![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 24, 2001, at 4:55:16
Well, I've mde it into work. Why bother is my next question.
've come in to my boss having a go at me, and telling me that we now have to meet with HR to discuss my "future employment"... one fo my colleagues has arranged for me to work a number fo weekends - dates when I already have plans (and paid for plans) but I've been told it's tough, and I've got to work them... I don't even get paid overtime or anything for these extra days worked...
I can't take any bloody more. I've had enough. Totally.
I've tried explaining I think I'm basically hitting nervous breakdown, but boss is of the "if it's not a physical illness, it doesn't exist" mode...
Now husband is in a total sulk with me as we have to cancel our weekend away, and I've lost the non-refundable deposit too.
I just want someone elses brain. I can't take any bloody more of this...
Posted by mars on January 24, 2001, at 8:19:04
In reply to Giving up...., posted by NikkiT2 on January 24, 2001, at 4:55:16
Hi Nikki -
I'm so sorry to hear things are going like they are. I've dealt with the work and husband things, and they can so often be tough - and I know a bit about what you're going through! Your husband shouldn't be taking it out on you - it's understandable that he's disappointed, but it's not your fault.
What kind of rights do you have about your work situation? What is your HR department like?
Don't give up, hon. This is a good place to vent, and I'll keep checking in on you, for what it's worth.
best,
mary (not crying)
p.s. I think it's amazing you're at work.
> Well, I've mde it into work. Why bother is my next question.
>
> 've come in to my boss having a go at me, and telling me that we now have to meet with HR to discuss my "future employment"... one fo my colleagues has arranged for me to work a number fo weekends - dates when I already have plans (and paid for plans) but I've been told it's tough, and I've got to work them... I don't even get paid overtime or anything for these extra days worked...
>
> I can't take any bloody more. I've had enough. Totally.
>
> I've tried explaining I think I'm basically hitting nervous breakdown, but boss is of the "if it's not a physical illness, it doesn't exist" mode...
>
> Now husband is in a total sulk with me as we have to cancel our weekend away, and I've lost the non-refundable deposit too.
>
> I just want someone elses brain. I can't take any bloody more of this...
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 24, 2001, at 9:43:03
In reply to Re: Giving up.... » NikkiT2, posted by mars on January 24, 2001, at 8:19:04
I think I have very few rights left at work :o( I took a fair amount fot ime off in bits and oeices last year, and HR have come down very heavily on me indeed. They have stopped paying me anything when I'm off on sick, and have sent me a letter saying any further time off could result in my dismissal. They're very, very non-understanding. They basically said that as they ahve no proof as to my illness (they ahve various doctor's reports, but it's not physical, so they can't see it) they can't continue to support me. SO I have to come to work now.
I just *hate* my job. I sit in an over air conditioned office all damned day, (I work in IT) witht he most boring nreds you can imagine. The girl i work with is constantly reminding me she's senior to me (she's not - just older) and treating me like dirt - even though I know more than her about our database - and she'll never come to me and ask advice on it, always other people.
did something *really* good on the database this morning, left a messsage with someone about it, and when I came back, there was a thankyou to our "team", yet when she does anything, she makes damn sure she gets all the credit.I want to work with people - or preferably animals. The only thing I ahve training for is IT stuff, but I've been searching all the job sites today, and IT and animals don't tend to come together!!!
managed to get a pdoc appointment for 11:15 on Friday... desperate isn't the word (I begged the receptionist for one!)...Nikki
Posted by ms. b. on January 24, 2001, at 10:47:52
In reply to Re: Giving up.... » mars, posted by NikkiT2 on January 24, 2001, at 9:43:03
> managed to get a pdoc appointment for 11:15 on Friday... desperate isn't the word (I begged the receptionist for one!)...
>
> Nikki
Nikki,
Good, you need to talk to someone right away. Anyway, I've been through this one myself, and your HR department cannot ignore your doctor notes, unless you're from another country, and I'm new to the list, so I don't know everybody yet. There is short-term and long-term disability, which you could be eligible for. Make an anonymous call to the disability office and inquire.I used up all my sick leave last year while out on short-term DBL, but I hadn't used it up in bits and drabs before that, so I got a nice block of time (2 months). When I went back to work, I found out that my co-workers had been e-mailing each other that I was out on "mental-health leave," tee-hee, even though I had confided in no one and my doctor's notes just said I was "ill." The Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA) and NY state's disability laws state that your department, supervisor, etc., have no business knowing what you "have" in terms of illness, and they do not have a right to inquire. What if it were some kind of gynecological surgery you didn't want to talk about, or whatever, HIV? It's nobody's business but yours and your doctor's.
My employer several years ago separated its disability office headquarters from the main HR office, specifically so they wouldn't get in trouble with the state for violating privacy laws. My doctor had to submit a longer form with more specifics and a diagnosis to the disability office, but I was assured that there was no contact between them and HR.
When I went back to work, my supervisor gave me a really hard time, and did everything she could to make my life even more miserable. Like, "how dare you be unavailable for 2 months?" Sounds just like your situation, Nikki. How these people got to be managers of other human beings, I'll never know. My HR people did say that if my supervisor wanted me to be there for "core hours" (9-5 in my case), she could require it of me, and she did. Even though I had an assistant who came in at 8:30 to open up the office, and my job was (!) mostly dealing with our database, not with people coming into the office. But I refused to quit, just waited for the day when my lateness and absences due to depression were too much for the boss, and she canned me. However, this was fine with me, because it allowed me to go on unemployment (you can't get it if you just resign), and the compensation has been fine.
So I'm working out some better meds, being a better mom to my daughter, and just saying f___ it, I'll find another job when I need to, and will try to get somewhat better before then.
I did have a tough time understanding how my employer of 10 years (a large university) could have allowed my supervisor to treat me so badly, and I was quite angry and then hurt, which didn't help the depression at all. Now I have to explain to friends and family that I'm not ashamed to be out of work, and that I can still pay the rent ("How do you manage it?"). I see a great pdoc, and she's my reality check.
My advice, after all this rambling? Don't give in, tell them you already had plans for that weekend, and they can damn well fire you. If you know databases, you can find something else, I'm very sure. Perhaps part-time? You really need to cut down on the stress, and it looks like the job you have now is making life much much worse. If this sounds impractical, sleep on it. We are more than our job descriptions, and we do not have to put up with bullies and ignorance at work. I hope your husband can see that you need support, and your ability to bring home a paycheck has to be weighed against your need to take care of yourself and get well.
Enough meandering... and best of luck to you in this really difficult situation,
ms. b.
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 24, 2001, at 11:13:51
In reply to Re: Giving up...., posted by ms. b. on January 24, 2001, at 10:50:33
Thanks..
I am actually in the UK, but I think things are pretty similar!
Except if you're sacked you can't claim benefit... so thats out too.. And I have thos egood old Bi-Polar manic spending spree debts to pay...I am just really hurt by my companies actions...
Posted by ms. b. on January 24, 2001, at 11:35:42
In reply to Re: Giving up.... » ms. b., posted by NikkiT2 on January 24, 2001, at 11:13:51
> Thanks..
>
> I am actually in the UK, but I think things are pretty similar!-- I figured you were from across the old pond...
> Except if you're sacked you can't claim benefit... so thats out too..-- How does this work? If we quit, we have to accept the consequences. If we're sacked, the employer has paid out unemployment insurance, so they have to pay...
Did Margaret Thatcher mess the dole up, too?
And I have thos egood old Bi-Polar manic spending spree debts to pay...-- Uhhh, I'm sorry. It's always easy to tell others what to do, so forgive me if I seemed bossy or something...
> I am just really hurt by my companies actions...-- Yes, it takes a while to get over it, but it probably won't happen till you're out of there.
Let me (us) know what happens...
B.
Posted by Noa on January 24, 2001, at 12:34:48
In reply to Re: Giving up.... » NikkiT2, posted by ms. b. on January 24, 2001, at 11:35:42
Nikki, glad you are going to the pdoc. But maybe setting up an appointment with a career counselor might be a good idea too? Perhaps there are jobs out there where you would be happier, and would be more flexible for you. Besides, it can help feel more in control if you explore your options rather than waiting to be sacked!
Posted by Greg on January 24, 2001, at 12:58:27
In reply to Re: Giving up...., posted by Noa on January 24, 2001, at 12:34:48
Hey Nik,
I agree with Noa here, some career counseling would be a good idea. It sounds like that no matter what happens at your current job, you will always have some resentment over their treatment of you. You'll never be truly happy there.
You deserve better love.
xxoo,
Greg> Nikki, glad you are going to the pdoc. But maybe setting up an appointment with a career counselor might be a good idea too? Perhaps there are jobs out there where you would be happier, and would be more flexible for you. Besides, it can help feel more in control if you explore your options rather than waiting to be sacked!
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 24, 2001, at 15:35:29
In reply to Giving up...., posted by NikkiT2 on January 24, 2001, at 4:55:16
Sounds good,.. and I know we all had 30 minutes with one when I left school, but I've not known of one since then!! I'll ask pdoc if he knows of one.
Doubt I could get another job though - I'd get such a bad reference from my current post no one would employ me :o(
Posted by mars on January 24, 2001, at 16:13:02
In reply to Re: Giving up.... » ms. b., posted by NikkiT2 on January 24, 2001, at 11:13:51
Hi Nikki ~
I went through the same thing. I never thought I'd get a job after the way my first job ended, and then I had two years of not working to explain (I was on social security disability. I hadn't gotten fired from the first job, though - but I think you can still get that in the US if you've been fired. Make *sure* you check out what the laws in your country are. There was so much I didn't know, or turned out I had bad info about.)
And hey, I actually ended up with the best job I ever had after that....
I'm going through money difficulties, too. But I think the others who posted are so right - it'd be great for you. Don't despair. Think about how much you've already done to help yourself.
Take care & XX,
Mary
> Thanks..
>
> I am actually in the UK, but I think things are pretty similar!
> Except if you're sacked you can't claim benefit... so thats out too.. And I have thos egood old Bi-Polar manic spending spree debts to pay...
>
> I am just really hurt by my companies actions...
Posted by Amy2001 on January 24, 2001, at 17:53:46
In reply to Giving up...., posted by NikkiT2 on January 24, 2001, at 4:55:16
Nikki,
I'm sorry to hear things are so tough. But don't give up. A new job does sound like a good next step. Getting away from unappreciative people and into a new environment can be helpful.
Several months ago I went through a very severe depressive period ... I ended up quitting my job and I found a new one. I became a receptionist. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to "take a break". I got into a new environment and took on a job with very little responsibility. The time I had in that position was mostly mine. I was able to do a lot of reading and other things I really enjoyed. When I started feeling a little more stable I looked in to moving up in my new company. And so far I have found my niche.
It's too bad that the company you have given so much too is not giving back to you. Talking to a career counselor is a great idea. I hope this helps a little ... know that you are not alone.
-Amy
> Well, I've mde it into work. Why bother is my next question.
>
> 've come in to my boss having a go at me, and telling me that we now have to meet with HR to discuss my "future employment"... one fo my colleagues has arranged for me to work a number fo weekends - dates when I already have plans (and paid for plans) but I've been told it's tough, and I've got to work them... I don't even get paid overtime or anything for these extra days worked...
>
> I can't take any bloody more. I've had enough. Totally.
>
> I've tried explaining I think I'm basically hitting nervous breakdown, but boss is of the "if it's not a physical illness, it doesn't exist" mode...
>
> Now husband is in a total sulk with me as we have to cancel our weekend away, and I've lost the non-refundable deposit too.
>
> I just want someone elses brain. I can't take any bloody more of this...
Posted by dreamer on January 24, 2001, at 20:57:32
In reply to Giving up...., posted by NikkiT2 on January 24, 2001, at 4:55:16
> Well, I've mde it into work. Why bother is my next question.
>
> 've come in to my boss having a go at me, and telling me that we now have to meet with HR to discuss my "future employment"... one fo my colleagues has arranged for me to work a number fo weekends - dates when I already have plans (and paid for plans) but I've been told it's tough, and I've got to work them... I don't even get paid overtime or anything for these extra days worked...
>
> I can't take any bloody more. I've had enough. Totally.
>
> I've tried explaining I think I'm basically hitting nervous breakdown, but boss is of the "if it's not a physical illness, it doesn't exist" mode...
>
> Now husband is in a total sulk with me as we have to cancel our weekend away, and I've lost the non-refundable deposit too.
>
> I just want someone elses brain. I can't take any bloody more of this...
Hello Nikki,dont give up,just give up the job
If youre bi-polar and can't cope at the moment in turmoil with your meds etc take a break and follow your heart.You can claim sickness benefit,your doctors notes go directly to the dss-you may have to attend an interveiw with a dss doctor-you don't have to be just physically ill.Ask at the local social security for every sickness benefits going,fill the buggers in and send them all off it wont be fun but it will get you the break.I think you may get disability living allowance or if you want to work part-time disability working allowance.Hope this kinda helps ,been through all the dss stuff so if you need more help let me know,take caredreamer
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 25, 2001, at 8:45:19
In reply to Re: Giving up.... » NikkiT2, posted by dreamer on January 24, 2001, at 20:57:32
Ta Dreamer.
I know all my laons are covered by that insurance that pays if you're on long term sickm or out of work.. but not if you give up a job for no real reason, so I'll have to check out whether or not I could claim for this.
Gonna try this career counselling idea. NOT working at all would be really bad for me right now, as I would just sink into a muddy wallow. All I want is some understanding and some leeway.
I'm looking at what jobs I can get into working with animals with no experience / qualifications actually. I've applied to London zoo as a helper - but they require animal husbandry experice - not just with pets. But I have lizards, and am breedingt hem right now, so I'm sure that should count as more than a normal pet! :o)
Nikki
Posted by tina on January 25, 2001, at 10:29:28
In reply to Re: Giving up...., posted by Greg on January 24, 2001, at 12:58:27
Have to agree with Greg here hun. You deserve so much better.
All I can do is send you all the virtual hugs I can round up.
love to you
Tina> Hey Nik,
>
> I agree with Noa here, some career counseling would be a good idea. It sounds like that no matter what happens at your current job, you will always have some resentment over their treatment of you. You'll never be truly happy there.
>
> You deserve better love.
>
> xxoo,
> Greg
>
> > Nikki, glad you are going to the pdoc. But maybe setting up an appointment with a career counselor might be a good idea too? Perhaps there are jobs out there where you would be happier, and would be more flexible for you. Besides, it can help feel more in control if you explore your options rather than waiting to be sacked!
Posted by Amy2001 on January 25, 2001, at 13:36:32
In reply to Re: Giving up.... » dreamer, posted by NikkiT2 on January 25, 2001, at 8:45:19
Hey Nikki...
Just a side note...
Lizards? What kind? I have a 15 month old Iguana right now.
Good idea about the Zoo. Have you try looking into a pet store or animal shelter?
- Amy
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 25, 2001, at 13:44:53
In reply to On a side note ...Lizards, posted by Amy2001 on January 25, 2001, at 13:36:32
I have 4 leopard geckos!! Oscar is a 3 year old male, and then Posie, Pootle and Perkin are 11 month old females!!! They're gorge!!
Next I want to get some Caledonian Crested Geckos! They're so cute!!
Iggies are lovely too - They just get too big for my very small flat (apartment to you Americans!!)A pet shop really wouldn't pay me enough - unfortunately, due to debts etc, I need to still earn rough;y what I am.
I've tried to zoo, but I live in London, and London zoo requires qualifications and experience.
Ho hum!
Nikki
Posted by mars on January 25, 2001, at 15:00:16
In reply to Re: On a side note ...Lizards, posted by NikkiT2 on January 25, 2001, at 13:44:53
wow, geckos. they are so cooooool.
mary
> I have 4 leopard geckos!! Oscar is a 3 year old male, and then Posie, Pootle and Perkin are 11 month old females!!! They're gorge!!
> Next I want to get some Caledonian Crested Geckos! They're so cute!!
> Iggies are lovely too - They just get too big for my very small flat (apartment to you Americans!!)
>
> A pet shop really wouldn't pay me enough - unfortunately, due to debts etc, I need to still earn rough;y what I am.
>
> I've tried to zoo, but I live in London, and London zoo requires qualifications and experience.
>
> Ho hum!
>
> Nikki
Posted by Gracie2 on January 25, 2001, at 17:12:36
In reply to Oscar His Gecko Harem, posted by mars on January 25, 2001, at 15:00:16
I worked at a job I hated until I was a physical and emotional wreck. It's not worth it. You could work for a "temps" company like I do, or work as a consultant. If you don't like a place you don't have to go back, and you're immune to the back-stabbing and office politics. It's not bad.BTW, my sister makes a very good living as a pet groomer. She doesn't have an office - she goes to peoples' homes. To bathe and/or groom a dog, clean his ears and clip his nails, she charges $50. It takes about an hour and she usually gets a tip. Not too shabby, eh?
Gracie
Posted by Neal on January 26, 2001, at 3:30:22
In reply to Changing jobs, posted by Gracie2 on January 25, 2001, at 17:12:36
I work in, of all things, television production (yes, I live in LA). For years I dealt with jerks and a-holes. The solution that worked: I went into business for myself. Now I am the boss. I do it my way! It's great! I recomend it highly to everyone.
Posted by super on January 26, 2001, at 9:28:26
In reply to Re: Changing jobs, posted by Neal on January 26, 2001, at 3:30:22
Nikki,
A couple years ago, I had a job with a mean manager, similar to yours. I quit on the spur of the moment and spent about five months in unemployment (but uneligible for any benefits) living at my parent's house. I thought I couldn't get a new job because I didn't think I had any references. But I sent out resumes anyway, just didn't use anyone from that job as a reference. I got back into working by taking on part-time tutoring. Then, after several months of part-time work, I got a full time job where the work isn't always interesting but the people are very nice (though they do snoop a little about my dr's appts, which annoys me).
Find a job where there are nice people and good managers! Send out resumes immediately. You don't have to leave your job, just start sending out resumes. A good company will understand that you have had a bad experience with your current employer. Good managers know about bad ones.
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 28, 2001, at 10:22:42
In reply to Re: Changing jobs, posted by super on January 26, 2001, at 9:28:26
Unfortunately, if I did that, i would get taken to court for non payment of ebts, get my house repossesed, and more than like gain a divorce out of it!! Somehow I don't htink this will help me much!!!
And where do i start with a resume?? I'm not formally qualified, and think I'm pretty shite - so any resume is really going to reflect that.
Looked at some professional resume companies, but they charge more than I can afford right now.N
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.