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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AdaGrace on December 19, 2004, at 13:42:46
for your heart to either mend or blow up?
How long does it take to die if you are trapped in a car that went off the bridge into the water?
How long is it going to be cold inside this body?
Does God really not forgive people that can't really handle the life he gives them anymore?
Do you go to hell for not wanting to play the game anymore?
Posted by AdaGrace on December 19, 2004, at 17:44:36
In reply to How long does it take, posted by AdaGrace on December 19, 2004, at 13:42:46
I met someone else whom I thought I could relate to, but time and time again he kept being mean and hateful to me, and time and time again I went back for it. Today, more abuse I didn't ask for but got anyway. Now I am a c**t who is seriously flawed. Emotionally wrecked, I ask for the abuse, why does it hurt so much when I get it? I'm spiraling downward in this life, hurting more, opening up when I say I'm not going to. I can't harden my heart, it hurts. I can't stop drinking, and I just keep trying to meet my prince charming so I can live hapily ever after.....I am so seriously twisted. painfully twisted. I need to be told I am a bad person so I remember that I am. I'm so scared that I won't live through this latest abuse.
Posted by AdaGrace on December 20, 2004, at 16:13:14
In reply to How long does it take, posted by AdaGrace on December 19, 2004, at 13:42:46
And it only happens for a few minutes a day. When does it go for at least an hour. I can't remember to take my meds. Am I doing this on purpose or has my mind really gotten muddle even more. Am I crazy, or do I just want to be? It's easier to live in a bubble isn't it. Can I burst my own bubble and suck the life out of it? Or is that my husband's job?
Ada, Not handling the constant rejection I have been getting lately, Grace
Posted by partlycloudy on December 20, 2004, at 19:56:55
In reply to Re: I just want to feel good again, posted by AdaGrace on December 20, 2004, at 16:13:14
AdaGrace, what's going on? I"m pretty out of it here, and I don't know what you are upset about; but you are doing way too good a job on beating yourself up.
Talk to me, friend.
pc
Posted by justyourlaugh on December 21, 2004, at 13:09:16
In reply to Re: I just want to feel good again, posted by AdaGrace on December 20, 2004, at 16:13:14
oh dear grace,
i have something that i have to hold onto when things are bad...
"i didnt chose to come into this world ,and it is not my place to take myself out"..
i know it is corny..and i thought i could get my husband to do it..or a cop..
but ...
not my choice...
be strong grace.
be strong.
be.
jyl
Posted by AdaGrace on December 21, 2004, at 18:36:43
In reply to Re: I just want to feel good again, posted by partlycloudy on December 20, 2004, at 19:56:55
Sorry, I'm just drowning in my own spit.
Posted by AdaGrace on December 21, 2004, at 18:38:58
In reply to Re: I just want to feel good again, posted by justyourlaugh on December 21, 2004, at 13:09:16
But if it looks like an accident, then they can all profit from it, and I will find out how bad the afterlife is.....
Posted by justyourlaugh on December 21, 2004, at 23:51:26
In reply to Re: I just want to feel good again » justyourlaugh, posted by AdaGrace on December 21, 2004, at 18:38:58
i do not want to call you silly...
but when it is over there is no more thought..
you can not tell if it is "hell" or pearly...
you stop..
i googled myself after a post on social...
and i know from past posts...
you will feel better..
maybe if you email me ...add on an @ aol..
i could reach a little closer to you...
please reach out to someone that can help you..
justyourlaugh@..
you must let the pain out...try good old play dough..smells so nice.
j
Posted by beppe on December 22, 2004, at 5:53:19
In reply to Re: I'm seriously flawed » AdaGrace, posted by AdaGrace on December 19, 2004, at 17:44:36
have u ever considered therepy? i sometimes hate myself too but i would rather take it out on myself then giving someone else the satisfaction of punishing me
Posted by AdaGrace on December 22, 2004, at 15:28:44
In reply to Re: I just want to feel good again, posted by partlycloudy on December 20, 2004, at 19:56:55
I seemed to have taken a downward spiral turn into never never land and I keep hitting my head on the staircase. I can't seem to climb back up and the stairs slope towards hell so steeply now. I keep messing up. I keep really messing up. I think I am forgetting my medicine on purpose. I keep dreaming and dreaming, searching and searching for love and not finding it. I am torturing and tormenting myself and I can't stop. I know I need help. I just can't seem to find the time. I'm about to lose my job or at least the insurance part of it, and the job is soon to be gone as well. I'm scared. I'm lost. And now the only therapy has been taken away from me (babble) and I have noone to turn to really. Today is the first day I have had any real time to respond on here in two weeks. I'm actually sober enough to type and that's a first. I miss this place like air. I miss my old dumb fat self. The one that didn't know and didn't feel. Now I feel too much. I'm scared, really scared.
Ada
Posted by AdaGrace on December 22, 2004, at 15:31:49
In reply to Re: I just want to feel good again, posted by justyourlaugh on December 21, 2004, at 23:51:26
I feel as if letting go will only make me realize I am and was a true fool. To admit that, to really let that sink in hurts my pride. I don't believe in nothingness in the hereafter. I actually believe in reincarnation. I keep thinking that I might come back a better person, someone with a true pure heart and soul. Someone that can love and allow thereselves to be loved in return. Someone who hasn't sinned beyond redemption. Someone who can give more than they take. Someone better. Way better than myself.
Ada
Posted by AdaGrace on December 22, 2004, at 15:33:13
In reply to Re: I'm seriously flawed, posted by beppe on December 22, 2004, at 5:53:19
I know I need to go to therapy. I tried it. I couldn't keep my appointments because of work & family responsibilities. And when I quit going the therapist never called me to ask me why, so I figured he really didn't have time for me anyway.
Ada
Posted by partlycloudy on December 23, 2004, at 4:51:41
In reply to Re: Therapy » beppe, posted by AdaGrace on December 22, 2004, at 15:33:13
AdaGrace, I have spent a long time on those spiral staircases. They make me pretty dizzy! You're definitely being harder on yourself than anyone else could possibly be.
I know that many of your babble friends here have suggested therapy and that it doesn't fit in time-wise with your life right now. If you're not able to take that step yet (and I'm suggesting that it's important that you make time to do it, really); then would you consider reading some books and perhaps trying to do some of the homework for yourself?
Feeling trapped, spied upon, having your livelihood threatened, these are all frightening scenarios. What can change, though, is how you react to the situations - that's really what therapy helps you to do.
It makes me unhappy to see you hurt like this. Things get better, but only if we can change ourselves first. That is the biggest thing I've learned in the past 6 years. OK, OK, so I'm a slow learner...
How about one of those pill reminder boxes to get you taking the meds when you're supposed to, to start?partlycloudy, trying not to lecture but to help my friend AdaGrace.
Posted by AdaGrace on December 23, 2004, at 7:56:36
In reply to Re: Therapy, posted by partlycloudy on December 23, 2004, at 4:51:41
I got one of those pill reminder thingys as a gag gift for my 40th birthday. Maybe I should get it out. Trouble is, where do I put it? In my purse? I would get lost in the Mother bag and then I would still forget. The thing is, I know in the morning that I forgot it that night, but if I take them in the AM they make me drowsy during the day.
Therapy. PC I know what you are saying. It's just so hard. It's not like I can drive across town and go to a session. I am in the middle of nowhere. I know, excuses, excuses, excuses. I have a name of a woman, after ther 1st I am going to call. I promise.
Posted by partlycloudy on December 23, 2004, at 8:49:40
In reply to Re: Therapy » partlycloudy, posted by AdaGrace on December 23, 2004, at 7:56:36
I've tried putting the pill bottles on the counter and putting it away when I take the pill. I've tried doing it the other way, too. How about putting it in the way of your toothbrush? You DO brush before you go nighty-night, don't you, good girl you??
It took me 4 years to return to therapy when I moved here. It's hard to put yourself first, but if you don't then you can't be there for anyone else.
End of this morning's sermon. Carry on.
Posted by AdaGrace on December 24, 2004, at 7:40:02
In reply to Remembering and excuses » AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on December 23, 2004, at 8:49:40
PC,
I am listening, and I am going to make myself my new years resolution. How do you like that?AdaGrace
Posted by partlycloudy on December 24, 2004, at 9:52:55
In reply to Re: Sermons and taking them to heart » partlycloudy, posted by AdaGrace on December 24, 2004, at 7:40:02
This is the end of the thread.
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