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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rach on March 14, 2002, at 1:34:09
I've lost some very special friends recently because I can't seem to write about how I feel, and I get frustrated and upset too easily. It all feels like this huge burden but I can't forget or forgive myself. It's very confusing, because I feel really fantastic sometimes. I know this is making no sense, and I don't expect any replies, but I just need to put this out there. I don't think my friends can write to me either, and I don't know why that is. I really don't have any problems that big, or anything much to go on about, I just miss them.
Posted by trouble on March 14, 2002, at 9:34:29
In reply to I've lost a few friends, posted by Rach on March 14, 2002, at 1:34:09
HI Rach,
I hope you don't mind a reply anyway, and this may not be what you're looking for, but sometimes friends aren't lost to us, they're just missing, and eventually they come back.
If it seems more final than that in your situation I'd like to say 2 things:
Whoever they are, they weren't your only friends, and more important,
they lost you too.take care,
trouble
Posted by LiLi80 on March 14, 2002, at 19:06:53
In reply to I've lost a few friends, posted by Rach on March 14, 2002, at 1:34:09
Most of them won't come back. Sorry, but It's the truth. I have dealt with this too, they dont understand depression, and think its contagious or something. most people tell me that those arent friends and blah blah. But if you want to see if you can draw them back before its too late you have to talk to them about your depression, they wont come to you, trust me. Dont expect to understand only those who have been depressed truely understand.
Posted by Rach on March 14, 2002, at 23:09:14
In reply to Re: I've lost a few friends » Rach, posted by LiLi80 on March 14, 2002, at 19:06:53
trouble, thank you for your words, and I don't mind getting a reply. :)
Lili, unfortunately these friends are ones that do have depression. That's how we met. But sometimes even they don't understand.
> Most of them won't come back. Sorry, but It's the truth. I have dealt with this too, they dont understand depression, and think its contagious or something. most people tell me that those arent friends and blah blah. But if you want to see if you can draw them back before its too late you have to talk to them about your depression, they wont come to you, trust me. Dont expect to understand only those who have been depressed truely understand.
Posted by trouble on March 15, 2002, at 0:52:00
In reply to trouble lili, posted by Rach on March 14, 2002, at 23:09:14
> trouble, thank you for your words, and I don't mind getting a reply. :)
>
> Lili, unfortunately these friends are ones that do have depression. That's how we met. But sometimes even they don't understand.
>Hey Rach,
I think you said it there, unfortunately sometimes the most depressed people are the hardest ones to talk to about being depressed. I've been perplexed by this myself, but I've come to the realization that people approach the unknown w/one of two attiudes, love or fear, love is an open mind and heart, and that's easy to spot, fear however takes many forms, but it always comes down to that, just ordinary fear.
Seeing the rejection of your pals in this light might make it a little easier to bear. You're out of their reach now, try not to take it personally.
You know that cliche about not casting your pearls before swine? It can be a handy guide when looking for friends. In my biased perspective, the best friends for lonesome, moody depressives tend to be bookish, arty mucic lovers who wear dark clothes and make snide comments.
And quiet, holistic, Plain Janes are often deep as wells, and twice as friendly, but they don't get much notice since they tend to be shrinking violets, but they're out there.I'm trying to say that mental illness makes us special, we have always been threatening for having too much intelligence, in fact, the practice of damaging the brains of the mentally ill as a form of treatment, which is still the practice, goes back to this notion, incredibly, that we're too smart...
One way we can put that superior brain power to our advantage is to be discriminating about who we befriend. Be particular, and look for people who are themselves particular, they're out there, and chances are they're looking for you too.
take care,
trouble
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 15, 2002, at 7:33:14
In reply to on friendship for Rachel, posted by trouble on March 15, 2002, at 0:52:00
I'm presuiming I am one fo these people... Well, gee, thanks for the guilt trip... Just what I need right now..
This year has been VERY hard for me so far... I just find it very hard to "chat" about stuff now.. I've lost plenty of friends over this as I am just the flakiest person ever...
hey.. you never mailed me either... not all blame can be put on mehere...
nikki
Posted by Rach on March 15, 2002, at 8:21:58
In reply to Re: on friendship for Rachel, posted by NikkiT2 on March 15, 2002, at 7:33:14
I have emailed you. Please do not think I am talking about you, because I'm not. I'm not blaming anyone, either, just sad that this has happened.
> I'm presuiming I am one fo these people... Well, gee, thanks for the guilt trip... Just what I need right now..
>
> This year has been VERY hard for me so far... I just find it very hard to "chat" about stuff now.. I've lost plenty of friends over this as I am just the flakiest person ever...
>
> hey.. you never mailed me either... not all blame can be put on mehere...
>
> nikki
Posted by Rach on March 15, 2002, at 8:30:36
In reply to on friendship for Rachel, posted by trouble on March 15, 2002, at 0:52:00
> Seeing the rejection of your pals in this light might make it a little easier to bear.
>
Yes, it does make it easier. I'm trying not to take it personally, I guess I am mourning the friendship, and probably still beating myself up for not doing anything to prevent the loss.
>we have always been threatening for having too much intelligence, in fact, the practice of damaging the brains of the mentally ill as a form of treatment, which is still the practice, goes back to this notion, incredibly, that we're too smart...
>
Wow. Interesting theory, I have thought about it before, but not to the point of thinking about ECT as a way to inhibit or decrease intelligence.
> One way we can put that superior brain power to our advantage is to be discriminating about who we befriend.
>
I'm a softie, and I hate having people be angry at me, or dislike me, regardless of the type of person they are. I'm getting better, probably more just part of growing up than anything else. Your words are full of wisdom, thank you.>
> take care,
> troubleYou too,
Rachael
Posted by ELA on March 16, 2002, at 13:04:43
In reply to I've lost a few friends, posted by Rach on March 14, 2002, at 1:34:09
Hi Rachel,
I've lost some friends recently, too, through my drinking and depression. I was really ill last November with blood clots in my lungs. At the beginning of January I tried to kill myself and blamed 2 of my best friends for everything that had happened to me. Now that I look back on it, my drinking had been pushing people away for years.
I've been through a treatment programme recently and have learnt a lot about friends and what expectations we should have of each other. You see, expectations is what a lot of it boils down to. I constantly had unrealistic expectations of everyone and was always disappointed. Now, I'm trying hard not to expect anything and just take each day as it comes.
I don't know what situation you're in but why don't you write to your friends first? Any that ignore your letter or don't get in touch are probably not worth having around anyway. Easier said than done but it's the bitter pill I've had to swallow, too.
I'm sure you'll be ok. We can all give the usual "solutions" - go and make new friends, phone them etc etc - but it isn't always what you feel like doing. I know how you're feeling but just hang in there. Things work out eventually, particularly if God is in your life. Take care.
Emma.
Posted by dove on March 19, 2002, at 11:17:48
In reply to I've lost a few friends, posted by Rach on March 14, 2002, at 1:34:09
What you are writing makes perfect sense, and don't feel pressure to respond to all the replies to *your* message =o) Seriously! I have thought, spoken, cried, and written those same feelings and emotions so many times myself. In fact, it has been one of my greatest hindrances to getting support from my p-doc's, my friends that are left (only one left who lives in the same state), my family, and the entire P-Babble board.
I seem to shut-down when I get into my dark places; and when I need help the most, I am too overwhelmed to write or call or reach out. And the few times I have tried, I couldn't get a single full sentence out and all I did was frustrate the one trying to help me and make him think I was crazy and suicidal.
At this exact moment, I have at least 20 different people who have been waiting a significant amount of time (a month+) for a reply from me, and that's just cyberspace, real-life is even worse. I also have to make myself let go of the guilt, I hate the guilt and it only weighs me down and keeps me from re-connecting.
>
>Be particular, and look for people who are themselves particular, they're out there, and chances are they're looking for you too.
>
>I have found this to be absolutely true, and have been literally shocked by the people who have chosen to stand by me ("be there" for me) because I never would have guessed that they were open to a friendship with a madly moody long-term depressive.
dove
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