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Re: had T... want to hide

Posted by Daisym on January 23, 2008, at 0:41:32

In reply to had T... want to hide, posted by sunnydays on January 22, 2008, at 15:00:23

I think you want to hide because you were honest about your feelings which were less than understanding and polite. You were upset that he was sick. You were sad not to see him. And sometimes the small parts of you might be a tiny bit worried that he got sick because of you - like he didn't want to see you, hear your memory or whatever. These aren't rational thoughts - they are old and left over from the little kid stuff.

As adults, we've learned that however put out we feel, we show understanding and accept that "stuff happens" - like illness. But therapy is different - we say all the unsayable things. We reveal our "shadow" side - and that includes those wishes that seem less than charitable. You revealed that you were upset that he didn't show up for your appointment. And guess what? He didn't hate you or get mad.

You were very brave. I'm glad you got past the memory to the real issue. It isn't that I don't think the memory stuff is important, but I also think we have to learn to push past those things when other, very uncomfortable things come up. Speaking for myself, I sometimes assume that all my hard feelings are directly related to the abuse. And sometimes, memories are easier to talk about than those other feelings. Go figure!

Anyway, try to take in his response and believe it. You did "good" today.

 

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poster:Daisym thread:808353
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