![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on June 19, 2008, at 16:31:47
My therapist is now talking about the last few weeks in the past tense. He's talking reflectively now, about how shaken he was, and how he must have been delusional to think people wouldn't notice. He says that his life isn't settled and there may be more storms ahead.
But my experience with him is that once he's reached this reflective stage, the worst is past. I have no idea why. Maybe he gets help of some sort. Or maybe things in his life settle down. The main thing is that he felt congruent today. What he looked like with my eyes open and what he looked like with my eyes closed matched!!!
He says it made sense that I fell apart when my therapist fell apart. That that is a pretty big constant in a long term therapy client's life, and that we have the right to expect that our therapist will be more stable than we are. And he laughed when I told him I certainly don't expect that!
We talked in terms of my early parenting experiences. And how I realized that even though my mother is great with kids under the age of seven, she was also unbelievably stressed with her marriage and with me when I was very young. And how she was probably a stimulating presence rather than a calming one, and probably didn't help me organize my world very well. That coupled with what would have been abandonments in the eyes of a toddler and preschooler probably combined to change the neural pathways in a still growing brain. It makes sense that just as prenatal experiences change the developing brain and even body, postnatal experiences on an immature brain can change the developing brain as well. I probably received cortisol and adrenaline brain baths quite frequently both pre- and post-natal in those development periods.
Anyway, all that doesn't matter as much as basking in feeling him be ok. Or ok enough.
Until next time anyway.
He said in the larger picture of things, he wasn't at all angry with me. That even if he was angry in one session, or one moment, with my admittedly borderlinish behavior lately, that it didn't register in the entire map of our relationship. I told him that was easy for him to say. He only carried his anger during the session. I had to carry it until I saw him again.
Posted by muffled on June 19, 2008, at 17:46:27
In reply to HOOORAY!!!! I think the worst is past. :), posted by Dinah on June 19, 2008, at 16:31:47
Posted by raisinb on June 19, 2008, at 18:44:59
In reply to HOOORAY!!!! I think the worst is past. :), posted by Dinah on June 19, 2008, at 16:31:47
Posted by Dinah on June 19, 2008, at 23:44:25
In reply to HOOORAY!!!! I think the worst is past. :), posted by Dinah on June 19, 2008, at 16:31:47
It occurs to me that I didn't phrase this post particularly well. Sigh.
It all was much better than it sounds.
Posted by meme3842 on June 20, 2008, at 0:06:47
In reply to HOOORAY!!!! I think the worst is past. :), posted by Dinah on June 19, 2008, at 16:31:47
I don't know much about your relationship between you and your therapist, but I am glad that you both had the chance to talk about it. There's nothing worse than having these strong feelings during therapy, and not being able to talk about it, or feeling that you can.
Posted by Annierose on June 20, 2008, at 7:21:29
In reply to HOOORAY!!!! I think the worst is past. :), posted by Dinah on June 19, 2008, at 16:31:47
Good news Dinah!
Something quite stressful for both you and your t. I'd be curious to know why he was feeling stressed ... but that's just me.
Posted by Dinah on June 20, 2008, at 17:07:19
In reply to Re: HOOORAY!!!! I think the worst is past. :), posted by meme3842 on June 20, 2008, at 0:06:47
Thanks Meme.
I guess I should give it a few sessions to make sure. Because he's felt better to me some sessions than others lately. But he hasn't been this self reflective lately, so I have to see this as good.
Posted by Dinah on June 20, 2008, at 17:12:38
In reply to Re: HOOORAY!!!! I think the worst is past. :), posted by Annierose on June 20, 2008, at 7:21:29
I suppose in the larger sense, I'm a bit concerned that his crises become my crises. And we spent a fair amount of the session debating rather I'm really growing, if my growth is dependent on him. I take the viewpoint that real growth wouldn't be dependent on another. He takes the view that real growth isn't linear. That setbacks don't mean the growth isn't real. We didn't end up agreeing.
But I'm not going to think about it too much yet. Maybe in a while.
He never told me what the issue was. But at some point, I told him with some acerbity in response to one of his mysterious comments that there just weren't all that many options involved, explaining why I said that, and what few choices I saw remaining. He later referred to that as my knowing what was going on with him, so I imagine my conclusion wasn't far off. Sigh. *That* he remembered.
Posted by Nadezda on June 21, 2008, at 14:56:34
In reply to HOOORAY!!!! I think the worst is past. :), posted by Dinah on June 19, 2008, at 16:31:47
Oh, that's so great, Dinah.
I'm glad you and your T are more on the same wavelength again-- and that he seems to have moved away from whatever frozen or stunned moment he was in, and become more himself.
Of course it would throw you off-- I don't even think that's borderlineish-- I think that's being sensitive and aware and affected by something significant, and of consequence for your connection-- going on with another person.
But you also handled it absolutely exceptionally well-- so you should feel really good about how you rose to the occasion, as well, of course, as how it turned out.
Nadezda
Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2008, at 16:21:33
In reply to Re: HOOORAY!!!! I think the worst is past. :), posted by Nadezda on June 21, 2008, at 14:56:34
Perhaps I left out the many incidents of my whining, clinging, desperate begging him not to abandon me, insisting that he couldn't abandon me, asking him what I'll doooo if he abandoned me. Reviving long gone plans of what I'd do if he terminated me. Always saying "terminated" with associated hand gesture. Calling him between sessions with emotional time bombs of probably tiny little incidents that seemed enormous all of a sudden between sessions. Metaphorically shaking him and telling him to listen to me now.
I believe I even, in one particularly embarrassing moment, told him he'd be an idiot to terminate me, because I've been the steadiest thing in his life for the past thirteen years. (Blush)
Overall, I think he took it well. :)
But I wouldn't say I handled it particularly well.
I often say that my therapist wouldn't recognize my sessions as I recount them. And I think that's likely a truth.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.