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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on January 25, 2007, at 15:35:01
I was noticing that when people are nice to me I get freaked, and when they even nicer to me I get MORE freaked.
I think sometimes thats why I get overwhelmed on Babble, cuz people are SO nice to me, and I get caught up in the niceness and there's more niceness and its nice.....but then I get freaked.
Another example.
My T is being SO nice to me. And she just phoned to say that we can walk next week which is SO nice, cuz it means she doesn't book an appt right after mine so we got time to walk. And we gonna go thru a book together. And I think she phoned bout walk today, cuz she proly wants me to be able to be happy thinking bout it. AND sometimes it means she gonna try and challenge me some...I do better out in the open.
But now I get freaked cuz WHY is she being nice?
Another example.
I struggle terribly w/Dr.Bob being nice. We interact in discussing some babble thing, and after a couple posts where he replies to me like I actually have a brain or something, and he's nice.....ya....you got it....I get freaked....
Freaked= scared and wanting to run away.
Is anyone understanding this?Muffled
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 25, 2007, at 16:54:53
In reply to What the heck????, posted by muffled on January 25, 2007, at 15:35:01
> I was noticing that when people are nice to me I get freaked, and when they even nicer to me I get MORE freaked.
> I think sometimes thats why I get overwhelmed on Babble, cuz people are SO nice to me, and I get caught up in the niceness and there's more niceness and its nice.....but then I get freaked.
> Another example.
> My T is being SO nice to me. And she just phoned to say that we can walk next week which is SO nice, cuz it means she doesn't book an appt right after mine so we got time to walk. And we gonna go thru a book together. And I think she phoned bout walk today, cuz she proly wants me to be able to be happy thinking bout it. AND sometimes it means she gonna try and challenge me some...I do better out in the open.
> But now I get freaked cuz WHY is she being nice?
> Another example.
> I struggle terribly w/Dr.Bob being nice. We interact in discussing some babble thing, and after a couple posts where he replies to me like I actually have a brain or something, and he's nice.....ya....you got it....I get freaked....
> Freaked= scared and wanting to run away.
> Is anyone understanding this?
>
> MuffledMuffled, I'm understanding you totally. Some compliments burn more terribly than anything anyone has ever said to me. I'm really struggling with this myself in Therapy.
How much it hurts me when my T says, I'm really amazed by you-- that you have done so much with your life despite [insert traumatic crap]. And I'll get all red in the face and want to run far and fast and she keeps going on, and I'm looking for the darkest corner in her office. Barely squeeking "thank you" 'cause I know it's the only thing that will make her stop. BUT the healthy part of my self-esteem hears these words from a woman who I respect deeply, and draws strength from them. Only the sick part feels repelled, repulsed. Why?
Maybe these words inspire fear. Fear that we'll have to live UP to something. Fear that we'll be recognized for our gifts and that things will be demanded of us (Sick-self-unesteemed-Llurpsie tells herself that she's a failure and that the more that's expected of her, the worse she'll disappoint others)
Maybe these words challenge our entire world view, our self-talk with it's disparaging tone. Muffled, you often talk to yourself as if you were some disgusting and unappealing person. Every time that someone you respect (like your T) or an authority (Dr. Bob) treats you as you deserve to be treated, your negative self-esteem is threatened.
Part of learning how to accept yourself is to learn what your strengths are. You are far too aware of your weaknesses and shortcomings. Your strengths are much more mysterious to you. I'll help you out though (PLEASE DON'T FREAK OUT). I'm talking to the healthy Muffled.
Your strength is that you take people seriously. You listen well and you show deep insight into human nature. You are able to see points of light even in the darkest cave, and see a path out of the most profound despair. You are a communicator of few words, but of honest feelings.
If you had ANY idea how much clarity you have brought to my own search of who I am, well... I bet you might feel just a glimmer of pride (tiny smile on your face?)
The only cure for running away and getting freaked out is to repeat a sincere compliment over and over in your head until it loses its sting. You can get over this. It's like lifting weights. Hurts, but you'll be stronger for learning to take sincere compliments to heart.
Why shouldn't you deserve them? You've earned them.
-Ll
Posted by happykat on January 26, 2007, at 11:20:31
In reply to What the heck????, posted by muffled on January 25, 2007, at 15:35:01
Muffled,
I don't like it when my t is too nice either. I think its the waiting for the other shoe to drop syndrome for me. Nothing good happens without something bad following. Then there is the whole issue of the nicer they are, the more you trust them, and the more you trust them the more attached you feel, and the more attached you feel the scarier it becomes.
But I also like with Llurpsie wrote about it challenging our view of ourselves.
Enjoy your walk with your t. It sounds like she's really a good person. : )
Regards,
happykat : )
Posted by muffled on January 26, 2007, at 15:08:43
In reply to Re: What the heck???? » muffled, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 25, 2007, at 16:54:53
> Muffled, I'm understanding you totally. Some compliments burn more terribly than anything anyone has ever said to me. I'm really struggling with this myself in Therapy.yeah, its that, and something else too...
>
> How much it hurts me when my T says, I'm really amazed by you-- that you have done so much with your life despite [insert traumatic crap]. And I'll get all red in the face and want to run far and fast and she keeps going on, and I'm looking for the darkest corner in her office. Barely squeeking "thank you" 'cause I know it's the only thing that will make her stop. BUT the healthy part of my self-esteem hears these words from a woman who I respect deeply, and draws strength from them. Only the sick part feels repelled, repulsed. Why?Yeah, my T too. She says 'are you hearing me?'!
>
> Maybe these words inspire fear. Fear that we'll have to live UP to something. Fear that we'll be recognized for our gifts and that things will be demanded of us (Sick-self-unesteemed-Llurpsie tells herself that she's a failure and that the more that's expected of her, the worse she'll disappoint others)yup, definately makes sense
>
> Maybe these words challenge our entire world view, our self-talk with it's disparaging tone. Muffled, you often talk to yourself as if you were some disgusting and unappealing person. Every time that someone you respect (like your T) or an authority (Dr. Bob) treats you as you deserve to be treated, your negative self-esteem is threatened.It would be scarey.
>
> Part of learning how to accept yourself is to learn what your strengths are. You are far too aware of your weaknesses and shortcomings. Your strengths are much more mysterious to you. I'll help you out though (PLEASE DON'T FREAK OUT). I'm talking to the healthy Muffled.:-0 !!!!
;-)
>
> Your strength is that you take people seriously. You listen well and you show deep insight into human nature. You are able to see points of light even in the darkest cave, and see a path out of the most profound despair. You are a communicator of few words, but of honest feelings.Gack!...............thank you(in tiny squeeky voice.....)
>
> If you had ANY idea how much clarity you have brought to my own search of who I am, well... I bet you might feel just a glimmer of pride (tiny smile on your face?):) Big smile, I LOVE to help others!
>
> The only cure for running away and getting freaked out is to repeat a sincere compliment over and over in your head until it loses its sting. You can get over this. It's like lifting weights. Hurts, but you'll be stronger for learning to take sincere compliments to heart.I trying....
>
> Why shouldn't you deserve them? You've earned them.Sigh, maybe I have?
Thanks LL,
Muffled
Posted by muffled on January 26, 2007, at 15:14:57
In reply to Re: What the heck???? » muffled, posted by happykat on January 26, 2007, at 11:20:31
> I don't like it when my t is too nice either. I think its the waiting for the other shoe to drop syndrome for me. Nothing good happens without something bad following. Then there is the whole issue of the nicer they are, the more you trust them, and the more you trust them the more attached you feel, and the more attached you feel the scarier it becomes.Yeah, definately a sense of that shoe thing. But WOW! I doing OK w/my T and trust and stuff, better than I have w/anybody! Cool. Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, mebbe I just feeling disconnected, and hence...safe....hmmmmm.
Definately disconnected lately, but it don't scare me! And I nOT ascared she gonna run away! and I NOT ascared she gonna dump me!!!! Which is SO huge these things YAAAAYYY!!!! HA!
>
> But I also like with Llurpsie wrote about it challenging our view of ourselves.Yup I too thot that honestly scarey...and sigh, true.
>
> Enjoy your walk with your t. It sounds like she's really a good person. : )Ahhhh ((____T____ )) Don't want to get too close! But she is a very sweet person.
>
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 28, 2007, at 18:08:16
In reply to Re: What the heck????(scuze the manic moment!) » happykat, posted by muffled on January 26, 2007, at 15:14:57
How is muffled and her ((______T______)) lately?
Llurpsie has put her ((__T__)) at a bit of distance 'cause I'm out of town at the moment. I try to tell myself that I only need T in my native environment.
-Ll
need? WHO needs T? NOT ME!!
Posted by muffled on January 28, 2007, at 22:14:37
In reply to Re: What the heck????(scuze the manic moment!) » muffled, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 28, 2007, at 18:08:16
> need? WHO needs T? NOT ME!!
me neither.
This is the end of the thread.
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