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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 32. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on June 11, 2007, at 11:41:40
I hope this thread doesn't get re-directed to the Grief board.My cat is dying but ever so slowly and it is torture for me because it is breaking my heart. But I want to let him die on his own schedule. He is not in very much pain, just some discomfort. He has stopped taking food and water and just sleeps, cuddles with me, follows me around (in a very stumbly manner, as he is so weak from hunger), and purrs. I can't stop crying. Part of me wants him to die already so that I can get on with my life. But another part of me NEVER EVER wants to let him go.
It's just awful. It's so hard for me to function. I have stopped eating, too--almost. I mean, I am getting very skinny and not really able to take care of myself really well.
But I am not going to rush this. It's the least I can do for him. If he was in terrible pain, I would put him to sleep.
Posted by LadyBug on June 11, 2007, at 12:52:18
In reply to Letting my animal die on his own timetable, posted by crushedout on June 11, 2007, at 11:41:40
((((CRUSHEDOUT))))
I feel your pain and I hope you can take in every min. with your dear pet. I know how it feels to lose a beloved pet. I cried for hours and days. I miss him so much.
Peace
LadyBug
Posted by crushedout on June 11, 2007, at 12:54:48
In reply to Re: Letting my animal die on his own timetable » crushedout, posted by LadyBug on June 11, 2007, at 12:52:18
Thanks, Ladybug. How does one function? I am at work but every time I talk to someone (and often when I don't) I start to cry and that's just not very professional.Plus, I want to be home with my kitty. But when I am there I am just desperately sad.
Thank god I have therapy in less than an hour.
Posted by wishingstar on June 11, 2007, at 14:04:45
In reply to Re: Letting my animal die on his own timetable » crushedout, posted by LadyBug on June 11, 2007, at 12:52:18
((((crushed)))
I'm so sorry your cat is dying. Pets become so important to us.. just like a part of the family.. and I know the loss can be incredibly hard. I'm thinking of you.
Posted by Racer on June 11, 2007, at 17:47:07
In reply to Re: Letting my animal die on his own timetable, posted by wishingstar on June 11, 2007, at 14:04:45
I lost my beloved cat this year, and had similar problems with it. He'd been sick for some time, declining gradually, and then it sped up. We took the best care of him we could, and I finally made the decision to put him to sleep when he stopped eating. He was obviously in a great deal of discomfort by then, and I couldn't see that he had adequate quality of life.
It was horrible. I still wonder if I did the right thing? If there was more that could have been done, etc? I trust my vet, and I trust my cat told me that he was ready. That doesn't make it any easier.
I'm so sorry for your situation. I wish there was something I could say that would help. The best I can manage is that I'm sorry, and my thoughts are with you.
Posted by crushedout on June 11, 2007, at 17:49:23
In reply to Re: Letting my animal die on his own timetable, posted by Racer on June 11, 2007, at 17:47:07
Thanks, Racer. Your thoughts help.I'm wondering whether I should put mine to sleep, too, then. He isn't yowling in pain but he is pretty sad. But then he has these moments when he seems like his old self for a minute and I can't let him go.
Oh, it's so awful. I've been crying almost nonstop for two days.
Posted by Dinah on June 11, 2007, at 18:11:33
In reply to Letting my animal die on his own timetable, posted by crushedout on June 11, 2007, at 11:41:40
It's always a hard decision. I tend to follow my pets' lead, and if they're not in pain and seem to have some quality in their lives, I use the precious time to say goodbye. I've had regrets in both directions, in retrospect, although I always try to do what's best for them at the time.
There is no wrong answer in this. You love him and that's what's important.
Posted by crushedout on June 11, 2007, at 18:14:17
In reply to Re: Letting my animal die on his own timetable » crushedout, posted by Dinah on June 11, 2007, at 18:11:33
Thank you, Dinah. It is SO hard to decide. What you say makes sense--he has some quality of life still and I am saying my goodbyes. It hurts so much. And I've only had this cat for slightly more than a year (I got him when he was 18)--that makes no difference. I love him desperately.
Posted by muffled on June 11, 2007, at 18:28:32
In reply to Re: Letting my animal die on his own timetable » crushedout, posted by Dinah on June 11, 2007, at 18:11:33
((Crushed)) its just hard, no way round it. I am sorry. its so hard to let go. I agonized with my dog too. I think people said good things to you.
Its just a hard hard thing.
Your cat is lucky to have had such love, and your lucky to have been able to have had your cats love.
Its been good.
M
Posted by crushedout on June 11, 2007, at 18:33:00
In reply to Re: Letting my animal die on his own timetable, posted by muffled on June 11, 2007, at 18:28:32
that's true. thanks, muff.
Posted by Dory on June 11, 2007, at 21:56:49
In reply to Re: Letting my animal die on his own timetable » muffled, posted by crushedout on June 11, 2007, at 18:33:00
make sure you tell him it's ok to go when he needs to. that might sound stupid but i waited too long for my old girl, i wanted her to let me know when she was ready but i believe with all my heart that she knew i didn't want her to go and so she hung on. Animals know us on a deep level. Just let him know he's allowed to go when he needs to.
much peace and love
Posted by Racer on June 11, 2007, at 22:03:25
In reply to Re: Letting my animal die on his own timetable » Racer, posted by crushedout on June 11, 2007, at 17:49:23
I don't know, honey -- it's a hard decision no matter what, and no one else can do more than offer thoughts on it. It's what you decide that's going to count.
For me, I thought about how my beloved would be feeling -- confused, hungry, weak, frustrated by his inability to do things, etc. That was what decided me. I couldn't stand that his last hours/days might be spent that way. I thought about how I'd want to go, myself, and what I'd want in his position. I will admit that my fear that I was keeping him with me despite his suffering was the deciding factor for me. I couldn't bear the thought that I was being selfish with him, holding on to him beyond his time. That was the final answer for me.
Of course, it also helped that I knew I could trust my vet. I'd taken him in before, thinking I wouldn't be bringing him home, and she just laughed at me, "I'll bet you think this is serious, huh?" So, I knew that if it wasn't time, she'd know and tell me. And that she'd tell me if it was time. I also knew she liked him, and would do what's best for him. That sort of vet is priceless.
I don't know what to tell you. I can empathize with your pain, and I wish there was a fix for it. The only fix, though, is knowing that you will always have the love you've shared with him. It's small comfort, but it's real. I promise you that. I didn't think it would be, but it is.
Peace to you both.
Posted by DAisym on June 11, 2007, at 23:09:21
In reply to Re: Letting my animal die on his own timetable » Racer, posted by crushedout on June 11, 2007, at 17:49:23
I'm sorry crushed. I went through a horrible week last week with my beloved kitty and thankfully he looks like he is going to be OK. But he is only 9 -- your's is a lot older. I totally understand wanting to keep him around as long as possible.
Please eat something. Your kitty doesn't want you sick too.
Hugs for you and your cat,
Daisy
Posted by crushedout on June 11, 2007, at 23:45:14
In reply to Re: Letting my animal die on his own timetable » crushedout, posted by DAisym on June 11, 2007, at 23:09:21
Thanks, Daisy. I'm so glad your cat is ok.I think I may call the vet in the a.m. and make an appt. for a house call, to have him put down. Right now as I write this I'm all cried out and I'm totally stoic. But it's going to be pure h*ll. I don't know how I'm going to face it.
I went out and got food but I could barely eat it. He did want me to eat. He came to watch me. But it made me cry too much to eat.
:( :( :( :(
Posted by crushedout on June 12, 2007, at 8:43:23
In reply to Re: Letting my animal die on his own timetable » DAisym, posted by crushedout on June 11, 2007, at 23:45:14
I've got an appointment in four hours. At this point that feels like an eternity, because once I decided last night that I was going to do it, every minute has felt like needless suffering for my poor guy.I am devastated. I don't know how to deal.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 12, 2007, at 9:26:55
In reply to putting him down today, posted by crushedout on June 12, 2007, at 8:43:23
I'm so sorry, sweets. What a terribly difficult decision to have to make. I can tell it was made with great love and great thought. Still, it's such a loss, and I'm sure you're grieving.
I'll be thinking of you today.
gg
Posted by crushedout on June 12, 2007, at 9:50:07
In reply to ((((((((((((crushed)))))))))))) » crushedout, posted by gardenergirl on June 12, 2007, at 9:26:55
Posted by frida on June 12, 2007, at 10:44:18
In reply to Re: Letting my animal die on his own timetable » DAisym, posted by crushedout on June 11, 2007, at 23:45:14
((((((crushed))))))
this is a very painful decision.. :-(
thinking of you...
i had to decide to put my cat down last year, she was 13 and had cancer and was suffering greatly. I cried and cried and was really hard...the only thought that comforted me was knowing that she had had a wonderful life with me and she had been loved and we had been through so much together.
it is so hard though...
i am sending you my support,
take gentle careFrida
Posted by crushedout on June 12, 2007, at 10:51:32
In reply to Re: Letting my animal die on his own timetable, posted by frida on June 12, 2007, at 10:44:18
everyone's kind words and thoughts help
Posted by zenhussy on June 12, 2007, at 12:13:52
In reply to thank you frida, posted by crushedout on June 12, 2007, at 10:51:32
Posted by LadyBug on June 12, 2007, at 13:23:06
In reply to ((((((((((((crushed)))))))))))) » crushedout, posted by gardenergirl on June 12, 2007, at 9:26:55
(((((((Crushedout))))))) I wish you well. I'm thinking of you. Let us know how it goes. It's hard and so sad to say goodbye, but it's an act of love!!!!! Remember that.
LadyBug
Posted by crushedout on June 12, 2007, at 14:05:05
In reply to Re: ((((((((((((crushed)))))))))))) » gardenergirl, posted by LadyBug on June 12, 2007, at 13:23:06
He's gone now--I feel much better now that he's no longer suffering. It's still really sad, but now all the worry, anxiety, and dread are gone.Thank you all for your caring support. It's so much easier not having to go through this alone.
Posted by jammerlich on June 12, 2007, at 14:22:32
In reply to He's gone--I feel relieved, posted by crushedout on June 12, 2007, at 14:05:05
(((((crushed)))))
I know it doesn't lessen the grief at all, but I'm so glad you know, within yourself, that you did the right thing. I'm so sorry for the hurt; we all understand how real it is. I will be thinking of you today and in the days that follow.
Posted by LadyBug on June 12, 2007, at 15:30:54
In reply to Re: ((((((((((((crushed)))))))))))) » gardenergirl, posted by LadyBug on June 12, 2007, at 13:23:06
Posted by canadagirl on June 12, 2007, at 17:13:45
In reply to He's gone--I feel relieved, posted by crushedout on June 12, 2007, at 14:05:05
I know I'm late to this thread and I feel for you, my animal recently died and I let him go naturally, I cried buckets of tears but it was fairly quick. It was a relief too, I can relate.
I am so sorry.
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