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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 31, 2008, at 19:43:28
In reply to Re: cancer., posted by jammerlich on December 31, 2008, at 19:33:36
I like jammer hugs, thank you
It's okay not to know what to say. I don't even know what to FEEL.
(((((((jammer))))))))
It's okay if I hug you back?
Posted by Nadezda on December 31, 2008, at 20:32:30
In reply to Re: cancer. » jammerlich, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 31, 2008, at 19:43:28
Gosh Llurps. I'm so sorry. This is tough. How mind-bendingly more tough it is to watch while someone you care about isn't doing all they can-- when it's so important-- and when you know what they need to do, but can only sit there and watch while they just won't do it for themselves.
It's terrifying and disempowering-- especially when you're already afraid and there's so much at stake.
I guess maybe you have to accept that your mother can't be the perfect patient-- but I hope you do know that she'll get through this -okay --fortunately--. Even though it's awful to have to contemplate all the things that can run through your mind-- she will do enough of what she has to-- maybe not as soon as might be hoped, or as fully-- but you know, maddening as this is-- we're all this way, in our own, ill-chosen moments.
Just try to hang in there-- and take care of yourself!!
And you know: Why not just wear one of those jumbo-tire parkas to your appointment? Maybe it will break the ice.... or, well, maybe not: maybe it's too silly. But I think your T would get a laugh out of it. Or just some subtly loose-fitting clothes-- not a bathrobe or anything, but just something you can hide in a bit, at least for a while? Why not--if you're more comfortable? I say do it however you can. (Okay-- maybe not a bathrobe, but you know, within reason...)
(((Llurps)))
Nadezda
Posted by jammerlich on December 31, 2008, at 20:41:08
In reply to Re: cancer. » jammerlich, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 31, 2008, at 19:43:28
Of course. A LlurpsieHug would be especially nice.
Posted by Phillipa on December 31, 2008, at 21:41:18
In reply to Re: cancer. » llurpsienoodle, posted by jammerlich on December 31, 2008, at 20:41:08
I agree with seldomseen since have thyroid problems there are various support websites that explain all the different types of cancer. And do know how it feels when thyroid meds aren't correct as one year later mine still not right. So they removed thyroid and their was other tissue surrounding involved or is it precautionary? Did she have Graves first? Some Throid stuff not to scare you is hereditary as if it's hasimotos thyroiditis to start then it's autoimmun did she have TPO antibodies? Personal experiences nurse worked with had thyroid cancer did fine and neighbors friend in Florida just had the same thing. I'd seriously put your mind at rest and google thyroid cancer. Seriously. Love Phillipa
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 31, 2008, at 22:41:00
In reply to Re: cancer., posted by Phillipa on December 31, 2008, at 21:41:18
Hi Phillipa,
Mom's thyroid has always been broken, for about 40 years now. Hypothyroid all the way.She has a small encapsulated tumor, <1cm diameter, with no apparent lymph node involvement (apparent...)
Whatever she's got has been stable since she was 18, until this past 6 mos when her she developed rapidly growing nodules. ))))nodules((((
-Ll
my thyroid always checks out fine 4 times now.
Posted by Phillipa on December 31, 2008, at 23:32:49
In reply to Re: cancer. » Phillipa, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 31, 2008, at 22:41:00
Great as I always tell all my kids watch theirs as neice, her brother, me all have it. Yes the nodules they ultrasound and keep an eye on them. I've not been ultrasound but they the endo feels none neice does have nodule and diabeties when she gets pregnant. I seriously think your Mom will be fine. I won't tell you not to worry as that is something a lot of people would do I feel. Happy New Year Lurpsie!!!!!!
Posted by muffled on January 1, 2009, at 0:20:51
In reply to Re: cancer. » Phillipa, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 31, 2008, at 22:41:00
Llurpy, this is scarey, but it sounds like they on top of it and all.
Sorry you having this bad time.
((((((((((((((safe hugs)))))))))))))
M
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 1, 2009, at 8:27:25
In reply to Re: cancer. » llurpsienoodle, posted by muffled on January 1, 2009, at 0:20:51
You guys are wonderful. I wept real salty salty tears when I read your caring posts. Thank you.
I will keep you posted how I'm doing.
a panic attack a day means probably klonopinning
and I'll call my T tomorrow first thing. I value his rare holidays.
-Ll
Posted by antigua3 on January 1, 2009, at 9:24:55
In reply to to all, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 1, 2009, at 8:27:25
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 1, 2009, at 17:12:25
In reply to Eating issues and Therapy. Iodine. cancer., posted by llurpsienoodle on December 31, 2008, at 7:25:59
I took 1mg of klonopin while at the mall, feeling very very conspicuous and ugly and bad all over. this is a frequent aura for a panic attack. So, perhaps I've mitigated it?
Who knows. I'm tired, but calm for now. I'm calling T tomorrow. I wonder if he's working...?
-Ll
Posted by fayeroe on January 1, 2009, at 20:36:39
In reply to cancer., posted by llurpsienoodle on December 31, 2008, at 17:44:29
Your mom wants you to take care of yourself.
No one knows what will happen now and you've got my love and support.....we'll hope for the best and if you wanna talk, you know where I'm at. xoxoxo Pat
Posted by Sigismund on January 2, 2009, at 0:38:27
In reply to Eating issues and Therapy. Iodine. cancer., posted by llurpsienoodle on December 31, 2008, at 7:25:59
I had a lovely old friend, now dead, who was given radioactive iodine for an overactive thyroid.
She threw it up in the gutter, and when she told them they were really concerned for the whereabouts of the vomit.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 2, 2009, at 8:18:31
In reply to to all, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 1, 2009, at 8:27:25
Well, this is crappy, very crappy.
I even feel pangs of depression, and certainly anxiety. I don't feel comfortable driving while klonopinned, so that pretty much eliminates THAT option.
I feel that horrible combo of jittery, agitated and drowsy.
I put in a call to my T. left a message. basically said "hope your holidays were nice. Mine weren't so good. My mom has cancer. I was hoping you could call me back."
so now the waiting game. ugh. And I know that my T is inconsistent on the phone. Sometimes he sounds quite awkward, and other times he is very acute. I hope he's on his game this time.
(((((T)))))
I'm knitting the 2nd sock. I cannot find my tapestry needle to do the kitchener grafting on my first sock (that's what you do to close the end of the toe off.
so far so good. The self-patterning yarn color stripes are lining up from one pair to another.
Anything to get the fidgeties out, right?
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 2, 2009, at 8:57:24
In reply to Eating issues and Therapy. Iodine. cancer., posted by llurpsienoodle on December 31, 2008, at 7:25:59
one thing about having 90% remission of anxiety over the past 8mos or so is that I have forgotten how to implement strategies that will lessen my distress.
So far this stuff hasn't affected my functioning at work, but my hands are shaking so badly, I'm not sure anymore :(
-Ll
Posted by fayeroe on January 2, 2009, at 8:59:31
In reply to Re: to all, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 2, 2009, at 8:18:31
This, too, will pass in time. You will find the needle and finish the wonderful socks. I wish I could knit or crochet.
I won't drive when I take Xanax. I know that feeling......I almost T-boned a car full of people New Year's Eve. He was in the left lane and suddenly pulled over in front of me across my lane. I stopped 6 inches from their car. All I saw in my headlights were little baby's faces. I followed them for 18 miles and when he finally stopped, there were 11 people in the little car! I was furious and very scared. Glad I wasn't on Xanax.
Your T better call you back! That's what Ts are for. Sending you love this a.m., xoxox pat
Posted by Partlycloudy on January 2, 2009, at 9:46:09
In reply to Crap. I forgot my coping skills » llurpsienoodle, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 2, 2009, at 8:57:24
You can do it, LlurpsieNoodle. Keep yourself silly busy. Put on your favourite music. Dress your cats up in extravagant outfits if they will let you. Distraction, distraction. Don't look at that clock! Anything good on TV today?
hugs
pc
Posted by Dinah on January 2, 2009, at 12:33:17
In reply to Crap. I forgot my coping skills » llurpsienoodle, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 2, 2009, at 8:57:24
Do you have any as needed AP? I've found it way more helpful than Klonopin, and it doesn't affect my work or my driving.
Risperdal calm. mmmmm.......
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 2, 2009, at 16:47:40
In reply to Re: to all » llurpsienoodle, posted by fayeroe on January 2, 2009, at 8:59:31
Thanks for your lovey doves, Pharaoh
I called T, and he returned my call promptly. I think it helped some.
He thinks that one of the reasons I feel so bad is because a part of me feels responsible for my mom&dad's situation. Or guilty that I'm not there. Guilt is such a toxic emotion.
He wanted to know if "I had any crazy ideas". I said "no", just panic attacks. I guess we are both relieved that I am not self-injurious, or whatever.
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 2, 2009, at 16:53:51
In reply to Re: Crap. I forgot my coping skills » llurpsienoodle, posted by Partlycloudy on January 2, 2009, at 9:46:09
> You can do it, LlurpsieNoodle. Keep yourself silly busy.
I had a meeting with one of my favorite colleagues this am. She let me record it, because I told her that my brain couldn't keep up with her rapid ideas (she speaks really fast). I felt better after the meeting. Almost normal.
>Put on your favourite music.
Saint-Saens' violin concertion #3 came up on the radio. It's catchy. (seriously!)
>Dress your cats up in extravagant outfits if they will let you.
Well, the kitten would, but she was energetic and seemed to wish for cuddles at 5 minute intervals. That was pretty busy-making.
> Distraction, distraction. Don't look at that clock! Anything good on TV today?
I went to Sbucks this afternoon for 45 minutes. I bought a coffee cup for 60% off. A cute green travel cup. Then I sat in the cafe and knitted for a while. I've started the second sock.
>
> hugs
> pc
thanks for hugs, pc. you are super sweet.-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 2, 2009, at 16:57:20
In reply to Re: Crap. I forgot my coping skills » llurpsienoodle, posted by Dinah on January 2, 2009, at 12:33:17
> Do you have any as needed AP? I've found it way more helpful than Klonopin, and it doesn't affect my work or my driving.
>
> Risperdal calm. mmmmm.......Oh boy, well, I have zyprexa zydis 10mg. It is not exactly the kind of thing that I can take while working. It turns me into a comatose (but calm!) zombie for about 16 hours.
TGIF. it's klonopin time. No more driving necessary for the next 72 hours.
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 2, 2009, at 17:07:13
In reply to Re: Crap. I forgot my coping skills » Dinah, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 2, 2009, at 16:57:20
Well, physiological symptoms + insufficient psychological support = psychopharmacology.
boy, that's a lotta big words.
So, the plan is 1-3mg klonopin a day for the next 72 hours, and conveniently, my T appt is monday, and my 3-month pdoc checkup is early next week.
On the way to my last meeting I was extremely drowsy and had to pump up some techno house music.
I nearly passed out at my last meeting of the day. I got that terribly swirly feeling in my head, vertigo, and felt overheated and such. tunnel vision.
Then I kinda swervy on the road after the appt. I'm so scared. I think I have got so much unconscious barf in my head that there's not so much room for conscious attention and processing.
Well, that's annoying. very annoying. Safe at home, though. Heart palpitations during my nap, etc.
This SUXXXXX!!!!
I feel so swirly, but it's gonna be okay. I can just relax and take it easy this weekend.
Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 2, 2009, at 22:19:10
In reply to physiological symptoms, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 2, 2009, at 17:07:13
I feel somewhat better now.
-Ll
Posted by Deneb on January 3, 2009, at 2:05:44
In reply to Eating issues and Therapy. Iodine. cancer., posted by llurpsienoodle on December 31, 2008, at 7:25:59
That must be scary llurpsie. I would be terrified.
I'm thinking of you and your mom. ((((((((((((llurpsie)))))))))))
Posted by Nadezda on January 3, 2009, at 12:01:58
In reply to (((((klonopin)))))), posted by llurpsienoodle on January 2, 2009, at 22:19:10
wow. I need something like that right now. This minute.
Sigh.
Nadezda
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 5, 2009, at 12:18:07
In reply to Eating issues and Therapy. Iodine. cancer., posted by llurpsienoodle on December 31, 2008, at 7:25:59
Well, at least when I'm not having an anxiety attack I feel relatively calm and (dare I say?) normal.
I've been busy writing essays and creating
the ultimate knitting project.
Basically, I have cast on some large number (100+) of stitches and am knitting with up to three strands at a time of all of my bizarro novelty yarns. The fluffy stuff, the fuzzy stuff, the nauseating colors. Yes. It's all going in there. Whenever I run out of yarn, the project will be done. I'm thinking... maybe a twin-sized coverlet? no, joking! I will probably quit in a week or so, making a scarf or wrap of some sort.
you KNOW you're jealous.
I munched a korner of klonopin this am. I have a difficult client, who occasionally triggers me, so I have found myself kind of tripping over words, in a funny way. No slurring or anything. If anything, I think staying calm helps me help others. Who woulda thunk it?
I'm not calling mom again for a week. too upsetting.
-Ll
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