![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on September 17, 2007, at 12:03:39
God, I hope this doesn't come out wrong, but its just i have run into the occassional poster who struggles with 'fitting in' here.
I dunno, but to me, I see this as a n open forum where we all fit in, we are all entitled to our opinions and respect.
Now there are definately some tighter bonds btwn some posters due to knowing each other for a long time, or just having characteristics that form a quick understanding.
The WONDERFUL thing that I love here is the FORGIVINGNESS I see. Ya we piss each other off now and again, cuz we human, but then we come round and start posting to each other again.
Cuz we all have our moments. I sure do anyways. And babblers seem to always accept me back even after I've gone off on a tangent.
And I try to do the same.
I try to read each post as the PERSON (yup, there's actual real hurting people typing those words)expressing themself as best they can.
Sometimes there's not many replies, sometimes they are slow in comming. But as a poster I have found when I get few replies, theres often a general lack of activity on the board. Its not just me.
We are a bunch of struggling people. Thats generally what brought us here in the first place.
We are learning to give and receive, to trust and to share, to be hurt and come back and forgive, and be forgiven.
And its all relatively safe given the anonymity here.
So damned if I quite know what I am trying to get across.
I guess for those that struggle with feelings of acceptance here....KEEP TRYING, there's good people here.
Just be who you are, communicate, be as honest as you can, and people will generally come to respect you over time.
M
Posted by muffled on September 17, 2007, at 12:13:00
In reply to Re: fitting in, posted by muffled on September 17, 2007, at 12:03:39
ya, and just so this thread don't get moved.
I learned this from my T...
ummmmm, I gonna DISCUSS this in T!
and its all very T like this whole discussion.
and
WTF!
MOve this thread and DIE!!! LOL!! :-0 ;-)
Can you tell I live with an 11 yr old boy?!
Or perhaps....
Do you mind leaving this thread you lovely admin types as it was typed with the intention that it would be posted on this board :-) sweet smile!
Or
*I* will FEEL terribly hurt if this thread is moved....
ROFL, I am avoiding CLEANING house, better go!
Just been kinda heavy round here some, so thot I'd make the day more fluffy!
:-)
M
Posted by LadyBug on September 17, 2007, at 12:56:51
In reply to Re: fitting in, posted by muffled on September 17, 2007, at 12:03:39
Well Put Muffled!!!
I agree with what you said. I do think that many of us come here to help us process who we are and how therapy is/isn't working for us. None of us want to be judged. Maybe just understood some? I read a lot but I go through times when I don't have much to give to anyone. I'm going through a hard time right now in my personal life. I have a lot to deal with and I will get through it. Though I'm letting therapy make my life more complicated than it has to be. I need my T right now but I'm pushing her away due to my lack of self esteem.
You are brillant!
Keep up all the good work. You are so supportive on here. I appreciate what you say.
LadyBug
Posted by LLurpsieNoodle on September 17, 2007, at 14:51:37
In reply to Re: fitting in, posted by muffled on September 17, 2007, at 12:13:00
So often, I feel that we need therapy to deal with therapy. This board helps me so much. Sometimes just writing out the mess of therapy feelings helps me sort through things. I have gotten so many interesting ideas to try out in therapy. So much help interpreting nebulous things my T says.
Most of all, I have really enjoyed getting to know new faces. My memory's crappy, so I get to know a LOT of new people lol
I find it hard to keep up with everyone's particular story sometimes, but I DO read. I just don't want to seem like a dolt when someone refers to an incident weeks ago and I have no CLUE what they're talking about. Afraid to say the wrong thing. I should post more generic supports.
I love seeing new faces on this board, and I hope that they all feel welcome to stay and share their own stories.
ll
Posted by TherapyGirl on September 17, 2007, at 18:25:15
In reply to Re: fitting in, posted by muffled on September 17, 2007, at 12:03:39
You said it beautifully, Muffled.
You are such a wonderful part of this board.
Posted by pianissimo on September 17, 2007, at 19:27:47
In reply to Re: fitting in, posted by muffled on September 17, 2007, at 12:13:00
I do think this place is rather accepting. I think I'm the type of person to question whether I fit in anywhere though. I think so little of myself and I project that onto the rest of the world. I think everyone here seems really supportive, and threads like this one convince me even more.
pianissimo
Posted by Dory on September 18, 2007, at 17:45:19
In reply to Re: fitting in, posted by muffled on September 17, 2007, at 12:03:39
i know i don't fit it...but it's not just here. i don't really fit in anywhere. i haven't been here as long as a few of you have, but i have been here almost 8months and i don't see a lot of forgiveness. i stay off all the other boards because i find the tension intolerable sometimes.
i see people "get over it" maybe? pretend it never happened? or maybe there is more of that stuff beind the scenes?
i don't recall anyone apologizing to me for hurtful things said. That is ok, i don't expect it, like i said to you in chat once, i don't see everyone here as being friends or family. Sure i made some online friends here, but i post here for input/feedback and sharing... i give support and i get support most of the time. i try not to think of it as anything else or it would be very stressful. i don't want any of my energy poured into an "issue" with a stranger.
i like to call horseshit by it's real name but for the sake of civility i don't... which means i don't say anything sometimes. Sometimes i can't be supportive for my own reasons, or have nothing to add.
i think you're a great community member Muffled. But not everyone is or can be all the time... it's always going to be a mixed bag. People who are arogant, people who are submissive, people who are angry, people who are sad... sshit, it's a wonder we can get along at all IMO.
(oh, and btw - F-A-R-T!)
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 18, 2007, at 19:25:51
In reply to Re: fitting in » muffled, posted by Dory on September 18, 2007, at 17:45:19
> i don't recall anyone apologizing to me for hurtful things said.I have said something in chat that hurt your feelings, and I apologized for it at the time. I still feel bad about it though. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, or anybody else.
I have probably said SEVERAL things, actually. I tend to really jam my foot in my mouth. my knee is in my esophagus half the time. Makes walking a challenge. I think you fit in just fine here, but I'm sad that you don't feel that way. The best that I can do is apologize, and try to do better next time.
-Ll
Posted by muffled on September 18, 2007, at 19:39:24
In reply to Re: fitting in » muffled, posted by Dory on September 18, 2007, at 17:45:19
> i know i don't fit it...but it's not just here. i don't really fit in anywhere. i haven't been here as long as a few of you have, but i have been here almost 8months and i don't see a lot of forgiveness. i stay off all the other boards because i find the tension intolerable sometimes.
** this is definately my fav board...
> i see people "get over it" maybe? pretend it never happened? or maybe there is more of that stuff beind the scenes?
**I mean more along the line of acceptance. Accepting the others are going to have thier 'moments', and maybe say things best left unsaid. But accepting that they got their own 'stuff' that drives them, just as I have my own 'stuff' that drives me, *and* drives my perception of others.
I find with just the written word its especially hard to perceive things correctly everytime, and misunderstandings occur.
But what I say to myself, is that that person hurts too. That person wants to feel included too. That person wants to be accepted for who they are too. Just like me....and so, in most instances I am inclined to give others the benefit of the doubt and take the stance that they meant no harm.> i don't recall anyone apologizing to me for hurtful things said. That is ok, i don't expect it, like i said to you in chat once, i don't see everyone here as being friends or family. Sure i made some online friends here, but i post here for input/feedback and sharing... i give support and i get support most of the time. i try not to think of it as anything else or it would be very stressful. i don't want any of my energy poured into an "issue" with a stranger.
**that sounds good. I think babble is different things to different people at different times....Sometimes I post alot, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm helpful, sometimes I'm an *ss, it varies.
>
> i like to call horseshit by it's real name but for the sake of civility i don't... which means i don't say anything sometimes. Sometimes i can't be supportive for my own reasons, or have nothing to add.**Thats good that you hold yourself back, cuz this is meant to be a place of support as much as possible. Support about stuff the average joe may not 'get', and about stuff thats not exactly general coffehouse light talk.
> i think you're a great community member Muffled. But not everyone is or can be all the time... it's always going to be a mixed bag. People who are arogant, people who are submissive, people who are angry, people who are sad... sshit, it's a wonder we can get along at all IMO.**Thanks! I do try. Yup, thats what I like, its a mixed bag, AND what with some of the issues here it can be truly something at times!!! I know I seem to go off my nut at regular intervals, though less often and more 'civilly' now!!!!
> (oh, and btw - F-A-R-T!)
**LOL!!! whatch it, Bobs gonna get ya!
Alls I would say to you Dory, is do what YOU are able to do here. It CAN be a good place to learn how to interact...
It CAN be hard.
But I still hold with my thot, that, by and large, people here are more accepting than other places I have been.
So I hope you can work it out Dory, and be here as safely as you can. If you cannot be here now, maybe you can be somewhere down the road.
I truly wish you the best.
Muffled
Posted by Dory on September 19, 2007, at 6:11:06
In reply to Re: fitting in » Dory, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 18, 2007, at 19:25:51
Llurpsie, you are correct. i also know i apologized to at least one person i hurt. My wording perhaps was poorly chosen. i see forgiveness occasionally, but just occasionally. And i should not have said that i haven't seen *anyone* apologize... but i will say that the number of times i get hurt, and i'm not even talking about the whoops-i-said-something-and-hurt-you-but-didn't-mean-to ones... i really meant the times that it might have been accidental but was glaringly bad, or more the point, the times when it was intentional... especially the ones that are wrapped up in such a way that they can sneak through the civility rules. Some people are skilled i guess.
i'm not trying to complain here guys. Yeah, i see the rolling eyes. i am just willing to stand up for those of us who don't feel the same way as Muffled does. (and muffy, you know that i am just presenting the other side and not putting down what you are saying).
trust me, i am not sending bmail to myself about being hurt.
i think that is it. people avoid some posters for the sake of peace, or keep interaction to a minimum. people avoid confrontation.
Posted by Deputy Dinah on September 19, 2007, at 9:31:07
In reply to Re: fitting in » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by Dory on September 19, 2007, at 6:11:06
> i really meant the times that it might have been accidental but was glaringly bad, or more the point, the times when it was intentional... especially the ones that are wrapped up in such a way that they can sneak through the civility rules. Some people are skilled i guess.
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
> (oh, and btw - F-*-R-T!)
Also, please don't bypass the autoasterisking system.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above posts, should of course themselves be civil.
Dr. Bob is always free to override deputy decisions. His email is on the bottom of each page. Please feel free to email him if you believe this decision was made in error.
Dinah, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob
Posted by Dory on September 19, 2007, at 17:24:30
In reply to Please be civil » Dory, posted by Deputy Dinah on September 19, 2007, at 9:31:07
um, who am i putting down or making feel bad in some way?
i clarified that there are times when people say mean things and do so just within the civility lines. i see it all over the place... do you think i am pointing at one person in particular?
guilty as charged on the f*rting. Sorry. i will try hard not to pass gas on babble again.
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 19, 2007, at 23:32:57
In reply to huh? honest question? » Deputy Dinah, posted by Dory on September 19, 2007, at 17:24:30
> i see it all over the place... do you think i am pointing at one person in particular?
Is pointing all over the place more civil than pointing at one person?
Bob
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 20, 2007, at 16:42:17
In reply to Re: fitting in » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by Dory on September 19, 2007, at 6:11:06
> Llurpsie, you are correct. i also know i apologized to at least one person i hurt. My wording perhaps was poorly chosen. i see forgiveness occasionally, but just occasionally. And i should not have said that i haven't seen *anyone* apologize... but i will say that the number of times i get hurt, and i'm not even talking about the whoops-i-said-something-and-hurt-you-but-didn't-mean-to ones... i really meant the times that it might have been accidental but was glaringly bad, or more the point, the times when it was intentional... especially the ones that are wrapped up in such a way that they can sneak through the civility rules. Some people are skilled i guess.
Dory, I felt like you were talking to me in this post (it was in reply to LlurpsieNoodle), and I was offended and hurt.Honest answer
-Ll
Posted by Dory on September 20, 2007, at 17:30:40
In reply to Re: fitting in » Dory, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 20, 2007, at 16:42:17
well, Llurpsie... i am not sure how to respond. i was not talking about you at all.. in fact, i thought i was clarifying that you indeed correct and that you had aplogized to me. i said i chose my words poorly and made a generalization that was a little too broad, ie that yes you had apologized to me. So, to that point, i am sorry you felt hurt.
OTOH, while i am sorry you felt hurt, there was no intention to hurt you or even really refer to you in most of what i was saying. i probably should have added a paragraph break or something maybe?
i have no anger or upset towards you. So, in so far as my words accidentally hurt you, i am sorry. But if we can take you out of the equation, so that you understand it wasn't directed at you... well, then i am not sorry for saying it.
so Ll, no, i wasn't trying to hurt you.
Posted by Dory on September 20, 2007, at 17:35:26
In reply to Re: huh? honest question?, posted by Dr. Bob on September 19, 2007, at 23:32:57
well, yeah, i do think so. i am making a general statement about behaviour and why some people might feel like they don't fit in. How can we talk about fitting in if we can't say why people might feel like they don't fit in?
Can you tell me how else i could have phrased the idea without sounding uncivil with respect to your guidelines?
Posted by RealMe on September 20, 2007, at 20:39:20
In reply to Re: fitting in » Dory, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 20, 2007, at 16:42:17
I am totally lost and scratching my head because I cannot figure out Lurpsie how it is that you thought Dory was referring to you. I am not asking for a response; I am saying to myself, "Okay RealMe, you missed the boat somewhere along the way."
I don't always have time to answer everything either. In fact, I have stayed up way too late several nights to respond to things and then dragged into work. This is not good, and then what is funny is that I have time on Saturday and Sunday to respond, but then hardly anyone is around. There are a few of us, but my jealousy tells me others are out having a good time while I am at home catching up on reports. GRRRH! Take care.
RealMe
Posted by Deputy 10derheart on September 20, 2007, at 22:00:25
In reply to Re: huh? honest question? » Dr. Bob, posted by Dory on September 20, 2007, at 17:35:26
> Can you tell me how else i could have phrased the idea without sounding uncivil with respect to your guidelines?
The idea would be to talk about fitting in by describing only *your own* feelings and behaviors, and not including negative descriptions of the behaviors, words, or actions of others.
For example, you could say:
"I feel sad, hurt and like I don't fit in here when there are misunderstandings, and sometimes I feel confused and hurt again when others don't react or respond the way I expected."Or whatever it is *you* feel - that was entirely an example, not a guess on my part at your thoughts or feelings about anything that's ever happened here.
It takes a lot of practice. I try to constantly keep in mind the concept of "not posting anything that *could* lead others to feel accused and put down." For me, the "could" part was really tough to grasp at first, but after a while, it got easier.
And for sure, there are just some things that must be left unsaid here in order to stay within the rules.
Hope this helps a bit.
Posted by Dory on September 20, 2007, at 22:27:39
In reply to Re: huh? honest question? » Dory, posted by Deputy 10derheart on September 20, 2007, at 22:00:25
> The idea would be to talk about fitting in by describing only *your own* feelings and behaviors, and not including negative descriptions of the behaviors, words, or actions of others.
>ok.. fair enough. :o)
would it be fair to say that *i* feel attacked on occasion and in subtle ways which stay just barely within the guidelines? *i* feel the alleged attacks are benign in appearance to others. And hmmm, maybe "attack" is too strong... a shove maybe? elbow in the ribs perhaps?
this is why *i* feel like i don't fit in...
thanks racer
Posted by Deputy Racer on September 20, 2007, at 22:54:38
In reply to Re: huh? honest question? » Deputy 10derheart, posted by Dory on September 20, 2007, at 22:27:39
>
>
> would it be fair to say that *i* feel attacked on occasion
>
> this is why *i* feel like i don't fit in...
>
> thanks racer
>
Actually, that was Deputy 10derHeart who answered first.In response to your question, though, the answer is no. Saying "I feel attacked" implies that there was an attacker, which violates the civility guidelines. That's a topic which has come up before regarding "I Statements."
"I Statements" can be problematic. They're a lot more difficult than they seem at first. Often, I have to check with the other deputies to find out if something is a valid I statement, or if it needs work. Don't worry if it takes a bit of practice -- and sometimes thinking about it from five different angles.
I hope that helps.
Posted by muffled on September 20, 2007, at 22:54:54
In reply to Re: fitting in » muffled, posted by Dory on September 18, 2007, at 17:45:19
> i know i don't fit it...but it's not just here. i don't really fit in anywhere. i haven't been here as long as a few of you have, but i have been here almost 8months and i don't see a lot of forgiveness. i stay off all the other boards because i find the tension intolerable sometimes.
* Forgive me Dory! but I just GOTO take another try at this fitting in business, cuz it hurts my heart to think people feel they don't fit in. I never fit in either, still don't to a larger extent, but here, thats another fascinating aspect of this internet place, is that if this was IRL, I would not fit in, I would not be able to maintain myself. But here, I can just turn off the computer and stay away awhile if I need to. I can cool down from whats upset me here and come back refreshed. People may not SAY sorry everytime, cuz alot of times we don't even know we have hurt another poster, and its kinda a hornets nest for lots of us, if we say 'I was hurt by....' Not only do we risk breaking 'civility', but we only cause a reaction, sometimes defensive, in the other poster. Not right or wrong, just the way it is.
So, for me, the forgiviness I see is more implicit. Posters I figger have had an unfortunate interaction DO 'get over it', and post to each other again. No sorry may have been said, but just by posting to each other, this says to me hey, its OK. I have had this happen with me. Someone puts out the olive branch, its accepted, we move on.> i see people "get over it" maybe? pretend it never happened? or maybe there is more of that stuff beind the scenes?
*It may be there's more behind the scenes stuff. I don't know. I actually don't babblemail much. I find it safer to just stay on the boards.
> i don't recall anyone apologizing to me for hurtful things said. That is ok, i don't expect it, like i said to you in chat once, i don't see everyone here as being friends or family. Sure i made some online friends here, but i post here for input/feedback and sharing... i give support and i get support most of the time. i try not to think of it as anything else or it would be very stressful. i don't want any of my energy poured into an "issue" with a stranger.
**Ya exactly, thats what makes it safer and easier for all.
Thats why it 'could' be IMHO potentially *also* easier to let go of anger...and a good way to learn.
As well, we CAN avoid, reasonably easily, interaction with a poster whose writing style seems to affect us negatively, for our own reasons. Not saying the poster is bad, but just sometimes certain people do not mix well. Which doesn't mean they may not get along well someday in the future, who knows! But if there is issues, they can be avoided by not reading/responding to posts...or keeping the response to a 'thanks', and not getting into an argument about it. Just 'let it go'. Accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference. I myself am getting better at accepting things.....but as to the wisdom part....arrrggghhhh, I not so good at that yet!> i like to call horseshit by it's real name but for the sake of civility i don't... which means i don't say anything sometimes. Sometimes i can't be supportive for my own reasons, or have nothing to add.
**And thats good that you are supportive, thats what this place is about. I'm not sure what calling horseshit by its real name means? I would interpret that as saying I like to call liars liars to their face? If thats what your inferring, that would DEFINATELY not go over well, and more than likely be construed as an insult and an attack. I seem to do OK w/you Dory, and I know you have concerns bout not fitting in etc, and thats the only reason I draw attn to this statement. If you DO say stuff like that to people, they WILL get angry, as they feel attacked, and they will reject you in their anger. Maybe this is something to consider. I recently came to the realization(T told me!) that the reason I don't get invited places, is I apparently give off a great many "KEEP AWAY" signals. Sigh, I hadn't realized that.....
> i think you're a great community member Muffled. But not everyone is or can be all the time... it's always going to be a mixed bag. People who are arogant, people who are submissive, people who are angry, people who are sad... sshit, it's a wonder we can get along at all IMO.
*I think we are ALL great members, we would not be a comminity w/o members, INCLUDING YOU! And I LOVE the diversity. OH MY! we are SO not all 'good' members all the time. I doubt there's a babbler here that can say they have never screwed up! And sometimes we ask for help ALOT, and sometime we are able to try and help others some. It comes and goes, and thats OK. I love learning how to interact in a good way with others, even the more 'prickly' ones! (anybody who reads this and says HEY!?!? just know I can be pretty darn prickly, so it takes one to know one! LOL!)
>it's a wonder we can get along at all IMO.
YES!!!!! Thats IT!!! ISN'T it a wonder INDEED!!!!!
Sometimes I just smile and marvel at how well we do.
Babblers( that includes you Dory in my book) are AMAZING!
And yup, it gets ugly here sometimes.....
But we get thru it, and grow, and learn, and ever improve.
:-)
Dory, I hope you stick around.
You bring good things to babble too. And I thank you for the many times you have supported me :-)
Muffled
> (oh, and btw - F-A-R-T!)**:-) love it!!!!! :-)
Posted by muffled on September 20, 2007, at 23:07:25
In reply to Re: huh? honest question?, posted by Deputy Racer on September 20, 2007, at 22:54:38
> > would it be fair to say that *i* feel attacked on occasion
> >
> > this is why *i* feel like i don't fit in...> In response to your question, though, the answer is no. Saying "I feel attacked" implies that there was an attacker, which violates the civility guidelines. That's a topic which has come up before regarding "I Statements."
**Yup we hashed this very one out good on admin!
> "I Statements" can be problematic. They're a lot more difficult than they seem at first. Often, I have to check with the other deputies to find out if something is a valid I statement, or if it needs work. Don't worry if it takes a bit of practice -- and sometimes thinking about it from five different angles.**and sometimes I NEVER get an understanding.....I just have to let it go. Sucks, but I am getting better at it.
> I hope that helps.**Ya Dory, if you ever got nothing to do and feel VERY strong, wander down the admin archives, but beware, it can get pretty nasty there.
But going there HAS helped me to better understand the rules. And to be honest, some I UTTERLY do not 'get' at all. Some rules I that fought tooth and nail against....I later came to a better understanding as to the whys and wherefores. The longer I am on babble, the more I appreciate the complexity here. And so, the difficulty in moderating. Its really astonishingly complex.
Though....if I were to boot Bob off his throne....LOL....I'm SURE I would be the ultimate perfect moderator...! NOT!
I'd proly run screaming off into the forest...
:-0 !
Take care Dory :-)
M
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 21, 2007, at 7:20:34
In reply to Re: fitting in » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by RealMe on September 20, 2007, at 20:39:20
> I am totally lost and scratching my head because I cannot figure out Lurpsie how it is that you thought Dory was referring to you. I am not asking for a response; I am saying to myself, "Okay RealMe, you missed the boat somewhere along the way."
Maybe I was just being too sensitive, or having a knee-jerk reaction. It seems that maybe I misconstrued things. I do that a lot. If we both miss the boat, can we have a beach party instead?
-Ll
Posted by pegasus on September 21, 2007, at 9:43:57
In reply to Re: huh? honest question?, posted by Deputy Racer on September 20, 2007, at 22:54:38
> > would it be fair to say that *i* feel attacked on occasion this is why *i* feel like i don't fit in...
> In response to your question, though, the answer is no. Saying "I feel attacked" implies that there was an attacker, which violates the civility guidelines. That's a topic which has come up before regarding "I Statements."
>
Whoa, really? I thought Dory's restatement sounded good. If she says she felt attacked, that doesn't necessarily imply that anyone was intending to attack. Isn't that right? So, what would be ok here? Would something like this be ok:I feel defensive when I read some posts, as if I am being attacked.
OR
When I read some posts, I think that people feel hostile toward me and/or the board.
OR
I have negative reactions to some statements that are considered civil, and then I feel like I don't fit in.
Sorry, just trying to understand. I thought I had this thing down.
peg
Posted by muffled on September 21, 2007, at 9:56:43
In reply to Re: huh? honest question? » Deputy Racer, posted by pegasus on September 21, 2007, at 9:43:57
> > > would it be fair to say that *i* feel attacked on occasion this is why *i* feel like i don't fit in...
>
> > In response to your question, though, the answer is no. Saying "I feel attacked" implies that there was an attacker, which violates the civility guidelines. That's a topic which has come up before regarding "I Statements."
> >
>
>
> Whoa, really? I thought Dory's restatement sounded good. If she says she felt attacked, that doesn't necessarily imply that anyone was intending to attack. Isn't that right? So, what would be ok here? Would something like this be ok:
>
> I feel defensive when I read some posts, as if I am being attacked.
**Sigh, the mystereies of babble. I just wanted to TRY and answer cuz it IS so confusing, its like a puzzle, I wanna try.
So I would say that Statement could still make it seem like there are attackers out there. And given that nature of our population here...well, I speak for myself(this is what my T says...) is that I tend to immediately personalize statetens that she says. For eg, there was frustration in her tone yesterday, I immediately assumed she was angry with me, when its turns out, she was in fact frustrated with life, that she couldn't do more, but wished she could. So she was NOT in any way mad at me. So if I read this statement a few years ago it would have botherd me, cuz I would have personalized. But thankfully I don't so much no more.
>
> When I read some posts, I think that people feel hostile toward me and/or the board.**I have the same response to this one..
> OR
>
> I have negative reactions to some statements that are considered civil, and then I feel like I don't fit in.**that would be OK for me, and I REALLY goto run, dang!
> Sorry, just trying to understand. I thought I had this thing down.
*its crazymaking Peg, and I wish i had time, I love to puzzle this stuff out.
Goto go!
M
This is the end of the thread.
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