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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JayMac on September 23, 2008, at 13:11:51
Maybe this is too serious to talk about here, but I'm curious if any of you self harm?
This is a very touchy subject with me. I'm in major denial. Yet, as a topic, I find self-harm/parasuicial behavior extremely facinating.
I'm wondering if any of you do it, and what do you do, where, and why?
Posted by Gee on September 23, 2008, at 16:48:02
In reply to Self Harm (triggers), posted by JayMac on September 23, 2008, at 13:11:51
I was told, by someone who was helping us/debriefing us that "cutting is the way people deal with things they can handle, and suicide is the way people deal with things cannot handle."
Just thought I'd put it out there...
Posted by obsidian on September 23, 2008, at 22:30:02
In reply to Re: Self Harm (triggers) » JayMac, posted by Gee on September 23, 2008, at 16:48:02
I'm not a cutter, but I am someone who self harms pretty damn regularly
I actually NEVER talk about it, because it is disgusting
I am a ripper and tearer of cuticles
I am ALWAYS in the process of healing, can't remember last time I wasn't
and it is absolutely a self soothing attempt, but there is very little thought in it if any
makes me feel even worse about myself though
Posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2008, at 12:58:30
In reply to Re: Self Harm (triggers) » Gee, posted by obsidian on September 23, 2008, at 22:30:02
I do that too but it's a stress response for me? Love Phillipa never thought of it as self-harm????
Posted by Looney Tunes on September 24, 2008, at 19:55:47
In reply to Self Harm (triggers), posted by JayMac on September 23, 2008, at 13:11:51
I have been cutting since the age of 12. I am now 30. My foster parents eventually found out but there was "no help" at the time for that.
My arms and legs are a mess of scars, and I don't even give a sh*t. I have a relationship with a doctor in the Urgent Care just to stitch me up when needed.
At this point, I don't think anyone can help me. I have tried CBT methods which have an effectiveness of prevention for about one day. (hold ice, use a red marker, etc)I usually cut to get myself out of being dissociated. And then I take a nap.
But sometimes I cut because I feel an incredible terror that encompasses my entire body...cutting releases that.It sucks and I wish when I was in foster care, someone would have addressed it, because maybe it would be one less thing that I am screwed up about.
Posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2008, at 20:07:00
In reply to Re: Self Harm (triggers), posted by Looney Tunes on September 24, 2008, at 19:55:47
Maybe DBT would help isn't that considered borderline? Not sure. Phillipa
Posted by wishingstar on September 24, 2008, at 20:33:30
In reply to Self Harm (triggers), posted by JayMac on September 23, 2008, at 13:11:51
I have a history of self injury, mainly cutting. I cut myself quite regularly around the ages 16-19 or so. I'm 25 now. In the years since then, I've slipped up a few times but overall cutting is no longer an issue for me. I have many many scars on my arms that are clearly self-inflicted. I'm a social worker professionally and having the scars of my obvious past makes me VERY uncomfortable. I could say a lot on that, but it isnt really relevant. If I wasnt working in the field I'm in, or could more easily hide self-injury, I think I'd probably still be doing it.
Now, I sometimes hurt myself in more minor ways. Typically slapping myself many times in the same spot or hitting my fingers/knuckles against something hard (desk, wall, etc) for the pain effect.
Why is a big question. I have some answers (for myself anyway) but really not the mental capacity to put it into words right now.
Posted by no_rose_garden on September 24, 2008, at 23:15:51
In reply to Re: Self Harm (triggers), posted by wishingstar on September 24, 2008, at 20:33:30
the first time i did anything, i scaped my hand across broken concrete until they were raw...people saw and i learned how important it is to hide it!
I cut occasionally, but not bad.
I also hit my head a lot...mostly on walls.
Posted by onceupon on September 25, 2008, at 9:10:30
In reply to Self Harm (triggers), posted by JayMac on September 23, 2008, at 13:11:51
I used to cut, but haven't in about 8 years. Most cuts were pretty superficial, but I have a few larger scars of which I am quite ashamed (on my forearms). But no longer to the point where I try to hide it.
Why was feeling like I was going to explode, or maybe implode. Like my nervous system was in high gear and nothing, but nothing would settle it down except cutting. It organizes the mind in a very clear way. It was also about wanting to feel *something* - to break out of the numbness that I would often experience.
I think it was a combination of finding the right antidepressant (after 3-4 years of searching - a tricyclic - the SSRIs made me more agitated) and a wonderful therapy relationship that helped me to calm down and stop hating myself so much.
Why the curiosity?
> Maybe this is too serious to talk about here, but I'm curious if any of you self harm?
>
> This is a very touchy subject with me. I'm in major denial. Yet, as a topic, I find self-harm/parasuicial behavior extremely facinating.
>
> I'm wondering if any of you do it, and what do you do, where, and why?
Posted by JayMac on September 25, 2008, at 12:02:24
In reply to Re: Self Harm (triggers), posted by onceupon on September 25, 2008, at 9:10:30
> Why the curiosity?
I've dealt with self harm for many years now. I do harm myself, which is hard to say. I like seeing my own blood. I enjoy the feeling. I especially enjoy the relief. This is something I've done on and off for years. I don't even know that I want to stop. It relieves my emotional pain.People can more easily speak of their pain, anxiety, depression, but rarely do people speak about how they express their pain, whether it's self harm in the form of cutting or self harm in the form of an eating disorder, or reckless driving, or co-dependent relationships, or drug addiction, or not nourishing our bodies the way we should, or alcohol addiction, or denying our spiritual selves, the list goes on and on.
Yes, I am a relatively high functioning individual, but that's not to say I don't have deep, underlying pain that manifests itself on and within my body and my mind. Sometimes it's the people you least expect to do something, are the very ones that do it. Like many others, I know how to act like everything is ok, like everything is calm, like everything is great.
I don't mean to pour out my negativity on this post. I do mean to express real concern for myself and for others who need the encouragement to speak out against and stop their self harming behavior.
The first time I spoke with my T on the phone, I told her why I was wanting help; she told me: "You don't have to go through this alone. You don't have to have all the answers. There are perfectly good reasons for why you do the things you do."
Posted by onceupon on September 25, 2008, at 22:31:29
In reply to Re: Self Harm (triggers) » onceupon, posted by JayMac on September 25, 2008, at 12:02:24
"I do harm myself, which is hard to say."
It took me a long time to be able to type it, let alone say it outloud.
"I like seeing my own blood. I enjoy the feeling. I especially enjoy the relief. This is something I've done on and off for years. I don't even know that I want to stop. It relieves my emotional pain."
It does work remarkably effectively, doesn't it?
"People can more easily speak of their pain, anxiety, depression, but rarely do people speak about how they express their pain, whether it's self harm in the form of cutting or self harm in the form of an eating disorder, or reckless driving, or co-dependent relationships, or drug addiction, or not nourishing our bodies the way we should, or alcohol addiction, or denying our spiritual selves, the list goes on and on."
I wonder if this is because it seems as if we *should* (dangerous word) have control over how we express pain. I think people can accept, to a degree, that the root of depression and anxiety are not entirely within individuals. But how we go about coping with depression and anxiety are presumed to be up to us - why would we seem to make things more difficult for ourselves? And I'm not saying that we do any of this to make things more difficult, just that that's maybe how it's perceived by others, hence the shame that comes with trying to discuss self-injury or other self-destructive behaviors.
"Yes, I am a relatively high functioning individual, but that's not to say I don't have deep, underlying pain that manifests itself on and within my body and my mind. Sometimes it's the people you least expect to do something, are the very ones that do it. Like many others, I know how to act like everything is ok, like everything is calm, like everything is great."
Ditto. And what a toll that acting can take, huh?
"I don't mean to pour out my negativity on this post. I do mean to express real concern for myself and for others who need the encouragement to speak out against and stop their self harming behavior."I honestly didn't notice much negativity. Just you working to tell your story.
"The first time I spoke with my T on the phone, I told her why I was wanting help; she told me: "You don't have to go through this alone. You don't have to have all the answers. There are perfectly good reasons for why you do the things you do.""What a perfect response :) I breathed a sigh of relief just reading it.
Posted by antigua3 on September 26, 2008, at 7:20:13
In reply to Self Harm (triggers), posted by JayMac on September 23, 2008, at 13:11:51
It's OK, don't worry about it here with us. So many of us have used damaging ways (myself included) to deal with our pain. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it just means we need help in finding easier, and less self-destructive, ways to handle our immense pain. And it sound like you have a great T to help figure it out, and to help you.
The important thing is you brought it out into the open and it's not a secret that you carry with shame. As you work on this, it hopefully will beome less powerful to you.
take care,
antigua
Posted by JayMac on September 27, 2008, at 15:03:08
In reply to Re: Self Harm (triggers) » JayMac, posted by onceupon on September 25, 2008, at 22:31:29
Thank you! I'm glad I'm not alone in this. It's nice to have it out in the open. =)
Posted by JayMac on September 27, 2008, at 15:11:33
In reply to Re: Self Harm (triggers) » JayMac, posted by antigua3 on September 26, 2008, at 7:20:13
Thank you Antigua. The past couple sessions, my T and I have been exploring the topic. She could sense my fear that I was feeling she would reject and judge me. She told me she doesn't judge me and, that given my past, it's understandable. She told me that she's glad we can talk about it and that I can explore its meaning. We uncovered a whole lot.
Peace.
This is the end of the thread.
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