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Re: Giving up....

Posted by ms. b. on January 24, 2001, at 10:47:52

In reply to Re: Giving up.... » mars, posted by NikkiT2 on January 24, 2001, at 9:43:03

> managed to get a pdoc appointment for 11:15 on Friday... desperate isn't the word (I begged the receptionist for one!)...
>
> Nikki


Nikki,
Good, you need to talk to someone right away. Anyway, I've been through this one myself, and your HR department cannot ignore your doctor notes, unless you're from another country, and I'm new to the list, so I don't know everybody yet. There is short-term and long-term disability, which you could be eligible for. Make an anonymous call to the disability office and inquire.

I used up all my sick leave last year while out on short-term DBL, but I hadn't used it up in bits and drabs before that, so I got a nice block of time (2 months). When I went back to work, I found out that my co-workers had been e-mailing each other that I was out on "mental-health leave," tee-hee, even though I had confided in no one and my doctor's notes just said I was "ill." The Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA) and NY state's disability laws state that your department, supervisor, etc., have no business knowing what you "have" in terms of illness, and they do not have a right to inquire. What if it were some kind of gynecological surgery you didn't want to talk about, or whatever, HIV? It's nobody's business but yours and your doctor's.

My employer several years ago separated its disability office headquarters from the main HR office, specifically so they wouldn't get in trouble with the state for violating privacy laws. My doctor had to submit a longer form with more specifics and a diagnosis to the disability office, but I was assured that there was no contact between them and HR.

When I went back to work, my supervisor gave me a really hard time, and did everything she could to make my life even more miserable. Like, "how dare you be unavailable for 2 months?" Sounds just like your situation, Nikki. How these people got to be managers of other human beings, I'll never know. My HR people did say that if my supervisor wanted me to be there for "core hours" (9-5 in my case), she could require it of me, and she did. Even though I had an assistant who came in at 8:30 to open up the office, and my job was (!) mostly dealing with our database, not with people coming into the office. But I refused to quit, just waited for the day when my lateness and absences due to depression were too much for the boss, and she canned me. However, this was fine with me, because it allowed me to go on unemployment (you can't get it if you just resign), and the compensation has been fine.

So I'm working out some better meds, being a better mom to my daughter, and just saying f___ it, I'll find another job when I need to, and will try to get somewhat better before then.

I did have a tough time understanding how my employer of 10 years (a large university) could have allowed my supervisor to treat me so badly, and I was quite angry and then hurt, which didn't help the depression at all. Now I have to explain to friends and family that I'm not ashamed to be out of work, and that I can still pay the rent ("How do you manage it?"). I see a great pdoc, and she's my reality check.

My advice, after all this rambling? Don't give in, tell them you already had plans for that weekend, and they can damn well fire you. If you know databases, you can find something else, I'm very sure. Perhaps part-time? You really need to cut down on the stress, and it looks like the job you have now is making life much much worse. If this sounds impractical, sleep on it. We are more than our job descriptions, and we do not have to put up with bullies and ignorance at work. I hope your husband can see that you need support, and your ability to bring home a paycheck has to be weighed against your need to take care of yourself and get well.

Enough meandering... and best of luck to you in this really difficult situation,

ms. b.


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