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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by paisleygirl on January 9, 2012, at 22:27:55
i'm so sad, so overwhelmed.
the psychiatrist i was seeing won't see me anymore unless i do a group dbt. basically i think she's telling me i'm borderline. i also think she's abandoning me.
this makes me feel worse.
i dont want to be thought of as crazy. i dont want to be labeled.
this makes me want to hurt myself more.
i'm all alone. i hate myself. i absolutely hate myself.
i can't get the bad thoughts to go away. i just want to cry and cry and cry.
Posted by Beckett on January 10, 2012, at 1:15:42
In reply to lonely/dbt/borderline?/crazy?, posted by paisleygirl on January 9, 2012, at 22:27:55
Hey there. A therapist, a cbt one had me do dbt group therapy. It was very helpful. It wasn't punishment or labeling for me, though I admit at the time I felt like it was, and I panicked and wanted to take extra Xanax (I'm sure I did but not too many). Then I saw the dbt faciltator of the group one on one a bit and my therapy progressed more rapidly. For me, it was a very good thing. I wasn't crazy or labeled. I was scared and in a lot of pain and had a great deal of self hatred.
Are you thinking about going to the group? Can you talk to your therapist about anything you wrote here?
Posted by Dinah on January 10, 2012, at 8:52:08
In reply to lonely/dbt/borderline?/crazy?, posted by paisleygirl on January 9, 2012, at 22:27:55
I'm not a fan of using the relationship to pressure a client, but it's an old tried and trued therapeutic technique. It's likely that your therapist doesn't intend it as rejection.
Can you ask her what you see as happening in your own relationship if you do start DBT? I think that the DBT structure is to have a private therapist in addition to the groups. Is she going to be that private therapist? If so, then she's not getting rid of you. She's just trying to get additional help from you.
Does she have a DBT group in mind? I was looking for one for the longest time, but it wasn't offered on an outpatient basis. Have you read Linehan's books? I think I'd be excited about the idea of starting DBT. If done well, it sounds great.
How is your relationship with your psychiatrist otherwise? And mind you, I do see why you're angry when something so essential to you is used as a lever. My therapist discussed the technique with me a time or two, but never went so far as to make the ultimatum. Things do crop up from time to time that can cause anger in a therapeutic relationship. With a skilled therapist and commitment on both sides, it's possible to learn from those experiences.
Posted by emmanuel98 on January 10, 2012, at 18:12:38
In reply to lonely/dbt/borderline?/crazy?, posted by paisleygirl on January 9, 2012, at 22:27:55
My psychiatrist also wanted me to do DBT, both with a trained individual therapist and a group. DBT was actually developed not for borderline personality disorder, but for people with overwhelming suicidal urges and urges to self-harm. So doing DBT doesn't mean your p-doc sees you as borderline and, even if she did, so what? Borderline just means you have difficulty regulating emotions. A lot of psych patients have difficulty regulating emotions. That's what DBT is so helpful for.
My p-doc, who is not big on diagnostic labels told me that borderline is just a wastebasket diagnosis, for people who are more than neurotic but less than psychotic.
Posted by emmanuel98 on January 10, 2012, at 18:26:50
In reply to Re: lonely/dbt/borderline?/crazy? » paisleygirl, posted by Dinah on January 10, 2012, at 8:52:08
When I started seeing a DBT therapist and going to a group, I continued to see my p-doc for therapy ever week. He wasn't trying to get rid of me at all. He just beleived in DBT and thought it would help me. He even said that he's thought of going and getting training himself in DBT, but feels he's too old (he's now 72) to start something new.
It is actually hard to find DBT groups. I was very lucky that there is a women's group that is grant-funded in my city and it had an opening. Finding an individual DBT therapist was very hard. I must have called 50 people. I went to my insurance company website and looked up therapist who listed DBT as a specialty but I found that few of them really specialize in DBT. I was about to give up when this SW called me and had an opening and did nothing but DBT work.
DBT is strongly rooted in Buddhist philosophy -- mindfulness, meditation, acceptance, learning to sit with pain and let it go. I also go to AA and find AA and DBT very similar in their approach to life. I have found DBT very helpful. I had made two suicide attempts and been hospitalized several times, often for weeks at a time. Since I made a deep commitment to DBT, I have not been hospitalized and have learned to control my depression and suicidal urges. My husband is much happier, my daughter is much happier, my friends are much happier, my life feels less out of control.
DBT is great. I hope you can find a group.Also, in terms of issuing ultimatums -- I was addicted to opiates and my p-doc told me if I didn't stop he would have to stop seeing me. I went to see another p-doc who specialized in getting people off opiates and he said, what your p-doc did was very loving. He is using your love for him to force you to address this problem because he truly cares for you and worries about you.
Posted by Raisinb on January 10, 2012, at 18:45:06
In reply to lonely/dbt/borderline?/crazy?, posted by paisleygirl on January 9, 2012, at 22:27:55
DBT has been adapted for anyone who has trouble dealing with overwhelming emotions and self hatred, or even people who don't. It doesn't mean you are borderline. And that label has been so discredited and overused anyway.
Several years ago a therapist suggested I was borderline and I was so enraged I bought three books about it, including Linehan's CBT for BPD so I would know more than her and prove her wrong, but I ended up loving the Linehan. It was so helpful. I dumped the T anyway, because I didn't like how she jumped to a label.
Anyway, it sounds like your therapist is trying to help you, even though it feels bad. It probably would have been easier for her not to confront you and keep going with therapy as usual. Like other said, you would probably keep seeing her and add the group on top of it. That said, if it is not something you want to do or find helpful, you should not do it. If you try it listen to your gut about how the group feels to you.
Posted by paisleygirl on January 10, 2012, at 21:08:59
In reply to Re: lonely/dbt/borderline?/crazy?, posted by Raisinb on January 10, 2012, at 18:45:06
thanks for the replies.
my therapist's plan is that i go the dbt group and then she would see me once a week to do the exercises or homework with me.
i don't know. i am stubborn and i dont like being forced in to doing something.
part of me is like i'd rather self-destruct then do her plan. i feel like she's trying to control me or something.
i'm very upset. i don't feel well. she says something like that she hopes that i'm feeling bad enough that i will give anything a try... i feel like that's kind of mean.
part of me wants to hurt myself. part of me wants to scream. part of me wants to give up and just go to dbt and suck it up. but i'm angry. i'm mad. i think the world sucks. i'm not happy. i wouldn't mind "sleeping forever".
i dont want to be thought of as crazy or messed up or needing anything. this makes me feel worse.
and all of this is a big secret to anyone in my life. i can't talk to anyone. so i feel like right now she's taking away the one person that i thought i could talk to. even though often i dont talk to her. i dont know. i'm so confused.
Posted by Raisinb on January 13, 2012, at 17:28:27
In reply to Re: lonely/dbt/borderline?/crazy?, posted by paisleygirl on January 10, 2012, at 21:08:59
I know that feeling--bunch of feelings!--well. Did you tell her all that?
Posted by paisleygirl on January 13, 2012, at 19:19:09
In reply to Re: lonely/dbt/borderline?/crazy?, posted by Raisinb on January 13, 2012, at 17:28:27
no i've stopped bothering her.
i'm suffering in silence.
Posted by pegasus on January 16, 2012, at 8:34:08
In reply to Re: lonely/dbt/borderline?/crazy?, posted by paisleygirl on January 13, 2012, at 19:19:09
I wonder why you've decided to suffer in silence? Do you have a good sense for why that seems like the best option right now? Are you afraid to broach these subjects with your T, now that she's given you an ultimatum? Or are you trying to punish her? Or are you hoping she'll notice you are being silent, and try to draw you out? Or something else?
Times like this, I find it helpful to try to examine my motives. I learn a lot about what's going on in my head that way. Then I can separate that out from what's going on between me and my T a little bit, when otherwise it seems like it's all part of the same hairball, which it isn't necessarily.
-peg
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