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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angel Girl on September 24, 2007, at 19:12:28
Do you think it is necessary to get therapy for childhood sexual abuse and attempted rape while a child? They do affect me, I still cry about them, have flashbacks, isolate from society, trust issues, safety issues, etc. I'm currently not getting therapy from anyone.
I don't really want to talk about it in therapy, I don't think it will solve anything. It won't go away, it still happened. Talking can't erase that. The way I think about things will never change. But my sister keeps telling me I need to talk about it and put it in my past. I don't see how it can ever not be a part of my present.
It's hard to find a "therapist" here who will even talk about such issues. I would have to see a psychologist, but I can't afford that. Therapists, in my experience, will only talk about the "here and now".
I just don't see how talking about my past is going to solve anything.
Posted by DAisym on September 24, 2007, at 20:28:35
In reply to Sexual Abuse / Rape, posted by Angel Girl on September 24, 2007, at 19:12:28
I'm sorry for what you've been through.
You are right - talking about the past does not change it. It will likely always hurt or make you angry when you think about it. But therapy can help you find a way to choose to think about it, instead of it intruding on your life so much. You can see how it is still affecting you and you can find ways to cope with your trust issues.
It is true that lots of therapists don't work with the past. But some do. And even if you find one who helps you work with the present, telling your history and connecting it to your behaviors may be helpful.
It isn't easy. Sometimes you feel worse before you feel better. So if you do it, tell yourself you are committing to it, so that when it gets bad you don't run away from it. I've found it has taken awhile but it has definately been helpful.
Good luck.
Posted by RealMe on September 24, 2007, at 20:42:02
In reply to Re: Sexual Abuse / Rape » Angel Girl, posted by DAisym on September 24, 2007, at 20:28:35
I hope you try to find someone for therapy. It doesn't have to be a psychiatrist or psychologist. There are some very well trained social workers too. From my own experience, therapy helps to put things in perspective so that they are not so gut wrenching anymore and can be viewed more objectively. Sounds strange, but this then allows a person to be who they want to be and not someone who is forever defined by their abuse from the past. I am not sure I am making any sense. I have thought things were partially my fault, and nothing could be further from the truth, and I know that now. So, I don't have the self-hate or guilt anymore or shame. I just feel depressed that it happened at all, and I have not allowed myself to experience the emotions I had at the time. T says I need to do this. Bah humbug, but I think he is right.
So I think theapy can help one to feel less traumatized by past experiences. Do you think that could be for you??
RealMe
Posted by muffled on September 24, 2007, at 21:52:48
In reply to Sexual Abuse / Rape, posted by Angel Girl on September 24, 2007, at 19:12:28
> Do you think it is necessary to get therapy for childhood sexual abuse and attempted rape while a child? They do affect me, I still cry about them, have flashbacks, isolate from society, trust issues, safety issues, etc. I'm currently not getting therapy from anyone.
**If its a prob, then.....maybe you need to do something...
>
> I don't really want to talk about it in therapy, I don't think it will solve anything. It won't go away, it still happened. Talking can't erase that. The way I think about things will never change. But my sister keeps telling me I need to talk about it and put it in my past. I don't see how it can ever not be a part of my present.
> It's hard to find a "therapist" here who will even talk about such issues. I would have to see a psychologist, but I can't afford that. Therapists, in my experience, will only talk about the "here and now".*Lotsa diff kinds of T's, you gotta proly actually talk to some. They can be SO diff. even w/in the same 'catagory'. IMHO its best to take some serious time to 'shop around' for a T that fits.
> I just don't see how talking about my past is going to solve anything.*I dunno if it does.
But you can talk about present behaviours and how they affect your life adversely. And things that you would wish to change. You can learn eg. to avoid/recognize/minimize triggers etc. Learn stuff that you do/say that causes you discomfort. There's LOTSA stuff to learn.
Just my thots.
Nice to meet you.
Muffled
Posted by B2chica on September 25, 2007, at 8:45:55
In reply to Sexual Abuse / Rape, posted by Angel Girl on September 24, 2007, at 19:12:28
its pretty much been said Angel Girl.
but in my opinion, you need to talk about it if it is affecting your life now. and it sounds like it is. flashbacks are terrible things. they are so intrusive and upsetting
no, Thearpy wont 'make it go away', but it will help you get things out and deal with the pain/anger etc.no one wants to talk about stuff in therapy...its hard, uncomfortable and sometimes it just hurts...but i can guarantee you it hurts way worse if you let it grow on its own. Therapy becomes a safe outlet for this crud.
a wise person (from here) once told me when i was starting therapy, there are four stages to thearpy:
1. you talk about stuff you want to talk about
2. you talk about stuff you need to talk about
3. you talk about stuff you don't want to talk about
4. you talk about stuff you didn't even know you knewits some of the best advice i'd gotten...so very, very true.
but AG, i'll tell you...two years ago i was in and out of hospitals, multiple suicide attempts, i was a cutter, i was dissociating more often than i was present and i almost lost my job....
NOW, i'm still in therapy...its still hard but
i haven't been in the hospital since sept of 05, have only cut a couple times since feb of 06, and the BEST part?? i have an 8mo old BEAUTIFUL little girl!none of which would be possible without help from a Wonderful pdoc and Wonderful T's.
Therapy is not for everyone. and it's not a "cure all", its a decision you have to make for yourself. but my advice to you from what you've told us, would be to at least try it.
and it does take a few tries to find a T that 'fits'. its a matter of finding what you need. so if you try, hang in there.i wish you the Best of Luck in your decision.
and i dont' know if i've seen you here before?? my mind is terrible these days but if you're new...Welcome! and stick around. there are a great bunch of folks here that are dealing with very similar issues (including myself). and they can be a good support.
b2c.
Posted by Poet on September 25, 2007, at 9:39:40
In reply to Sexual Abuse / Rape, posted by Angel Girl on September 24, 2007, at 19:12:28
Hi Angel Girl,
I am trying to face this issue in therapy and am having a real hard time trying to talk about it.
You wrote: It won't go away, it still happened. Talking can't erase that.
I agree with you, it happened and it will always be there. What my therapist says talking will help is for me to stop blaming and hating myself for what happened to me. That's why I am going to try to write it down, a little bit anyway, and reserve the right to say I can't do this and try to bury it again.
My therapist is not a psychologist, she's a clinical social worker, and works on a sliding pay scale which helps when the insurance runs out. She asked me point blank after a few sessions if I was sexually abused. I denied it. She never believed my denial. I still want to deny it, but at this point I can't. I need to try to deal with it.
Poet
Posted by Angel Girl on September 26, 2007, at 17:50:27
In reply to Re: Sexual Abuse / Rape » Angel Girl, posted by DAisym on September 24, 2007, at 20:28:35
>
> It isn't easy. Sometimes you feel worse before you feel better. So if you do it, tell yourself you are committing to it, so that when it gets bad you don't run away from it. I've found it has taken awhile but it has definately been helpful.
>
> Good luck.
That's the thing, I don't want to feel worse than I do right now. My depression is usally quite bad, but right now it's not as bad. I want to "enjoy" the reprieve that I have right now for as long as possible.Thanks for your reply.
AG
Posted by Angel Girl on September 26, 2007, at 17:55:18
In reply to Re: Sexual Abuse / Rape, posted by RealMe on September 24, 2007, at 20:42:02
> I hope you try to find someone for therapy. It doesn't have to be a psychiatrist or psychologist. There are some very well trained social workers too. From my own experience, therapy helps to put things in perspective so that they are not so gut wrenching anymore and can be viewed more objectively. Sounds strange, but this then allows a person to be who they want to be and not someone who is forever defined by their abuse from the past. I am not sure I am making any sense. I have thought things were partially my fault, and nothing could be further from the truth, and I know that now. So, I don't have the self-hate or guilt anymore or shame. I just feel depressed that it happened at all, and I have not allowed myself to experience the emotions I had at the time. T says I need to do this. Bah humbug, but I think he is right.
>
> So I think theapy can help one to feel less traumatized by past experiences. Do you think that could be for you??
>
> RealMe
Hi RealMeI've partially addressed the blaming of myself for both the sexual abuse and the attempted rape. I was stupid, but is it my thoughts now or did I know then that I could've prevented it if only I had made a different choice. I was stupid. I'm trying to convince myself that I was only a kid, but I should've known better. I was so naive and scared. :(
AG
Posted by Angel Girl on September 26, 2007, at 18:03:36
In reply to Re: Sexual Abuse / Rape, posted by muffled on September 24, 2007, at 21:52:48
>
> *Lotsa diff kinds of T's, you gotta proly actually talk to some. They can be SO diff. even w/in the same 'catagory'. IMHO its best to take some serious time to 'shop around' for a T that fits.
>Shopping around! Geez, a long story, but not that feasible here. I've tried to no avail. You have to see someone who is in your area, or maybe go downtown. Of course, if you have money, you can go anywhere. My resources are extremely limited, I can't afford to pay for therapy. It's just not in my budget.
> But you can talk about present behaviours and how they affect your life adversely. And things that you would wish to change. You can learn eg. to avoid/recognize/minimize triggers etc. Learn stuff that you do/say that causes you discomfort. There's LOTSA stuff to learn.
> Just my thots.
> Nice to meet you.
> MuffledTriggers are everywhere. It's impossible to avoid some. I do take some obvious steps to avoid as much as I can, but even watching a sitcom, something can happen in the show that turns out to be a trigger.
I'm not sure I really want to change that much. I'm tired of rejection, hurt and being abandoned. I've built walls so high that I can't see the top. I very rarely go out, I don't even work anymore. I isolate in my apartment. I have no friends. I have a hard time maintaining relationships. :( I just want to stop thinking about the things that I've gone through, I don't want to be affected by any triggers anymore and I don't want to cry about it anymore. Other than that, I'm "content" with isolating.
AG
Posted by Angel Girl on September 26, 2007, at 18:09:04
In reply to Re: Sexual Abuse / Rape, posted by B2chica on September 25, 2007, at 8:45:55
Congratulations on your great success and your baby! I'm sure it brings you much joy.I think I need a break from therapy, but I'll give it more thought. My pdoc is urging me to get back in therapy. I have other issues I need to deal with too. The list is endless.
Thanks for the welcome. I'm not new really. I've actually been coming here for a few years, although I've been absent for approximately 1 1/2 years.
AG
Posted by Angel Girl on September 26, 2007, at 18:12:48
In reply to Re: Sexual Abuse / Rape » Angel Girl, posted by Poet on September 25, 2007, at 9:39:40
> Hi Angel Girl,
>
> I am trying to face this issue in therapy and am having a real hard time trying to talk about it.
>
> You wrote: It won't go away, it still happened. Talking can't erase that.
>
> I agree with you, it happened and it will always be there. What my therapist says talking will help is for me to stop blaming and hating myself for what happened to me. That's why I am going to try to write it down, a little bit anyway, and reserve the right to say I can't do this and try to bury it again.
>
> My therapist is not a psychologist, she's a clinical social worker, and works on a sliding pay scale which helps when the insurance runs out. She asked me point blank after a few sessions if I was sexually abused. I denied it. She never believed my denial. I still want to deny it, but at this point I can't. I need to try to deal with it.
>
> Poet
Hi PoetI'm confused. Are you journaling? I'm not sure I would want to do that myself, that would be too much like therapy. It would bring it to the forefront and it would consume my every thought. I'm just not readdy to go through that right now.
Angel Girl
Posted by RealMe on September 26, 2007, at 23:12:54
In reply to Re: Sexual Abuse / Rape, posted by Angel Girl on September 26, 2007, at 17:55:18
Doesn't matter if you were a kid or an adult; you did not deserve what happened, and you certainly were not stupid. I used to tell guys in the sex offender treatment program in the prisons that if a woman wants to (and if it was legal) walk down the street nude, it does not give you the right to sexually assault her or to think it is an invitation for sex. So, I would wish for you that you would not blame yourself or think you were stupid. I know I have done the same thing, but it is not our responsibility to prevent a sexual assault. Don't make it easy or the perpetrator or give him an excuse. This is just what they want!!!!
RealMe
Posted by Phillipa on September 28, 2007, at 22:28:30
In reply to Re: Sexual Abuse / Rape, posted by Angel Girl on September 26, 2007, at 18:03:36
I also isolate a lot but not for the same reasons. Whatever the reason be this is not good for you to have to do. Can you think of any way to venture out? It does get boring staying isolated in the house. Do it in baby steps. Sounds like you may live in a small town. Phillipa
Posted by Poet on September 30, 2007, at 15:48:08
In reply to Re: Sexual Abuse / Rape » Poet, posted by Angel Girl on September 26, 2007, at 18:12:48
Hi AngelGirl,
I used to journal, but I shredded everything I wrote after I let my T read it. Journaling was very hard as one of the things she told me is that I have to be kind to myself. I ended up with things crossed out and finally just gave it up.
Last week I did try writing again, but got too scared to give it to her to read. RealMe has suggested that I email it to her, and I would like to, but am not sure I can get myself to. Though my T wouldn't push me to talk, that's what I really like about her, she never pushes. She just takes it slow.
Poet
Posted by RealMe on September 30, 2007, at 17:38:05
In reply to Re: Sexual Abuse / Rape » Angel Girl, posted by Poet on September 30, 2007, at 15:48:08
I am still journaling, and I don't give things to my T mostly. It is for me as I have some problems with remembering things from the ECT. So, it is more for me. That having been said, I have given him some of my journaling, and once I even said to him I did not want to discuss it. We didn't then but did later.
Last week when I said to him I don't know what to say, he said shall we discuss your email. I said I did not remember, and he reminded me, and we talked about some more things from the past, and then he said his comments that really upset me. I am not sure what to do, but mostly it has helped but is sort of embarrassing to that I know he knows something I haven't talked about yet.
RealMe
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