![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LLurpsieNoodle on June 26, 2007, at 18:40:46
quieT told me that I'm a "very appealing client". What does THAT mean? It means I present a very nice social self.
The dark side is that I have expectations of others (sometimes) that if I treat them well they'll treat me well. Setting myself up for hurt and misunderstanding.
I want my landlord to like me. That's why I'm obsessively cleaning, even though I've lived in one apt for so long, and they're going to have to redo all the floors anyway (badly cracked and non-adhered tiles) and repaint. So why bother sweeping? vacuuming?
The movers come tomorrow. H has to work. That means it's me on my own. I hope the movers aren't too scary. :(
I know why I want people to like me. It's because I don't want to be hurt. At what price, these niceties. making promises I cannot keep. exhaustion. worrying about complete strangers rather than my most important relationships (me and myself, and me and H).
head hurts. A/C is uninstalled. muggy today. took 2 showers already, and the night is young. I have completed my list- except for packing the sewing machine. And the computer. and the router. After the movers come I have one lonely night in my place. me, my luggage. my laptop. a smattering of utilities. some instant food.
babble. klonopin (decided to give away my bourbon to a friend, along with this 20dollar bag of frozen shrimp. can't eat it, might as well pass it along, huh?)
I ramble. because I can't stop.
the end.
Posted by muffled on June 26, 2007, at 18:59:07
In reply to I want people to like me, posted by LLurpsieNoodle on June 26, 2007, at 18:40:46
Posted by scratchpad on June 26, 2007, at 18:59:31
In reply to I want people to like me, posted by LLurpsieNoodle on June 26, 2007, at 18:40:46
Aye, I know the feeling.
And the answer is (everyone with me, ok?)
You Have To Like Your Self.
When the answer to the above appears to you in a dream or an appearance, please mail me a duplicate copy with the address previously supplied to you to, and then we will both be happy.Ha!
Not!Sorry, this is is not a joke. It just feels like a joke. Please tell me when me when you find the answer, though, because I am way tired of looking.
yrs bst rgs
Scratchpad
Posted by scratchpad on June 26, 2007, at 19:00:16
In reply to I want people to like me, posted by LLurpsieNoodle on June 26, 2007, at 18:40:46
Oh, and I already like you. Lady.
Scratchpad
Posted by sunnydays on June 26, 2007, at 20:34:25
In reply to I want people to like me, posted by LLurpsieNoodle on June 26, 2007, at 18:40:46
A very appealing client means he sees you are highly motivated to heal and willing to do the work. That's a good thing. It feels like crap doing it, but I'm a good way there at this point, I think, and I can tell you it is so worth it. I've actually been feeling kind of giddy about my life lately. Then I immediately start feeling bad or getting anxious that if things are good they'll get really bad again. And they might, but I think for right now I'm in a good place.
But it sounds like your T can see all of your positive qualities, your intelligence and motivation, not just your social persona. Don't forget that T's are trained to look beyond that!
Sorry you're feeling bad and lonely. Ramble and babble away.
sunnydays
Posted by Worry Girl on June 26, 2007, at 21:08:22
In reply to I want people to like me, posted by LLurpsieNoodle on June 26, 2007, at 18:40:46
I understand the expectations you sometimes have of others.
For the longest time I mistakenly thought and let others tell me, too, that I cared what people thought and had low self-esteem because I wanted EVERYONE to like me. To many I come across as a people pleaser.
It finally dawned on me, though, that often the real reason I over-accommodate is not so everyone will "like" me, it is because I don't want them to be cruel to me.
And of course, being nice to cruel people often just makes them worse. Certain people will never like me even if I stand on my head and blow hundred dollar bills out of my behind. And I've taken much stress out of my life by ignoring these toxic people. The nice ones are nice regardless of what I do or don't do. It's a shame I didn't wake up sooner.And I do enjoy being nice to those I truly like. What is wrong is when my niceness is motivated by fear of rejection or cruelty.
I do think your T was paying you a compliment.
Posted by Phillipa on June 26, 2007, at 22:13:40
In reply to Re: I want people to like me, posted by Worry Girl on June 26, 2007, at 21:08:22
Lurpsie appealing to me means likeable and that others see you that way. But the whole world won't like you as I'm a people pleaser too and remember you are paying the movers you are in charge and it doesn't matter at all what they think of you good or bad as you'll never likely see them again. Focus on how good you will feel when mission accomplished. Love Phillipa
Posted by 1musketeer on June 26, 2007, at 23:16:57
In reply to I want people to like me, posted by LLurpsieNoodle on June 26, 2007, at 18:40:46
Posted by DAisym on June 27, 2007, at 0:06:21
In reply to I want people to like me, posted by LLurpsieNoodle on June 26, 2007, at 18:40:46
me too! I like you-- and I also think it is OK to want people to like you, that means you are a kind and caring person. It is a matter of degrees -- not doing things you don't want to do, or making sacrifices that are too big, but I think it is really OK to just be nice to people.
We are all so hard on ourselves -- we "shouldn't" want to be liked -- why not? It feels good.
This is me, working on acceptance. :)
Good luck with the move.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 27, 2007, at 17:13:53
In reply to Re: I want people to like me » LLurpsieNoodle, posted by scratchpad on June 26, 2007, at 18:59:31
Some things I like about me. I like that I can type pretty fast. I like my haircut right now. I like it that I can whip up craft projects that are cute and charming.
when I first started dating my h, it took me about 2-3 years before I was comfortable with my body. That was agonizing. Not that I still don't think I should lose weight. But weight is ON my body. being tall and having different proportions than the clothes that are sold in the GAP was really tough on me growing up. not that we could afford to shop at the gap.
Maybe it's about liking parts of me. oh I don't know. seems like T can tell me over and over again something like "resourceful" "intelligent" "appealing" and I'll rarely take it to heart. Fragile little buds of self-confidence that need so much watering and care. easily smooshed.
(did I mention that I like you, scratchpad?) You are really fun and sweet and cute, even when you're panicked. haha :)
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on June 27, 2007, at 17:17:07
In reply to Re: I want people to like me » LLurpsieNoodle, posted by sunnydays on June 26, 2007, at 20:34:25
> A very appealing client means he sees you are highly motivated to heal and willing to do the work. That's a good thing. It feels like crap doing it, but I'm a good way there at this point, I think, and I can tell you it is so worth it. I've actually been feeling kind of giddy about my life lately. Then I immediately start feeling bad or getting anxious that if things are good they'll get really bad again. And they might, but I think for right now I'm in a good place.
>
Wow, that's great sunnydays :) keep doing what you're doing! Maybe T sees me as appealing because I'm motivated to learn more about myself. And you're right- T's ARE trained to look beyond social niceties, plus, after a couple hours sitting in my office, we are beyond social niceties anyways.-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on June 27, 2007, at 17:20:10
In reply to Re: I want people to like me, posted by Worry Girl on June 26, 2007, at 21:08:22
> I understand the expectations you sometimes have of others.
>
> For the longest time I mistakenly thought and let others tell me, too, that I cared what people thought and had low self-esteem because I wanted EVERYONE to like me. To many I come across as a people pleaser.
>
> It finally dawned on me, though, that often the real reason I over-accommodate is not so everyone will "like" me, it is because I don't want them to be cruel to me.
> And of course, being nice to cruel people often just makes them worse. Certain people will never like me even if I stand on my head and blow hundred dollar bills out of my behind. And I've taken much stress out of my life by ignoring these toxic people. The nice ones are nice regardless of what I do or don't do. It's a shame I didn't wake up sooner.
>
> And I do enjoy being nice to those I truly like. What is wrong is when my niceness is motivated by fear of rejection or cruelty.
>
> I do think your T was paying you a compliment.WorryGirl (your name betrays you!)- I pride myself on being able to get along with difficult people. But maybe I attract difficult people by doing so.
niceness as an ill-motivated impulse to avoid cruelty or rejection. Can we do anything else to avoid cruelty or rejection (besides not having the bad guys over for dinner?)
just wondering your thoughts, I think you hit the nail on the head.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on June 27, 2007, at 17:21:36
In reply to Re: I want people to like me, posted by Phillipa on June 26, 2007, at 22:13:40
> Lurpsie appealing to me means likeable and that others see you that way. But the whole world won't like you as I'm a people pleaser too and remember you are paying the movers you are in charge and it doesn't matter at all what they think of you good or bad as you'll never likely see them again. Focus on how good you will feel when mission accomplished. Love Phillipa
so true. they are being paid to do their job. I dont have to sweet-talk them. And you're absolutely right. After moving there are a whole lot of people that I won't be seeing again.
for better or for worse
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on June 27, 2007, at 17:23:11
In reply to Re: I want people to like me..always liked you! (nm), posted by 1musketeer on June 26, 2007, at 23:16:57
thanks musketeer,
if we haven't met already (my memory is cRaPpy!) nice to meet you :)and that's not just me being nice because I want you to like me, that's because I already like you. flattery :)
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on June 27, 2007, at 17:29:00
In reply to Re: I want people to like me » LLurpsieNoodle, posted by DAisym on June 27, 2007, at 0:06:21
hi Daisy,
I feel this uncontrollable urge to run to the store to buy oreos and milk. who's going to stop me?mwah ha ha ha!
So... it's okay to want people to like me and think I'm a nice person. That I have social graces, and care. And it's good to set limits to how much niceness I "spend" on undeserving nasty people. why does it feel so selfish & shallow to want to be well-liked?
more importantly, will I be able to stop eating after a serving size of 2? 3? oreos?
better not even go to the store... the Faustian torment. to strive and strive and be willing to make a deal with the devil for ... an oreo...
okay. now I'm just getting overdramatic. boredom. sitting in the doldrums. Since you're the last poster, you get to receive my precious ramblings :) save them. print them out on archival cardstock and frame them.
Ode to an Oreo
-Ll
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.