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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 49 to 73 of 73. Go back in thread:
Posted by friend on April 8, 2002, at 12:27:14
In reply to kid a-i absolutely believe you, too, posted by Krazy Kat on April 8, 2002, at 9:33:00
sorry, i didn't say more, i was really upset.
the whole story is that i used to come to the board a lot, but i'm shy, and i didn't know what to say, ever. so i just read everyone else's posts. i came to care ofr so many of you, but i didn't want to intrude, and i didn't know how to start a conversation on my own. i read sar's posts, among others and one day she posted her email address and i recognized it. so then i was afraid she would recognize me from what i would say. we knew each other because we both lived in the same co-operative system in austin, and we have a lot of mutual friends, but i never really knew her, just who she was. we said hi to each other and that's about it. we seemed like very different people on the surface. by the time i got to know her through here she had moved to san antonio. then she moved back here and i couldn't tell her that i knew her from this board. it would have been very awkward and i thought it would make her uncomfortable, knowing her as i did through the posts, i think it would have made her feel bad to know i knew so much about her.
i never met her current boyfriend, and have not seen her in person since last summer, but all i can say is that she was a wonderful person. i'm sorry that i didn't post sooner, and i'm sorry that i didn't let her know what an amazing person i thought she was.
i don't think that the obituary has been posted yet. there is to be a funeral service here in austin at a unitarian churh either tomorrow or wednesday. sar is going to be cremated. she did leave a note but i don't think the family has gotten together to read it yet, so i don't know what is going on there.
i hadn't come here in a while, because i felt awkward reading sar's posts once i knew who she was. it felt like reading her journal. but i still remembered all of you and how much you meant to her and how so many of you cared for her. that's why i came back to let you know what happened. i will keep checking back on this for awhile if anyone wants to know anything else.
i'm so sorry to have to bring this news.
Posted by beardedlady on April 8, 2002, at 12:34:33
In reply to Re: LiLi ---I've made the same request as you did » Shar, posted by trouble on April 8, 2002, at 3:40:40
trouble,
I know five people who attempted suicide. None of them said a last goodbye or left a note or anything. Two of them were found by accident; the other two did not want to die. One did, and he died. He left a note.
I would imagine a person simply says, as I have said, "If anything ever happens to me, please tell...." Or maybe there was a note. But sometimes, I think, when you make up your mind about something like this, something that will ease your own pain but cause the pain of others, you can't say goodbye. Maybe Sar was beyond help or hope in her mind. Maybe she didn't want to be talked out of it.
I know it's not any consolation, but at least it's a couple of answers.
beardy
Posted by trouble on April 8, 2002, at 12:58:17
In reply to more info, sorry, posted by friend on April 8, 2002, at 12:27:14
what a beautiful and thoughtful message to us, we are so grateful. I know I must go to her funeral, but I don't even know her full name, I wonder if you could help me out w/that?
you can put it on the board I guess, for all I know it's already been posted, but if you'd rather not my address isflawedplan at aol dot com
thanks again, you have chosen a very apt moniker for yourself, friend.
trouble
Posted by friend on April 8, 2002, at 13:04:27
In reply to friend, thank you and more, posted by trouble on April 8, 2002, at 12:58:17
i think that she wouldn't mind my saying her name now. with all of us, she was so open and generous. her full name is Stacey Anne Rainey. i don't know if her funeral service will be in the austin newspaper, i can't see her parents remembering to do that, but her sister might. if it isn't i can post it on here if y'all like. trouble, i think your idea about the bukowski poem is a great one.
Posted by mair on April 8, 2002, at 17:30:58
In reply to more info, sorry, posted by friend on April 8, 2002, at 12:27:14
Thanks much for writing again. I feel starved for details as I'm sure do many others. Can you tell us what sar looked like - what her personality was like?
Mair
Posted by Shar on April 8, 2002, at 21:19:46
In reply to Re: more info, sorry » friend, posted by mair on April 8, 2002, at 17:30:58
Friend,
Perhaps one positive connection has come about via the sad news of Sar's death. You have connected with us here, and I hope you will stay, not just as Sar's friend, but to post on your own. You are very welcome here.Shar
Posted by Shar on April 8, 2002, at 21:28:11
In reply to Re: LiLi ---I've made the same request as you did » Shar, posted by trouble on April 8, 2002, at 3:40:40
T,
Most of all, I would just want the folks here to know that I would not be returning and why. I would probably actually write the message myself and have the person who is to post it receive it after I am gone.If I posted my goodbye here, my fear would be that someone would send out the alarm and contact my friends/family/someone to find me before I was gone. There are enough folks here that know enough about me to do that. And I would definitely NOT want that to happen.
Shar
Posted by IsoM on April 8, 2002, at 23:46:50
In reply to Re: friend, thank you and more, posted by friend on April 8, 2002, at 13:04:27
Thank you so much for what you done for us. Please don't leave but continue with us here. You'll be our link for a little longer to sar & then we'll get to know you better too - kind of like sar did leave something with us - you.
Posted by Zo on April 9, 2002, at 0:47:58
In reply to Re: ANNOUNCEMENT confirment, posted by kid_A on April 7, 2002, at 10:55:32
Posted by Fi on April 9, 2002, at 5:18:41
In reply to more info, sorry, posted by friend on April 8, 2002, at 12:27:14
That sounds such a difficult situation; I'm sorry it also meant you felt uneasy about the Board (I can understand what you say about reading Sar's messages when you knew who she was).
Please dont feel sorry about anything.
It was very thoughtful of you, at such a distressing time, to let us know. Otherwise we might never have known, which would have been much worse.
Take care of yourself, Friend. And dont feel shy about posting- lots of us send all sorts of things, silly and sad. Sometimes coherent and sensible, sometimes not. So dont worry about it.
Fi
Posted by Phil on April 9, 2002, at 6:46:02
In reply to Re: thank you » friend, posted by Fi on April 9, 2002, at 5:18:41
Posted by Marie1 on April 9, 2002, at 16:13:08
In reply to Re: friend, thank you and more, posted by friend on April 8, 2002, at 13:04:27
I am so shocked and saddened....Some of you may remember me. I used to post here, but it's been months. For some reason today I decided to visit to see who was still around and how they were doing. I had no intention of posting, but this...I don't know what to write. Sar and I had many conversations on this board. She was a prolific writer and I told her she should get published. I am really upset. Strange how emotional I'm feeling about a person I never met. But Sar was so open, and sweet, it would have been impossible not to like her. Does anyone know her actual date of death? My brother killed himself on April Fool's day in 1997, and, although he didn't say so in his note, the date was obviously significant.
Oh, Sar.Marie
Posted by mair on April 9, 2002, at 17:05:03
In reply to Re: friend, thank you and more, posted by Marie1 on April 9, 2002, at 16:13:08
Marie
Sar killed herself last Tuesday (April 2), or at least I guess that's when her body was found. I don't have enough information to know if she may have actually killed herself on April Fool's day. - What an awful thought and how awful for you to have to think about your brother on that day.
I certainly remember you and have missed your messages. I'm glad you checked back in because this disaster has made me think about many of the posters who drifted off. It's hard to worry about people and have no way of finding out if they're ok.
Please let me know how you're doing. If I recall correctly (and don't have you confused with 2 posters which is certainly possible), you moved into a new house and terminated with your therapist, rather much to his surprise.
How go the teenage wars?
Mair
Posted by shelliR on April 9, 2002, at 17:58:06
In reply to Re: friend, thank you and more, posted by Marie1 on April 9, 2002, at 16:13:08
Hi Marie (across the river!)
I'm so glad you checked in; Of course I remember you; I also have wondered about you.
This is a good consequence of a horrible thing.
Shelli
Posted by wendy b. on April 9, 2002, at 18:11:08
In reply to Re: thank you » friend, posted by Fi on April 9, 2002, at 5:18:41
I am just coming to PSB today after a few days off...
Reading through this thread as quickly as I can to find out if Friend was friend or foe... A prankster or a teller of truth. I knew Stacey via e-mail and wrote to her so many times in the last year, trying to get her to see that she was hell bent on self-destruction... frustrated by her forever drinking, and now feeling so petty and stupid about it all...
Really feeling like I'm going to throw up. I never "knew" (if writing to someone you've never seen is knowing) anyone who killed themselves. But I felt strongly, and I'm not just saying it after the fact cuz it's easy now, that she was not for this world. Such an amazing creature, so positive for a depressed person! And so strong in her beliefs. A true rebel. And so incredibly vulnerable. All of these all at once. I pictured her in my mind's eye so many times, and I'll never get the chance to know her in person. I feel robbed and horrible and angry at her for doing this. Even though I knew she would, in some way, bring about her own demise... A drink, a gun, some pills, kill herself or be killed by one of the many violent people she was drawn to. Preceded by the violence visited upon her by her parents and brother. I will never forgive them for hurting her soul so completely...
Please add me to your list of people to tell about funeral events, Kid_A, if you find any. I would like to attend, if I can swing it. E-mail at:
kolepp at ivillage dot com
I don't know if Friend wants to participate any further, though, so we shouldn't pressure her/him. They are probably going through a hard time, too.Let's find out if we could participate in some way toward a memorial to her, or offer something in writing to be read at the funeral, that would be nice, we would feel somewhat better if we could actually DO something. I understand, Kelly, what you mean about wanting to be put to use at a time like this. We could ask Dr. Bob if we could start another page, like we did for the Book Club, this would have such significance - a memorial board for those we've lost, just a name and their dates, perhaps, and thoughts we'd like to post... I don't know. But I think something along these lines would be do-able. I wonder if others have suggestions...
My heart goes out to everyone who knew Stacey. I am feeling lost and confused and alone...
Wendy
Posted by kristi on April 9, 2002, at 22:40:02
In reply to Does anyone know Kristi's email address?, posted by Mair on April 7, 2002, at 17:44:26
> Someone should let her know if they did. I know Sar emailed her sometimes and they were good friends on this Board. Kristi hasn't been around alot lately and I don't know if she lurks at all.
>
> MairI can't even begin to express how shocked I am! I just couldn't believe it... I haven't been here in so long. Is it really true? Oh God... please take care of her... my baby, my friend.
Mair, thanks for calling my attention to this. It has taken me a few hours to respond.....Oh Sar.. she was so wonderful..... I keep thinking about all the wonderful correspondences we've had... how much she's helped me... if only I could have done the same........ I can't write more right now, have to do some absorbing... but thanks Mair, thanks for thinking of me. This just is so not right.
Posted by kristi on April 9, 2002, at 22:45:55
In reply to Re: more info, sorry » friend, posted by mair on April 8, 2002, at 17:30:58
> Thanks much for writing again. I feel starved for details as I'm sure do many others. Can you tell us what sar looked like - what her personality was like?
>
> Mair
I would love that to. I want to "picture" her as I mourn her. She was at one time a huge life line for me.......
Posted by mair on April 10, 2002, at 8:01:10
In reply to Re: Does anyone know Kristi's email address?-Mair » Mair, posted by kristi on April 9, 2002, at 22:40:02
Kristi - I'm glad you checked in. Sometime in the period of aftershock, it occurred to me that you really would want to be told about this and I felt pretty helpless not knowing how to reach you. The anonymity here is a wonderful thing most of the time, and a real liability in times of crisis. I've been on and off the Board for a long time under a couple of different names and I was certainly on from the time sar came. However, I really feel that I started to understand her better when I returned more actively last summer and started paying attention to the discussions that were going on between the 2 of you.
Unfortunately now that you've returned (and I have missed you) I'm getting ready to go away for a short time to a place where I will be mostly computerless, and I sort of feel that this is a good time for me to check out of PSB for awhile anyway. I'd love to have your email address if you don't mind giving it to me just so I can check up on you periodically. I've always felt that you have had to deal with as much adversity over the last couple of years as anyone, and have handled it with remarkable grace.
I can be reached at Mair underscore nine at yahoo dot com.
Take care please
Mair
Posted by Marie1 on April 10, 2002, at 8:40:45
In reply to Re: Marie returns » Marie1, posted by mair on April 9, 2002, at 17:05:03
Dear Mair and Shelley,
Thank you for the warm greetings. I often thought of you guys too, which is what prompted my return yesterday. I quit posting because I wanted to get past this last time of major depression. I'm doing fine now (still on meds, of course), but this is a bad time of year for me. Two brothers and my parents died around this time of the year. No surprize that I tend to relapse in the spring.
My first reaction to the post regarding Sar was disbelief and anger at whomever would post such a disgusting lie. It's obviously true, however, and my heart aches. I continue to marvel at the depth of feeling I have for Sar (she'll always be "Sar" to me), but I guess it's no different and no less than anyone else who comes into your life briefly, but touches you deeply. Yesterday I was searching for words to describe her, and I think Wendy hit on it when she described Sar as "vulnerable". She was so vulnerable, it came through in all her posts, and so young and, despite her behavior, so innocent. In one of her posts where she said she was homeless - again - I even fantasized about bringing her to live with me and my family, to protect her. I guess that's the mother in me.
Mair, you remembered correctly, I'm the one in the new house and the kids who live to torment their mother :-). The oldest is graduating h.s. in a month - right on time!!- with the help of some sympathetic guidance counselors. The younger one still enjoys those trips to Claire's. As for my therapist, he terminated me, and I still think of him all the time.
I'll probably be re-visiting PSB for awhile. Please let me know how the two of you are doing. Shelley, can you see me waving to you across the Potomac?Marie
ps I'm so glad Kristi checked in. She's the first person I thought of who needed to know about Sar. Kristi, if you read this, please write back about yourself, okay? I think of you often.
Posted by kristi on April 10, 2002, at 10:49:47
In reply to Re: Does anyone know Kristi's email address?-Mair » kristi, posted by mair on April 10, 2002, at 8:01:10
Thanks Mair..... and thanks again for letting me know. I woul love to keep in contact. Please feel free to e-mail me..... and I hope everything is ok with you. I miss talking to you.
morganichole@aol.comLove ya.....
Posted by kristi on April 10, 2002, at 10:54:18
In reply to Re: Marie returns, posted by Marie1 on April 10, 2002, at 8:40:45
> Dear Mair and Shelley,
> Thank you for the warm greetings. I often thought of you guys too, which is what prompted my return yesterday. I quit posting because I wanted to get past this last time of major depression. I'm doing fine now (still on meds, of course), but this is a bad time of year for me. Two brothers and my parents died around this time of the year. No surprize that I tend to relapse in the spring.
> My first reaction to the post regarding Sar was disbelief and anger at whomever would post such a disgusting lie. It's obviously true, however, and my heart aches. I continue to marvel at the depth of feeling I have for Sar (she'll always be "Sar" to me), but I guess it's no different and no less than anyone else who comes into your life briefly, but touches you deeply. Yesterday I was searching for words to describe her, and I think Wendy hit on it when she described Sar as "vulnerable". She was so vulnerable, it came through in all her posts, and so young and, despite her behavior, so innocent. In one of her posts where she said she was homeless - again - I even fantasized about bringing her to live with me and my family, to protect her. I guess that's the mother in me.
> Mair, you remembered correctly, I'm the one in the new house and the kids who live to torment their mother :-). The oldest is graduating h.s. in a month - right on time!!- with the help of some sympathetic guidance counselors. The younger one still enjoys those trips to Claire's. As for my therapist, he terminated me, and I still think of him all the time.
> I'll probably be re-visiting PSB for awhile. Please let me know how the two of you are doing. Shelley, can you see me waving to you across the Potomac?
>
> Marie
>
> ps I'm so glad Kristi checked in. She's the first person I thought of who needed to know about Sar. Kristi, if you read this, please write back about yourself, okay? I think of you often.
Hi Marie!I am just so saddened..... and still so stunned, I don't even have the words. Hate that feeling.
I'm so sorry about your family loss also. How horrible. I don't think I knew that about you!Things with me are going ok... not great, not bad. Hangin' in. I've come to "accept" what this doctor left me with..... took a long time to get to that point, but I did. Still involved in the lawsuit..... will probably continue for years.
How are you honey???????? Thanks for calling me back. :) With love, Kristi
Posted by kristi on April 10, 2002, at 11:39:57
In reply to Re: Does anyone know Kristi's email address?-Mair » kristi, posted by mair on April 10, 2002, at 8:01:10
I tried e-mailing you but it came back user unkown. Will you e-mail me? I posted it above. Love, Kristi
Posted by Lini on April 10, 2002, at 12:17:53
In reply to Re: Marie returns, posted by Marie1 on April 10, 2002, at 8:40:45
i am really devestated by this, and i don't have anything to say, or add, but i'm sorry, and i'm sad, and i wish this wasn't the way it is.
i've been on PSB break, and this is sad to come back to, but it is beautiful the way everyone is trying to support each other, and take the time to reflect on Sar's life and her contribution to this world.
with light,
lini
Posted by noa on April 10, 2002, at 17:29:03
In reply to Re: , posted by Lini on April 10, 2002, at 12:17:53
I just read through the entire thread, having been away for awhile from PB/PSB. First, I saw Dr. Bob's thread about posting memorial messages. Then I went searching to see what happened. I, too, felt the need to reserve judgment of the veracity of the announcement until there was further info, which did arrive afterall.
I didn't get to know SAR as well as some of you, but I, too, am so saddened to hear this news. My impression of her is that she was a supportive and beloved friend to a number of people on this board. If I am remembering correctly, I recall noticing how positive and supportive she could be while also reporting how much she herself was struggling.
Posted by Phil on April 10, 2002, at 17:53:05
In reply to Re: SAR, posted by noa on April 10, 2002, at 17:29:03
I recall noticing how positive and supportive she could be while also reporting how much she herself was struggling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
That reminds me of you too, noa.
This is the end of the thread.
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