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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 47. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 11:53:05
My life is such a mess. I never seem to get a break. I hate to ask, but I could really use some support right now. I feel like ending my life. What a thought to have on Christmas day! I am angry with myself for feeling this way. But I don't want to do anything that would mess up the day for my family.
Please help me.
Maxime
Posted by Bobby on December 25, 2007, at 12:14:16
In reply to Please, I need support, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 11:53:05
Don't know what to say except Christmas should not see you this way. Maybe try to stay busy with loved ones. All things pass and I'm sure if you have patience--this will too. when I feel down I count my blessings and weigh them against the bad---you'd be surprized just how good we have it compared to much of the world. don't want to sound sappy---but I hope you feel better soon!
Posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 12:18:25
In reply to Please, I need support, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 11:53:05
> My life is such a mess. I never seem to get a break. I hate to ask, but I could really use some support right now. I feel like ending my life. What a thought to have on Christmas day! I am angry with myself for feeling this way. But I don't want to do anything that would mess up the day for my family.
>
> Please help me.
>
> Maxime*Good for you for reaching out maxime.
Christmas is such a hard time.
I will be here in and out today.
But next few days I am away.
I'm not sure what has happened with T?
As for if you feel you are actually going to harm yourself, please tell a family member, call a crisis line, or goto emergency department.
Hang in there, these times of crisis feel like hell, but the intensity DOES pass, and you can feel a bit better again. Guess you just gonna have to trust me on this...
I miss my T.
Weird how they can just be gone.
But I soldier on somehow.
Please be safe maxime.
It would mess up the day for your family. It would mess up their lives, not just the day.
Suicide ends up hurting so many in so many ways....
I think alot of people think of suicide on holidays, cuz it brings up alot of emotions, and unmet expectations, etc.
But this will pass.
Just keep going.
It is GOOD that you reached out here.
Can you reach out IRL to someone too?
Take care,
M
Posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 12:25:05
In reply to Re: Please, I need support » Maxime, posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 12:18:25
I didn't see anything other than about your cutting.
How did that go by the way?
So wassup w/T?
Lemme know if you want to.
Muffled
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 12:42:34
In reply to I looked back a bit..., posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 12:25:05
> I didn't see anything other than about your cutting.
> How did that go by the way?
> So wassup w/T?
> Lemme know if you want to.
> MuffledI haven't cut since I posted about it. Although I feel like doing it right now and I probably will.
I sent you a babble mail about T as I don't want to post it on the board.
Thank you for responding.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 12:43:48
In reply to (((((Maxime))))), posted by Bobby on December 25, 2007, at 12:14:16
> Don't know what to say except Christmas should not see you this way. Maybe try to stay busy with loved ones. All things pass and I'm sure if you have patience--this will too. when I feel down I count my blessings and weigh them against the bad---you'd be surprized just how good we have it compared to much of the world. don't want to sound sappy---but I hope you feel better soon!
Oh, you are so sweet for posting so fast.
Even when I am surrounded by loved ones, I feel so alone. It's awful. I hate myself so much right now.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 12:45:27
In reply to Re: Please, I need support » Maxime, posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 12:18:25
What happened to your T?
I can't bring myself to a hospital on Christmas day. I just can't do it.
I hope I feel better soon.
Thanks.
Maxime
> *Good for you for reaching out maxime.
> Christmas is such a hard time.
> I will be here in and out today.
> But next few days I am away.
> I'm not sure what has happened with T?
> As for if you feel you are actually going to harm yourself, please tell a family member, call a crisis line, or goto emergency department.
> Hang in there, these times of crisis feel like hell, but the intensity DOES pass, and you can feel a bit better again. Guess you just gonna have to trust me on this...
> I miss my T.
> Weird how they can just be gone.
> But I soldier on somehow.
> Please be safe maxime.
> It would mess up the day for your family. It would mess up their lives, not just the day.
> Suicide ends up hurting so many in so many ways....
> I think alot of people think of suicide on holidays, cuz it brings up alot of emotions, and unmet expectations, etc.
> But this will pass.
> Just keep going.
> It is GOOD that you reached out here.
> Can you reach out IRL to someone too?
> Take care,
> M
>
>
Posted by rskontos on December 25, 2007, at 13:04:32
In reply to Re: Please, I need support » muffled, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 12:45:27
Maxi, I truly understand feeling alone even being with family or friends. And I know that family can be the biggest of triggers at least for me. I know that sometimes you can plan a suicide but not actually go through it. I have done that many times. I truly hope you do not do this and can at least call the suicide hotline and speak to someone if you can't go to the hospital on Christmas day. This is what the hotline is for. It is 800-784-2433. PLease take care of yourself.
We care about you.
rsk
Posted by star008 on December 25, 2007, at 13:57:32
In reply to Please, I need support, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 11:53:05
maxime.
you death would ruin xmas for those who enjoy it forever.. try to look beyond your pain for a moment.. i am sorry you are hurting so much right now.. hang in there.. it will pass. call the hotline if u feel you need to.. this is ahrd time of year for so many people.. i just pretend it isn't happening at all. i am all alone.. could be worse, huh?? was alone alst nite and more of it today.. i just pretend it is another day.. we do care and are here to support u.. if you need to talk i will be around today.
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 20:10:29
In reply to Please, I need support, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 11:53:05
Maxime,
You are a very precious person in the eyes of God. You have value and worth. Hang in there. You will get through this. Please consider going back into the hospital.
MidnightBlue
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 20:14:18
In reply to Re: Please, I need support » muffled, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 12:45:27
Maxime,
You can make a plan to go to the hospital first thing in the morning! You can hang in there a few more hours. I know you can do it! You can make it through this!
MidnightBlue
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 21:11:11
In reply to Re: Please, I need support, posted by rskontos on December 25, 2007, at 13:04:32
> Maxi, I truly understand feeling alone even being with family or friends. And I know that family can be the biggest of triggers at least for me. I know that sometimes you can plan a suicide but not actually go through it. I have done that many times. I truly hope you do not do this and can at least call the suicide hotline and speak to someone if you can't go to the hospital on Christmas day. This is what the hotline is for. It is 800-784-2433. PLease take care of yourself.
>
> We care about you.
>
> rskI know people care about me. It makes me feel to always be in crisis mode. :(
Hotlines do not help me. I've tried them a few times.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 21:12:30
In reply to Re: Please, I need support, posted by star008 on December 25, 2007, at 13:57:32
> maxime.
>
> you death would ruin xmas for those who enjoy it forever.. try to look beyond your pain for a moment.. i am sorry you are hurting so much right now.. hang in there.. it will pass. call the hotline if u feel you need to.. this is ahrd time of year for so many people.. i just pretend it isn't happening at all. i am all alone.. could be worse, huh?? was alone alst nite and more of it today.. i just pretend it is another day.. we do care and are here to support u.. if you need to talk i will be around today.
You are so kind. I ended up cutting which relieved the anxiety somewhat. I don't want to wreck everyone's holiday. I am doing my best to hang in.Maxime
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 21:13:38
In reply to Re: Please, I need support » Maxime, posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 20:10:29
> Maxime,
>
> You are a very precious person in the eyes of God. You have value and worth. Hang in there. You will get through this. Please consider going back into the hospital.
>
> MidnightBlue((((MB))) Thank you. I CAN'T go back into the hospital. I just can't.
I cut myself to relieve the anxiety and I am ready to cut again.
Maxime
Posted by rskontos on December 25, 2007, at 21:39:55
In reply to Re: Please, I need support, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 21:11:11
I am sorry. I am sorry you cut yourself. I am sorry someone here can't be there to give you a hug and just sit with you.
Sigh, it is tough......know we care for what that is worth.....
You have alot of people that answered your call to show support I hope that sparks some glimmer of a smile on your lovely face......
((((((maxi))))))))))rsk
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:01:07
In reply to Re: Please, I need support, posted by rskontos on December 25, 2007, at 21:39:55
> I am sorry. I am sorry you cut yourself. I am sorry someone here can't be there to give you a hug and just sit with you.
>
> Sigh, it is tough......know we care for what that is worth.....
>
> You have alot of people that answered your call to show support I hope that sparks some glimmer of a smile on your lovely face......
> ((((((maxi))))))))))
>
> rskI wish someone could sit with me as well. But I am honoured by the number of responses to my "call".
Thank you.
Maxie
Posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 22:01:35
In reply to Re: Please, I need support, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 21:13:38
Yeah, hotlines have limitations.
I have used them a quite few times in the past to no avail.
I also have had a degree of help from them, if just to hear a kind human voice speaking to me.
One time they literally saved my life.
So don't totally give up on those crisis lines...I am not sure what your hosp history is. Did you have a bad experience?
I have had both.
I also now would struggle with the so called shame of going to the looney bin for a 'breakdown'. Its pretty small town where I live so everyone would know.
I would be embarrassed.
HOWEVER, if it comes down to it, for me, hosp, shame and all, is better than my kids losing their Mom. It would hurt all my family, sisters, hubby etc very much if I offed myself.
So please do not discount hospital as an option. Another babbler recently went in, under much resistance, and it was OK. It was a good thing she went in. It was not so bad as she had thot it was gonna be.As for cutting. Well, many do not agree with my views. But I am a longtime very experienced cutter. And I say cutting HAS saved my life more than once. It is a pretty darn poor coping mechanism, but there are worse ones....(eg. 'dangerosity'- taking great dangerous risks on purpose, street drug use, suicide...etc)
So 'safe' cutting is IMHO a tool to be used as a last ditch effort, but like I said, its better than the above options.
So if you MUST cut, try and cut safe. Stay away from veins, try to do it in places that don't show, and scar the least.
Keep the area clean B4 and after. If its gaping, go get stitches. Its OK to goto emerg. I dunno if its the right thing to do, but I just lie bout how I got 'injured'....cuz I don't want trouble over them making me see a P-doc. Though one time I remember being in, and a I over heard a nurse saying I'd done it myself etc, and they did question me slightly, but I lied and I DID say I would take care of the wound carefully, and they were good with that. Unless they clearly think you are at great danger to yourself or others, they will NOT admit you. They CAN'T. So do not be afraid to goto emerg as needed.So I am sorry you are feeling bad. This will pass. I spent the first year and more in therapy in continuous crisis mode. I felt so bad.
But now I am not. Still have my moments, but not at all like B4.
I also rarely cut, and if so, not badly at all.
So there is hope.
Hang in there.
Muffled
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:06:37
In reply to Crisis lines etc, posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 22:01:35
> Yeah, hotlines have limitations.
> I have used them a quite few times in the past to no avail.
> I also have had a degree of help from them, if just to hear a kind human voice speaking to me.
> One time they literally saved my life.
> So don't totally give up on those crisis lines...
>
> I am not sure what your hosp history is. Did you have a bad experience?
> I have had both.
> I also now would struggle with the so called shame of going to the looney bin for a 'breakdown'. Its pretty small town where I live so everyone would know.
> I would be embarrassed.
> HOWEVER, if it comes down to it, for me, hosp, shame and all, is better than my kids losing their Mom. It would hurt all my family, sisters, hubby etc very much if I offed myself.
> So please do not discount hospital as an option. Another babbler recently went in, under much resistance, and it was OK. It was a good thing she went in. It was not so bad as she had thot it was gonna be.
>
> As for cutting. Well, many do not agree with my views. But I am a longtime very experienced cutter. And I say cutting HAS saved my life more than once. It is a pretty darn poor coping mechanism, but there are worse ones....(eg. 'dangerosity'- taking great dangerous risks on purpose, street drug use, suicide...etc)
> So 'safe' cutting is IMHO a tool to be used as a last ditch effort, but like I said, its better than the above options.
> So if you MUST cut, try and cut safe. Stay away from veins, try to do it in places that don't show, and scar the least.
> Keep the area clean B4 and after. If its gaping, go get stitches. Its OK to goto emerg. I dunno if its the right thing to do, but I just lie bout how I got 'injured'....cuz I don't want trouble over them making me see a P-doc. Though one time I remember being in, and a I over heard a nurse saying I'd done it myself etc, and they did question me slightly, but I lied and I DID say I would take care of the wound carefully, and they were good with that. Unless they clearly think you are at great danger to yourself or others, they will NOT admit you. They CAN'T. So do not be afraid to goto emerg as needed.
>
> So I am sorry you are feeling bad. This will pass. I spent the first year and more in therapy in continuous crisis mode. I felt so bad.
> But now I am not. Still have my moments, but not at all like B4.
> I also rarely cut, and if so, not badly at all.
> So there is hope.
> Hang in there.
> Muffled*sob* Cutting does help.
I was in the hospital for 5 weeks and was release 3 weeks ago. I can't go back in. I am already labelled "borderline" and NO ONE wants to deal with me. I hate that diagnosis!
I'll be careful. Promise.
Maxime
Posted by Phillipa on December 25, 2007, at 22:07:46
In reply to Crisis lines etc, posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 22:01:35
Maxie just saw this and I'm here too. Maybe I can make you mad enough to want to live. How about that? Babblemail? Love Jan
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:09:43
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc, posted by Phillipa on December 25, 2007, at 22:07:46
> Maxie just saw this and I'm here too. Maybe I can make you mad enough to want to live. How about that? Babblemail? Love Jan
Mad enough to live? Confused.
Thanks for being here for me. I appreciate it very much.
Maxie
Posted by Phillipa on December 25, 2007, at 22:10:16
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc » muffled, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:06:37
Oh the infamous word one we all hate. Can you try to think of it just as a word and was thinking in the states it's illegal to abandon a patient . It's not in Canada? Love Phillipa
Posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:29:55
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc, posted by Phillipa on December 25, 2007, at 22:10:16
Life SHOULD NOT hurt this much. I feel guilty because I know there are people much worse off than me. Still, I am really suffering right now.
Gah, I don't know.
I hope I die in my sleep (what are the chances of that happening?)
Maxime
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 22:43:42
In reply to Re: Please, I need support, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 21:13:38
Maxime,
No Sweetie! don't cut again. Take a deep breath. Think of something beautiful....a mountain? a butterfly? soft fluffy snow...
Think how intricately they are made. Maxime, you are more beautiful then all of them....
MidnightBlue
Posted by MidnightBlue on December 25, 2007, at 22:45:15
In reply to Re: Please, I need support » rskontos, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:01:07
Maxime,
You are never alone. You may FEEL alone, but you are not alone.
MB
Posted by muffled on December 25, 2007, at 22:46:10
In reply to Re: Crisis lines etc, posted by Maxime on December 25, 2007, at 22:29:55
> Life SHOULD NOT hurt this much. I feel guilty because I know there are people much worse off than me. Still, I am really suffering right now.
*suffering is suffering, it hurts :-(
> Gah, I don't know.*hard to think when you spinning huh. I am like that too.
> I hope I die in my sleep (what are the chances of that happening?)*pretty small...
BUT, the chances of this crisis passing and you feeling a bit better are VERY good.
Hang in there.
Can you do the basic self soothing stuff?
Or distraction?
Reading books, baths, safe videos, phoning a trusted friend, etc?
Take care,
M
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