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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Drewsprt23 on December 14, 2001, at 10:37:38
Hello Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a year and 6
months. I lied to her, which were small white lies.
I lied to her when we first went out about me being a life
guard another being a gucci model, and the fact of her feeling
betrayed of her trust. Like a month ago a girl called and i told
her it was someone else. But it has been a month things have
been good and i do not want to lie to her ever again. I want to
be open with her. I love her to death. She still feels i am
capable of lieing.What can I do to reassure her I wont lie again?
What can I do? Cause I dont want to lose her.Depressed Drew
Posted by tina on December 14, 2001, at 10:43:39
In reply to Depressed Trust, posted by Drewsprt23 on December 14, 2001, at 10:37:38
You can't just make someone trust you. It takes time and effort. You;ll have to be patient. She'll trust you again if you are willing to keep being honest but be willing to have it take some time as well.
> Hello Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a year and 6
> months. I lied to her, which were small white lies.
> I lied to her when we first went out about me being a life
> guard another being a gucci model, and the fact of her feeling
> betrayed of her trust. Like a month ago a girl called and i told
> her it was someone else. But it has been a month things have
> been good and i do not want to lie to her ever again. I want to
> be open with her. I love her to death. She still feels i am
> capable of lieing.What can I do to reassure her I wont lie again?
> What can I do? Cause I dont want to lose her.
>
> Depressed Drew
Posted by cmcdougall on December 14, 2001, at 12:21:13
In reply to Re: Depressed Trust, posted by tina on December 14, 2001, at 10:43:39
The only way for her to trust you again is to never lie to her again. Just DON'T DO IT. As time goes by (and it might take months) you can regain her trust.
You might want to think about why you felt compelled to lie to her in the first place. Do you feel that the "true you" isn't exciting enough for her?
Posted by Anna Laura on December 15, 2001, at 2:36:15
In reply to Depressed Trust, posted by Drewsprt23 on December 14, 2001, at 10:37:38
> Hello Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a year and 6
> months. I lied to her, which were small white lies.
> I lied to her when we first went out about me being a life
> guard another being a gucci model, and the fact of her feeling
> betrayed of her trust. Like a month ago a girl called and i told
> her it was someone else. But it has been a month things have
> been good and i do not want to lie to her ever again. I want to
> be open with her. I love her to death. She still feels i am
> capable of lieing.What can I do to reassure her I wont lie again?
> What can I do? Cause I dont want to lose her.
>
> Depressed Drew
May be you should ask yourself why did you have to lie to her in the first place.
I also used to lie in my teen-age years: i was scared people might find out what lied beneath the mask in the long run. Don't do that. It's definetely not a good idea, gets you very troubled and anxious and you'll eventually doubt about your own real identity strength. Please be careful: It's an addictive habit.
As far as regaining your girlfriend's trust, i suggest you to tell her exactly why you had to lie to her and tell her about your fears and lack of selfconfidence. Even if she may reject you, you won't be sorry since you'llbe certain you had the guts to open up and tell her the truth.
I think you should accept yourself for what you are: that doesn't necessarily imply you're not a valuable and fascinating person. You should have the courage to look what's beneath the mask with love and self-respect. It's not that easy , i know. You may not like what you see at first, but believe me, you'll like in the long run and you won't regret it since being ourselves and love it it's a much higher pleasure then the short-lived gratification of playing with fake identies.
i'm aware it's very difficult, you may want to take one step at a time.
Posted by Drewsprt23 on December 17, 2001, at 10:52:35
In reply to Depressed Trust, posted by Drewsprt23 on December 14, 2001, at 10:37:38
I just sometimes felt that I was not good enough for her or unattractive at times. I like attention and knowing that i still turn that person on.Physically,mentally,emotionally.
> Hello Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a year and 6
> months. I lied to her, which were small white lies.
> I lied to her when we first went out about me being a life
> guard another being a gucci model, and the fact of her feeling
> betrayed of her trust. Like a month ago a girl called and i told
> her it was someone else. But it has been a month things have
> been good and i do not want to lie to her ever again. I want to
> be open with her. I love her to death. She still feels i am
> capable of lieing.What can I do to reassure her I wont lie again?
> What can I do? Cause I dont want to lose her.
>
> Depressed Drew
Posted by tina on December 17, 2001, at 10:57:44
In reply to Re: Depressed Trust, posted by Drewsprt23 on December 17, 2001, at 10:52:35
> I just sometimes felt that I was not good enough for her or unattractive at times. I like attention and knowing that i still turn that person on.Physically,mentally,emotionally.
Everybody wants that Drew. Have you two discussed the fact that you need to be reassured now and then of these things? Have you two had a really good heart to heart, brutally honest talk?
That's always a good idea.>
>
>
> > Hello Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a year and 6
> > months. I lied to her, which were small white lies.
> > I lied to her when we first went out about me being a life
> > guard another being a gucci model, and the fact of her feeling
> > betrayed of her trust. Like a month ago a girl called and i told
> > her it was someone else. But it has been a month things have
> > been good and i do not want to lie to her ever again. I want to
> > be open with her. I love her to death. She still feels i am
> > capable of lieing.What can I do to reassure her I wont lie again?
> > What can I do? Cause I dont want to lose her.
> >
> > Depressed Drew
Posted by Shar on December 17, 2001, at 13:58:54
In reply to HELP ON TRUST, posted by Drewsprt23 on December 17, 2001, at 10:30:27
(this is not a kinder, gentler response)
Actions speak louder than words. The way to earn her trust is to not lie to her.
How did she find out you lied to her? If you told her you lied it sounds like a mind fu*k to me. If she found out on her own, she is one smart cookie.
I would say if you've lied previously and easily, you ARE capable of doing so again unless you make a decision and a commitment not to. But, I bet you knew that already.
Up to you.
Shar
> Hello Me and my girlfriend have been going out for a year and 6
> months. I lied to her, which were small white lies.
> I lied to her when we first went out about me being a life
> guard another being a gucci model, and the fact of her feeling
> betrayed of her trust. Like a month ago a girl called and i told
> her it was someone else. But it has been a month things have
> been good and i do not want to lie to her ever again. I want to
> be open with her. I love her to death. She still feels i am
> capable of lieing.What can I do to reassure her I wont lie again?
> What can I do? Cause I dont want to lose her.
>
> Depressed Drew
This is the end of the thread.
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