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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by janejj on July 2, 2002, at 16:12:02
Hello,
Do any of you have 'moving cities' stories to share with the board ? How tough was it ?
I have actually moved cities a couple of times, the first time was a breeze, the next time I wasn't so fortunate. Its so hard to make new social connections in a place where you know no-one ! I believe this has really exacebated my depression...but at least taught me to face my fears and get treatment.
I'm planning to move again by the end of this year and I'm hoping to find happiness ! I'm hoping this will be a 'clean' break in my life. I just need to know that I won't be so lonely again...I know no-one can predict this!
If you've moved before how did you make those social connections ? Did they last?
The first place I moved to was easy because I moved to College, where everyone is trying to make friends and there is a structure to life, but without that how does one go about making new friends ? I know all the normal stuff like 'join a club' anybody got any original ideas ?
Thanks Janejj
ps, sorry about the ramblingness of this post !
Posted by IsoM on July 3, 2002, at 13:00:34
In reply to The move to a new city...., posted by janejj on July 2, 2002, at 16:12:02
Jane, I've moved 37 times in my life - sometimes just to another house in the same city or town, sometimes across the country. Most times, it wasn't due to choice. I'm sick of moving & never want to move again unless it's to a home I could own & not just rent.
It so depends on where you move. At one point, I moved to a small hicktown where there wasn't anyone I could relate to. My own personal life became rich with reading & growing a huge garden. I was also busy raising 3 young sons so between it all I was kept busy. But while I'm a loner, even I was lonely often.
If you're moving to a larger cosmopolitan city, visit the library, museums, art galleries, interesting shops (if that's your style) or whatever tickles your fancy. You're likely to find similar people there like you with similar interests. Look through the city's directory for clubs & societies for something that interests you. There's so many in large cities. Join one or two that look particularly interesting; that'll give you even closer one-on-one contact with people. (I know you wanted more original ideas than just clubs but it does work.)
How are you for striking up conversations with others? Let's say you've gone to some unique second hand store looking for an old interesting book, record, etc - someone else is looking in the same section & they appear nice. Could you ask something like "Have you found any books here before that you've liked? I'm fairly new here & was wondering if this store has a good selection. Is there any other good book stores around the city?" A nice person will use that as an opener to get going.
Posted by Phil on July 3, 2002, at 18:05:39
In reply to The move to a new city...., posted by janejj on July 2, 2002, at 16:12:02
If you're an alcoholic, adult child of an alcoholic, have a friend or family member whose drinking is making you crazy, there is no better or safer place to meet people than at 12 step groups. When I moved here 10 years ago, I got involved in Al-Anon and ACOA. I met some guys that were healthy, liked to have fun, supported each others dreams, etc. I have never made close friends that fast. However, you really should talk and let people know you.
Or..
CODA: Codependents Anonymous-I think most of us would feel at home there.
NAMI: May have meetings in your area.
Church is good if it rings your bell.
Often hospitals will have speakers on various health topics, including depression. May be able to get a good shrink referral there.
Shop very slowly for groceries.
Take a six week introductory yoga class. You'll like it!
If a health food store has cooking classes, try that out.
Colleges in the area probably have classes on anything from personal finance to jumping out of planes. The classes are reasonable usually and you learn something new.
Take geetar lessons.
Go to the park or lake and pretend to read a book. I usually take Final Exit but it doesn't attract many girls.
Tour the city like a tourist would. Sit close to the guide so you can throw in some extra questions.
If you're at your destination, you could ask a cab driver where the good restaurants, clubs, etc are.
I got to know my apt manager real well when I moved to Austin. Just went in, flopped on the couch and started talking. Grew into a good friendship.
Find the designated walking/jogging area and go sweat with everyone else.The BIG SECRET that we all know but seldom do is listen to people. When you meet someone, develop good listening skills. I've always admired Larry King for that reason. Anyone that truly listens to others will make friends..guaranteed.
To make a friend, be a friend.Don't date a co-worker unless you just can't resist. There are worse things than being alone.
It's going to be so exciting! YeeHaa
Phil
Posted by Ritch on July 3, 2002, at 23:51:00
In reply to The move to a new city...., posted by janejj on July 2, 2002, at 16:12:02
Posted by Zo on July 5, 2002, at 15:45:05
In reply to Re: The move to a new city...., posted by Phil on July 3, 2002, at 18:05:39
> Church is good if it rings your bell.
. . .I ohly just got it.> I usually take Final Exit but it doesn't attract many girls.
Would me. But then. . .
>
> The BIG SECRET that we all know but seldom do is listenBut aren't people there to hear *me*???
a. joke. This is a great list, Phil. You bring such good ideas to the board. I really like you. (As distguished from those moments when you ignore my proposals. Talk about heartbreak.)
Zo
Posted by tabitha on July 6, 2002, at 6:23:00
In reply to The move to a new city...., posted by janejj on July 2, 2002, at 16:12:02
Hi,
I can second Phil's suggestion about CoDA and other 12-step groups-- I made lasting friends there. You get to know people a lot quicker in a support group like that than in a purely social club.
Posted by JohnDoenut on July 8, 2002, at 0:54:59
In reply to The move to a new city...., posted by janejj on July 2, 2002, at 16:12:02
You wanted an original idea?! How's this:
Delegate the job of meeting people to someone else! :) Find someone who is a very gregarious and outgoing person and hang out with them and let them introduce you to other people. Even if they talk a lot maybe too much and may become annoying. Because theyre very outgoing and you'll meet a lot of people through them that you would not by yourself! If that doesnt work then find another outgoing person who may know people you hit it off with more! :)JohnD
Posted by Leighwit on July 9, 2002, at 20:01:33
In reply to Re: The move to a new city...., posted by Phil on July 3, 2002, at 18:05:39
Posted by tabitha on July 9, 2002, at 22:42:33
In reply to What a Wonderful Post, Phil. (nm), posted by Leighwit on July 9, 2002, at 20:01:33
This is the end of the thread.
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