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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Manda on April 8, 2002, at 20:52:48
Hi, everybody.
I just joined today. I'm clinically depressed, in therapy, and on an anti-depressant that doesn't work (I'm in between psychiatrists). I'm having a harder time than usual right now- partly b/c I'm in college and finals are right around the corner. I don't respond to stress well AT ALL. I don't really have a specific question at the moment... I really just need some support. I'm hopeless right now, and I can't seem to cheer myself up. What do you do when you feel yourself getting more and more depressed? How do you help yourself? I have a wonderful boyfriend who tries so hard to help me out, but he's always busy, so he can't always be here with me. He's very concerned though (as he should be- I took a lot of pills with a lot of alcohol a few days ago in an attempt to...? I don't know what it was an attempt to do...) Anyway, any words of wisdom on managing stress and helping with hopelessness?? (Sorry this posting is so disjointed; I've been really out of it lately.)
-Manda
Posted by Penny on April 9, 2002, at 0:24:02
In reply to Hi. I'm new here..., posted by Manda on April 8, 2002, at 20:52:48
> Hi, everybody.
> I just joined today. I'm clinically depressed, in therapy, and on an anti-depressant that doesn't work (I'm in between psychiatrists). I'm having a harder time than usual right now- partly b/c I'm in college and finals are right around the corner. I don't respond to stress well AT ALL. I don't really have a specific question at the moment... I really just need some support. I'm hopeless right now, and I can't seem to cheer myself up. What do you do when you feel yourself getting more and more depressed? How do you help yourself? I have a wonderful boyfriend who tries so hard to help me out, but he's always busy, so he can't always be here with me. He's very concerned though (as he should be- I took a lot of pills with a lot of alcohol a few days ago in an attempt to...? I don't know what it was an attempt to do...) Anyway, any words of wisdom on managing stress and helping with hopelessness?? (Sorry this posting is so disjointed; I've been really out of it lately.)
> -MandaManda,
Welcome. As you can tell from earlier posts, the folks here certainly understand what you are going through.
I totally relate to your feeling of hopelessness...been going through that for a while myself, and fighting with medications and pdocs. Finally found a pdoc I like and I think (hope?) I'm getting better. But it's a really slow process.
Wish I could give you some good advice on how to handle stress, but not sure my advice would make much sense right now. The best thing I can tell you is to remember that this is only temporary. Stress comes and goes, usually, or at least lessens at times. And college isn't forever. You can do this...the best way you know how.
And please find a doctor who understands and respects you. One who will listen and not stop trying to help you until he/she succeeds. Wish I could say those kinds of pdocs are common, but they're really not in my experience (sorry Dr. Bob). But I have found one, after several tries, so I know they do exist.
What does your therapist have to say about how you're feeling? Did you 'fess up about taking the pills with alcohol?
Hang in there...and keep posting. This group is wonderfully supportive.
Penny
Posted by Fi on April 9, 2002, at 5:32:11
In reply to Hi. I'm new here..., posted by Manda on April 8, 2002, at 20:52:48
You're very welcome here- Penny's already made that clear, and made some wise comments!
Getting support is important, so if there is anything like a student counselling service/hotline to help just at the moment, do give it a try? Exams are stressful- but they also pass.
And of course feel free to let off steam here anytime you want to!
Fi
Posted by Manda on April 9, 2002, at 21:26:01
In reply to Re: Hi. I'm new here... » Manda, posted by Penny on April 9, 2002, at 0:24:02
Penny,
Thanks for responding! No, I haven't "fessed up" to my therapist- I haven't seen her since it happened. I see her on Friday, and I guess I should tell her... It took me weeks to tell her about my previous self-destructive behavior, which was not eating (I lost 20 lbs in less than two weeks.) I have a really hard time talking about things, which is why I think that Psycho-Babble will be really good for me. I can open up so much more in this context...
-Manda
Posted by Manda on April 9, 2002, at 21:28:45
In reply to Re: Hi. I'm new here... » Manda, posted by Fi on April 9, 2002, at 5:32:11
Am I the only one who sabotages herself? By this, I mean that, for example, I find myself constantly doing things to destroy my chances of doing well on exams. On some level, I really do want to fail. On the other hand, I've always been such a perfectionist and an over-achiever, so another part of me won't allow myself to fail. I end up terribly conflicted and unsatisfied on either end. Anybody else experienced this??
-Manda
Posted by Penny on April 10, 2002, at 16:10:46
In reply to Engaging in self-sabotage . . . , posted by Manda on April 9, 2002, at 21:28:45
> Am I the only one who sabotages herself? By this, I mean that, for example, I find myself constantly doing things to destroy my chances of doing well on exams. On some level, I really do want to fail. On the other hand, I've always been such a perfectionist and an over-achiever, so another part of me won't allow myself to fail. I end up terribly conflicted and unsatisfied on either end. Anybody else experienced this??
> -MandaI do it ALL THE TIME. Did it as a regular undergrad, am still doing it while going back to school. It's not as though I don't have the capability of learning what I need to, it's just that I don't do it when I know I should.
My therapist tells me that I do it b/c I'm afraid of succeeding. And I think, on some level, she's right (like you said, about wanting to fail).
Yet, I graduated from college and I'm going to go to graduate school if it kills me (and it might). Because I can't imagine my life without those things. But it's getting harder as I get older to make myself do things I need to do. For example, I'm taking ONE class this semester, a prerequisite for (hopefully) medical school, and even though the material is (thankfully) easy, I'm not doing as well as I'm capable of, b/c I'm sabotaging myself. Yet, I won't let myself fail either, although this will come back to bite me b/c now my entire future depends upon it. I've been trying to figure out a way to use my bad habits against me...but haven't yet.
Why do you think you engage in self-sabotage? For me, I think it has something to do with not wanting to be 'too' successful b/c my parents aren't successful by my standards at all, and that would be one more degree of separation between us. But that makes me angry at myself as well.
And do you only self-sabotage in school, or in other things as well? I do it ALL THE TIME, as I said before - work, weightloss, relationships, therapy & even, I think, fighting my depression. A big part of me is scared to not be depressed, b/c I don't know what that would be like or how I would handle it! I used to joke that I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have something to complain about. And I suppose that's true...but what do you do about it?
Penny
Posted by Penny on April 10, 2002, at 16:13:18
In reply to Re: Hi. I'm new here... » Penny, posted by Manda on April 9, 2002, at 21:26:01
> Penny,
> Thanks for responding! No, I haven't "fessed up" to my therapist- I haven't seen her since it happened. I see her on Friday, and I guess I should tell her... It took me weeks to tell her about my previous self-destructive behavior, which was not eating (I lost 20 lbs in less than two weeks.) I have a really hard time talking about things, which is why I think that Psycho-Babble will be really good for me. I can open up so much more in this context...
> -MandaI recommend telling your therapist. It was very helpful for me to actually put into words to someone else the self-destructive things I had done. I mean, moreso than putting them here, b/c it really helped me see just how irrational I was at the time I did what I did. Does that make sense?
However, as I said b/f, this board is amazingly supportive and has been a cathartic outlet for me. I believe it will be for you as well.
Take care.
Penny
Posted by Manda on April 10, 2002, at 21:56:57
In reply to Re: Engaging in self-sabotage . . . » Manda, posted by Penny on April 10, 2002, at 16:10:46
Penny,
No, I don't know why I engage in self-sabotage. I don't know that I'm afraid of succeeding- maybe more afraid of not succeeding, so I do this so that I can justify any failure?? I studied something very similar in one of my psych. classes... I've always been a success in just about everything I've tried, and I guess it's scary to think that maybe I won't succeed at something. So, I make it really hard to succeed so that if I do fail, I can blame it on circumstances and not my ability?? Anyway, I don't really know. What I do know is that I'm constantly making my life even more difficult by sabotaging my efforts. My grades don't really suffer all that much; I just make my life miserable and reinforce all of my negative self-concepts.
Oh, and by the way, this applies to everything in my life too. I know I do it in my battle with depression too. I only wish that I could learn how to stop doing it... Anyway, it's good to hear that I'm not the only one. I thought I must be crazy. :)
Pax,
Amanda
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