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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2008, at 17:17:04
It really is. It's not like I can put my finger on what it is he does.
I came in an absolute wreck last Friday. My deadline was Monday, I hadn't been able to work very well. I think perimenopause is messing up my mood stability. I was sobbing and shaking and hiccuping the whole session. In fact, the little sob-gasp-hiccups lasted for hours afterwards. I can't think of anything brilliant he did. In fact, I only remember two things he said. I was wailing at him that I didn't understand why he was being so nice to me when it was my own fault that I always end up this way. That I must not be trying hard enough. He responded with a smile in his voice that it was because he loves me and cares about me, even when I'm not doing the right things. And I told him all the horrible things about me, and asked him if that wasn't more than enough to dislike. And he paused for just a second, then admitted that yes, it was plenty enough to dislike. I don't know why, but that cheered me up immensely. I remember watching him momentarily consider what to answer, then having a look of decision cross his face.
When I left, I was able to work. It was amazing. I'd been such a wreck. Tuesday we did a postmortem on my meltdown. (He says I overanalyze things, but really, that *is* me.) I told him that he was magic, that no one else could do what he does, and that I don't know how I'd ever do without him. I begged him not to leave me. He insisted that if there was magic, it wasn't in him. It was in the relationship. That we've created something helpful together. I don't know.... It seems like magic to me that I'd even want to try to build that kind of relationship. But I do see the sense of it.
And... Well... We were talking about the fact that I clearly still need him. That the relationship was still important to help keep me on even keel. But that when there wasn't a crisis, I sometimes got bored. And he admitted to sometimes being bored! I know that might not sound like a good thing, and I'm hesitant to post about it. But I was so touched that he trusted me enough to say so. He has never ever admitted to bored before. He's admitted to angry and sleepy, but no matter how logical it is to realize he's sometimes bored, he has always absolutely refused to admit it. I was so pleased with him, and told him so. I was so proud of our relationship. We're going to think about it. It's hard to come up with new material after so long. And like I told him, we may feel like an old married couple of the comfy shoe variety, but it's not like we can sit comfortably together and watch TV. He teased that he'd be happy to set up a TV in his office. :)
Also he said himself Tuesday something I've been thinking to myself for a while. I've been a bit frustrated because when I mentioned something I need to work on, he seems disinclined to consider it a problem. I have wondered if maybe he's grown fond enough of me that he sees my flaws as endearing. And sure enough, he used that exact term. I was telling him that something I do is probably annoying. He smiled and said "Maybe, but it's endearing." I wanted to say "I knew it!!! You find me endearing! How can you be detached enough to help me with this stuff if you find it endearing?!"
But I figured that would be a really churlish thing to fuss about...
In fact, I feel a bit bad about writing about it here. I know we've really created a wonderful relationship. I know he's fond of me, and that I'm important to him as a person. I'm so honored that he can feel that way. And since I can feel it before he ever admits it, I know he's not just trying to make me feel good, or making it up.
Posted by seldomseen on December 19, 2008, at 19:46:09
In reply to Still magic after all these years, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2008, at 17:17:04
It can be magic, it really really can. And so very very therapeutic - that connection.
It is amazing how being around someone that knows you, is good. I'm not at all surprised that you were able to work after the session.
I've gone in slobbery before as well. I remember all the times my T caught me.
I'm happy for you.
Enjoy!
Posted by Kath on December 19, 2008, at 20:41:20
In reply to Still magic after all these years, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2008, at 17:17:04
I'm so glad you & your T have such an amazing relationship Dinah!
How often do you go?
I admire your bravery for going there in the relationship. I think I might be scared to. I guess mostly scared that it might end one day. So I admire your courage.
hugs, Kath
PS - how many years?
Posted by muffled on December 19, 2008, at 21:22:50
In reply to Still magic after all these years, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2008, at 17:17:04
Posted by Annierose on December 19, 2008, at 22:01:59
In reply to Still magic after all these years, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2008, at 17:17:04
That's such a great feeling when every cell of your body is filled with happiness and a sense that "I'm okay".
Now that's a Christmas gift!
Merry Christmas to you and your family. I smiled when I saw snow falling upon your city last week. We got 11 inches today!
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2008, at 22:13:14
In reply to Re: Still magic after all these years, posted by Annierose on December 19, 2008, at 22:01:59
It was so amazing!
Well, my therapist too. But the snow was great!
I posted about it on Social and put a photo link there. The power went out for several hours, so I couldn't work. That left me free to frolic with my pup in the snow. :)
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2008, at 22:14:37
In reply to :-) Merry Christmas :-) (nm) » Dinah, posted by muffled on December 19, 2008, at 21:22:50
And to you too. :)
I'm hoping I get a chance to enjoy it. I still have a bunch more work.
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2008, at 22:20:11
In reply to Re: Still magic after all these years » Dinah, posted by Kath on December 19, 2008, at 20:41:20
It's almost ended a few times. But it's coming up on fourteen years now, and for the first time he seems truly content with his private practice.
In fact, when I told him I didn't know what I'd do without him, he was talking in terms of his death not his moving or retiring.
I've been going twice a week for several years, and it seems to keep me pretty functional for the most part. I often toy with the idea of cutting down to once a week. But once a week therapy is nothing at all like twice a week therapy. It's not at all like once a week therapy two times a week. So I don't know.
It's been a long and bumpy ride to get to this point, and it's only in the last couple of years that I've really *felt* that he was fond of me.
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2008, at 22:25:31
In reply to Re: Still magic after all these years, posted by seldomseen on December 19, 2008, at 19:46:09
I still think it's him. I know the relationship is important. But even in the beginning, there was something about *him*. He didn't much like me. I didn't have a steady positive regard for him either. But he was always like Risperdal in human form. I realize this is fanciful, but it's always seemed to me that he emits some sort of calming electromagnetic energy. :)
He says it's alchemy. Two ordinary people combining to make something precious.
(Hmmm... I'm not saying it right. He makes the alchemy explanation sound all matter of fact, and not at all fanciful.)
Posted by seldomseen on December 20, 2008, at 1:19:48
In reply to Re: Still magic after all these years » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2008, at 22:25:31
How strange, I almost wrote alchemy instead of magic.
Posted by Wittgensteinz on December 20, 2008, at 15:34:57
In reply to Still magic after all these years, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2008, at 17:17:04
Posted by Kath on December 20, 2008, at 17:42:01
In reply to Re: Still magic after all these years, posted by Annierose on December 19, 2008, at 22:01:59
Wow Annierose - 11 inches! Where are you?
Kath
Posted by DAisym on December 25, 2008, at 1:43:51
In reply to Still magic after all these years, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2008, at 17:17:04
Gee - somehow I missed this the first time around. Maybe I found it tonight because I am looking for a little Christmas magic.
I think your therapist has it exactly right "alchemy" - two people who are just the right fit together. He gets you and knows so well how to calm you and provide a steadiness. I love that.
And I love that after all this time you still are astonished by it and appreciate it so much. I'm not sure I'd react so well to being told I bored him but I get it, and why you can.
I think we should add a "How to make magic" chapter into the book.
Merry Christmas and thanks for sharing this.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by Annierose on December 25, 2008, at 9:13:04
In reply to Re: Still magic after all these years » Annierose, posted by Kath on December 20, 2008, at 17:42:01
Michigan ... and then we got another 4 - 6 on Tuesday and then an ice storm on Wednesday. I'm in retail so if the economy wasn't enough to keep people away, this weather was the extra punch in the gut.
Christmas morning brought only beautiful flurries.
Posted by Kath on December 25, 2008, at 17:09:12
In reply to Re: Still magic after all these years » Kath, posted by Annierose on December 25, 2008, at 9:13:04
Wow - that is QUITE the weather!
hugs to ya, Kath
Posted by Dinah on December 26, 2008, at 15:32:17
In reply to Re: Still magic after all these years » Dinah, posted by seldomseen on December 20, 2008, at 1:19:48
I'm not at all surprised that your thinking and his would run along the same lines.
I told him the other day that he could almost be one of us. I've told him so many Babble Psychology stories over the years that he's quit being surprised. He now *understands* and can easily think in those terms.
He says I've helped him a lot that way. I told him it's Babble that helped him in that way, because it's Babble that helped me clarify what I was thinking.
Posted by Dinah on December 26, 2008, at 15:32:44
In reply to Thank you for sharing - this was lovely to read (nm), posted by Wittgensteinz on December 20, 2008, at 15:34:57
Posted by Dinah on December 26, 2008, at 15:41:11
In reply to Re: Still magic after all these years » Dinah, posted by DAisym on December 25, 2008, at 1:43:51
I wish I knew the ingredients for magic. It still baffles me. And surprises me perhaps more now than then. Then I might have thought he was all powerful or all knowing, and felt safe with such a wise being. Now I know he's not all powerful, and not all knowing, and yet even without that he's still magic. :)
It might sting at any given moment if he were to say he was bored. If I was pouring my heart out or something. But as a general rule, seeing as I've seen him for going on fourteen years at once or twice a week, it would be pretty much impossible for boredom to have never entered the room. So admitting it is more dropping a stance that is unbelievable than admitting a shocking feeling.
On the other hand, I was a bit bothered the other day. We were talking about therapist advertisements for some reason or another, and I said that I thought it might bother me although I also totally understood. In trying to figure out why I mentioned that his preferred specialty intimidated me a bit, because I knew it was probably far more interesting than I am. He responded that it was interesting, but that it had absolutely nothing to do with our relationship. That we had built up a very special relationship, and that it couldn't possibly be compared to any other relationship so that whether I was as interesting wasn't really an issue. It should have made me feel good, but somehow there's an uneasy rankling where that memory lies.
Posted by DAisym on December 26, 2008, at 23:03:45
In reply to Re: Still magic after all these years » DAisym, posted by Dinah on December 26, 2008, at 15:41:11
Yeah - kind of like when my kids say, "but mom - she might be sexy but you look like a mom is suppose to look!" Ouch.
I hate, hate, hate when I bump into advertising that includes my therapist's practice. I also get it - and I certainly don't want him to go out of business. But he seems to advertise heavily for couples, which makes me feel like I'm too hard, or that he is moving out of doing trauma therapy, or something. It worries me, more than I'll admit.
It still amazes me how we can get our feelings hurt while knowing intellectually exactly the "real" intent of the statement. Head vs. heart, I guess.
This is the end of the thread.
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