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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kiddo on June 16, 2001, at 3:11:30
I know I'm going to regret writing this as soon as I hit the submit button, but at this point I don't care, that always comes later.
I feel like I'm going to freak out any minute and wish Dr. Bob had put a chat room on here too. I could use another human bean (as my daughter says) to talk to.
I've been having a lot of flashbacks lately, opened up waaaayyyy to much to about my past to my martial arts instructor (freaking out in class, so I had to tell him something) my dad's birthday is coming up this week, and I miss him... I've been a hair's length away from having a panic attack all day and have to wonder how much more I can take. I haven't had the urge to hurt myself for a really long time, and don't want to go back to that again, so I'm hoping that posting here will help.
Has anyone ever felt like they are fighting a losing battle? If so, what keeps you going?
My pdoc changed my Zoloft to Geodon, and I couldn't tolerate it for whatever reason, now I'm taking nothing and my moods are about to kill me if my family doesn't do it first. I don't even want to talk to my shrink right now, I'm really pissed off at him (sorry Dr. Bob-hope that doesn't count against me) because I can be I guess because I can't find a valid reason.
I'm SICK to death of feeling this way, how many years does a person have to deal with this kind of stuff before it ends? I can't TAKE anymore. I feel like chucking this pc out the window, and I don't know why. I can't understand it, and I'm sick high heaven of taking meds. Sheesh, I feel like an addict sometimes, the downside is that nothing I take is addictive!!!
Please somebody just say something to keep me from becoming a basket case again. I real close to the psych ward, and THAT would make me suicidal... I couldn't live through that again.
Thanks for listening and sorry for rambling,
Kiddo
Posted by mila on June 16, 2001, at 9:19:11
In reply to Not sure of the subject, posted by kiddo on June 16, 2001, at 3:11:30
Dear Kiddo,
I felt sorrow when I was reading your post.
please, do not fight a losing battle. you seem to battle the idea that you are a mental patient. you do not accept it, you push it away from you. That is why it feels so scary to be admitted to the psych. ward. this will nail you as a mental patient for sure.
the way out of your predicament is through it. you go through admitting you are in the hands of the disease, and then you leave it behind. rejecting, or denying it won't do much good. Maybe it will be easier for you to PRETEND that you are VERY ill, worst than you are in reality? this might help a bit.
I fully believe that you will fully recover, once you admit that you are sick. It is like a flu. you have to collapse, stop active living for a while, and lie still, and the thing will pass. Say yes to yourself, kiddo.
when I was fighting the losing battle what kept me going was the foolish belief that I am very strong and smart, and can certainly do it on my own. Also, my ignorance about the nature of the disease, and awareness of just how mediocre or bad specialists in mental health field can be kept me on my own. In reality, it didn't even take a mental health professional to cure me. It was surrender that was crucial for the recovery.
what does 'basket case' mean when applied to a person? I do not understand. Are you diminishing the importance of your condition? or are you aggrandizing it into the 'incurable' status?
please, keep posting. you are wonderful.
love
mila
Posted by JAMMER on June 16, 2001, at 11:53:34
In reply to Not sure of the subject, posted by kiddo on June 16, 2001, at 3:11:30
> I'm SICK to death of feeling this way, >
> Please somebody just say something to keep me from becoming a basket case again. > Kiddo
*******Kiddo, Sounds like a rough go of it.. I feel for you. Try getting out and walking, the fresh air and increased heart rate can do wonders for relief.
EMDR therapy did wonders for me by bringing out old stuff and reprocessing it. My therapist was outstanding in this. It has eliminated the PTSD symptoms of nightmares, and mental creation of non-existant senarios, as well as reduced anxiety.
Yoga and meditation is helping as well.
I'm not cured, may never be, and currently I'm struggling, but I'm much better off than I was...
Stopping Effexor may not have been the best choice by me, as depression has recured, so meds do have their place. I may return to it or something, as I'm finding I need it as well as the other therapy's...
Best wishes, go easy on yourself, and be honest and truthful in what you do.
-James
Posted by Glenn Fagelson on June 16, 2001, at 23:50:20
In reply to Not sure of the subject, posted by kiddo on June 16, 2001, at 3:11:30
> I know I'm going to regret writing this as soon as I hit the submit button, but at this point I don't care, that always comes later.
>
> I feel like I'm going to freak out any minute and wish Dr. Bob had put a chat room on here too. I could use another human bean (as my daughter says) to talk to.
>
> I've been having a lot of flashbacks lately, opened up waaaayyyy to much to about my past to my martial arts instructor (freaking out in class, so I had to tell him something) my dad's birthday is coming up this week, and I miss him... I've been a hair's length away from having a panic attack all day and have to wonder how much more I can take. I haven't had the urge to hurt myself for a really long time, and don't want to go back to that again, so I'm hoping that posting here will help.
>
> Has anyone ever felt like they are fighting a losing battle? If so, what keeps you going?
>
> My pdoc changed my Zoloft to Geodon, and I couldn't tolerate it for whatever reason, now I'm taking nothing and my moods are about to kill me if my family doesn't do it first. I don't even want to talk to my shrink right now, I'm really pissed off at him (sorry Dr. Bob-hope that doesn't count against me) because I can be I guess because I can't find a valid reason.
>
> I'm SICK to death of feeling this way, how many years does a person have to deal with this kind of stuff before it ends? I can't TAKE anymore. I feel like chucking this pc out the window, and I don't know why. I can't understand it, and I'm sick high heaven of taking meds. Sheesh, I feel like an addict sometimes, the downside is that nothing I take is addictive!!!
>
> Please somebody just say something to keep me from becoming a basket case again. I real close to the psych ward, and THAT would make me suicidal... I couldn't live through that again.
>
> Thanks for listening and sorry for rambling,
>
> KiddoDear Kiddo,
I am sorry to hear that you are in such a struggle right now. How long has the battle been
going on?? Months?? Years?? I have suffered with clinical depression for decades.
There have been times when I have wanted to end
it all. So,.....what keeps me going when things
seem hopeless? That's a hard question? The first thing that enters my mind is that
there are some very loving people in this world
who really want to help other people. Also, I try to
realize that there are a lot of people who love me very much. When I think of those things, I
begin to get some hope, but the pain is still
there. Community for me is very, very important, at least for right now. I know that it is no
paradise going into the hospital, but sometimes
it is just necessary. The positive things about the hospital are this: It is a safe environment;
your psychiatrist can regulate your meds; and
you would get emotional support for your pain.
I feel for you; panic attacks are no picnic!
I hope you do not hurt yourself; I hope that you
get the support that you need.Take care, Glenn
Posted by kiddo on June 16, 2001, at 23:52:42
In reply to Re: the subject is you, posted by mila on June 16, 2001, at 9:19:11
> Dear Kiddo,
>
> I felt sorrow when I was reading your post.
>
> please, do not fight a losing battle. you seem to battle the idea that you are a mental patient. you do not accept it, you push it away from you. That is why it feels so scary to be admitted to the psych. ward. this will nail you as a mental patient for sure.
>Fighting a losing battle (in this case) I meant that it feels like I take two steps back for every one forward. I had made a lot of progress and then in March it went to hell in a handbasket. It seems like I've been struggling since then to keep my head above water.
I couldn't tolerate the psych ward again because my loss of freedom, checking on me every 15 minutes, being holed up...I guess otherwise it wasn't that bad.... sorry.. that's why I hate posting, I never seem to make myself clear.
> the way out of your predicament is through it. you go through admitting you are in the hands of the disease, and then you leave it behind. rejecting, or denying it won't do much good. Maybe it will be easier for you to PRETEND that you are VERY ill, worst than you are in reality? this might help a bit.
>
> I fully believe that you will fully recover, once you admit that you are sick. It is like a flu. you have to collapse, stop active living for a while, and lie still, and the thing will pass. Say yes to yourself, kiddo.
>
> when I was fighting the losing battle what kept me going was the foolish belief that I am very strong and smart, and can certainly do it on my own. Also, my ignorance about the nature of the disease, and awareness of just how mediocre or bad specialists in mental health field can be kept me on my own. In reality, it didn't even take a mental health professional to cure me. It was surrender that was crucial for the recovery.
>I truly admire your strength, it's something I've longed for all of my life. I will try to remember the things you've said, and fit them in.
> what does 'basket case' mean when applied to a person? I do not understand. Are you diminishing the importance of your condition? or are you aggrandizing it into the 'incurable' status?
I'm just a country girl and 'basket case' just meant 'losing it' without grace :-) I never considered my illness to be important, to me it's just there...
>
> please, keep posting. you are wonderful.
Thank you,,, you are too kind but I'll take it :-)
>
> love
> mila
Kiddo
Posted by kiddo on June 16, 2001, at 23:59:23
In reply to Re: Not sure of the subject, posted by Glenn Fagelson on June 16, 2001, at 23:50:20
> Dear Kiddo,
>
> I am sorry to hear that you are in such a struggle right now. How long has the battle been
> going on?? Months?? Years?? I have suffered with clinical depression for decades.First began almost 6 years ago, however I'd made a huge improvement until about 3 months ago.
> There have been times when I have wanted to end
> it all. So,.....what keeps me going when things
> seem hopeless? That's a hard question? The first thing that enters my mind is that
> there are some very loving people in this world
> who really want to help other people. Also, I try to
> realize that there are a lot of people who love me very much. When I think of those things, I
> begin to get some hope, but the pain is still
> there. Community for me is very, very important, at least for right now. I know that it is no
> paradise going into the hospital, but sometimes
> it is just necessary. The positive things about the hospital are this: It is a safe environment;
> your psychiatrist can regulate your meds; and
> you would get emotional support for your pain.
> I feel for you; panic attacks are no picnic!
> I hope you do not hurt yourself; I hope that you
> get the support that you need.
What do you mean by community? I'm not sure I understand....Thanks for giving me those things to keep in mind, it helped. I didn't hurt myself, posting here seemed to have relieved that.
>
> Take care, Glenn
>
>Kiddo
Posted by kiddo on June 17, 2001, at 0:02:25
In reply to Re: Not sure of the subject, posted by JAMMER on June 16, 2001, at 11:53:34
> EMDR therapy did wonders for me by bringing out old stuff and reprocessing it. My therapist was outstanding in this. It has eliminated the PTSD symptoms of nightmares, and mental creation of non-existant senarios, as well as reduced anxiety.
Can you tell me more about EMDR? I don't know much about it, and have heard very little (although positive) things about it.
> Yoga and meditation is helping as well.
That was why I began martial arts, and it has helped.
> I'm not cured, may never be, and currently I'm struggling, but I'm much better off than I was...
> Stopping Effexor may not have been the best choice by me, as depression has recured, so meds do have their place. I may return to it or something, as I'm finding I need it as well as the other therapy's...
> Best wishes, go easy on yourself, and be honest and truthful in what you do.
> -JamesThanks and I hope things go well for you....
Posted by Glenn Fagelson on June 17, 2001, at 0:23:18
In reply to Re: Not sure of the subject » Glenn Fagelson, posted by kiddo on June 16, 2001, at 23:59:23
> > Dear Kiddo,
> >
> > I am sorry to hear that you are in such a struggle right now. How long has the battle been
> > going on?? Months?? Years?? I have suffered with clinical depression for decades.
>
> First began almost 6 years ago, however I'd made a huge improvement until about 3 months ago.
>
> > There have been times when I have wanted to end
> > it all. So,.....what keeps me going when things
> > seem hopeless? That's a hard question? The first thing that enters my mind is that
> > there are some very loving people in this world
> > who really want to help other people. Also, I try to
> > realize that there are a lot of people who love me very much. When I think of those things, I
> > begin to get some hope, but the pain is still
> > there. Community for me is very, very important, at least for right now. I know that it is no
> > paradise going into the hospital, but sometimes
> > it is just necessary. The positive things about the hospital are this: It is a safe environment;
> > your psychiatrist can regulate your meds; and
> > you would get emotional support for your pain.
> > I feel for you; panic attacks are no picnic!
> > I hope you do not hurt yourself; I hope that you
> > get the support that you need.
>
>
> What do you mean by community? I'm not sure I understand....
>
> Thanks for giving me those things to keep in mind, it helped. I didn't hurt myself, posting here seemed to have relieved that.
> >
> > Take care, Glenn
> >
> >
>
> KiddoDear Kiddo,
I do not know what town or city you live in.
I happen to live in San Diego and I go on the
Internet and look in the local papers, etc... in order to find out what is going on in
San Diego. I am single, so I look for singles
groups and activities. I have clinical depression
& anxiety, so I look for depression & anxiety
support groups. I do not work full-time right
now, so I am looking into some volunteer work,
preferably with other people that have the same
condition I have. I just recently joined a
great group called "Toastmasters"; it is a group
where I get support learning how to do
public speaking; generally shy people come to
these group in order to build self-esteem and
self-confidence. Toastmasters' groups are all
around the world. So, that is what I mean by
community. Also, community for me is realizing
that we all want the same thing and that thing is
love.Glenn
Posted by kiddo on June 17, 2001, at 0:30:39
In reply to Re: Not sure of the subject, posted by Glenn Fagelson on June 17, 2001, at 0:23:18
Thanks for the info- I appreciate it, you gave me some good ideas.
> Dear Kiddo,
>
> I do not know what town or city you live in.
> I happen to live in San Diego and I go on the
> Internet and look in the local papers, etc... in order to find out what is going on in
> San Diego. I am single, so I look for singles
> groups and activities. I have clinical depression
> & anxiety, so I look for depression & anxiety
> support groups. I do not work full-time right
> now, so I am looking into some volunteer work,
> preferably with other people that have the same
> condition I have. I just recently joined a
> great group called "Toastmasters"; it is a group
> where I get support learning how to do
> public speaking; generally shy people come to
> these group in order to build self-esteem and
> self-confidence. Toastmasters' groups are all
> around the world. So, that is what I mean by
> community. Also, community for me is realizing
> that we all want the same thing and that thing is
> love.
>
> Glenn
>
>
>
Posted by Roo on June 18, 2001, at 8:47:34
In reply to Re: Not sure of the subject » Glenn Fagelson, posted by kiddo on June 17, 2001, at 0:30:39
Kiddo--
I'm not sure what to say to make you feel better, but
I just wanted you to know I felt moved by your post
and wanted you to know I support you and care. I have
felt the same way you do before (often) and it sucks (which
is a huge understatement). Some thoughts that come to
mind is that if you've been well until just 3 months
ago that you might be panicking over your bad feelings.
In other words, it's not the feelings that are so bad, it's
the thoughts/judgements you are having about them. You are
terrified you will go back "to that place" of 6 years ago.
But feelings pass...just because you are having bad feelings
now, dosen't mean you'll go back to that place...it could just
mean you're having some bad feelings and you're freaking yourself
out by thinking your going back to that place. Am I making any
sense at all? Also, you could be going through some
drug withdrawal which is causing all this stuff to have an
extra big intensity of charge to it. No, ad's aren't addicting
per say, but when you quit taking something that has worked, your
body reacts. I think when you find a med that works the intensity
of all this stuff will die down some. Sometimes it helps
just to remind yourself that you are going through a biologically
caused reaction, that you aren't a "basket case".I hope you find relief and comfort soon. It's really hard
to be in the space your in now. Try, try, try...I know it's
hard...to be kind to yourself...to treat yourself with
compassion...Hang in there. I'm thinking about you. Roo
Posted by Kristi on June 18, 2001, at 16:52:41
In reply to Re: Not sure of the subject, posted by Roo on June 18, 2001, at 8:47:34
Very, very well said!
> Kiddo--
>
> I'm not sure what to say to make you feel better, but
> I just wanted you to know I felt moved by your post
> and wanted you to know I support you and care. I have
> felt the same way you do before (often) and it sucks (which
> is a huge understatement). Some thoughts that come to
> mind is that if you've been well until just 3 months
> ago that you might be panicking over your bad feelings.
> In other words, it's not the feelings that are so bad, it's
> the thoughts/judgements you are having about them. You are
> terrified you will go back "to that place" of 6 years ago.
> But feelings pass...just because you are having bad feelings
> now, dosen't mean you'll go back to that place...it could just
> mean you're having some bad feelings and you're freaking yourself
> out by thinking your going back to that place. Am I making any
> sense at all? Also, you could be going through some
> drug withdrawal which is causing all this stuff to have an
> extra big intensity of charge to it. No, ad's aren't addicting
> per say, but when you quit taking something that has worked, your
> body reacts. I think when you find a med that works the intensity
> of all this stuff will die down some. Sometimes it helps
> just to remind yourself that you are going through a biologically
> caused reaction, that you aren't a "basket case".
>
> I hope you find relief and comfort soon. It's really hard
> to be in the space your in now. Try, try, try...I know it's
> hard...to be kind to yourself...to treat yourself with
> compassion...
>
> Hang in there. I'm thinking about you. Roo
This is the end of the thread.
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