Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 1067471

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Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy

Posted by Poet on July 1, 2014, at 8:19:30

In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Poet, posted by Partlycloudy on June 30, 2014, at 15:55:58

Hi PC,
I think I'd be upset, but respectful, too. Dinah's question was answered, my issue with it is that I feel her therapist didn't handle it in a professional manner. I understand he had some sort of personal crisis, but if I were in Dinah's situation I would have wanted a more personal explanation sooner.
Poet

Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy

Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2014, at 9:04:35

In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Poet, posted by Partlycloudy on June 30, 2014, at 15:55:58

What makes you think I wasn't respectful in my conversations with him? I expressed myself *here*, for some strange reason. Not a mistake I'll make again, to be sure. Several people were helpful when he first disappeared. I should have left it at that and not updated the board with my experience.
But I am clearly a horrible, selfish, self centered person. A reasonable person would continue to see him and not have felt pain at his disappearance. A reasonable person would not have discussed the pain and hurt on an internet bulletin board.
Perhaps I could offer him a stipend without actually having to put myself in risk of similar pain again (however "unreasonable" the pain might be)?

Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Dinah

Posted by Partlycloudy on July 1, 2014, at 9:24:01

In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2014, at 9:04:35

No comment.

Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Poet

Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2014, at 9:26:27

In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy, posted by Poet on July 1, 2014, at 8:19:30

I don't know if it was unprofessional or not. However I do know it wasn't commensurate with the caring he had convinced me he felt. I'm not sure if people understand that he had made a point of convincing me he cared about me as more than "just" a client. Not based on anything personal but based on the length of time we'd seen each other and all we'd gone through together. The latter part of my therapy had been predicate on the feeling of safety that came with that understanding. Safety that something like this couldn't happen. Safety that he wouldn't treat me as "just" a client, or abandon me with a form letter. Not to say he might not die, or might not move, or might not become ill. But that if he died, someone would contact me, if he moved, we'd skype. That he would make arrangements, should he be forced to abandon me, to minimize my pain. Perhaps I misunderstood. Perhaps he just was unable to follow through despite his best intentions. I tend to believe the latter - or perhaps I just wish to.
Honestly, his "caring" since he returned seemed to be limited to assuring me that I was the only client he contacted while he was away, six weeks after he disappeared. And that he had treated me in a special way. The way he did it seemed more like perfunctory appeasement than actual caring or concern. I didn't want appeasement. And it rather made me wonder if I had been being appeased before.
The extent I believed in his caring was obviously, given what happened, unreasonable. Perhaps I misunderstood him, perhaps not. Perhaps he did care, perhaps not. Certainly he didn't care as much as I thought he did, and was not much of a priority for him that he didn't contact me for six weeks, long after the first crisis had passed. My relationship on him was based on a misunderstanding, and now that that misunderstanding has been cleared up, I do not see any way that he can provide more help for me than he will cause anxiety for me, if I see him on a regular basis. Which I was already thinking, before he disappeared, was not necessary.
I don't much care if I am a selfish unreasonable person. Won't be the first or last time that I've behaved in a selfish unreasonable way. If I burn, I burn.

Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy

Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2014, at 9:29:55

In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on July 1, 2014, at 9:24:01

I regret I don't meet your standards.
It happens....

Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Dinah

Posted by Partlycloudy on July 1, 2014, at 9:53:06

In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2014, at 9:29:55

I don't have standards when it comes to other people, Dinah. We are all different. What I find uncomfortable is trying to post about my experiences, and having them downplayed as they are compared (why, I don't know) to someone else's.
Surely this should be a place where all therapeutic experiences can be shared. Otherwise, we could call it "Dinah's Psychology Board." That's not where I fit in. I have DIFFERENT, not BETTER experiences from you.
Is this not true?

Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy

Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2014, at 10:21:05

In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Poet, posted by Partlycloudy on June 30, 2014, at 15:55:58

> > Hi PC,
> >
> > I've seen the same therapist for close to 12 years. It took me years to really trust her, I always appreciated her doing energy work and other alternatives to just talking. I have also learned alot and the only thing my therapist owes to me is an explanation if she ever terminates me. Good or bad I would want to know.
> >
> > Poet
>
> Most definitely. And, from I understand, that question was answered. I would be upset but respectful. What about you?
>
>
I regret if I misunderstood your posts. I could have sworn you were talking about *my* therapy experience with *my* therapist and comparing your own responses with mine.
I didn't realize that it was your talking about your own experiences in therapy.
At any rate, I've mostly left the Babble community, and won't be posting on the board anymore. So perhaps you can make it into something other than "Dinah's Psychology Board".
For example, I read this post as saying I was responding in a way that was not respectful to my therapist, which seemed to be a negative judgement on me. That you would have responded in a different and better way. I'm not disagreeing with you. But I didn't read it as having to do more with *your* therapy with your own therapist than with my therapy and my reactions to my own therapist.
Ok, off to change my password to an unmemorable string of letters. So I won't be able to respond to any future posts by your or by others.

OK (nm) » Dinah

Posted by Partlycloudy on July 1, 2014, at 10:23:27

In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2014, at 10:21:05

Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Dinah

Posted by baseball55 on July 1, 2014, at 20:31:54

In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2014, at 10:21:05

dinah - I like your posts a lot and have always valued your contributions to this board. I care about the complicated relationship you have with your therapist. I have a complicated relationship with mine also.
But it is troubling that pc can post something misunderstanding you and you respond by saying - bye, good riddance, I'll never post again, etc.
It is this that makes pc feel uncomfortable here. At least, that's how I read it (I could be way off).
We all have different experiences. You have no reason to expect, on a public board, that every single post will be "poor dinah." I try hard to be empathic and open, but even I, in reading your posts, have been confused about what, exactly, your T did or did not do. You never said why he disappeared.
When you first posted about this, I remember comparing this to how I might respond to my t doing this and you reacted very negatively.
I wish you wouldn't leave the board, but I can understand that pc and others might feel that it's difficult to post here without, potentially, incurring your anger.
I don't mean to hurt you or be needlessly critical. But there is this hair-trigger hostility to your posts sometimes.

> > > Hi PC,
> > >
> > > I've seen the same therapist for close to 12 years. It took me years to really trust her, I always appreciated her doing energy work and other alternatives to just talking. I have also learned alot and the only thing my therapist owes to me is an explanation if she ever terminates me. Good or bad I would want to know.
> > >
> > > Poet
> >
> > Most definitely. And, from I understand, that question was answered. I would be upset but respectful. What about you?
> >
> >
>
> I regret if I misunderstood your posts. I could have sworn you were talking about *my* therapy experience with *my* therapist and comparing your own responses with mine.
>
> I didn't realize that it was your talking about your own experiences in therapy.
>
> At any rate, I've mostly left the Babble community, and won't be posting on the board anymore. So perhaps you can make it into something other than "Dinah's Psychology Board".
>
> For example, I read this post as saying I was responding in a way that was not respectful to my therapist, which seemed to be a negative judgement on me. That you would have responded in a different and better way. I'm not disagreeing with you. But I didn't read it as having to do more with *your* therapy with your own therapist than with my therapy and my reactions to my own therapist.
>
> Ok, off to change my password to an unmemorable string of letters. So I won't be able to respond to any future posts by your or by others.

Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » baseball55

Posted by Partlycloudy on July 1, 2014, at 20:37:36

In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Dinah, posted by baseball55 on July 1, 2014, at 20:31:54

Yes, Baseball, that is exactly it, and I felt I couldn't say it with the right words. I am a sh*t. Not a big one, just a little piece of sh*t.
PC

It had nothing to do with PC » baseball55

Posted by Dinah on July 2, 2014, at 16:05:24

In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Dinah, posted by baseball55 on July 1, 2014, at 20:31:54

I know that you don't read Admin, so perhaps you didn't know.

why don't you not read admin? (nm) » Dinah

Posted by alexandra_k on July 2, 2014, at 17:56:38

In reply to It had nothing to do with PC » baseball55, posted by Dinah on July 2, 2014, at 16:05:24

If a tree falls in a forest » alexandra_k

Posted by Dinah on July 2, 2014, at 18:01:49

In reply to why don't you not read admin? (nm) » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on July 2, 2014, at 17:56:38

And I'm not there, does it make a sound?
If a poster posts on Admin, and I don't read it, does it cease to exist?

Re: It had nothing to do with PC » Dinah

Posted by baseball55 on July 2, 2014, at 20:11:34

In reply to It had nothing to do with PC » baseball55, posted by Dinah on July 2, 2014, at 16:05:24

> I know that you don't read Admin, so perhaps you didn't know.
Hmm. I stopped reading Admin because of the high passions about issues I don't get at all. Also, I got sick of all the stuff about Lou.

Re: It had nothing to do with PC » baseball55

Posted by Phillipa on July 2, 2014, at 20:26:44

In reply to Re: It had nothing to do with PC » Dinah, posted by baseball55 on July 2, 2014, at 20:11:34

Baseball stay away then. It's all there is. Phillipa

Re: If a tree falls in a forest

Posted by alexandra_k on July 2, 2014, at 21:48:27

In reply to If a tree falls in a forest » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 2, 2014, at 18:01:49

> If a poster posts on Admin, and I don't read it, does it cease to exist?
No.
But your anger / upset / hurt about what goes on over on admin might.

Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Dinah

Posted by Beckett on July 3, 2014, at 1:31:57

In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2014, at 10:21:05

I'll miss your posts if you go.

Re: And this is why I don't post on this board.

Posted by Willful on July 3, 2014, at 1:42:16

In reply to Re: And this is why I don't post on this board. » Dinah, posted by baseball55 on July 1, 2014, at 20:31:54

I value tremendously what each of you says-- even if at times I feel put off or offended, or critical also of what each of you says-- and don't have the generosity that would allow me to be more accepting. We all know, at better times, that these feelings mostly speak to our own limitations-- our own internal struggle to be the most important, or the most loved.
I really feel profound empathy for Dinah in the struggle to cope with her therapist's abrupt and annihilating abandonment--- and I believe she's entitled to our respect and understanding for having survived and having been able to see and talk to her therapist now. That must have been incredibly difficult. Even if we all know, too, that her therapist is merely human, and that he probably, as a limited human, being did his best-- that best was still very destructive for Dinah. So, in the end, it doesn't matter how we imagine we would have felt or handled it-- what matters here is what it meant and did to Dinah--
Even if I do understand that we all wish-- for Dinah's sake-- that she would not have been so devastated-- that she could say-- ah well, he did and is doing his best-- and that this could have partly soothed the pain. It's so important to try to remember that we can only accept that this is too painful for her, and the loss of trust was too deep-- and that we are powerless to do much except offer our experiences and thoughts not as reproaches, but as wishes for her.
And yet something about this has touched off a hidden pain in PC-- coming from a history that none of us really understands-- of being devalued and unrecognized-- and baseballs' struggle to control her neediness, her sacrifice of some of these longings-- at what has undoubtedly been a great cost. We each are caught up in our own struggle -- and each struggle is different-- and now, these difference histories and struggles are pushing us apart.
I just wish we could all hang in there- and not feel that need to walk away, or write one another off-- no matter what. But then I too have a way of writing people off at times-- to help me feel in control.
My hope is that each of us, when we do feel that this is the final straw, will wake another day to feel that we again can take a chance on one another. Even if we sometimes are bitterly disappointed.