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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by widget on February 8, 2008, at 11:50:50
I see my therapist two times a week. This Monday, I cancelled due to bad weather (snow storm). When I saw him later in the week and mentioned my absense ("sorry I wasn't here Monday, I hope it wasn't a problem"), he replied that his secretary fills in appointments with other people and he isn't really aware of cancellations. Later, I thought how odd it was that he didn't realize I was missing as I come every Monday. I took this to mean that I am really not important to him, etc. Don't you think most therapists would expect a long-term client on the day for which she has been scheduled for a long time? Doesn't he have any idea who is coming to see him before he steps into the waiting room? Doesn't he need to prepare, at all, for the client? I basically feel unimportant to him and, of course, that feels really bad. Widget
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Posted by Phillipa on February 8, 2008, at 12:45:38
In reply to Feel so rejected by therapist, posted by widget on February 8, 2008, at 11:50:50
Widget I would feel the same way sorry this happened to you. Love Phillipa
Posted by mair on February 8, 2008, at 13:07:59
In reply to Feel so rejected by therapist, posted by widget on February 8, 2008, at 11:50:50
I would've been just as hurt as you were. How could he be that clueless? Maybe he was just trying to let you know that your cancellation didn't inconvenience him because there were other people to fill in your slot.
Years ago, I had a T tell me, in response to some question of mine I think, that as soon as he walked out the door every night he completely forgot about all of his patients. I don't know whether it was what he said or the way he said it, but it hurt me. I realize that no T could survive if he thought about his patients all of the time, but it offended me a little that we could be cast aside so easily.
mair
Posted by rskontos on February 8, 2008, at 13:42:56
In reply to Feel so rejected by therapist, posted by widget on February 8, 2008, at 11:50:50
Widget, I would feel the same way. I would want to bring in one of those cardboard images and see if he noticed the difference. I mean there is a way to same no problem with it being degrading.
And i would say so. It is time to say this to him. If you can't say it write it and give it him. That is the same as saying all therapist are alike and it really doesn't matter which one is in the room. But maybe he believes that too.I am sorry he made you feel that way. I might be tempted not to go back. How are you suppose to feel connected.
rsk
Posted by raisinb on February 8, 2008, at 14:20:44
In reply to Feel so rejected by therapist, posted by widget on February 8, 2008, at 11:50:50
Oh, that sucks. What a terrible way to word things. I'd feel rejected, too. I'm sure he was trying to reassure you that you needn't feel guilty about cancelling, but he didn't hear that you also needed to know that he noticed you were gone and missed you.
If you feel comfortable and are reasonably sure that he'll deal with it well, then bring it up and express your feelings. You might get to some insights and you might feel better.
Posted by Annierose on February 8, 2008, at 15:02:17
In reply to Feel so rejected by therapist, posted by widget on February 8, 2008, at 11:50:50
OMG - I would have called my t on that on the spot. Very rude and dismissive. I would not let that comment go. Make sure you bring it up next time and give him a chance to re-think that thought.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 8, 2008, at 15:33:33
In reply to Re: Feel so rejected by therapist, posted by Annierose on February 8, 2008, at 15:02:17
I agree with everyone else; you should tell him how you felt when you heard that.
Geez, talk about feeling rejected.
Love n Hugs, Francesca
Posted by Dinah on February 8, 2008, at 16:06:05
In reply to Feel so rejected by therapist, posted by widget on February 8, 2008, at 11:50:50
I'm guessing it was meant well. He was probably trying to say that he wasn't upset with you.
Did you mention at the time how you felt about what he said? I've learned over time (almost always) to say something like "ouch" so that we have a chance to discuss it in real time. Because as likely as not he'd have forgotten it by the next session and I'd have been left trying to explain the situation and he'd have claimed to not remember at all what he meant.
I think it's definitely something to mention next time.
My therapist has always been in charge of making his own appointments, cancellations, etc. - even when he was at a clinic. Except for one time when he was sharing an office that had a secretary. I remember how bereft I felt when he told me to talk to the secretary about making an appointment. I hadn't realized how much the appointment setting ritual felt caring. I nearly burst into tears and he started suggesting times then asking the secretary to finalize them.
So telling him how what he said sounded to you really is a useful thing to do. He can either clear up what he did mean, or he can realize that his words mean something to his clients.
Posted by Maxime on February 8, 2008, at 16:59:32
In reply to Feel so rejected by therapist, posted by widget on February 8, 2008, at 11:50:50
I would feel rejected as well. I think you should talk to him about it.
His days probably blend into one another and he is not aware of who he sees when. My T is in the clouds all the time!
Maxime
Posted by Poet on February 9, 2008, at 11:41:32
In reply to Feel so rejected by therapist, posted by widget on February 8, 2008, at 11:50:50
Hi Widget,
I would get mad if my T said something thoughtless like that. I'd probably have said, "do you know what my name is or am I just whats her name who comes on Thursdays?"
Cyber slap to your T's head.
Poet
Posted by widget on February 10, 2008, at 11:44:47
In reply to Re: Feel so rejected by therapist » widget, posted by Poet on February 9, 2008, at 11:41:32
Thanks to everyone who wrote; Wow! I feel very supported and validated. I am going to bring this up tomorrow with him. Hmm, maybe he is just not thinking--at all! Widget
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