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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fi on June 3, 2002, at 16:11:58
I am very grateful that in the last few years I have been able to do all the basic everyday things without being regularly derailed by shattering depression (thanks, Prozac…) I manage a full time job, plus the resulting couple of hours of commuting, and the house/garden/family visit stuff, plus a short beach holiday most years. Which is amazing, in comparison to my past.
I know I am very lucky to do what I do, but I’m not doing the extra things which would give me some nice memories to look back on in my old age.
Not really living in that sense- no partner, no kids, no hobbies (apart from stopping the garden running amok), no adventurous foreign holidays or other big pleasant experiences... Things I enjoy are passive- TV, books… Also I sometimes go to the theatre or an exhibition, but as a result am often knackered the next day. None are the kind of thing you remember a year later.
Other people I know pack all sorts of interesting, memorable things into their spare time. I suppose I mean they live life to the full- I just live it (waste it?)
Its mainly a lack of stamina (tho maybe I should force myself to do more..), partly I don’t have a passion for anything, plus just the way things worked out.
Again, I know this sort of angst is a luxury when I know that for less lucky people than me, just getting thru a day is a victory (I remember days like that all too well).
Its just rather sad to be missing out.
Fi
Posted by IsoM on June 3, 2002, at 17:09:56
In reply to Wasting life??, posted by fi on June 3, 2002, at 16:11:58
Fi, I guess it shows that I'm getting older. The things I enjoy are fairly passive things too. I have nice memories of some pretty stupid things I did when younger (especially the drugs), but I don't regret the way I am now.
Even in passive things, watching a good show (I love the Nero Wolfe series on the A&E channel), smiling at my cats' reactions to jays & crows landing on my deck for nuts, the caress of a warm spring breeze, I feel like I am living my life to the full. I'm just the opposite of a adrenaline junkie - I don't get a high from those sorts of things, but over-react to these adrenaline surges.
Rather than looking to the future, wondering what you'll have to look back on, try to feel what each moment gives you in the way of simple pleasures. It won't necessarily leave you with lots of memories, but will give far more contentment in the long run. The memories are just that, past & gone, while the present is what needs to be enjoyed to the full. Feeling guilty over what you're accomplishing takes the momentary pleasures from you.
The funny thing is a number of young people I know (including my sons) find that these passive activities like just talking with good friends are their preferred past times.
Posted by Fi on June 5, 2002, at 5:18:10
In reply to Not Wasting Life... » fi, posted by IsoM on June 3, 2002, at 17:09:56
Posted by paxvox on June 5, 2002, at 17:26:11
In reply to Wasting life??, posted by fi on June 3, 2002, at 16:11:58
Fi,
I know how you feel, all too well. Is Prozac the only med you are taking? Maybe a switch to something like Wellbutrin might help. Have you been discussing your mood/meds with a Pdoc?
Please don't get down on yourself. Sure, it's easy to fall into the "I was sad I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet" syndrome. True, there are lots of people *worse off* than you, but you have a RIGHT (I guess) to feel AS WELL as you can. This is not in comparison to how others are doing, but how YOU are doing compared to HOW well you CAN be.
Interestingly, when I get into that sort of funk (I'm actually going through some very blue moods just now!) I have found that when I took the time to help someone else that I started feeling better. Not because "oh, look whata nice thing I did", but because it actually made me FEEL better. Perhaps because it gave me a chance to NOT worry about my own problems for awhile.
Sooooo..... I have been trying to be of use to others, and in so doing, have begun to "inch back" into a better mood. This is one reason I like posting on these boards. Although I sometimes get into trouble (sorry again Dr. Bob)by speaking my mind, I generally try to be as supportive as possible, and be empathetic when applicable.
No Fi, you are not *wasting* your life. True, you may be in the "existing" rather than "living" frame of mind just now, but this too shall pass.
Hang in there kiddo!PAX
Posted by Bookgurl99 on June 6, 2002, at 16:20:47
In reply to Wasting life??, posted by fi on June 3, 2002, at 16:11:58
Hey Fi, I know you're tired, but have you considered learning something new? I'm in a photography class, and developing the pictures is a sudden interest for me. I feel passionate and creative about something again!
Also, if you want a family, have you considered finding some dates?
bookgurl99
(also an enjoyer of passive entertainments)
Posted by angel1 on June 6, 2002, at 17:38:56
In reply to Re: Wasting life??, posted by Bookgurl99 on June 6, 2002, at 16:20:47
Hi Fi,
I feel your pain. I feel *exactly* like you. It is pathetic. Everyone around me is talking about fun things they did or vacations they are planning, blah, blah, blah. I wish I could be like "them." I don't even enjoy shopping anymore
and that used to make me very happy. I am scared that the rest of my life will be like this. Work, eat, sleep, workout. That is my life. I am just not motivated or interested in doing anything else. I still haven't found the right medication and I've been on a handful. I did try prozac and found after a while all it did was make my lethargic. Unfortunately, all I can do is understand what you are going through and I am sorry. I don't have any good advice for you. I hope you will keep trying.
Best to you. Angel1
Posted by Tabitha on June 7, 2002, at 5:23:35
In reply to Wasting life??, posted by fi on June 3, 2002, at 16:11:58
Fi,
I've had the same feeling about life, that I was glad to find the meds that made me functional, but still seeming limited, spending lots of time in low-energy stuff (reading, TV, movies, internet).
It's odd though. Sometimes I love my little life, my gardening triumphs, my daily routine, my whole crabby self. Lately every day seems like a gift. But a couple weeks ago it all felt like a big failure, and may feel the same again soon. I don't understand what really creates a sense of satisfaction or how to hold onto it.
I suspect the thing that helps the most is self-acceptance, though it's a hard thing to pin down.
Just remember that being functional is a HUGE achievement-- give yourself credit.
Tabitha
Posted by fi on June 9, 2002, at 12:56:31
In reply to Wasting life??, posted by fi on June 3, 2002, at 16:11:58
That’s a great bunch of replies- thanks to all!
And, Angel1, its really supportive knowing someone else understands- posts don’t need to include advice to be helpful. I hope that you will find some things which give you a bit of pleasure (they can be small things- scented baths, music, nice food, sitting in the sun?) And find some meds which suit you.
You’re right, Tabitha- being functional is the huge, crucial thing. I also only have some times I get into minding about it. Last weekend I had some very content times doing my gardening stuff (and dozing in the sun for one of the first times this summer).
Its probably partly a mid-life thing, like ‘normal’ people have too! And I suppose for anyone, self-acceptance is the key. I do usually avoid thinking about the past (and the future) as much as possible, too..
Dates and kids
I was always a disaster area date-wise, so its quite a relief not to be so driven about that now-more a regret it didn’t work out when I was younger. Tho it would be wonderful if (against the odds of past failures..) I did meet someone now. I would probably have had kids if I had found a decent stable partnership, but I’m on the old side for kids now, even if I met Mr Right tomorrow. And it could have been difficult for me to cope with kids – I appreciate the huge commitment they are.Something new
I’ve tried all sorts of activities in the past, but this is a good reminder that I haven’t tried anything in the last few months. The most recent was a local class for singing, but it turned out the tutor wanted to teach everyone how to read complicated music etc, rather than just have a hearty sing-song (which I was after). But there’s nothing to stop me singing along to the radio at home…And its true I don’t get fed up with life when busy at work, particularly when dealing with enquiries (tho I do get fed up with my employers at times!)
Pdoc/meds
Very good point to check I am as well as I can be. The Prozac seems to stop me getting clinically depressed. The ordinary pessimism/caution I see as just part of my personality, and don’t expect meds to help (and cant imagine my GP being interested in that level of wellbeing). But I haven’t actually discussed it with them for several years (had a therapist for off and on for years, but gave up on that a couple of years ago). So maybe good idea to get a review sometime.So thanks again, all!
Fi
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