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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kristi on December 1, 2001, at 21:21:20
There is a thread about love on here, altho I think it's first loves. I've had a few... but fell head over heals deeply for one in particular who just uped and left a couple of years ago. I didn't know where he went. I did some "sluething" and found him to be at his mom's house in Iowa. Did some more "sleuthing" and found his phone number and address. So... at a low moment I called him. He was nice enough... and we had an ok small talk type conversation knowing the whole time he was probably wondering how I found him. I daydreamed about just showing up on his doorstop. Funny how in the movies that is incredibly romantic, yet in real life it's like staulker stuff. :-) I shouldn't have called tho..... I think I made myself look like an ass and I'm finding myself having to get over him all over again.
Just a little story to share.........
Posted by christophrejmc on December 1, 2001, at 21:36:18
In reply to Feelin' rather stupid..., posted by Kristi on December 1, 2001, at 21:21:20
If someone doesn't end up looking like an ass, I don't think it deserves to be called love.
> There is a thread about love on here, altho I think it's first loves. I've had a few... but fell head over heals deeply for one in particular who just uped and left a couple of years ago. I didn't know where he went. I did some "sluething" and found him to be at his mom's house in Iowa. Did some more "sleuthing" and found his phone number and address. So... at a low moment I called him. He was nice enough... and we had an ok small talk type conversation knowing the whole time he was probably wondering how I found him. I daydreamed about just showing up on his doorstop. Funny how in the movies that is incredibly romantic, yet in real life it's like staulker stuff. :-) I shouldn't have called tho..... I think I made myself look like an ass and I'm finding myself having to get over him all over again.
> Just a little story to share.........
Posted by Mair on December 1, 2001, at 21:42:57
In reply to Feelin' rather stupid..., posted by Kristi on December 1, 2001, at 21:21:20
Kristi - maybe it felt a little awkward because he's not the right guy - and how would you really know that unless you had that conversation? Don't feel stupid - maybe just somewhat wiser.
Mair
PS I have this college roommate who used to be my best friend. We lost touch for quite awhile. Then I got a letter from her out of the blue a few years ago. I didn't write back because I was in the fog of depression. By the time I got back to her it was about 2 years later and she never responded to that letter. About a month ago or so I wrote her again. Still no response. I hold on to this memory of a very close friendship and this illusion that I can repair some of the damage done by my depression. Maybe my memory is rosier than it should be and just too much time has passed. I'm not sure this is at all like your situation, but it does seem hard sometimes to let go.
Posted by Augusta on December 1, 2001, at 22:01:52
In reply to Feelin' rather stupid..., posted by Kristi on December 1, 2001, at 21:21:20
> . . . .one in particular who just upped and left a couple of years ago. I didn't know where he went.
> So... at a low moment I called him.
Kristi,
Here is my take on your story -- who created this problem? It seems to me that he did. It is not nice and not fair to just "disappear" on someone, as he did to you. Since you did not have a chance to say goodbye or ask any questions, or anything else, it is not all that surprising that something has remained in your system, that you did not achieve (if you'll excuse the word) "closure" with respect to him.
And we all do that, I think, when we feel very, very low. We look back for a time when we felt better and we think of the people who made us feel better and who might do so again.
So, I think that he is the one who has to account for his actions, not you. Hopefully, having spoken to him now you will have a clearer sense that this relationship is indeed over, and you will be able to move on to something more rewarding. (I really don't mean to hurt you by saying that, it just does seem that that's what has happened.)
Posted by sar on December 2, 2001, at 13:19:25
In reply to No need to feel that way, posted by Augusta on December 1, 2001, at 22:01:52
Kristi,
i just wanted to let you know that i did the same thing about a year ago...called the guy i kind of dated/lost my virginity to in high school and dated later on (when he tracked me down 3 years later)...i let 3 years pass and then called him...the conversation was awkward, i felt stupid, like he was talking to me out of obligation...the only victory was that at 22 i was almost done with a college degree and living comfortably, and at 23 he was divorced with 2 children by different mothers and working as a clinical aide after getting his GED.
i agree with Christopher--when it's true love, someone inevitably looks like an ass.
on the other hand, when people have tracked me down, regardless of who they were, i have always felt flattered that they remembered me fondly and took the trouble to call.
Posted by Kristi on December 2, 2001, at 13:52:03
In reply to Re: No need to feel that way, posted by sar on December 2, 2001, at 13:19:25
> Kristi,
>
> i just wanted to let you know that i did the same thing about a year ago...called the guy i kind of dated/lost my virginity to in high school and dated later on (when he tracked me down 3 years later)...i let 3 years pass and then called him...the conversation was awkward, i felt stupid, like he was talking to me out of obligation...the only victory was that at 22 i was almost done with a college degree and living comfortably, and at 23 he was divorced with 2 children by different mothers and working as a clinical aide after getting his GED.
Yah way! That's what it's about. You gotta love that stuff. :-) I know, I'm bad.
> i agree with Christopher--when it's true love, someone inevitably looks like an ass.
>
> on the other hand, when people have tracked me down, regardless of who they were, i have always felt flattered that they remembered me fondly and took the trouble to call.
That is soooooooo true. I always seem to be the one that contacts lost friends... whether it be male or female. That gave me a pretty big self esteem problem once, but I got over it. I attribute it to being a Cancer and we love for life. :-) I thru that in cuz in a thread above you mentioned your sign.Hey..... did that little hotty neighbor ever try to get a hold of you again? Kind of curious how that turned out. Thanks for your thoughts Sar, always welcomed.
Take care PINKY,..... LV, Kristi
P.s. on another thread you mentioned wearing hot pink cuz no one else does..... that wanting to be different thing. I drove thru Jack in the box the other night and in my meal was a "holiday ball" for my anteanna.... if your not familiar with those your gonna be lost. But anyway... so many people around here have them on their cars, and I used to think they were cute until everyone started putting them on, so I took mine off and don't use it anymore. I'm not sure what just made me write all that down. :-)
Posted by Kristi on December 2, 2001, at 13:55:08
In reply to No need to feel that way, posted by Augusta on December 1, 2001, at 22:01:52
Augusta,
Your post was pretty insightful..... hit the nail on the head.
Even tho our conversation didn't fully give me closure... well, I guess it gave me the closest I'll ever get.
I think I'll always love him, and always have an empty space in my heart for him.
He was the "one" that 4 years into our dating, I still got the flutters. We "seemed" to be the perfect couple. I guess not.
I just have to learn to cherish the memory and not him.
Thanks much for replying. Take care... Krisi
> > . . . .one in particular who just upped and left a couple of years ago. I didn't know where he went.
>
> > So... at a low moment I called him.
>
> Kristi,
>
> Here is my take on your story -- who created this problem? It seems to me that he did. It is not nice and not fair to just "disappear" on someone, as he did to you. Since you did not have a chance to say goodbye or ask any questions, or anything else, it is not all that surprising that something has remained in your system, that you did not achieve (if you'll excuse the word) "closure" with respect to him.
>
> And we all do that, I think, when we feel very, very low. We look back for a time when we felt better and we think of the people who made us feel better and who might do so again.
>
> So, I think that he is the one who has to account for his actions, not you. Hopefully, having spoken to him now you will have a clearer sense that this relationship is indeed over, and you will be able to move on to something more rewarding. (I really don't mean to hurt you by saying that, it just does seem that that's what has happened.)
Posted by sar on December 3, 2001, at 14:47:32
In reply to Re: No need to feel that way » sar, posted by Kristi on December 2, 2001, at 13:52:03
> Yah way! That's what it's about. You gotta love that stuff. :-) I know, I'm bad.
no way, i got a sick satisfaction out of it too... :)
>
>
> That is soooooooo true. I always seem to be the one that contacts lost friends... whether it be male or female. That gave me a pretty big self esteem problem once, but I got over it. I attribute it to being a Cancer and we love for life. :-) I thru that in cuz in a thread above you mentioned your sign.
Cancers are supposed to be very sentimental, tied to the home, love, and relationships, the sweet syrup of all signs! Cancer is a water sign, and water signs are very emotional. i wish people would contact me out of the blue more often...it's a beautiful surprise...> Hey..... did that little hotty neighbor ever try to get a hold of you again? Kind of curious how that turned out. Thanks for your thoughts Sar, always welcomed.
ugh, i had a thread going on that guy, what an asshole he was! we had great sex until he said something stupid to me, which prompted me to slap him in the face and leave his house, which prompted him to throw a bottle of wine across the yard as i left. i think it was for the best tho, as i have a boyfriend anyway, and i don't really need any distractions as i'm fallin in love... :)
>
> P.s. on another thread you mentioned wearing hot pink cuz no one else does..... that wanting to be different thing. I drove thru Jack in the box the other night and in my meal was a "holiday ball" for my anteanna.... if your not familiar with those your gonna be lost. But anyway... so many people around here have them on their cars, and I used to think they were cute until everyone started putting them on, so I took mine off and don't use it anymore. I'm not sure what just made me write all that down. :-)just wanting to be different, i suppose? sometimes i wear odd things just to get attention...i used to drive a hoopty and everyone loved it but me...it was kind of a gangsta car that i'd inherited from an old relative...i never eat at Jack's but if i ever get my own car i imagine i'll plaster it with odd bumperstickers...one of my favorites has been "vegetarians taste better." hee hee hee hee...!
your pinky lady,
sar
Posted by Pamela Lynn on December 5, 2001, at 15:05:34
In reply to Re: No need to feel that way-Augusta, posted by Kristi on December 2, 2001, at 13:55:08
"Learn to cherish the memory and NOT him"....WOW DID THAT SENTENCE HIT HOME FOR ME!
I cried when I read that.....for what it is worth, those 8 words REALLY helped me with 'my' "closure" (or whatever you call it) over someone in my not so distant past.
Thank you for those words! You have no idea what you have done for me.
P.L.
> Augusta,
> Your post was pretty insightful..... hit the nail on the head.
> Even tho our conversation didn't fully give me closure... well, I guess it gave me the closest I'll ever get.
> I think I'll always love him, and always have an empty space in my heart for him.
> He was the "one" that 4 years into our dating, I still got the flutters. We "seemed" to be the perfect couple. I guess not.
> I just have to learn to cherish the memory and not him.
> Thanks much for replying. Take care... Krisi
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> > > . . . .one in particular who just upped and left a couple of years ago. I didn't know where he went.
> >
> > > So... at a low moment I called him.
> >
> > Kristi,
> >
> > Here is my take on your story -- who created this problem? It seems to me that he did. It is not nice and not fair to just "disappear" on someone, as he did to you. Since you did not have a chance to say goodbye or ask any questions, or anything else, it is not all that surprising that something has remained in your system, that you did not achieve (if you'll excuse the word) "closure" with respect to him.
> >
> > And we all do that, I think, when we feel very, very low. We look back for a time when we felt better and we think of the people who made us feel better and who might do so again.
> >
> > So, I think that he is the one who has to account for his actions, not you. Hopefully, having spoken to him now you will have a clearer sense that this relationship is indeed over, and you will be able to move on to something more rewarding. (I really don't mean to hurt you by saying that, it just does seem that that's what has happened.)
Posted by Kristi on December 6, 2001, at 1:21:38
In reply to Re: No need to feel that way-Augusta » Kristi, posted by Pamela Lynn on December 5, 2001, at 15:05:34
So much easier to say than to practice huh?
>
>
>
>
> "Learn to cherish the memory and NOT him"....WOW DID THAT SENTENCE HIT HOME FOR ME!
>
> I cried when I read that.....for what it is worth, those 8 words REALLY helped me with 'my' "closure" (or whatever you call it) over someone in my not so distant past.
>
> Thank you for those words! You have no idea what you have done for me.
>
> P.L.
> > Augusta,
> > Your post was pretty insightful..... hit the nail on the head.
> > Even tho our conversation didn't fully give me closure... well, I guess it gave me the closest I'll ever get.
> > I think I'll always love him, and always have an empty space in my heart for him.
> > He was the "one" that 4 years into our dating, I still got the flutters. We "seemed" to be the perfect couple. I guess not.
> > I just have to learn to cherish the memory and not him.
> > Thanks much for replying. Take care... Krisi
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > > > . . . .one in particular who just upped and left a couple of years ago. I didn't know where he went.
> > >
> > > > So... at a low moment I called him.
> > >
> > > Kristi,
> > >
> > > Here is my take on your story -- who created this problem? It seems to me that he did. It is not nice and not fair to just "disappear" on someone, as he did to you. Since you did not have a chance to say goodbye or ask any questions, or anything else, it is not all that surprising that something has remained in your system, that you did not achieve (if you'll excuse the word) "closure" with respect to him.
> > >
> > > And we all do that, I think, when we feel very, very low. We look back for a time when we felt better and we think of the people who made us feel better and who might do so again.
> > >
> > > So, I think that he is the one who has to account for his actions, not you. Hopefully, having spoken to him now you will have a clearer sense that this relationship is indeed over, and you will be able to move on to something more rewarding. (I really don't mean to hurt you by saying that, it just does seem that that's what has happened.)
This is the end of the thread.
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