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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on September 17, 2007, at 13:55:20
why are we always the ones who have to fight.
haven't we been through enough?why do we have to trudge through this horrowing journey, stomping through piles of sh$t, uphill, everyday.
first we had to fight off people (which i rarely did).
THEN
we have to fight off, negative thoughts,
we have to fight off, attempts
we have to fight off, harmful behaviors
we have to fight off, scary emotions
we have to fight off, horrible dreams/nightmares
we have to fight off, painful words from those we love
we have to fight off, painful words from those we no longer love
we have to fight off...extreme anger, sadness, pain.my GOD, don't we deserve a break...EVER?
i'm so very...very tired today. at least anxiety has left for today.
Posted by TherapyGirl on September 17, 2007, at 18:29:17
In reply to why do we have to fight all the time?, posted by B2chica on September 17, 2007, at 13:55:20
We do deserve a break, B2C. I don't know why it's so hard. My T has even said that to me on more than one occasion.
I'd be thrilled to give you a break if I could.
((((((((B2Chica))))))))))
Posted by Dory on September 17, 2007, at 19:42:58
In reply to why do we have to fight all the time?, posted by B2chica on September 17, 2007, at 13:55:20
TG is right, we do deserve a break.. but the world knows nothing of fairness.
i am just starting out on this road, but through unfortunate events i know what i am in for... only this time i have hope of succeeding. There is so much pain in my future and i know it. i know that what you describe is still ahead of me. i get sick when i think about it.
i wish there was an easy way. i wish there was a means to escape or to just heal quickly.
i am sorry you are hurting. If it helps, i understand too
Posted by RealMe on September 17, 2007, at 22:03:48
In reply to why do we have to fight all the time?, posted by B2chica on September 17, 2007, at 13:55:20
One thing is for sure; we are STRONG for what we have been through and survived. And, so because we are strong, We CAN handle it. Others who have not been what we have been through could not handle it. I know this isn't much, but it makes me feel good sometimes to know I am strong. My therapist reminds me of this from time to time. This does not mean, of course, that I don't feel like a small girl again being harmed by the adults in my life, but that little girl was strong too. And I think you are too. This also means we want to scream sometimes and say enough for now. I know that feeling too. Is it fair that we have to go through this torment? No. And yet, we will be even stronger in the long run.
I remember learning and even telling men especially that to be vulnerable is to be strong. And it is true. We were vulnerable as children and survived. We are adults now and think "best not let myself be vulnerable." But this is exactly what we have to learn to be again but in a way to recognize if hurt is around the corner. It is true that to be vulnerable can hurt (from a cruel word for example). But to not allow oneself to be vulnerable is to deny an intimate relationship. I am still working on this myself.
RealMe
Posted by B2chica on September 18, 2007, at 8:09:39
In reply to Re: why do we have to fight all the time? » B2chica, posted by TherapyGirl on September 17, 2007, at 18:29:17
> I'd be thrilled to give you a break if I could.
> ((((((((B2Chica))))))))))
i'm not one for hand outs...but i would take you up on this offer.
thank you dearly for the hugs TG..
Posted by B2chica on September 18, 2007, at 8:16:17
In reply to Re: why do we have to fight all the time? » B2chica, posted by Dory on September 17, 2007, at 19:42:58
hey Dory.
sometimes i envy those just starting out in therapy. thought it's probably the hardest starting out, i always felt i could 'back out' at any time....
now i'm smack in the middle, years behind me and i know years ahead. sometimes that makes me feel sick.i just wish i had more money, cuz then i'd see T twice a week like i did old T. i really needed it. it helped me cuz then i'd have one session to talk about current and one session to talk about old stuff.
now i can barely afford twice a month.but. one thing i can tell you is, no matter how freaking impossible this is...i am SOOOOOOO thankful for Babble.
this place, whether they know it or not, has literally saved my life on several occasions. it has also helped me to reach out IRL when i needed it. Also, peoples advice who had been in therapy longer than i has been priceless.so even though we all know there is more pain ahead. Dory just hang on tight. as one person here told me once. You survived the worst part...and you were alone then... You are NOT alone now, and the abuser can no longer hurt you....you will survive this too.
and thank you...i'm sorry you understand.
Posted by antigua3 on September 18, 2007, at 11:32:12
In reply to why do we have to fight all the time?, posted by B2chica on September 17, 2007, at 13:55:20
I just want to remind you how great you are doing and how far you've come. I remember your early posts on Babble, and just look at where you are now. You have a wonderful daughter and are able to hold things together so much better now.
don't ever underestimate how tired a baby can make you. Physically and emotionally. The emotional issues pop up sometimes around our own issues, so it can be hard.
But, remember, you have friends and support. I hate that we all have to struggle and envy those that don't (like my DH, darn him) but I guess it's just what we have to go through if we want better lives, and better lives for our children.
take care,
antigua
Posted by B2chica on September 18, 2007, at 11:59:25
In reply to Re: why do we have to fight all the time? » B2chica, posted by antigua3 on September 18, 2007, at 11:32:12
Thank you antigua...
...sometimes i forget to look at it that way. i think i am quite a bit better..in that before there were times i couldnt go a week without sometype of suicidal psuedo-attempt or call for help.and one thing that i am actually proud of is learning to recognize triggers. i remember before, even my pdoc said i NEED to learn what triggers me, cuz i would have a melt down, and get severely reactive and depressive and i honestly never knew what set it off...i think i worked really hard on that with last T. the only thing is, now i know why i may react, but i still can't control the reaction.
and YES YES...thats what i have to keep telling myself, and its so very nice to hear someone else (someone who understands) say that...
we want better quality of life and BETTER lives for our children!my DH even commented the other day, cuz i mentioned that i see T again this week...he said "my god, how many problems can one person have?"
well, it kinda hurt...but he doens't know about csa, so i let it go...but all i think about is that i want to be as best i can so that NOTHING like that ever happens to my little one.
cuz i sometimes feel that i attract that type of person to my life. and i get scared that it's going to sttle on my girl...my god that scares me to death.man, i can't believe i've been here about 4 years now.
Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 19, 2007, at 9:45:02
In reply to Re: why do we have to fight all the time? » antigua3, posted by B2chica on September 18, 2007, at 11:59:25
Hey B2!
Sorry I am so late to this thread, I have been in my own head lately.
I am tired of fighting too, but I have no choice it seems.
I guess you have double the years on Babble than me, and it can be a great place right?Your husbands comment to you must feel so frusterating. It sucks when someone close to you does't get it about therapy.
I worry too about what I am doing to my kids when I am not my best, I don't want to mess them up.
Well my new T, who says he was a overachiever in life, that when he had kids it was an eyeopener. He thought his idealist ways of raising kids was the way to do it , from all his childhood classes , etc. Well he said he finally realized that if we try to protect our kids from everything, that when they are on their own, they will totally be unprepared for life.
He told me about the time he actually yelled at his kid for not sticking up for himself (he was in 4th grade). Well he still feel bad about it decades later, but you know what< his son doesn't even remember it. So if we are good parents most of the time, that is what counts, not the few times where we lose our cool or do something that wasn't the best thing. Now I am not talking about physical harm to them or extreme stuff, stuff like I had growing up. It seems that kids need to see us mess up a little, in order to know about the real world and real people.
So I guess I get from this is that we need to look at the whole picture of our parenting. My T even tried to be a perfect parent, but it just doesn't work that way. lol
Being a parent is tough, luckly there are some good times too.
Hang in there B2. Take care
Posted by B2chica on September 19, 2007, at 12:47:47
In reply to Re: why do we have to fight all the time? » B2chica, posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 19, 2007, at 9:45:02
thnx HF, its reassuring to hear others with "issues" have same worries, but still do ok parenting!
and its nice to hear from T's that even they arent perfect parents...:)
Posted by arora on September 19, 2007, at 16:35:26
In reply to why do we have to fight all the time?, posted by B2chica on September 17, 2007, at 13:55:20
I don't know- I wonder this all the time, too.
So many days I write in my journal "WHY am I like this WHY am I crying for no reason WHY do I feel like cr*p when there are people who have REAL problems???", etc.,etc.Sometimes I think I'm getting better, but then along comes a day that just knocks me flat, but I can't see the reason why. (sigh) I try to tell myself it's part of the healing process, but then I don't know what it is I'm meant to be healing FROM- arrgghhh!
It is so frustrating.
arora
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