![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by yellowbird01 on March 4, 2009, at 9:02:29
This is primarily to those who are in (or have been in) long term therapy, although anyone is more than welcome to respond.
I've been in therapy on and off (mostly on) for the last.. 8 years. I began with one therapist and saw others inbetween, but always ended up back with the initial one I saw. I recently just quit my past T after two years and have moved back to my initial T yet again. The reason I've switched away from her have always been logistic issues.. money, distance, etc. I've only been back with this therapist for a few months now but because of our past relationship, she already knows me quite well and it's like picking up where we dropped off in many ways. Anyway...
I've reached a point in my therapy and with my depression where I no longer feel like I'm in constant "crisis management" mode. My therapy has always been aimed towards pure coping skills... putting out the fires and keeping me okay enough to allow me to function in life pretty successfully. However, I'm no longer struggling with day to day functioning issues like I used to when I was severly depressed, and my self-destructive behaviors (self-injury etc) arent a major problem like they used to be. Not the significantly dangerous ones anyway. I'm not sure where to go from here in therapy.
For those in long term therapy, how do you define your goal? Is there a goal? I dont know how to ask what I really want to ask which is really.. how does it work? How is long term therapy different, in your opinion/experience, than shorter therapy?
Do you ever feel like you're just overanalyzing your life and your experiences? Do you ever feel like therapy "keeps you sick"... keeps the focus on "whats wrong" rather than whats good? I want to note that I'm not suggesting anyone here does these things.. it's just something I wonder about for myself and I wonder if anyone else ever feels that way.
Posted by B2chica on March 4, 2009, at 9:18:18
In reply to long term therapy, posted by yellowbird01 on March 4, 2009, at 9:02:29
well, i dont know if i'm long term but it sure feels like it.
i've been in, man i guess 3 and 1/2 years.but i had two T's so when i started the second T i was actually prego and only seeing her about once a month, then when i started up it was once/week. been that way since.
mostly it was catch up, with first T it was basiclly getting all the muck out. but leaving it alone. with this T i had to get stuff out, and we would talk about it abit, if i could so it was more indepth.
once most of it was out we dealt with my depression issues.ok so you probably didn't need that intro. But now, its mostly dealing with the day to day and that does include history issues once in a while.
but there are days that i feel so good that i wonder how much longer i'll need her (of course the next week usually fixes that)i guess what i'm saying is it may be time for a slow down. not seeing T as often and see what happens.
I think the ultimate goal is to help guide us enough to learn to deal with everything that comes up in our lives successfully on our own. if you're not at that point then make that the goal. work on what things still effect you and how, and how do you deal with those things.
Set a goal of making a balanced life, and what that entails for you.and YEs i often feel like i overanalyze things, but that's part of my problems (lol) seriously i let things get to me too much, and i ruminate over things that i shouldn't.
i don't think therapy keeps me sick, but sometimes i wonder if it feeds into my overanalyzing everything.
but mostly, mostly i go cuz its the ONLY place that i can go to find support for me. Someone who is there JUSt to help ME. and give me good advice.
so for me, the good that comes from therapy still outweighs the disadvantages. i think when it's the other way around it's time to re-look at the situation.
Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2009, at 9:42:16
In reply to long term therapy, posted by yellowbird01 on March 4, 2009, at 9:02:29
It'll be fourteen years on April 3 for me.
I don't think we have any defined goals per se right now. My issues weren't childhood abuse or neglect, although of course my childhood played a part in shaping who I am now, and my childhood had less than healthy aspects. But mostly it's biological. In fact, given my family history with mental illness, I think I probably got off lightly.
I've got, as I always say, the nervous system of an overly inbred cocker spaniel. No offense to cocker spaniels. I know many delightful cockers who are perfectly well adjusted. But a poorly bred spaniel seems to be the perfect example of what I'm looking for from my experience. That is never going to change.
Therapy not only teaches me better ways to cope and work around these things, but it is in itself one of the ways I cope. It keeps me up, relatively productive and working, and not prostrate from migraines. Risperdal works similarly, but it's bad for my diabetes when I rely on it too much. Ego glue, I call both therapy and Risperdal.
That being said, even without defined goals, therapy does help me change. And maybe find ways to keep my nervous system from going into a firestorm of impulses less often than it might if I hadn't changed. Sometimes he just purely helps me keep my head above water and nudges me to shore. But the times when that isn't necessary, we work on broader issues.
*My* goal in therapy this last year or more has been working on having more generosity of spirit. This involves letting go of hurts, trying to understand and see the best in people, trying not to make matters worse with my own response. Trying to consciously channel a loving feelings towards others. We get diverted a lot, and I wouldn't really say it's his goal except that he supports me in it and helps me with the cognitive processes. But as we work on it, I think I get some side benefits. Let me hasten to add that I'm nowhere near where I'd like to be in this, and probably never will be because I'm not sure it's my personal nature to be generous of spirit. I have to work hard at it. :(
So I guess what I'm saying is that if you pick a goal, any goal, along the lines of something that you want to change about yourself or your relationships, the reflective interaction with your therapist might branch out from that, and over time you may find yourself feeling differently about yourself and the world around you. I can read all I want, but I find in the give and take of therapeutic conversations (for want of a better word) the intellectual realizations become part of who I am, and I change.
Which may not be something that is helpful for you, or for anyone, but it has been helpful for me.
Plus of course keeping my head above water and steering me to shore when needed. Because the biological stuff is just there and it isn't going to go away.
Perhaps discussing it with your therapist will help you figure out whether there are potential unmined benefits in your situation?
By the way, I understand what people mean by overanalyzing. But I'm not sure I consider it possible if it's beneficial analyzing. I think sometimes it's possible to get caught up in detached, obscure, ruminations.
But how can thoughtful reflection and analysis ever be a problem? I wish the world had more of it.
Posted by SLS on March 4, 2009, at 10:45:34
In reply to long term therapy, posted by yellowbird01 on March 4, 2009, at 9:02:29
Hi Yellowbird.
First: How are you? You are still in my thoughts.
I have been in therapy for 3 years or so. I have been asked at times if I can come up with a goal. Sometimes, that is about the hardest question in the world. Sometimes, it is the easiest. If you are sort of "floating" in therapy, you might not be aware of those issues that are deep inside of you or just that they are so old, that they have become an unrecognizable part of you. In any event, you are not responsible to have a goal for every session. It sometimes takes several sessions or a life event for things to rise up to the surface. So, sometimes it is the therapy itself that uncovers or provokes issues that you had not before been aware of, and that become definite goals to work on.
This is the way therapy has worked for me.
Everyone is different.
- Scott
Posted by Poet on March 4, 2009, at 13:56:49
In reply to long term therapy, posted by yellowbird01 on March 4, 2009, at 9:02:29
Hi Yellowbird,
I've been in therapy for 6 1/2 years. My T is my first one so I don't have any experience with short term therapy. T told me in the last session that I am being less negative about myself so I guess eliminating all self hatred/negativity towards myself would be the ultimate goal.
I don't think therapy keeps me sick, it has helped me through depression and some day when I am ready the bad childhood stuff. I don't think all that ails me could have been dealt with short term. As always I am amazed my T puts up with me, she isn't in it for the money that's for sure.
Poet
Posted by no_rose_garden on March 5, 2009, at 22:34:29
In reply to Re: long term therapy » yellowbird01, posted by Poet on March 4, 2009, at 13:56:49
i'm probably not considered in long-term therapy, but i've been seeing different people over the past 4 years. My new T ((((T)))) asked me on the phone before our first session what I wanted out of therapy....i didn't have an answer...he just wanted me to think of things I wanted to FEEL more or less of...I think it was easier to think of it in that more broad sense.
I've also thought about whether seeing T is keeping me sad. Lots of times I feel so sad leaving him. And the things we bring up are very painful sometimes. But when I've spent more than a couple months away, I get worse....so at this point, I guess stayin is a good thing, especially with my new T.
Posted by yellowbird01 on March 6, 2009, at 11:12:02
In reply to long term therapy, posted by yellowbird01 on March 4, 2009, at 9:02:29
Thank you everyone for your responses.. they have given me quite a bit to think about and some angles I hadnt thought of before. Some things have really blown up and gotten crazy at work since I posted and thats why I havent been able to respond with anything meaningful yet, but I'm going to as soon as I can. Just wanted to comment to let everyone know I've read your responses and really appreciate them. Will write more soon.
Posted by DAisym on March 6, 2009, at 20:14:04
In reply to Re: long term therapy, posted by yellowbird01 on March 6, 2009, at 11:12:02
I've been in therapy almost 6 years (I think.) Sometimes it is total crisis management and dealing with immediate stressors. But less and less we do that and more and more we focus on the things that brought on the depression, the history of abuse and silence and my attachment needs.
If I hadn't been through this process, I'd never be able to write or believe any of this. Because I am the last person anyone would suspect of being so fragile in my inner world. But these issues did not surface until year 2 or perhaps even 3 and we couldn't work on them until much later. It would send me into a tail spin. Relationship issues were/are front and center - beginning with the therapy relationship.
Often my goals don't match my therapist's goals. He would like me to be less harsh with myself around my needs or my inability to "deal" with everything going on. I'd like to regain those concrete outer walls that kept this inner world silent and contained. We both move to the middle a lot in these discussions.
I do think that therapy can keep you stuff opened up - so it feels like you are over-analyzing things or always thinking about it. It is important to learn how to take a break from therapy, including the therapy that goes on in your head. Sometimes less time spent thinking about it, allows you to consolidate gains or really notice how you are changing.
It is all really individual I think. And some what dictated by how your therapist works. But I agree - talk to her. Seems like a good discussion to have.
Posted by yellowbird01 on March 9, 2009, at 21:25:49
In reply to Re: long term therapy » yellowbird01, posted by DAisym on March 6, 2009, at 20:14:04
Thank you again to everyone who responded to my post. I'm sorry for just now getting back to the post. I was doing so well, and then... I wouldnt say I'm doing badly, but I'm just feeling very unsure, shaken, just... not myself. Its been a month since my breakup now and I'm doing okay... better than I thought I would be doing at this point.. but I'm not sure I've completely accepted that it's over yet. Our contact is very infrequent which is probably good. I just feel incredibly lonely. He was basically the only person I had regular real-life contact with (except coworkers etc) and it has been a HUGE loss. The loss of the best friend is probably the hardest part.
Anyway, thanks for all the thoughts in answer to my questions about long term therapy. My weird place right now isnt really allowing me to think too hard on that topic anymore like I was the other day.. but I know itll come back up. I cant really say much meaningful on the topic right now, but I have a lot to think about. Thank you.
I'm going to see my pdoc and my T tomorrow. They are both 2 hours away so I see them on the same days. I hope it goes well. I need some stability... I need a solid ground to stand on.. for my world to stop spinning a bit.
Posted by SLS on March 10, 2009, at 8:16:34
In reply to Re: long term therapy, posted by yellowbird01 on March 9, 2009, at 21:25:49
> Its been a month since my breakup now and I'm doing okay... better than I thought I would be doing at this point..
That might be because you have been honest with yourself and others and have done some real work to move away from the old and on to things that are new.
> but I'm not sure I've completely accepted that it's over yet.
I doubt anyone who understands human emotions would have expected you to accept such a huge loss in so short a period of time. You will probably find yourself grieving the loss for some time to come. Have you ever seen the following model of grieving? It seems to be useful for many people who are grieving a loss, whether it be of a loved one, a relationship, or simply one's health. People don't really progress through the levels one at a time, though. There is a degree of drifting or jumping between them. For me, I tend to jump between anger and depression when I am not in a place of acceptance.
1. Shock
2. Denial
3. Bargaining
4. Anger
5. Depression
6. Acceptance> Our contact is very infrequent which is probably good.
What do you guys talk about, if I may ask? When my last relationship decayed, I found it much easier and less confusing not to have any contact at all - especially sexual contact.
> I just feel incredibly lonely.
Yes, but after awhile, you can become comfortable with being alone, and you may reach the point when you believe that being alone is genuinely healthier than maintaining any kind of relationship with your ex-.
> He was basically the only person I had regular real-life contact with
I was fortunate in that I had a close friend that I could speak to over the phone on a regular basis.
> and it has been a HUGE loss.
A loss that you will almost certainly grieve.
> The loss of the best friend is probably the hardest part.
I know. However, sometimes an intense relationship with one person can exclude the rest of the world. This tends to prevent the formation of new relationships.
> I need some stability... I need a solid ground to stand on.. for my world to stop spinning a bit.
Does it spin more or less when you are in contact with your ex-?
You can do this alone, you know. Actually, you will be doing it alone, regardless of what relationships you have going on at the time. You deserve the time to focus on yourself and get strong for yourself. You deserve to be stable. You deserve to be happy, and you seem like the type of person who most definitely will be. The capacity is there. You will build your own solid ground and foundation to stand on.
Good luck.
- Scott
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.