Posted by Tabitha on December 20, 2002, at 4:55:45
but my need to vent is apparently endless today.
i'm just full of rage and resentment over stuff that's happened at work lately. i'm having constant fantasies of telling off my boss, and her boss, and a few other people. and walking out in the middle of the day, never to return to that job. it's been like the chinese water torture, drip drip drip, . my workload has increased, and the amount of control & authority i have has decreased. recipe for burnout. the latest thing is, i was hoping my team would grow, one because i'm overworked, and two i was looking forward to building a team, but instead of hiring they want to use temps in a job-shop in a 3rd world country, and i'm supposed to manage them over the phone. the 3rd world temps cost 1/3 the typical salary of a U.S. worker (and that's total cost to us, so i'm sure they actually work for a fraction of that.) yet they tell me it's not cost that's driving it, it's only so they won't have to hire and fire (they've already laid off 2/3 of the company and moved into an ultra-crappy building to cut costs). well, hello!, there are a b'jillion laid off workers locally in my field right now who i'm sure would be willing to work on a contract basis, so that's obviously a pure lie. do they have to f-ing lie to me, and themselves? can't anyone say, yes, we know this is horrible, but we're desperate. i can't imagine anything i'd less like to do than manage these hi-tech sweatshop employees over the phone all day long.
there are so many more gripes. they've been coming so fast lately, it's comical. i must be distorting. surely i'm distorting? is it a mood thing, or holiday stress, or is it really this bad? i have 2 weeks off after tomorrow, thank god. i didn't even make plans for christmas, as all i can imagine is getting some much-needed down time. did i already post this? i can't remember.
but after the break, it will still be there.
here they go, the what-ifs. what-if it's not just this company, it's my whole profession, so there aren't any options? what if i do get pissed and quit and spiral into a long period of depression and unemployment where i can't afford meds and therapy. what if i watch my money run low, then end up in a worse job than this one? what if my profession is just obsolete, and in 10 years it will all be done by hi-tech sweatshops, just like the migration of manufacturing jobs that devastated those a notch lower on the educational ladder? what if i fill up dr bob's server with my ranting and it still isn't better? what if i have an attack of remorse on christmas for not making plans? what if that pain in my tooth is serious? what if i get cancer and die alone because i don't have a social life because i'm such a stress case no-life burnout? what if it never gets better? what if it gets worse? i already can't take it and it still keeps getting worse. it could get worse. what if my arms fall off from the typing injury that i only exacerbate with this dang laptop keyboard? and finally... what if all the babblers reject me because i post too much lately?
now it's time for some screaming... AAAAAAHHHHRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!! EEEEEYYYOOOOWWWWWZZAAANOOOOOONOOOONOOO!!!! WWWAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
and moaning....
woooooooooeeeeee mooooooaaaannnnn whimper whimper whimpernow it's time to take a pill.
poster:Tabitha
thread:33673
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021218/msgs/33673.html