![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by zarathustra on December 30, 2001, at 23:24:09
After many futile trips to the hospital E.R. because I am suicidal and wanted help, I decided to goto the Clarke institute here in Toronto and Get myself a psychiatrist. He says that for years, I have been treated for depression when in fact, it is bipolar disorder and epilepsy. I dont dispute the epileptic component (complex partial seizures), but I still believe I am depressed. He currently has me taking divalproex-sodium 750mg B.I.D. and there is little change in suicidal impulses or mood stabilisation. When I initiated this drug, the side effects were horrific for about 2 weeks, and then subsided, I then had three beautifull happy cheerfull undepressed days, and then I crashed back to normal.
I am tired and I feel old (just turned 27) I feel like there is no one to listen or understand. I am under soooo much stress from home, job, friends, finances. I really think that I am the closest ever to actually going through with it. Its very hard to explain: When I began seeing this shrink about 4 months ago, my hope was renewed to a new level, he had me convinced that a solution was right around the corner and "AHA I know whats wrong with you!!!"
That has not come to fruition and it has sapped ALL of my remaining hope. I cant think straight or remember anything, if this alone improved I would be much happier. Its not that I'm sad, Its that I'm neither, its like I just cant feel at all.
My latest dilema is existential: Do I stay here in Toronto and find a good paying job get a house, 1.7 kids, 1.9 cars e.t.c. doing the "responsible thing"
or
Follow my heart and take off to the Rocky's and find some quaint friendly lumber town and live a simple life moving from place to place doing whatever I feel like? I'm 27 and I have no idea what I want to do, I know what I dont want to do; be a part of the phony capitalist materialistic 'machine'.
I'm just rambling out thoughts, please dont feel compelled to read.
I hate life I hate people (of which I am one), I am almost ashamed to be human.Where does one go to find themselves? church? spiritual renewal centre? Mountains? Does anyone know, or could anyone tell me what worked for them, please?
Andrew
Posted by janejj on December 31, 2001, at 0:24:25
In reply to Babbling, posted by zarathustra on December 30, 2001, at 23:24:09
Follow your heart, that's the only way you'll end up happy.
Jane >
After many futile trips to the hospital E.R. because I am suicidal and wanted help, I decided to goto the Clarke institute here in Toronto and Get myself a psychiatrist. He says that for years, I have been treated for depression when in fact, it is bipolar disorder and epilepsy. I dont dispute the epileptic component (complex partial seizures), but I still believe I am depressed. He currently has me taking divalproex-sodium 750mg B.I.D. and there is little change in suicidal impulses or mood stabilisation. When I initiated this drug, the side effects were horrific for about 2 weeks, and then subsided, I then had three beautifull happy cheerfull undepressed days, and then I crashed back to normal.
> I am tired and I feel old (just turned 27) I feel like there is no one to listen or understand. I am under soooo much stress from home, job, friends, finances. I really think that I am the closest ever to actually going through with it. Its very hard to explain: When I began seeing this shrink about 4 months ago, my hope was renewed to a new level, he had me convinced that a solution was right around the corner and "AHA I know whats wrong with you!!!"
> That has not come to fruition and it has sapped ALL of my remaining hope. I cant think straight or remember anything, if this alone improved I would be much happier. Its not that I'm sad, Its that I'm neither, its like I just cant feel at all.
> My latest dilema is existential: Do I stay here in Toronto and find a good paying job get a house, 1.7 kids, 1.9 cars e.t.c. doing the "responsible thing"
> or
> Follow my heart and take off to the Rocky's and find some quaint friendly lumber town and live a simple life moving from place to place doing whatever I feel like? I'm 27 and I have no idea what I want to do, I know what I dont want to do; be a part of the phony capitalist materialistic 'machine'.
> I'm just rambling out thoughts, please dont feel compelled to read.
> I hate life I hate people (of which I am one), I am almost ashamed to be human.
>
> Where does one go to find themselves? church? spiritual renewal centre? Mountains? Does anyone know, or could anyone tell me what worked for them, please?
>
> Andrew
Posted by MarthaM on December 31, 2001, at 9:27:15
In reply to Re: Babbling, posted by janejj on December 31, 2001, at 0:24:25
Andrew,
I've just gone through a major life change. I've moved back to my home town in the middle of the mid-west where people are more "real" than on the west coast (no offense to ANY west coasters here! I was just brought up in "small town" usa and never could adapt to the west coast after 20 years) I had isolated myself from my family.This has helped me GREATLY! I was becoming suicidal - and this list is the first time I have EVER said that "outloud" - haven't even told my Dr that yet. With my major life change, I've gotten help and went to a dr and am being treated for this depression. I'm just on the very start of treatement but at least I don't want to take my own life anymore. I'm grateful that feeling has passed.
I'm not saying pack up and move to the Rockies (dang cold this time of year!) but you really should DO what you would be most content in your heart. Go to church if that's what you seek - I'm also trying Church going and looking for a renewal in my heart and spirit, hasn't come yet, but, if nothing else I'm enjoying meeting the people and it gets my hiney out of the house!
Just remember, packing your backpack and putting on your boots isn't going to solve the problem, but if that's where you would be content then it will GREATLY help you get through these hard times. Anything you can do to get one iota of happiness around you with people and things that you love and that love you back will help.
I've learned that you MUST enjoy those precious seconds of happiness that do occasionally creep in! With people like "us" it's so rare! But I think when a second of happiness happens to "us" we treasure it all the more huh? :)
That's my opinion, take it with a grain of salt.
Martha < --- and you think YOU babble!
Posted by mair on December 31, 2001, at 13:52:43
In reply to Re: Babbling, posted by MarthaM on December 31, 2001, at 9:27:15
> Andrew - I was first diagnosed with depression when I was around your age. My psychiatrist at the time, after making this diagnostic pronouncement, told me I had 2 choices. One was to go into psychotherapy and to try to treat the depression in the context of my job and lifestyle. The other was to quit my job, pack up my things and move to an island or similar place of isolation and totally change my life for awhile. I chose the former. Foolishly, I didn't think I could do the latter financially or otherwise. I eventually acquired the spouse, kids, house and mortgage. While I don't regret any of them (maybe the house and mortgage), I'm still fighting depression not particularly successfully most of the time. On more than one ocassion I've wished I had the courage to have made the other choice. A rut is a rut is a rut.
Mair
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.