Posted by sjb on December 26, 2001, at 16:35:53
In reply to Re: Alone In The Universe tonight..On XmasDayEve..:-(, posted by verne on December 26, 2001, at 1:54:10
You can be alone when with other people, too. I just spent the holiday with my husband's family and was so proud that I did well for the first couple of days. But, I fell apart. Hate myself for overeating, over drinking, they don't, or they don't overeat like i do, but most don't. Feel so out of control and alone. Now back at the house alone, but with my cats, while my husband's at the gym. Drinking wine and thinking about some sort of sedative.
Sometimes, I just wish I could just disappear. Can't seem to accomplish much 'cause I get so down. PDoc is just 30 minute business session, he doesn't give a poop and repeats things/question 'cause he can't remember or keep patients straight.
People are into themselves, possessions, etc. I agree with that. So sick of trying to prove I'm worthy. Don't have any sense of belonging anywhere. Called my parents and put of the fake, "Yeah, everything is fine, had a good time, etc" routine. Why should I worry them with my stupid BS when they have health problems. Oh, I drone on.
Anyway, I relate to you guys. I've spend holidays alone, physically, and yes, it is just another day. But it's another day that others celebrate and makes us feel more out of place for not being part of it, whatever that is. Excuse me, just another reason for ME to feel more out of place, guilty and sad.
poster:sjb
thread:15903
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011216/msgs/15926.html