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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by dreamer on October 7, 2001, at 10:12:28
My drunken stupor into oblivion , blackouts finding myself physically ill but it was a mental enema.
My final binge.I am now longing for social isolation in a leafy countrified studio where i can explore my internal mindscape creatively and detach from the weirdness of life/socially i have tried to belong to.
Maybe I'm mad but the more i strive for the norm the more i get depressive.
Living in my head with the help of a med i will evolve and create beauty.
Only content with solitude sometimes im struggling through thorny weeds to find the blue lagoon but i am myself.
Here ends the wordstreams of conscousness.
It's one messy hurdle in finding a home !Trust noone.
Maybe I'll keep posting maybe I won't -for selfish reasons? a cyber diary and hope I've been entertaining and caused smiley smiles and for those who didn't get the humour.......EAT MORE GREENS.
A dramatic dreamer.
Posted by susan C on October 7, 2001, at 18:12:30
In reply to Binge drinking, tranqs and realisations, posted by dreamer on October 7, 2001, at 10:12:28
> My drunken stupor into oblivion , blackouts finding myself physically ill but it was a mental enema.
> My final binge.
>
> I am now longing for social isolation in a leafy countrified studio where i can explore my internal mindscape creatively and detach from the weirdness of life/socially i have tried to belong to.
>
> Maybe I'm mad but the more i strive for the norm the more i get depressive.
> Living in my head with the help of a med i will evolve and create beauty.
> Only content with solitude sometimes im struggling through thorny weeds to find the blue lagoon but i am myself.
> Here ends the wordstreams of conscousness.
> It's one messy hurdle in finding a home !
>
> Trust noone.
>
> Maybe I'll keep posting maybe I won't -for selfish reasons? a cyber diary and hope I've been entertaining and caused smiley smiles and for those who didn't get the humour.......EAT MORE GREENS.
>
> A dramatic dreamer.(And it was Saturday)
If you did not post nor give your rambling in the stream of consciousness responses, how would I know that you were there? A fig newton of my imagination, a british twin, however your decision, I send you best wishes and ahoy there matey, cast off or welcome aboard...
Is having some one depend on you a burden or an inspiration or a conflict?
Is the idea of having a cyber friend who may be come a real friend, or the other way 'round, too much for those of us (me) who hide in our monitor closets and yet struggle to take a step into the real sunshine, not just the electronic glow...
Am I being obtuse enough, thinking through dreams, and walking unsteadily through my days, very welcome to have another, though enibriated, traveler.
mouse on board
susan c
Posted by dreamer on October 7, 2001, at 18:46:26
In reply to Re: Binge drinking, tranqs and realisations, posted by susan C on October 7, 2001, at 18:12:30
I send you best wishes and ahoy there matey, cast off or welcome aboard...
Mouse...hi...me.. errr going crazy -paranoid humanoid. Dreams reality melting together can't handle city life a nurse is trying to get me into the outside world.But i aint interested.
Ive forgiven myself for alcohol relapse if i dont get out of london ill xplode ,well bi-polars are supposed to be risk takers.> Is having some one depend on you a burden or an inspiration or a conflict?
I feel i am the burden depending on doctors nurses to help me deal with the life and my illness seems too complex . I can just about live with myself but others should keep away.> Is the idea of having a cyber friend who may be come a real friend, or the other way 'round, too much for those of us (me) who hide in our monitor closets and yet struggle to take a step into the real sunshine, not just the electronic glow...
Cyber friends i think should MAYBE remain that way, may not wat you xpect meeting in the real world i find it healthier at the moment to socialise this way
>
> Am I being obtuse enough, thinking through dreams, and walking unsteadily through my days, very welcome to have another, though enibriated, traveler.
I'm sober now and hope to remain this way the blackouts worry me especially as i had 5 tranqs with booze takes alot for me to put water on mania fire . Feel very sorry for the person who has to clean the vomit on train stations floor.
When i get ill.... wow. Hard to cope and messin up other peoples heads..dreamerstoooopid.
Posted by Krazy Kat on October 8, 2001, at 9:36:59
In reply to Re: Binge drinking, tranqs and realisations » susan C, posted by dreamer on October 7, 2001, at 18:46:26
> > Maybe I'm mad but the more i strive for the norm the more i get depressive.
--- I've learned not to strive for the "norm" at all - it's against my nature and just makes things much worse. My pdoc dislikes the word and I have to agree with him.
And, anyhoo, we strange types are so much better, don't you think, with our bizarre perspectives, and twisted views.
> > Dreams reality melting together
---- Happens to me all the time, has been especially lately. Odd not to know if something exists or not, isn't it?
> >Hard to cope and messin up other peoples heads..
--- Other people can handle their heads on a plate.
- K.
Posted by Krazy Kat on October 8, 2001, at 11:12:33
In reply to Re: Binge drinking, tranqs and realisations » susan C, posted by dreamer on October 7, 2001, at 18:46:26
> Moooore....
Dreamer dear and Mighty Mouse...
I feel like crying, I don't know why. Your posts just hit so close to home.
Still not taking good care of myself, either Dreamer. Swore I would when I found a med that helps. I envision myself as Hemingway - perhaps I am he reincarnated, though where are those best-selling books? Have definitely decided I am not "fit" to have children - poor dears would have such unstable lives.
Walking unsteadily - I keep having dreams that I can't walk, that I fall down as if in a drunken stupor. On very shaky ground right now, I know. And yet, it must be better for all of us, if we can sit down and share even a bit...
I used to hide in my closet sometimes on Sunday night - didn't want to go to work the next day. But, that's the "norm", right? ;)
Dreamer, you are certainly not a burden to those Dr.'s - they like to poke and prod you.
And it would be a burden not to have you here...
- K.
Posted by dreamer on October 8, 2001, at 14:51:54
In reply to Re: Binge drinking, tranqs and realisations, posted by Krazy Kat on October 8, 2001, at 11:12:33
> > Moooore....
>
> Dreamer dear and Mighty Mouse...
>
> I feel like crying, I don't know why. Your posts just hit so close to home.
>
> Still not taking good care of myself, either Dreamer. Swore I would when I found a med that helps. I envision myself as Hemingway - perhaps I am he reincarnated, though where are those best-selling books? Have definitely decided I am not "fit" to have children - poor dears would have such unstable lives.Wish my mother thought that ...you know you'd probably be a very caring loving unselfish mother.
> Walking unsteadily - I keep having dreams that I can't walk, that I fall down as if in a drunken stupor. On very shaky ground right now, I know. And yet, it must be better for all of us, if we can sit down and share even a bit...
Keep sharing K we all in pain so sad but not feeling so alone I used to sleep for escapism the current world troubles is affecting me really bad i'm sensitive to the ambience and fear don't know whats going on -ignorant, it'll feed my present paranoia.
Ever feel although labelled with mental illness yet feel so sane.. > awake.
The world caving in on itself.Well as for drinking it's not worth it i don't want to see my reflection in a shop window dirty homeless lost bitter and twisted.
>
> I used to hide in my closet sometimes on Sunday night - didn't want to go to work the next day. But, that's the "norm", right? ;)I cannot face the world i have been well due to chemicals - meds tend to wear off quickly.
> Dreamer, you are certainly not a burden to those Dr.'s - they like to poke and prod you.
Treat people like children or stupid .Guess we take advantage of that licience to express or sit and stare.
Think ill be the first to fail the therapy the nurse has a xcellent success rate (being part of a community a belonging when i crave for the opposite).
>
> And it would be a burden not to have you here...dreamer
Posted by sar on October 10, 2001, at 1:00:27
In reply to Re: Binge drinking, tranqs and realisations » Krazy Kat, posted by dreamer on October 8, 2001, at 14:51:54
> > Walking unsteadily - I keep having dreams that I can't walk, that I fall down as if in a drunken stupor. On very shaky ground right now, I know. And yet, it must be better for all of us, if we can sit down and share even a bit...
dreamer babe,what inspired you to drink? i thought you had couple years' sobriety under yr belt...
> Keep sharing K we all in pain so sad but not feeling so alone I used to sleep for escapism the current world troubles is affecting me really bad i'm sensitive to the ambience and fear don't know whats going on -ignorant, it'll feed my present paranoia.yes yes yes sleeep but do you ever feel it produces more paranoia, getting so much more out-of-touch with the outside world etc? what's troubling you? ambience and fear will most certainly feed paranoia...oh bay but yr not ignorant, you seem v. attentive to yr moods...
> Ever feel although labelled with mental illness yet feel so sane.. > awake.
> The world caving in on itself.
i think i would hate myself were i "sane." actually, i'd probably have a decent healthy respect for myself rather than hate myself as i now do, but in this short short time crazyness has endeared iteslef to me...i like being weird...the swings interrupt my life to an outrageous degree but i can't imagine any toher way...are you financially stable? what do you do for a living? have you got any social support?> Well as for drinking it's not worth it i don't want to see my reflection in a shop window dirty homeless lost bitter and twisted.
jeez jeez gilber grape me either, that scares me so much, my dad predicts that i'll be a "derelict under the Commerce Street Bridge" in spite of my current semi-oppulence, but the alk has a stronghold on me, why why why dreamer, what what what caused you to drink again????
> Treat people like children or stupid .Guess we take advantage of that licience to express or sit and stare.
> Think ill be the first to fail the therapy the nurse has a xcellent success rate (being part of a community a belonging when i crave for the opposite).
ah, those "excellent successs rates" can be so tricky , so weird, so unrewarding...be WEIRD be DREAMER be fonny DR. EAMER, oh lovely, be here with us...
> > And it would be a burden not to have you here...
yes
love,
sar
Posted by dreamer on October 10, 2001, at 19:14:35
In reply to Re: Binge drinking, tranqs...dreamer, posted by sar on October 10, 2001, at 1:00:27
Hello sweetykins,
I'm ok ......drained and floppy numb re-charging.
Binge aint no problem only little mistake- needed oblivion. So physically bruised so won't become a habit.
Not sure how I acted at pdocs today I'm in a room with bout 6 of em scribbling notes-don't care think I'm a novelty.
Cried and left hospital drained and tired staring into space.
Me big baby emotionally constipated sitting on my pity pot waiting for the mood to change.Keep safe,
Dreamer scatter head .
Posted by geekUK on October 13, 2001, at 15:35:31
In reply to Re: floppy tired dreamer » sar, posted by dreamer on October 10, 2001, at 19:14:35
resurection,
drinking isnt such a bad thing as long as it doesnt become your life. (winos, nations moral suicides). It eases the pain, but you need to feel some of it. dr skinner of o so infamous psych. would argue a world without pain is a world without motivation. without motivation, no art. if things werent ugly there would be no point in painting beutiful things. london is not a nice place, how is the house thing?
saterday and its me and wine again, somethings dont change, must stay in electronic bubble.
MC> Hello sweetykins,
>
> I'm ok ......drained and floppy numb re-charging.
> Binge aint no problem only little mistake- needed oblivion. So physically bruised so won't become a habit.
> Not sure how I acted at pdocs today I'm in a room with bout 6 of em scribbling notes-don't care think I'm a novelty.
> Cried and left hospital drained and tired staring into space.
> Me big baby emotionally constipated sitting on my pity pot waiting for the mood to change.
>
> Keep safe,
> Dreamer scatter head .
Posted by dreamer on October 13, 2001, at 17:24:03
In reply to Re: floppy eared leamer, posted by geekUK on October 13, 2001, at 15:35:31
> resurection,
Alien.......painting beutiful things. london is not a nice place, how is the house thing?
House? errrrr oops forgot to look getting help from social services with cash it'll be ok ???I'm kinda on my highdedoodee trippin >
London decay ....me chickens are on prozac and the rooster trying ECT..etc etc etc.....and its me and wine again, somethings dont change, must stay in electronic bubble.
You are allowed I give permissive permission
You must ingnore my dribbling when we met up WOW I'm joining black out anonymouse.
I've beem ENLIGHTENED fluk me don't things change all wonderous like?????
Mike ye cutiepie kiss and mauls >is that a word?doc wasn't 2 bothered bout binge , ha .
seeze u soon..........later I'll inform the coastguard .
dreamer not making sense ...........wats new!
Posted by dreamer on October 13, 2001, at 17:49:05
In reply to Re: Magicalogic » geekUK, posted by dreamer on October 13, 2001, at 17:24:03
net got euphoric whiplash.
Where everyone gone ?
dreamer trying 2 discipline herself.
This is the end of the thread.
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