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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by coral on November 5, 2000, at 8:41:44
In reply to Re: French Toast, coated, nay coded » Emmanuela, posted by B Day on November 5, 2000, at 0:23:50
Here I am, lump on the couch, wrapped in my banky, sacred pillow over my head, wearing the official Lumptonian sweats, fleeing through the portal to Lumptonia! Typing is a little bit difficult in this position, but it's important that I report to all faithful Lumptonians!!!! Duty calls! (Gosh, am I in violation of our charter by answering???)
Last night, I slept without Ambien or Librium, in the world of non-Lumptonians. God, is THAT a weird place! NightMares and NightStallions invaded my sleep (NEVER would've happened in Lumptonia!) My WH (Wonderful Husband) came to bed an hour after I'd retired. I DEMANDED to know where he'd been. He CLAIMS to have been watching a late movie, but, as a true Lumptonian, I know better. I just know he unleashed the cellar demons and let them cavort while I was sleeping. And me, without my shield and armor (Ambien and Librium!) Upon arising this morning, I staggered past the many national shrines that dot the homestead, exhausted from my travails in that weird and lurid world, and dove through the portal to Lumptonia. Ahhhh, to be wrapped in the comfort and companionship of other Lumptonians! I shall sneak in quietly, so as not to disturb other Lumptonians, hold tightly to my place on the couch, and when I regain my strength, welcome in other staggering Lumptonians!Your faithful correspondent just returned from the field!
Couch Person Extraordinaire
Posted by noa on November 5, 2000, at 10:27:52
In reply to Re: Another citizen straggles in » S. Howard, posted by B Day on November 4, 2000, at 21:39:19
>If there's no other chocolate in the house, you can eat Nestle's Quik out of the can, but don't breathe in when you do.
Yes, this has been known to happen in my lair, only with General Foods International Coffees chocolate flavors--it serves both purposes--chocolate and coffee without leaving the house even though you are desperate for coffee.
Posted by noa on November 5, 2000, at 10:53:40
In reply to Re: Hasty Retreat to Lumptonia, posted by coral on November 5, 2000, at 8:41:44
Diversity having been mentioned by Mr. Ambassador, let me confide to my compatriots that I am, alas, only half Lump, on my father's side. But, fear not, my lineage on my mother's side is from a close ally. Yes, that's right. I am a Blob on my mother's side.
Blobs share many of our treasured traits, though, perhaps blobism is a tad more portable out into the world beyond the cave/lair/couch. I believe it is the blob in me that spaces out in front of the computer screen, playing endless hours of minesweeper, solitaire, etc. And, perhaps it is the blob that manages to get out to buy a cup of coffee, but in traditional dress, of course, which can consist of any combination of the following: reworn socks; underwear hastily washed before bed in the sink, and dried on the bathroom radiator in winter or, if the heat is off, with a hairdryer upon rising in the morning; wilted slacks and shirt, not quite "dirty" but certainly not fresh, and, preferably, rather wrinkled from being stored haphazardly on the floor in an amorphous mound of mixed clean and dirty clothing, and preferable only minimally coordinated. Hair, of course, is either wet or unwashed as there is no way that one can dry both one's underwear and one's hair, and if one does not have to dry one's underwear because the radiator is warm, one is certainly not going to make the effort to dry one's hair if one doesn't have to. Blobs also have the characteristic automobile decor: ever-present mound of stuff and trash on the passenger side floor and seat.
One of the hallmarks of blob behavior surrounds the commute home from work. First, there is the question: do I have anything to eat at home? Next comes the inner battle--I can't stop off to get something, no way, vs. but there is nothing to eat, you have to stop off to get something. This is followed by the bargaining stage, which entails desparate attempts to concoct a solution to the conflict. The result can be the decision to order pizza, combined with a plan to dip into the can of Nestle powder, or can result in one stop to the smallest, least busy food store en route, but when this happens, there must be a fair amount of "psyching up" in order to actually get out of the car. A similar process happens when there are no paper products of any kind in the home, and toilet paper must be sought out. Such scenarios become much more complicated when the "Low Fuel" light on the dashboard has been lit for more than 4 days. Often, this situation results in a stop to the gas station/mini-mart where one purchases potato chips and candy for dinner while refueling.
However, even if there is a stop on the way, there is usually the required slow-motion attempt to get oneself out of the driver's seat, accompanied by Ritual of the Sighs, of course.
But, finally, when I arrive home, I am able to express the lump side of me once again, and I am drawn like a magnet to that well-worn spot on the couch (the other spots on the couch are full of junk anyway). To arrive at this spot, I have to wind my way through the characteristic obstacle course of stuff-dropped-wherever-I-was-standing that covers most of the floor between the door and the couch.
Posted by B Day on November 5, 2000, at 10:59:34
In reply to Re: Hasty Retreat to Lumptonia, posted by coral on November 5, 2000, at 8:41:44
CPE,
I was sorry to hear of your troubling dreams. Those can be quite debilitating, especially when experienced in THAT foreign land.
You've chosen a fine day to make a lump though. Remember, it was on this day that our Lord made a Great Lump after having created us. I suspect She had nightmares as well.
You honor Her today and once again provide a sterling example for Lumptonians everywhere.
B
Posted by B Day on November 5, 2000, at 11:08:03
In reply to Re: My Diverse Heritage, posted by noa on November 5, 2000, at 10:53:40
Noa,
You once again show us there's no end to Lumptonian ingenuity!
I would also like extend Greetings to our Blob cousins out there.
Mr. B, A Of L
Posted by coral on November 5, 2000, at 11:14:41
In reply to Re: My Diverse Heritage, posted by noa on November 5, 2000, at 10:53:40
Dear Noa,
You're a truly fine example of exquisite breeding; lumpism and blobism. You've clearly drawn the best on both sides.
Your helpful survival hints are extremely valuable. I've always wondered exactly how many days I could continue with the glow of the "Low Fuel Light" but never got beyond three. I've heard tales that there are some people who routinely go to those very large, chaotic shopping places routinely, purchasing a week's supply of food at one time. Obviously, if such people do exist, they're Martha Stewart (the arch enemy of Lumptonia and Blobsville) clones.
Posted by coral on November 5, 2000, at 11:27:18
In reply to Re: Hasty Retreat to Lumptonia » coral, posted by B Day on November 5, 2000, at 10:59:34
Mr. Ambassador,
Be assured that I shall honor our Lordess in the finest Lumptonian fashion today!
My WH is showing promising signs of Lumpism . . . his plan today is lump in his lounge chair (not quite a couch, but it's a start) and stare at some televised sporting event involving men in well-padded uniforms intentionally crashing into one another. He claims he needs extra rest today because his sleep was disrupted by my tossing, turning, moaning and other vocalizations. Imagine that!!!!
Now, with my waning strength, I reach for the chocolate, sigh and withdraw into my banky!
CPE! Sterling, no less! :)
Posted by Greg on November 6, 2000, at 7:57:49
In reply to Re:One More Question... » Greg, posted by B Day on November 4, 2000, at 20:22:51
Ambassador B,
Please allow me to alie any suspicions and rest any fears you may have. The Havenmaster only wishes to broaden his horizons by educating himself on the culture of Lumptonia. Some of your members are also Havenites.
Haven is a safe place where people go to speak their minds without fear of recrimination, to be silly, to be serious, to be. The only requirement being mutual respect. A mystical place indeed.
While we don't lump per se, at Haven, but we have been known laze lackidaisically for hours on end...
Please accept my invitation to join us if you like. The gateway can be found at:
www.egroups.com/group/asafehaven
I will see that your membership is approved post haste.
My best wishes go out to all the people of Lumptonia as well as my hopes that you all live in peace and harmony!
With respect and admiration,
The HavenmasterEtre bien!
> The Havenmaster's intellectual curiosity gives the Ambassador headaches. It makes one wonder if the Havenmaster was the recipient of the secret message contained in the strange words sent by Emmanuella!?!!
>
> Per chance, is the Havenmaster French???> You are welcome. Cloud of suspicion aside, the Havenmaster's otherwise seemingly good intentions toward the Lumptonian people is much appreciated.
>
> At your service,
>
> B, Lumptonian Ambassador
Posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 8:21:20
In reply to Re: Chocolate Survival Strategy, posted by noa on November 5, 2000, at 10:27:52
> >If there's no other chocolate in the house, you can eat Nestle's Quik out of the can, but don't breathe in when you do.
I also meant to say that this one made me really laugh out loud!
Posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 9:40:03
In reply to Re:Lumpites, One and All, posted by Greg on November 4, 2000, at 14:21:54
Nay, kind sir. We take not lumps, except to the extent that we take them in and become better lumpites! Join us, join us, thy place is here, among your friends.
P.S. Ambassador: Do we have to quit our jobs to become citizens. I hate to rat on Greg, but he does go to work everyday, and I don't know if he can truly be 100% lump. 8-)
Shar
> To the Lumpites,
>
> I just finished reading all the posts here and find myself with only one question...
>
> To be considered a lump, must one be willing to take their lumps or merely admit to being one?
>
> I think I'll return to my Haven and ponder this for awhile... :^)
Posted by Greg on November 6, 2000, at 9:53:27
In reply to Beware! A dissident questions our ways!, posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 9:40:03
> I hate to rat on Greg, but he does go to work everyday, and I don't know if he can truly be 100% lump.
Obviously, most lovely Shar, thou hath not seen me at my computer.....
Posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:12:41
In reply to Re: My Diverse Heritage, posted by noa on November 5, 2000, at 10:53:40
A ritual has been disclosed, that predates this order of Lumptonians: The Ritual of the Sighs. It is a secret and esoteric initiative rite, that occurs during one's first experience with Lumpism and it may not be remembered because the Ancients make it so during what is similar to a dream state or a trance.
It is almost like a secret handshake, a way of identifying fellow Lumps (or Blob-Lumps) in the external world. The Sighs may also be accompanied by the Law of Slow Motion, during which no Lump or Blob can move at a "normal" pace. For example, once the car door is open and the feet on the ground to get out, there is usually a pause while the Lumpite slumps slightly for a few seconds. Then the rest of the exit can take place.
Sighs can also take the form of "whew" which is a longer exhalation of breath that may sound like "sshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhewww."
While the initiation can be found in sacred texts, the sacred texts can't be found (although the curator of the Lumptonian Hysterical Society is sure they are there somewhere).
This is an important Revelation and should be recorded in the current documentation of Lumptonia.
Posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:19:53
In reply to Re: Beware! A dissident questions... Nay say I! » shar, posted by Greg on November 6, 2000, at 9:53:27
Greg,
I bow to your thorough understanding of Lumpism, and how you have managed to incorporate it into every facet of your life.You are a Master Lump, and I lower my head...oh, I dozed off there for a moment...in abject apology for my hasty accusation.
Thou art a Welcome citizen to Lumptonia with much to teach us.
S
Posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:23:13
In reply to Re: You need not worry... » B Day, posted by Greg on November 6, 2000, at 7:57:49
I have heard both pronunciations, the latter by a person who, in a burst of energy, was funny. I believe I prefer the latter, but will use either.
Posted by coral on November 6, 2000, at 10:23:42
In reply to Revelation: Ritual of the Sighs and Whews, posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:12:41
Dear Shar,
On behalf of the Ambassador (who is apparently lumping at the moment), all other Lumptonians, and myself, I heartily congratulate you and thank you deeply for volunteering as our Historical Curator.
As you have so adeptly pointed out, the sacred texts are sacred and a special rapport with the Ancients which you have so marvelously exhibited is crucial to the accuracy of maintaining the sacredness of our sacred texts. So many of our new citizens wouldn't have grasped the sacred importance of the Siiiiiiiighhhhhhhhh.... without your wonderful guidance!
Lifting my head from the sacred pillow, and peeking out from the sacred banky, I salute you!
CPE (now in sterling)
Posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:29:45
In reply to Re: My Diverse Heritage, posted by coral on November 5, 2000, at 11:14:41
I confess. I have shopped. At the supermarket. It was an aberration, and all I bought was canned food, chocolate, Top Ramen, Milk (for coffee), and (please forgive me) soap. The canned goods are a good investment, because they last a very long time, and if you buy enough, you needn't shop for weeks and weeks. Top Ramen seems to last forever too. Oh, and peanut butter which is very versatile. I give my dogs their pills in peanut butter, plus I can eat it right out of the jar.
When I am in a cooking mood (usually very near to starvation) I can open a can of soup or do Top Ramen.
I hope I can be forgiven for this lapse.
S
S
> Dear Noa,
>
> You're a truly fine example of exquisite breeding; lumpism and blobism. You've clearly drawn the best on both sides.
>
> Your helpful survival hints are extremely valuable. I've always wondered exactly how many days I could continue with the glow of the "Low Fuel Light" but never got beyond three. I've heard tales that there are some people who routinely go to those very large, chaotic shopping places routinely, purchasing a week's supply of food at one time. Obviously, if such people do exist, they're Martha Stewart (the arch enemy of Lumptonia and Blobsville) clones.
Posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 10:30:13
In reply to Re: Historical Curator -Shar!!!!, posted by coral on November 6, 2000, at 10:23:42
It occurred to me this morning that we are witnessing the development of a sacred national literature, and that through the process of commenting upon comments, it is taking on the characteristics of a collective text, where it is hard to tell the original sources, much like the Hebraic Bible's J, P, E, and D, or like the Talmud's commentary upon commentary. Perhaps for Lumpism it is B, C, G, N, S, SH, and E (I hope I have not left out any of the traditional text sources).
Posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:43:50
In reply to Re: Historical Curator -Shar!!!!, posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 10:30:13
>Perhaps for Lumpism it is B, C, G, N, S, SH, and E (I hope I have not left out any of the traditional text sources).
Ow. That made my head hurt. I must nap now, after my nap I will reread it. The B, C, etc. are initials of the contributors?
Shall we call the texts the Lump-Blob Scrolls (Blump Scrolls, Lumbob Scrolls)? (They must remain secret, lest a normal find one.) I believe that Noa's diverse heritage can be seen in other Lumptonians as well, and would it be OK to include both cultures in the sacred texts? It seems that one is more "at home" (Lump) and the other "external to home" (Blob) which information would be a goddess-send to many of us who haven't made it to full-fledged Blobism yet.
Posted by B Day on November 6, 2000, at 11:55:09
In reply to Re: Hasty Retreat to Lumptonia, posted by coral on November 5, 2000, at 11:27:18
...has lifted and our National Web Server is back online! Praise be to Her.
I spent the most of Sunday lumping with our Lord. It was warm and cozy although it was not quite as religious of an experience as I hoped it would be. I attribute this to THE negative side-effect of my anti-depressant.
It is now the beginning of a new week though and so I have returned to vertical. The ambassador has a busy week ahead...
Monday: Think about what all he HAS to do this week.
Tuesday: Brush his teeth or Vote.
Wednesday: Shave if if he has brushed his teeth, otherwise what's the use.
Thursday: Possibly shower, if he has brushed his teeth and shaved.
Friday: Possibly get dressed
Saturday: Procure some more chocolate, cheese, ice cream, pie and potatoes whether he's dressed or not.
Sunday: Lump with the Lord all day.B, the A of L
Posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 12:17:38
In reply to The Dark Veil Of Silence..., posted by B Day on November 6, 2000, at 11:55:09
Voting:
Thank goodness the choices are pretty clear and there aren't any complicated ballot questions of much import, and thank goodness for the polling place being DIRECTLY across the street, so this lumpette can *exercise* (rather a provocative word in our language!) her right to vote.
Posted by B Day on November 6, 2000, at 12:22:49
In reply to Re: You need not worry... » B Day, posted by Greg on November 6, 2000, at 7:57:49
> Ambassador B,
>
> Please allow me to alie any suspicions and rest any fears you may have. The Havenmaster only wishes to broaden his horizons by educating himself on the culture of Lumptonia. Some of your members are also Havenites.
>The Havenmaster speaks wisely. Although the Lumptonian people are famous for being of little help, the Ambassador embraces the HM's desire to explore our common bounds.
> Haven is a safe place where people go to speak their minds without fear of recrimination, to be silly, to be serious, to be. The only requirement being mutual respect. A mystical place indeed.
>
> While we don't lump per se, at Haven, but we have been known laze lackidaisically for hours on end...
>Haven is a beautiful land. I've traveled there at times. I was very inspired and actually wrote a song about it. It starts:
"There's a place where a different water satifies the thirst,
and music blows like a hardy wind;
colors seem to burst.""and visions fill a person with a splendor that is grand,
and higher states of mind occur as one walks across the land."...shhhhhhhhhheeewww! That's enough for one day. It goes on and on.
> Please accept my invitation to join us if you like. The gateway can be found at:
>
> www.egroups.com/group/asafehaven
>
> I will see that your membership is approved post haste.
>The ambassador humbly accepts the Havenmaster's gracious invitation and once again looks forward to the peaceful sanctuary of your land. It would seem that the Havenite and Lumptonian nations have much that is kindred.
> My best wishes go out to all the people of Lumptonia as well as my hopes that you all live in peace and harmony!
>
> With respect and admiration,
> The Havenmaster
>
> Etre bien!
>...and a return of well wishes. May She be with you.
On behalf of the Lumptonian people,
Ambassador B
Posted by B Day on November 6, 2000, at 12:26:59
In reply to Re: Chocolate Survival Strategy--PS, posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 8:21:20
> > >If there's no other chocolate in the house, you can eat Nestle's Quik out of the can, but don't breathe in when you do.
>
>
> I also meant to say that this one made me really laugh out loud!Noa,
The ambassador has often found it handy to keep a small bottle of Hersey's Syrup in his back pocket for "swigging".
However, this practive has been widely disdained by those from THAT state. What do they call themselves? Normals? How bizarre.
Smiling with you with sticky brown lips,
Ambassador B
Posted by B Day on November 6, 2000, at 12:43:23
In reply to My Hasty Accusation is Withdrawn » Greg, posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:19:53
Yes Shar,
Through his good will toward us, I believe the Havenmaster should at least be granted "Honorary Citizenship" in Lumptonia.
In order to strengthen the understanding and relationship between our two peoples, I hope to visit Haven in the near future; preferably before my return to Hypomania.
Am B
Posted by B Day on November 6, 2000, at 12:48:56
In reply to Is it French or Fransch?, posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:23:13
> I have heard both pronunciations, the latter by a person who, in a burst of energy, was funny. I believe I prefer the latter, but will use either.
Hmmmm? That may be the Georgian pronunciation of the word. In Alabama I believe it is "Frinnch" and "Frainsch" in Tennessee.
Am B
Posted by Greg on November 6, 2000, at 12:54:23
In reply to Re: Chocolate Survival Strategy--PS » noa, posted by B Day on November 6, 2000, at 12:26:59
> > > >If there's no other chocolate in the house, you can eat Nestle's Quik out of the can, but don't breathe in when you do.
> >
> >
> > I also meant to say that this one made me really laugh out loud!
>
> Noa,
>
> The ambassador has often found it handy to keep a small bottle of Hersey's Syrup in his back pocket for "swigging".
>
> However, this practive has been widely disdained by those from THAT state. What do they call themselves? Normals? How bizarre.
>
> Smiling with you with sticky brown lips,
>
> Ambassador BAmbassador,
Might I suggest that you keep a small container of milk in the other back pocket? Although this would require you to shake your head vigorously on occasion....
HM
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