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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower123 on November 12, 2014, at 21:06:21
Hello PB world,
I thought I'd try this pb out to see if any of the old timers are still here or of course new friends are welcomed too. I'm going through termination with my T I have had for 6 years now. She has been incredible with me and I really did a lot of trauma work with her and I have learned a lot about emotions and myself. It is SO stinkin' hard to go through this. I have 2 appointments left. But we are working through it and I will be okay. It will be my first healthy relationship ending I have ever had.
My family is moving and I am losing a lot, my family doctor, hair stylist, but most of all- my safe place other than home with my T. I am seeing a new T and that is hard too because you have to start all over and go over all your history and well it is very triggering. You have to to reestablish a safe place for trauma work.
I was looking up old Babble posts tonight to get a timeline of my relationship with my first T to describe the trauma I went through with him in therapy, and while I got a lot of chuckles in the beginning of the relationship, I am completely disgusted by how inappropriate and abusive my formal T was. Therapy isn't suppose to cause trauma, but it did. What really sucks, is that I still run into that turkey, even several hours out of town.
It's interesting that when reading old babble posts, that in hindsight I can see it was a train wreak waiting to happen with my old T. I guess it comes down to responsibility and he did take his responsibility serious enough in our relationship to keep himself in check. He should have sought out consultation or supervision. I am not sure if anyone remembers this stuff that happened almost 8 years ago, but I thought I would just drop a little note that has now turned into a huge letter to Babble. haha!Thanks,
A much healthier Happyflower
Posted by Twinleaf on November 12, 2014, at 23:19:42
In reply to Termintation, new therapist, old babble threads..., posted by happyflower123 on November 12, 2014, at 21:06:21
I remember! I'm so glad you found truly helpful therapy - the best news you could have given old-timers like me!
Posted by oceansun on November 13, 2014, at 20:11:28
In reply to Termintation, new therapist, old babble threads..., posted by happyflower123 on November 12, 2014, at 21:06:21
Hi Happyflower,
I read your post today and just wanted to let you know I have a lot of empathy for what you're going through. It's funny, but I could have written the first paragraph of your post, literally word-for-word, a few months ago when my therapist moved. I looked online for termination stories but didn't find much, so I'm really glad you wrote here. I feel comforted by it, so thank you. I'm glad you're doing well now.
Good luck with your new therapist -- starting over is not that bad :). It does have its pluses.
PS. It's weird but I feel like I remember your name, and Twinleaf's name, from a long time ago, but that could be my brain playing tricks on me too ;).
> Hello PB world,
>
> I thought I'd try this pb out to see if any of the old timers are still here or of course new friends are welcomed too. I'm going through termination with my T I have had for 6 years now. She has been incredible with me and I really did a lot of trauma work with her and I have learned a lot about emotions and myself. It is SO stinkin' hard to go through this. I have 2 appointments left. But we are working through it and I will be okay. It will be my first healthy relationship ending I have ever had.
>
> My family is moving and I am losing a lot, my family doctor, hair stylist, but most of all- my safe place other than home with my T. I am seeing a new T and that is hard too because you have to start all over and go over all your history and well it is very triggering. You have to to reestablish a safe place for trauma work.
>
> I was looking up old Babble posts tonight to get a timeline of my relationship with my first T to describe the trauma I went through with him in therapy, and while I got a lot of chuckles in the beginning of the relationship, I am completely disgusted by how inappropriate and abusive my formal T was. Therapy isn't suppose to cause trauma, but it did. What really sucks, is that I still run into that turkey, even several hours out of town.
> It's interesting that when reading old babble posts, that in hindsight I can see it was a train wreak waiting to happen with my old T. I guess it comes down to responsibility and he did take his responsibility serious enough in our relationship to keep himself in check. He should have sought out consultation or supervision. I am not sure if anyone remembers this stuff that happened almost 8 years ago, but I thought I would just drop a little note that has now turned into a huge letter to Babble. haha!
>
> Thanks,
> A much healthier Happyflower
Posted by sassyfrancesca on November 14, 2014, at 9:08:35
In reply to Termintation, new therapist, old babble threads..., posted by happyflower123 on November 12, 2014, at 21:06:21
Posted by sassyfrancesca on November 14, 2014, at 9:14:01
In reply to Termintation, new therapist, old babble threads..., posted by happyflower123 on November 12, 2014, at 21:06:21
Oh, the techie stuff, LOL.....I wrote a message, and posted it NM! Anyway, yes I remember YOU ...do you remember me? (I kept your e-mails from 10 years ago!)......If you will e-mail me, I will update you.
I am now a Sophomore at 68!
xoxo!
Posted by Poet on November 14, 2014, at 10:45:02
In reply to Termintation, new therapist, old babble threads..., posted by happyflower123 on November 12, 2014, at 21:06:21
Hi Happyflower,
I remember you and your former Turkey, er, T. At least this time you're leaving your therapist on good terms and she seems like she really helped you get through the trauma of what Turkey put you through. I hope you find another good one in your new location.
Good luck with your move- moving is trauma in itself.
Poet
p.s. for old times sake: a hard cyberslap to your ex T.
Posted by happyflower123 on November 14, 2014, at 22:00:30
In reply to Re: Termintation, new therapist, old babble threads... » happyflower123, posted by Poet on November 14, 2014, at 10:45:02
Oh, you are so right about the moving trauma, Poet! I had NO idea how hard it would be for me and my entire family, especially when you are downsizing and moving to a place half the formal size and having to downsize your belongings too.
I was very lucky to have such a great T and I feel we have grown together in therapy. It is going to be really rough when we say our goodbyes. I can still send her an email once in a while though to update her on my life, so that makes if feel a little better. The old me still comes out sometimes now and feels like running away from it or even get angry because that is what the old happyflower would do normally. I even told her jokily that I was angry at her because I was moving away. haha!
p.s. He can consider himself slapped. lol
Posted by happyflower123 on November 14, 2014, at 22:18:03
In reply to Re: Termintation, new therapist, old babble threads... » happyflower123, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 14, 2014, at 9:14:01
Of course I remember you Sassy!
It is really hard to hear about inappropriate T's when it took years to overcome all the pain my 1st caused me and it is a huge trigger for me, even now, even after a huge doo doo load of therapy. So if your T is still doing the same, it wouldn't be healthy for me to hear about that, but I do support you and hope you are doing well.Even though it started off flirty and fun, I now see inappropriate T's behavior's as a form of abuse of power and know the deep pain it can cause a client. It feels worse than child abuse. I have even become an activist for this cause.
A current trend for therapists is to continue to have a supervision type group with other T's that meet weekly, for support and feedback for their highly stressful jobs. Many T's now believe in having therapy themselves, to make sure their issues (and everyone on this planet has them) doesn't come into the therapy room and negatively impact their clients. I highly support this.
Posted by happyflower123 on November 14, 2014, at 22:28:56
In reply to Re: Termintation, new therapist, old babble threads... » happyflower123, posted by oceansun on November 13, 2014, at 20:11:28
Hello oceansun,
Ending therapy is so hard, especially if you have had a T for a long time. Somehow I feel it would feel worse (if that is even possible) for a T to leave instead of a client leaving. I am glad you feel comforted by my story, but your story allows me to see it could feel worse to have been in your place.
I like my new T so far, but haven't built any trust with her yet, and my old T is helping with the transition. They know each other and do similar trauma work.So what are the pluses of starting over? I am still looking for one. haha!
Posted by happyflower123 on November 14, 2014, at 22:46:42
In reply to Re: Termintation, new therapist, old babble threads... » happyflower123, posted by Twinleaf on November 12, 2014, at 23:19:42
Well I certainly remember you too, Twinleaf!
Finding a good T sure makes a difference. I think it takes a few months to even know if they are good for you. Sometimes you know right away.
A couple of months ago I tried out a new T and told her (along with a letter from my T) that I wanted no personal disclosure (this is how the abuse began with the abusive T I first had ) until I felt I could trust them. Well she told me on the 2nd appointment that she had 3 clients that went into the hospital that weekend and she coped with the stress of that by drinking wine. I later found out that she has a blog with so much personal information about herself, including a conversation of what she had with a client during therapy. Plus this is someone who trains other T's! I couldn't believe it, she hasn't even been a T for 5 years. How could a college hire someone so inexperienced. gah! It's scary out there in the T world.
So I hope this one works out. I've only had 2 appointments so far.
Posted by oceansun on November 19, 2014, at 23:15:25
In reply to Re: Termintation, new therapist, old babble threads... » oceansun, posted by happyflower123 on November 14, 2014, at 22:28:56
Yeah, a therapist leaving is really hard, although it actually wasn't her choice, so that's somewhat better. I guess it has its pluses in that you can get a new perspective that may be enlightening, a new way of looking at things. I went from psychoanalytic to DBT, and while DBT isn't warm and fuzzy like with my old therapist, which I am missing terribly, I am learning new things, and interacting with the new therapist in a new, more adult way.
What may help is writing a history of yourself to give to your new therapist, so there's a base of information for her to work from. Writing that in itself is enlightening!
Frankly, I thought I literally wasn't going to survive my therapy ending, but it's only a few months later and I look upon our therapy now with more fondness than loss. I do write her a letter once a month, but my life doesn't center around that the way I thought it would. And you will be able to keep your old therapist close in a way because of her connection with your new therapist.
Much good luck!
> Hello oceansun,
>
> Ending therapy is so hard, especially if you have had a T for a long time. Somehow I feel it would feel worse (if that is even possible) for a T to leave instead of a client leaving. I am glad you feel comforted by my story, but your story allows me to see it could feel worse to have been in your place.
> I like my new T so far, but haven't built any trust with her yet, and my old T is helping with the transition. They know each other and do similar trauma work.
>
> So what are the pluses of starting over? I am still looking for one. haha!
>
Posted by sassyfrancesca on November 20, 2014, at 10:06:35
In reply to Re: Termintation, new therapist, old babble threads... » sassyfrancesca, posted by happyflower123 on November 14, 2014, at 22:18:03
> Of course I remember you Sassy!
I hoped you would.
My t stopped that behavior years ago. I am still with him (still alone and hating it), but at some point hope I can find the courage to confront him on what he did.
xo
> It is really hard to hear about inappropriate T's when it took years to overcome all the pain my 1st caused me and it is a huge trigger for me, even now, even after a huge doo doo load of therapy. So if your T is still doing the same, it wouldn't be healthy for me to hear about that, but I do support you and hope you are doing well.
>
> Even though it started off flirty and fun, I now see inappropriate T's behavior's as a form of abuse of power and know the deep pain it can cause a client. It feels worse than child abuse. I have even become an activist for this cause.
>
> A current trend for therapists is to continue to have a supervision type group with other T's that meet weekly, for support and feedback for their highly stressful jobs. Many T's now believe in having therapy themselves, to make sure their issues (and everyone on this planet has them) doesn't come into the therapy room and negatively impact their clients. I highly support this.
This is the end of the thread.
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