![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by no_rose_garden on July 8, 2008, at 23:31:09
I have been seeing my new therapist for a few months now..I had to change from my old one b/c I moved. I think about the new one all the time and always wish I was with him. It's SOOOOOO hard to leave at the end of the session, and I spend the whole time looking at the clock because I'm sad that time is going and that we will have to end.
Recently, he said that he won't see me as often and said that he was thinking about sending me to soembody else because he didn't think he was helping me. It makes me sad that he doesn't want me. I was thinking maybe it was because I think about him how I do, but that was true with my last therapist and will be true of any other one.
I'm confused and don't know what's going on. And I miss him very much.
Posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2008, at 23:49:07
In reply to My therapist makes me sad, posted by no_rose_garden on July 8, 2008, at 23:31:09
Welcome to babble see your new you will love this board so many supportive people here. I do know what you mean as I just left mine but it wasn't a close relationship but I met one in the ER that doesn't take private clients. And we clicked. Phillipa
Posted by seldomseen on July 9, 2008, at 6:59:51
In reply to My therapist makes me sad, posted by no_rose_garden on July 8, 2008, at 23:31:09
welcome to babble rose.
I think the way you feel is pretty common actually, and I think you will receive some good advice, support on this board. Negotiating the feelings we develop for our therapists can be soooo hard.
Have you told your T what is going on with you and how you feel?
Seldom
Posted by Dinah on July 9, 2008, at 10:48:17
In reply to My therapist makes me sad, posted by no_rose_garden on July 8, 2008, at 23:31:09
One thing I'm not clear on is whether you tell your therapist that you're looking at the clock for that reason. I think most therapists, seeing a client looking at the clock, might assume that they're not doing the client any good.
But if you point out that you aren't just looking at the clock, you're also busy developing a bond that will serve you well in the future of your therapy, he might feel like he's doing some good after all.
But that does depend a bit on the type of therapist he is and how much he values attachment on the part of a client.
Posted by no_rose_garden on July 9, 2008, at 11:19:30
In reply to Re: My therapist makes me sad » no_rose_garden, posted by Dinah on July 9, 2008, at 10:48:17
He knows everything. He knows why I look at the clock. He knows I think about him all the time. He knows that he means so much more to me than he thinks he should.
Posted by Lucie Lu on July 9, 2008, at 19:24:11
In reply to My therapist makes me sad, posted by no_rose_garden on July 8, 2008, at 23:31:09
Rose, welcome to the board and hope you find some help or at least support here. Your painful feelings are very recognizable to many on this board, and you should also look through past posts and check the archives - they can offer you some more info and maybe even some useful insghts.
Without knowing more, it is hard to get a sense of what is really going on between you and your T. It seems extremely unlikely that he would want to stop or to refer you because he "doesn't want you." I doubt very much that he sees it in such terms. It's much more likely that he is thinking only in terms of getting you the help you need and deserve. If he really does care about you, and I'm sure he does, then he only wants what's best for you - even if that means sending you to someone else if he thinks he can't help.
What is less clear to me is *why* he feels he can't help you. So my first question would be, what kind of therapy is he doing? Like cognitive, behavioral, attachment-oriented, psychodynamic etc? Is it short-term - are there expectations that the sessions would only last for a certain time frame? Or long-term, open-ended? It would be helpful to know what your joint intial expectations were. Did you two work out a contract (not legal - just an agreement between you about what and how your therapy would be conducted)?
Understanding his frame of reference as a T (his orientation, your therapy plan) would be very helpful in trying to sort these things out.
Sorry you are hurting :(
-Lucie
Posted by no_rose_garden on July 11, 2008, at 13:07:46
In reply to My therapist makes me sad, posted by no_rose_garden on July 8, 2008, at 23:31:09
I'm seeing somebody at a university counseling center...10session/yr. limit. I stared right before the end of the "year" (July1) so essentially get 20 continuous sessions.
Anyway...I started calling to hear his voice mail message b/c it was comforting (never left a message), but they keep track of ppl that call he got questioned about getting so many calls from me...so I asked if I was allowed to call any more and he said only if I wanted to leave a message or talk to him about counseling matters....
So I emailed him and asked what I would be allowed to talk to him on the phone about b/c I thought we weren't allowed to talk on the phone.
And he replied "If you do not know what to talk about, then it is not important to talk on the phone.
See you in session." session = 2 wks. from now.WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? WHY CAN"T HE JUST ANSWER MY QUESTION!?!?
Posted by sunnydays on July 11, 2008, at 15:31:40
In reply to What does this mean???, posted by no_rose_garden on July 11, 2008, at 13:07:46
He means he wants you to use the phone calls for a crisis. If you are so upset and distraught you can't control it, or if you feel suicidal, then that would be a time to call. It sounds to me like he means that if it's not urgent enough that you have a specific topic you feel needs to be addressed over the phone, he would like you to wait until your session. That is pretty common for T's, especially in counseling centers.
sunnydays
Posted by raisinb on July 11, 2008, at 16:08:45
In reply to What does this mean???, posted by no_rose_garden on July 11, 2008, at 13:07:46
I think that was kind of a crappy answer, but maybe he didn't understand what you need. It sounds like what you need is to know you're connected, that he's there for you, in between sessions.
If he doesn't want you calling to listen to his voice mail, maybe you could ask him to leave you some messages on your phone that you can listen to when you're having a hard time? I save tons of messages from my therapist and listen to them when I'm feeling like she is gone, or like I'm alone. I think *lots* of us do that.
It sounds like you will be moving on to a new therapist, and maybe that is for the best, since your current one thinks he can't help you. Although that sucks, it means he's doing the best job he can for you--which sometimes means sending you to somebody else.
But in the meantime, maybe you can work this out so that you can hear his voice in between sessions without overstepping his bounds.
Posted by no_rose_garden on July 14, 2008, at 0:13:21
In reply to Re: What does this mean??? » no_rose_garden, posted by raisinb on July 11, 2008, at 16:08:45
Thanks for the suggestion. I did have one message he left me, but that recently got deleted from my voicemail (I guess you can only keep them a certain amount of time). I also have all his emails saved...but they're mostly just a few words in response to my emails.
I have a feeling he won't willingly leave messages for me for that purpose. I feel like he just wants me to get over him...
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.