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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ELA on January 21, 2002, at 14:00:48
Well I tried to take the easy way out and run away on Saturday via paracetamol and slashing my wrists. It didn't work and I'm not sure whether that was fortunate or unfortunate yet. The counselling thing is getting off the ground at long last now and I'm hoping that things will be ok.
Posted by kid_A on January 21, 2002, at 15:23:09
In reply to failed suicide attempt, posted by ELA on January 21, 2002, at 14:00:48
In all cases it is a very fortunate thing. Don't assume that I don't think about suicide... With meds and some counciling it isn't as prevalent, but beyond that, I have a desire, a will to survive, because when I take that last action, (and I refer so much to it metaphoricly in my poetry that its begining to sound redundant), when I do that last thing, I've failed, ultimately, I've let this horrible world win, and in doing so I've hurt people who might have cared about me.There are many reasons to wan't to do it, and many reasons why you shouldn't... I can't preach to you any better than I can stop myself from feeling what a horrible unfair world this is... But at least, when I hold a razor, I know I'm in control, and every day I wake up, I'm in control a little bit longer.
Stay with us, ELA, you're amoung friends.
Posted by Greg A. on January 21, 2002, at 16:18:37
In reply to failed suicide attempt, posted by ELA on January 21, 2002, at 14:00:48
Just take time-out from the world ELA. Do nothing. There are no decisions to be made that won’t wait. There is no problem that can’t be helped. Just let others take over for awhile and get you healthy – then you can make some decisions to help you stay that way.
I have a wife and two teenage daughters. I thought about suicide. I know it’s not about others – it’s about how much pain you are in and how to get out of it. Hang in there and we will help you – Okay?
Greg
Posted by IsoM on January 21, 2002, at 16:33:02
In reply to Re: failed suicide attempt, posted by Greg A. on January 21, 2002, at 16:18:37
ELA, stay with us, please. We don't want you to leave us. Your small victories feel like ours too.
At work this week, one of my young co-workers lost his best friend to suicide. The guy was only 20 years old & being young, he saw no way out. As one gets older, realisation develops that there's always going to be bad times but there WILL BE many good times too. The young man's father found his son hanging in the garage. The father & mother are wandering around like zombies, my young co-worker is trying to do all he can for the parents but he's devastated too.
Sweetie, you're still young & while your problems *have been* overwhelming (I'm not trying to belittle the magnitude of what's happened to you), most of your life previous to your illness sounds like it was good. Even if the illness takes a couple of years out of your life to properly lick, you'll have decades ahead of you full of joy, friends, love & family. Please give it all a chance.
Maybe with the failed attempt, things will really get rolling to button down what's at the source of all your troubles. Please roll your burden onto others to help carry. I know they want to help.
Posted by crinn on January 21, 2002, at 18:08:04
In reply to Re: failed suicide attempt for ELA, posted by IsoM on January 21, 2002, at 16:33:02
Just something I read last week--"why do we call a suicide when we live, failed, and when we die, successful?" I know where you're at, I've tried suicide once, and my good friend tried twice--once with an overdose, and the second time she shot herself in the head--the bullet is still there. I don't know how much you believe in God or not, but in the Bible, Elijah, a *great* prophet prayed to God to kill him--repeatedly over 40 days.
I know how hard it is when the illness overtakes you and you feel you have no choice but to die. I'm glad you are alive. I will hold a good thought.
Warmly,
Crinn
> ELA, stay with us, please. We don't want you to leave us. Your small victories feel like ours too.
>
> At work this week, one of my young co-workers lost his best friend to suicide. The guy was only 20 years old & being young, he saw no way out. As one gets older, realisation develops that there's always going to be bad times but there WILL BE many good times too. The young man's father found his son hanging in the garage. The father & mother are wandering around like zombies, my young co-worker is trying to do all he can for the parents but he's devastated too.
>
> Sweetie, you're still young & while your problems *have been* overwhelming (I'm not trying to belittle the magnitude of what's happened to you), most of your life previous to your illness sounds like it was good. Even if the illness takes a couple of years out of your life to properly lick, you'll have decades ahead of you full of joy, friends, love & family. Please give it all a chance.
>
> Maybe with the failed attempt, things will really get rolling to button down what's at the source of all your troubles. Please roll your burden onto others to help carry. I know they want to help.
Posted by Shar on January 21, 2002, at 22:01:43
In reply to Re: failed suicide attempt for ELA, posted by crinn on January 21, 2002, at 18:08:04
> Elijah, a *great* prophet prayed to God to kill him--repeatedly over 40 days.
And what happened?
Shar
Posted by crinn on January 22, 2002, at 7:12:40
In reply to C---so what did god do about elijah? » crinn, posted by Shar on January 21, 2002, at 22:01:43
Elijah, who biblical scholars believe was bi-polar, btw, was so depressed that he couldn't eat, nor could he even pray, except for the prayer to have God kill him. The rest of his prayers were silent, he was in so much mental anguish. Finally, after 40 days, God replied to him, not with thunder, or a great sign, but with that now famous passage, "be still and know that I am God." Jeremiah, another "famous" OT character, scholars believe had clinical depression, and he constantly struggled with it. God told him to go out, and reach out to His people. Jeremiah obeyed, but everytime he did, he needed "down time" to deal with his depression (sound familiar? this is certainly the case with me). Not to push religion on anyone, I believe it is a terribly personal choice, and certainly I have been very angry that God is taking me through this dark valley. But a very good book I found is called "A Candle at Midnight". It is primarily about prayer vigils for people with clinical depression--not as a cure-all, but as one more thing that may help. Anyway the back part of the book has all kinds of Biblical characters--Old Testament & New, that suffered a number of mental illnesses, as well as personal setbacks, and how they dealt with it. It has helped me much the same way this board has helped me--I know that I am not alone in this, and even on the days I feel most hopeless, I see that other people have survived, and even have good days.
Sorry to have rambled on--I'm pretty spacey these days (understatement) and can't seem to be consise about anything. I hope this helps.
Warmly,
Crinn> > Elijah, a *great* prophet prayed to God to kill him--repeatedly over 40 days.
>
> And what happened?
> Shar
Posted by Dinah on January 22, 2002, at 8:10:18
In reply to Re: C---so what did god do about elijah?, posted by crinn on January 22, 2002, at 7:12:40
Posted by JohnDoenut on January 22, 2002, at 9:19:32
In reply to Re: C---so what did god do about elijah?, posted by crinn on January 22, 2002, at 7:12:40
First I would like to say that I'm glad ELA is still with us! I hope things can be worked out.
I agree with whoever said just do nothing. Yesterday on my first day of unemployment, I just did nothing! I have so much to do but I felt like I needed downtime, time to gather my strength for all that I must do.As for Elijah, its interesting. I'm not that religious but as I left work for the last time, I thought about this:
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul, he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff
they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of
my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.JohnD
Posted by fi on January 22, 2002, at 10:21:20
In reply to failed suicide attempt, posted by ELA on January 21, 2002, at 14:00:48
I should have checked *all* the messages before replying to the earlier one- sorry for being out of touch/out of date.
You should feel a lot better in a lot less than a couple of years. The counselling gives you a skilled ally to share the burden of all the worry and hopelessness. As I said before, the clot problem looks like something *temporary* that will pass. If you need them, anti-depressants usually start to make life a lot less grim after a couple of weeks.
So hang on in there- there are realistic reasons for hope in your situation; its not just some fluffy myth!
As people on the Board have said many times before, you can always change your mind later- give life the benefit of the doubt for the moment. Use support- remember that apart from anything else, you can ring the Samaritans 24 hours a day (and also send them anonymous emails, if you want to). Phone no is 08457 90 90 90
(national no but charged at local rates).I dont know if its helpful, but there's a link on a webpage (where I found the Sams details, but not their page) specifically for people who are suicidal (http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/index.html)
Fi
Posted by ELA on January 22, 2002, at 11:10:31
In reply to Re: failed suicide attempt, posted by fi on January 22, 2002, at 10:21:20
Just thankyou for responding I guess. The really "funny" thing about the failure of what I tried to do on Saturday is that I feel that I have now turned a corner. I want to sort myself out as I'm starting to get on my own nerves more than anything else is! As several of you have said to me, I fully intend to stay with this site. It's so nice to have people not judging everything I'm doing. Thank god I found you all. I really do feel much better and will keep you all posted - am about to start psychotherapy and counselling and think my meds are going to be changed as well. Fingers crossed...
Emma. x
Posted by IsoM on January 22, 2002, at 12:31:50
In reply to BIG thankyou everyone, posted by ELA on January 22, 2002, at 11:10:31
Even knowing your name now, seems special - Emma ...a very pretty name, I like it.
Thanks for staying with us. :) I din't mean to imply that it would take a couple of years to get better, just that the time period will be short as compared to the rest of your life. I'm still puzzled over why someone as young as you would develop blood clots. It's not normal for sure. Take care of yourself!
>
> Just thankyou for responding I guess. The really "funny" thing about the failure of what I tried to do on Saturday is that I feel that I have now turned a corner. I want to sort myself out as I'm starting to get on my own nerves more than anything else is! As several of you have said to me, I fully intend to stay with this site. It's so nice to have people not judging everything I'm doing. Thank god I found you all. I really do feel much better and will keep you all posted - am about to start psychotherapy and counselling and think my meds are going to be changed as well. Fingers crossed...
>
> Emma. x
Posted by ELA on January 22, 2002, at 15:15:24
In reply to Re: BIG thankyou everyone » ELA, posted by IsoM on January 22, 2002, at 12:31:50
I've always quite liked my name as well, it means "of the universe" or something apparantly which makes me feel quite important when I'm having a good day!!! As for why I got pulmonary embollisms at 20, it was very bad luck and the only reason the docs can think of is that I was on the pill since I was 15. Am now off it obviously. What you say about 2 years seeming short compared to my whole life I wholly agree with and that is what I am now trying to hold on to as I struggle through this difficult time. Thanks again. :) Emma.
> Even knowing your name now, seems special - Emma ...a very pretty name, I like it.
>
> Thanks for staying with us. :) I din't mean to imply that it would take a couple of years to get better, just that the time period will be short as compared to the rest of your life. I'm still puzzled over why someone as young as you would develop blood clots. It's not normal for sure. Take care of yourself!
>
> >
> > Just thankyou for responding I guess. The really "funny" thing about the failure of what I tried to do on Saturday is that I feel that I have now turned a corner. I want to sort myself out as I'm starting to get on my own nerves more than anything else is! As several of you have said to me, I fully intend to stay with this site. It's so nice to have people not judging everything I'm doing. Thank god I found you all. I really do feel much better and will keep you all posted - am about to start psychotherapy and counselling and think my meds are going to be changed as well. Fingers crossed...
> >
> > Emma. x
Posted by Fi on January 22, 2002, at 16:19:44
In reply to more details » IsoM, posted by ELA on January 22, 2002, at 15:15:24
Hi Emma
Although you should feel better really soon, I suspect most of us find it easiest to focus on getting thru Today (whichever day it is at the time). So well done- you got thru Sat, and you've got thru 2 whole days and most of another one since. Once you get the counselling you wont be doing it so much on your own, either.
So praise yourself for getting thru Tuesday. Claire Weekes has a good saying for it- see is as adding another bead to the string. Another day done and dusted, and survived.
Tomorrows aim is to get thru Wed- but dont start thinking about that till tomorrow.
There's people all over the place keeping their fingers crossed for you, too!
Fi
Posted by Shar on January 23, 2002, at 1:42:54
In reply to Re: C---so what did god do about elijah?, posted by crinn on January 22, 2002, at 7:12:40
Posted by finelinebob on January 25, 2002, at 1:14:21
In reply to failed suicide attempt, posted by ELA on January 21, 2002, at 14:00:48
> Well I tried to take the easy way out ...
Emma, couldn't have been that easy if you're still around now, could it? I know it's a very popular "public health message" counter to suicide, but I think it does a disservice to just what we are going through when we reach that point of decision, let alone acting on it.
Choosing to die is pretty damn hard.
Choosing to live may be harder still, at times. But I'm still here because twenty years ago or so, when I was ready to die, I just didn't have it in me to follow through. Living was the easy way out, even if more painful in the long run. Besides, my failed attempt was one more thing I had to beat myself up about, so I did get some mileage out of it.
I'm glad you're still with us. Even more so that you feel you've "turned a corner" in getting beyond this experience. Sounds like you're handling it better than I did at the time.
be well,
flb
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