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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on January 22, 2008, at 15:00:23
I went to T... was very quiet. T said it looked like I had something on my mind. I said, "Maybe." A few minutes later I said, "No, I'm fine." He was just sitting there quiet... he nodded. Then I said, "You should get ESP, I'm having a whole conversation with you in my head!" And he said, "Unfortunately that's not one of the skills I have!" I was quiet a while longer and I said, "If I say I was upset that you weren't there, then I have to admit that you're important to me." We talked some I think, with lots of quiet in between, and he remarked that that's nothing new, we both have known for a while that he's important to me.
So that maybe it's not about him and I, it's about something else. And he asked me if I understood what he meant, and I said yes, and he said to tell him if I disagreed. And asked what I thought it was about. And I told him a memory I was having after a lot of silence and encouraging. And he said, "That's a horrible way to be treated." And I was quiet for a while and sad and he remarked on that and asked if I was feeling sad about what had happened, and I said yes. And we talked more than that, I just don't remember except kind of in fragments.
And then I told him not to get offended, and he said, "Ok. I have little kids, so I don't get offended easily. They say pretty mean things sometimes." I said that I thought it was mad because when I was crying when he was gone I kept saying, "I hate you," and I thought that was mad. And I hid behind a pillow. And he told me it was ok a couple times and he asked me to look at him, and I did and he said that he was really proud of me and that there wasn't even a tiny place in him that had madness or offendedness, that he was really proud of me and that he really admires that I always say what is true for me.
But even thinking about that I keep wanting to hide. I don't know what this is about. Some deep shame or something I guess. Anyway, wanted to put that out there and also just record at least some of the session for myself.
sunnydays
Posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 15:08:51
In reply to had T... want to hide, posted by sunnydays on January 22, 2008, at 15:00:23
Hi Sunnydays,
I wish T's came equipped with ESP, my sessions would go alot easier if mine didn't have to drag things out of me.
My T tells me it's okay to feel sad about something from my past, to grieve for that part of me who was hurt. Your T seems very understanding and patient like mine is. Now if we could just get them to read our thoughts.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on January 22, 2008, at 16:43:57
In reply to had T... want to hide, posted by sunnydays on January 22, 2008, at 15:00:23
Were you ok with how he reacted?
I think it was probably true when he said he was proud of you, not angry or offended. My therapist was inordinately proud of him that time I cursed at him. It reminded me of my father, who used to find my anger hilarious, when that really wasn't what I was going for.
He's a very sensitive therapist, Sunny. I think he'd be a consistent and caring presence no matter what you told him.
Did the memory you were having have any relation to your anger at him for being sick and unavailable? I often am surprised at how my thoughts in therapy are related.
Maybe it's something going around. I spent most of my session today absolutely furious with my therapist. And only his open acceptance of my anger helped me end up smiling. Although not entirely over my anger.
Posted by Phillipa on January 22, 2008, at 21:50:53
In reply to Re: had T... want to hide » sunnydays, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2008, at 16:43:57
Dinah good analysis and tomorrow I fear going to mine what will happen to upset me as she usually does. Love Phillipa
Posted by obsidian on January 22, 2008, at 21:57:09
In reply to had T... want to hide, posted by sunnydays on January 22, 2008, at 15:00:23
well I just wanted to say that nothing freaks me out more than having anger towards my T...for some reason it is a really scary emotion for me to have toward him
sounds like he's up for it
hope you feel better soon
-sid
Posted by Maxime on January 22, 2008, at 22:25:37
In reply to Re: had T... want to hide » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on January 22, 2008, at 21:50:53
> Dinah good analysis and tomorrow I fear going to mine what will happen to upset me as she usually does. Love Phillipa
Don't fear. Don't become a self fulfilling prophecy.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on January 22, 2008, at 22:28:16
In reply to had T... want to hide, posted by sunnydays on January 22, 2008, at 15:00:23
Sometimes I think my T would LOVE it if I actually became angry during a session. Ts of the past have told me that they wanted me to show my anger. I could never show it.
Sounds like you have a really nice T.
Maxime
Posted by Phillipa on January 22, 2008, at 23:45:00
In reply to Re: had T... want to hide » sunnydays, posted by Maxime on January 22, 2008, at 22:28:16
Maxie will try not to. Love Phillipa
Posted by Daisym on January 23, 2008, at 0:41:32
In reply to had T... want to hide, posted by sunnydays on January 22, 2008, at 15:00:23
I think you want to hide because you were honest about your feelings which were less than understanding and polite. You were upset that he was sick. You were sad not to see him. And sometimes the small parts of you might be a tiny bit worried that he got sick because of you - like he didn't want to see you, hear your memory or whatever. These aren't rational thoughts - they are old and left over from the little kid stuff.
As adults, we've learned that however put out we feel, we show understanding and accept that "stuff happens" - like illness. But therapy is different - we say all the unsayable things. We reveal our "shadow" side - and that includes those wishes that seem less than charitable. You revealed that you were upset that he didn't show up for your appointment. And guess what? He didn't hate you or get mad.
You were very brave. I'm glad you got past the memory to the real issue. It isn't that I don't think the memory stuff is important, but I also think we have to learn to push past those things when other, very uncomfortable things come up. Speaking for myself, I sometimes assume that all my hard feelings are directly related to the abuse. And sometimes, memories are easier to talk about than those other feelings. Go figure!
Anyway, try to take in his response and believe it. You did "good" today.
This is the end of the thread.
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