fall off from the typing injury that i only exacerbate with this dang laptop keyboard? and finally... what if all the babblers reject me because i post too much lately?
now it's time for some screaming... AAAAAAHHHHRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!! EEEEEYYYOOOOWWWWWZZAAANOOOOOONOOOONOOO!!!! WWWAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
and moaning....
woooooooooeeeeee mooooooaaaannnnn whimper whimper whimpernow it's time to take a pill.
Posted by Dinah on December 20, 2002, at 5:23:40
In reply to embarrassed to start yet another thread, posted by Tabitha on December 20, 2002, at 4:55:45
Oh dear. It sounds like a dreadful situation. I can understand the stress you're under from something like that.
I hope the screaming helped.
I can relieve you of one fear at least. We babblers aren't going to reject your oh so charming self.
After reading about your situation at present, I really don't think you should feel guilty about therapy. That amount of stress needs to be addressed. And unless/until you can find another way of addressing it, you need to take care of yourself in whatever way you can.
I hope you enjoy your weeks off. I know you'll be coming back to the same situation, but at least you'll be coming back refreshed.
Hugs,
Dinah
Posted by Mikhail99 on December 20, 2002, at 9:02:08
In reply to embarrassed to start yet another thread, posted by Tabitha on December 20, 2002, at 4:55:45
Hey Tabitha, dont' be embarrassed! I read an interesting quote on one of these boards the other day, "depression and anxiety make the mind a hellish place to be..." I thought, PERFECT!! And the "what ifs?" are a bitch, aren't they? They take control and develop a life of their own!
I'm glad you're getting a two week break...it will give you a chance to rest (if you can get those danged what ifs under control. :-) )Hang in there and vent when you need to!!
Posted by mair on December 20, 2002, at 9:43:04
In reply to Re: embarrassed to start yet another thread, posted by Mikhail99 on December 20, 2002, at 9:02:08
Tabitha, you definitely sound like someone who needs a break. Time and distance are wonderful healers. Those issues may still be there when you get back but you may find yourself less reactive. I periodically rage against my job - first for the things I don't like, and then, inevitably, against myself for staying in a job situation that is so detrimental to my mental health. It helps me sometimes remember why the job works for me, so I don't have to kick myself as hard for staying.
Mair
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on December 20, 2002, at 12:55:47
In reply to embarrassed to start yet another thread, posted by Tabitha on December 20, 2002, at 4:55:45
> i'm just full of rage and resentment over stuff that's happened at work lately. i'm having constant fantasies of telling off my boss, and her boss, and a few other people. and walking out in the middle of the day, never to return to that job.
---------------------------Watch the first 20 minutes of "Joe Vs the Volcano" and sympathize. For that matter, watch the whole movie. It's a wonderful fable for everyone who feel beaten down, full of worry, and lifeless. It always makes me feel better.
Posted by Peter S. on December 20, 2002, at 13:02:46
In reply to embarrassed to start yet another thread, posted by Tabitha on December 20, 2002, at 4:55:45
Hey Tabitha,
You'd probably have to type day and night to fill up Dr. Bob's server so don't worry about that. I enjoyed your scream- very creative- much better than just a simple AAAGH!
But seriously it sounds like a really lousy situation. Taking 2 weeks off sounds like a godsend right now. Decompressing and relaxing seems like the best thing to focus on right now and not thinking about work at all.
I wish I could work so I could take 2 weeks off of work myself..
Take care of yourself- that's the key!
Best,
Peter
> but my need to vent is apparently endless today.
>
> i'm just full of rage and resentment over stuff that's happened at work lately. i'm having constant fantasies of telling off my boss, and her boss, and a few other people. and walking out in the middle of the day, never to return to that job. it's been like the chinese water torture, drip drip drip, . my workload has increased, and the amount of control & authority i have has decreased. recipe for burnout. the latest thing is, i was hoping my team would grow, one because i'm overworked, and two i was looking forward to building a team, but instead of hiring they want to use temps in a job-shop in a 3rd world country, and i'm supposed to manage them over the phone. the 3rd world temps cost 1/3 the typical salary of a U.S. worker (and that's total cost to us, so i'm sure they actually work for a fraction of that.) yet they tell me it's not cost that's driving it, it's only so they won't have to hire and fire (they've already laid off 2/3 of the company and moved into an ultra-crappy building to cut costs). well, hello!, there are a b'jillion laid off workers locally in my field right now who i'm sure would be willing to work on a contract basis, so that's obviously a pure lie. do they have to f-ing lie to me, and themselves? can't anyone say, yes, we know this is horrible, but we're desperate. i can't imagine anything i'd less like to do than manage these hi-tech sweatshop employees over the phone all day long.
>
> there are so many more gripes. they've been coming so fast lately, it's comical. i must be distorting. surely i'm distorting? is it a mood thing, or holiday stress, or is it really this bad? i have 2 weeks off after tomorrow, thank god. i didn't even make plans for christmas, as all i can imagine is getting some much-needed down time. did i already post this? i can't remember.
>
> but after the break, it will still be there.
>
> here they go, the what-ifs. what-if it's not just this company, it's my whole profession, so there aren't any options? what if i do get pissed and quit and spiral into a long period of depression and unemployment where i can't afford meds and therapy. what if i watch my money run low, then end up in a worse job than this one? what if my profession is just obsolete, and in 10 years it will all be done by hi-tech sweatshops, just like the migration of manufacturing jobs that devastated those a notch lower on the educational ladder? what if i fill up dr bob's server with my ranting and it still isn't better? what if i have an attack of remorse on christmas for not making plans? what if that pain in my tooth is serious? what if i get cancer and die alone because i don't have a social life because i'm such a stress case no-life burnout? what if it never gets better? what if it gets worse? i already can't take it and it still keeps getting worse. it could get worse. what if my arms fall off from the typing injury that i only exacerbate with this dang laptop keyboard? and finally... what if all the babblers reject me because i post too much lately?
>
> now it's time for some screaming... AAAAAAHHHHRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!! EEEEEYYYOOOOWWWWWZZAAANOOOOOONOOOONOOO!!!! WWWAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
>
> and moaning....
> woooooooooeeeeee mooooooaaaannnnn whimper whimper whimper
>
> now it's time to take a pill.
Posted by Tabitha on December 20, 2002, at 22:37:41
In reply to Re: embarrassed to start yet another thread, posted by Peter S. on December 20, 2002, at 13:02:46
thanks to all who read my rant and made such kind replies. it amazes me that it helps so much to get messages from people i've never met.
Posted by Tabitha on December 21, 2002, at 4:20:45
In reply to Re: i'm off... 2 blessed weeks..., posted by Tabitha on December 20, 2002, at 22:37:41
ng. That last day started good then devolved.
About 2 hours after getting home I decided I'm going to quit 1st thing when I go back in 2 weeks. Take my chances with unemployment. The feeling of relief was so vivid. Reminded me of when I finally decided to get divorced. The relief of making that decision and ending the stress was so strong. I look back at that as one of the 2 best decisions I ever made (the other was leaving the midwest).
It's not smart to quit without another job. I'll probably chicken out anyway.
Poor Ted, I just emailed him the whole saga of today. No wonder I need 3 hour therapy sessions, the stress of one single day nearly drives me mad. And not even a whole day.
I finally confronted my boss about my "lead" role that I was told I had, but that she acts like I don't have. I came out of our talk feeling simultaneously stroked and threatened. It was a complete mindf***.
I learned that the reason so many people at my company work 7 day weeks is that they're on immigration visas that make their stay in the U.S. dependent on that particular job. They probably all work for much less than me too. I guess the use of this type of immigration visa is a big trend in my profession that I managed to be completely ignorant of til now. I knew there were a lot of non-citizens, but I didn't really understand their status til today. I feel like a big idiot. Explains a lot about the culture there. Like why nobody complains.
Posted by Dinah on December 21, 2002, at 7:49:28
In reply to Re: my boss is evil. my profession is soul crushi, posted by Tabitha on December 21, 2002, at 4:20:45
Granted that it isn't good to be without a job, but it really does sound like this job is not good for you in any way. While you might not want to quit *first* thing when you get back, there's nothing to stop you from reflecting on your choices. It can't hurt to pull out your resume and start polishing. There's nothing wrong with doing whatever it is you do in your profession to find a new job. Are the jobs listed in your profession or is it a networking sort of thing?
There's no point in spending a good part of your day in a job you despise with employers you don't respect making yourself stressed and angry. (Take this for what it's worth from someone who is burned out too.)
Posted by noa on December 24, 2002, at 21:19:55
In reply to embarrassed to start yet another thread, posted by Tabitha on December 20, 2002, at 4:55:45
Don't be embarrassed. That was a good and hearty rant with good cause! There is some seriously rantable stuff happening at your company.
This is the end of the thread.
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