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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on December 25, 2001, at 16:11:35
The Hounds of WinterSnow is falling outside my window, on a cold, blustery Canadian winter's eve. I just turned 32 on Saturday. I try to put faith in medicine...pull so damn hard, pray that it will crush this pain. The only reason to live is to be happy inside, full of love, hope, faith....but I feel just this dull ache.
I have added yet another medication to my cocktail...dammit I will take anything to push, shove, pull and rip at this dull ache. Dammit I am not gonna give up...I..we all...deserve *the best*...to feel the best...full of light and love....that is the *only* reason to live. Screw the excess...the greed...the selfishness...the materialism...that is stuff of true *evil*. Love is the only reason to live...
Peace...
Jay
Posted by dreamer on December 25, 2001, at 19:03:06
In reply to Alone In The Universe tonight..On XmasDayEve..:-(, posted by jay on December 25, 2001, at 16:11:35
>
> The Hounds of Winter
>
> Snow is falling outside my window, on a cold, blustery Canadian winter's eve. I just turned 32 on Saturday. I try to put faith in medicine...pull so damn hard, pray that it will crush this pain. The only reason to live is to be happy inside, full of love, hope, faith....but I feel just this dull ache.
>
> I have added yet another medication to my cocktail...dammit I will take anything to push, shove, pull and rip at this dull ache. Dammit I am not gonna give up...I..we all...deserve *the best*...to feel the best...full of light and love....that is the *only* reason to live. Screw the excess...the greed...the selfishness...the materialism...that is stuff of true *evil*. Love is the only reason to live...
>
> Peace...
>
> JayMe too alone but I could do with some snow , love it . Today the folks upstairs argued most of the day good opportunity to play my tunes loud.
Ate a simple meal , slept , just another day:-)
I'll look up at the stars and say hi.dreamerx
Posted by verne on December 26, 2001, at 1:54:10
In reply to Alone In The Universe tonight..On XmasDayEve..:-(, posted by jay on December 25, 2001, at 16:11:35
I agree.
Love is where its at. Don't think too much about it. "Lean not on your own understanding" - bible somewhere. Human reasoning is complete bull.
Yet, after being "born again", I still questioned life's meaning. My heart had changed, I felt more peace but life still made no sense.
Posted by sjb on December 26, 2001, at 16:35:53
In reply to Re: Alone In The Universe tonight..On XmasDayEve..:-(, posted by verne on December 26, 2001, at 1:54:10
You can be alone when with other people, too. I just spent the holiday with my husband's family and was so proud that I did well for the first couple of days. But, I fell apart. Hate myself for overeating, over drinking, they don't, or they don't overeat like i do, but most don't. Feel so out of control and alone. Now back at the house alone, but with my cats, while my husband's at the gym. Drinking wine and thinking about some sort of sedative.
Sometimes, I just wish I could just disappear. Can't seem to accomplish much 'cause I get so down. PDoc is just 30 minute business session, he doesn't give a poop and repeats things/question 'cause he can't remember or keep patients straight.
People are into themselves, possessions, etc. I agree with that. So sick of trying to prove I'm worthy. Don't have any sense of belonging anywhere. Called my parents and put of the fake, "Yeah, everything is fine, had a good time, etc" routine. Why should I worry them with my stupid BS when they have health problems. Oh, I drone on.
Anyway, I relate to you guys. I've spend holidays alone, physically, and yes, it is just another day. But it's another day that others celebrate and makes us feel more out of place for not being part of it, whatever that is. Excuse me, just another reason for ME to feel more out of place, guilty and sad.
This is the end of the thread.
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